What to wear?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from teacherinmass. Show teacherinmass's posts

    What to wear?

    So my boyfriend's half-sister is getting married in December and we just spent some time with his dad and stepmom who made me rethink my outfit choice for the evening... I know I have plenty of time to find something to wear, but it is on my mind so I thought I would post.

    A little background- boyfriend's half-sister is younger. They haven't spent much time together and his dad has been a bit of an absent parent. Boyfriend can't stand stepmom and I have trouble getting along with her as well. To say the relationships are rocky at times and then impersonal at best is pretty accurate. Still, boyfriend was asked to be a groomsman and he accepted, saying he hopes he can get to know his sister better.

    So the attire issue- stepmom has informed me that they wanted the wedding to be black tie, but changed it to formal on the invitation. The venue is a banquet hall in New Jersey and it looks relatively formal- more over the top than any banquet hall I've seen in Massachusetts. The wedding is at 3:00 and the cocktail hour starts at 6 so they'll be a gap, but both mother and daughter have insisted it is an "evening wedding" and therefore, everyone will be dressed up.

    My plan was to wear a bridesmaid dress from a wedding I was in last year that I will shorten from floor length to just above the knee. My thinking was the fabric and style were more formal than other dresses and would fit next to boyfriend's tux better. The dress was altered to fit me perfect and is in great shape, so I would like to wear it again (this is a similar dress in a similar color: http://www.dessy.com/dresses/bridesmaid/6621/) . Stepmom thinks this is way too informal. Daughter seems to think I'll be fine. Stepmom was almost infuriated that I wasn't planning to wear an evening gown or buy a new dress.

    The issue is not around the bridesmaid dresses (a completely different color and style, long and cranberry red). I think stepmom is just being difficult, but I also want to fit in with the other guests who are mostly from the New Jersey New York City area so I'm not familar with how dressed up people get.

    Has anyone been to a wedding in that area?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Why not wait to shorten the dress till after the wedding. If that dress remains floor length for this event, it will be fine.  Knee length or above the knee will not be formal enough. You do not need to purchase a brand new dress for this event if you own something appropriate. I think the last time I bought a new dress for a wedding was for my own b/c I didnt' have a bridal gown hanging around.  I usually  wear something in my closet for any wedding that I receive an invitation for; I don't run out and buy a new outfit unless I don't have anything appropriate.  GL
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    ALF goes to a lot of formal/dressy events - if it were me, I'd ask her and do whatever she suggested with great confidence that I'd be dressed appropriately.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from somerville-247. Show somerville-247's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Just keep the dress long and save everyone the hassle of having to listen to your boyfriend's stepmom gossip about how underdressed you are. 

    You HAVE a long gown, you KNOW she wants you to wear a long gown, why on earth would you shorten it?  Just to spite her and make a statement?  Save the statement-making for a time when it doesn't have the potential to ruin someone's wedding - I know YOU won't be ruining it, stepmom will with her attitude and demands, but still, if you can save the bride having to listen to even one of her mother's gripes about how poorly-dressed the guests are, please do.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    I went to a formal wedding at a swanky hotel in NYC that was black tie optional. Most of the female guests either wore full-length gowns or very dressy cocktail dresses. If your dress is as bright blue as it seems (my monitor isn't always accurate), it might not seem as formal shortened as it would if it were a darker color.

    If you keep the dress long, then it is an evening gown (eliminating one complaint of the stepmother). Accessorize it in a way that is definitely not bridesmaid and you should be fine. You definitely shouldn't be expected to buy a brand new dress. You have one that is appropriate. Go with that and don't worry too much about her reaction, since it seems like she is determined to be displeased.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Love that phrase, RFBF, "...determined to be displeased."  So many people are, and, you're right, no sense worrying about it.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Why does stepmom even know WHAT you'll be wearing to the wedding?  None of her business!  Why does she thinks she gets to be the attire-police?  If I were you, I would just keep saying, "I haven't decided what I'm wearing," every time she asks.

    ETA: I think that dress is gorgeous, and if you can get a second use out of it you'd be crazy not to!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kinga9. Show kinga9's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Due to the location of my alma mater, I'm very familiar with the Jersey/NYC scene and it is definitely a step above Boston in terms of formality. In the last 12 years, I've been to about a dozen weddings in that area, and it never ceases to amaze. With that being said, keep the dress long NYC-style but be sure to keep your hair and accessories more in the Boston realm :-)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    I agree, keep it long and no one will be able to say it's not formal enough.

    I'm guessing she's just upset because she's imagining that this will be the social event of the year and that all of the guests will be stressing over what to wear and buying new and extravagant outfits. People very close to wedding planning can sometimes get this way, just smile and nod. I'm sure the day-of she'll have plenty else to worry about besides what you're wearing.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Ditto what others have said. Also seeming that the wedding is in December I would keep the dress long, it's not like it's a summer wedding outside where you would be hot. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from teacherinmass. Show teacherinmass's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Thanks for the support! It sounds like keeping it long will be appropriate. Several of you addressed my concern about keeping it long- that it will look too bridesmaidy and I will feel out of place if others are in short dresses. It sounds like I can avoid those issues.

    To respond to this comment, "You HAVE a long gown, you KNOW she wants you to wear a long gown, why on earth would you shorten it?  Just to spite her and make a statement?"

    I planned to shorten it before discussing it with stepmom. I certainly didn't plan to do it to spite her... I just figured that was more appropriate as the dress is pretty formal. My post certainly exposes my irritation with stepmom, which is very present in our interactions. As an adult, I'm not used to being treated like a child who is told what to wear. While I certainly wouldn't choose a wedding as a time to make a statement, I don't want to succumb to stepmom's every want, as she has made it a habit to be controlling of my boyfriend and I. I appreciate your opinion as it did expose how deep my frustration is, but I wanted to ensure everyone that I never intended to disrupt this wedding with my outfit choices- no spite, but certainly some frustration.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Banquet halls in NJ/NY are equivalent to fancy hotel style weddings in Boston. This is not your Knights of Columbus or Elk's hall.  They are highly formal and a long dress will not be out of place.  A less formal dress [which is what that dress will be if you shorten it] will be out of place.  If you think the dress will be 'too bridesmaidy' just buy another dress. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    With the right jewelry, wrap, and shoes, you can make it look like you bought the dress for the occasion. You can make it work! To me, "bridesmaidy" is less about the dress itself, unless it's floor length canary yellow, and more about generic, boring accessories to go with it, like dyed to match shoes. I don't particularly like very dark colors (they wash me out), so I would lean towards a color like that blue anyway.

    Plus, it's less work for you to keep the dress the way it is, perfectly tailored for you already.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    I totally agree, keep the dress as-is and accessorize your way to a fabulous, one of a kind look.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from soxygirl123. Show soxygirl123's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Personally, i'm not comfortable wearing a long gown (they make me look short) unless attending a black-tie event, then i don't have a choice. I've been to several NY/NJ weddings in the past few years (Not black-tie) & it was a mix of floor & cocktail length - depends what you're comfortable in. If the invitation states "formal" you'll see both. I do agree that if you shorten that dress (depending on the color) it might look casual, but accessories can work wonders (i'm thinking a rhinestone broach at the top or waist). Its so far off, you may find a great sale on a darling cocktail dress. personally -- i love to shop, & with xmas right after the wedding, maybe you'll have another party you can wear it to...
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from katel. Show katel's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Keep it long. My alma mater was also in (northern) NJ (Where did you go, King?) and as such, I have both attended and been a bridesmaid in many Jerseyfabulous weddings. Keep the dress long, get some killer shoes, bust out all of your super fancy party jewelery, have a blast with your make up, and have a great time.

    I remember getting my makeup done with the other bridesmaids for a Jersey wedding I was in...the makeup artist asked me "Do you want subtle or dramatic?"... I'm normally a subtle makeup kind of girl (although I do like to play around with it) but I thought, "when in Rome..." and got dramatic. It wasn't terrible and it was actually fun to look sort of different for an evening!

    Great dress, by the way! And I love the color. You'll stand out (in an awesome way) among a sea of black dresses...
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kinga9. Show kinga9's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    In Response to Re: What to wear?:
    [QUOTE]Keep it long. My alma mater was also in (northern) NJ (Where did you go, King?) and as such, I have both attended and been a bridesmaid in many Jerseyfabulous weddings. Keep the dress long, get some killer shoes, bust out all of your super fancy party jewelery, have a blast with your make up, and have a great time. I remember getting my makeup done with the other bridesmaids for a Jersey wedding I was in...the makeup artist asked me "Do you want subtle or dramatic?"... I'm normally a subtle makeup kind of girl (although I do like to play around with it) but I thought, "when in Rome..." and got dramatic. It wasn't terrible and it was actually fun to look sort of different for an evening! Great dress, by the way! And I love the color. You'll stand out (in an awesome way) among a sea of black dresses...
    Posted by katel[/QUOTE]
    Hey Katel...I graduated from Lehigh, just over the Jersey border. I think about 75% of the population was Jersey/NY. Couldn't agree more with your post!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from katel. Show katel's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    I graduated from Drew, not too far away from Lehigh. It's a small world! And same experience here...the majority of my friends from college are from the tristate area...
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from JEnvie. Show JEnvie's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    for the record teacher, i didnt think you were looking to spite the step mother and that poster was being spiteful
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from oldchild. Show oldchild's posts

    Re: What to wear?

    Above the knee is not formal.

    Alter this dress to what used to be called ballet length (above the ankle).  It will be easier to wear, it will still look spectacular, and it will still be formal.

    And should anybody in the boyfriends's family comment, just say sweetly "I had to choose between a new dress and a wedding gift" and I guarantee there will be no further noise.
     

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