Where did you meet SO?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    You make a profile and wait to see what happens. If you want to email people, you can. I personally never did and was rarely w/o a date on the weekends - and a good date, not just a fill  time date.  I would generally get about 7 or so emails per day [women get alot more emails than men do], delete the scary or uninteresting ones [there are alot], and then respond to the ones I am interested in.  

    The more time and effort that you spend writing the profile, the better your results will be.  Don't just say what you are looking for in a guy; tell them what you have to offer a relationship.  I spent alot of time and effort on writing my profile.  I got mostly quality men who were looking for a serious relationship in response.  If they can't write a good initial email that says more than "I liked your profile. I think we have alot in common", then I tended not to respond.  I met a few weirdos, but for the most part, the men were professional, well educated, thoughtful and sincere.  Now, I did  this a while back before they changed their format, so I don't know what kind of guys are on there now. I did it for about 3 years off and on. It's not instantaneous.  You can't find the love of your life overnight, but if you stick with it, don't get discouraged and don't take bad dates personally, then I think you will do just fine.   

    Why would you be embarassed if someone saw you online?  I felt like that for a few months and then realized that if they are looking at matchmaking sites online, they are generaly single too.  If they aren't interested, maybe one of their friends might be.  :-)  Good luck! 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    People talk about meeting "weirdos" online, but don't let that scare you away. You could easily meet a "weirdo" at a bar, or on the train, or at work, or anywhere! Just keep that in mind!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Liz, you are so right. Statistically, I met more weirdos at clubs or bars than I ever met on line - I think it was a 90/10 ratio for weirdos/good ones in bars, and a 10/90 ratio online.  :-)  Weirdos are everywhere, not just in cyberspace. :-) 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlyGirl82. Show GirlyGirl82's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]People talk about meeting "weirdos" online, but don't let that scare you away. You could easily meet a "weirdo" at a bar, or on the train, or at work, or anywhere! Just keep that in mind!
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    I definitely agree with this. I have seen plenty of weirdos on the train!!

    Alf, I can't remember, did you ultimately meet your husband from online dating?

    luvr, thanks for the story. I know sometimes it happens when you least expect it to. And that is a great story for your coworker! Just that thought of being 29 and single while everyone else is married with kids, just hurts is all.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Girly, yes, I met my husband on match.com.  His family and friends have no idea b/c he didn't want to tell them. I don't see the big deal, but I have to remember that we just met in Fanieul Market when any of his friends or family asks.  It's true. That is where we first met in person, so it's not really a lie. :-) 

    BTW, your married friends probably envy your single life, just as you envy their married w/ kids lives.  Enjoy every day.  You can't not live your life b/c you don't have exactly what you want. Once I accepted that I was complete and happy on my own and would be just fine if I never met anyone, well, that's when I met someone. Men are drawn to happy, fulfilled women.  Do what makes you happy and fulfilled and everything will fall into place.  Good luck. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    And Girly, you are still very young, just remember that!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    As for how match works...I did a mix of seeing who contacted me and weeding through them (like ALF) and sending something if there was someone who's profile really caught my eye.  And in any emails, I looked to see if they were really reading about who I am, or just "winking" or emailing everyone. 

    It's a matter of figuring out what your style is...

    As Liz said, you're still young.  As much as it feels otherwise sometimes, it's not a competition to have the first wedding, baby, or whatever; I know I felt like that too, especially during the year that I was part of 6 weddings and attended about 10.  But I kept reminding myself that I didn't want to marry that guy on the altar, I wanted to find my guy.  We're all on our own journey, so whenever it happens, that's the right time for you, which is all that matters. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]Liz, you are so right. Statistically, I met more weirdos at clubs or bars than I ever met on line - I think it was a 90/10 ratio for weirdos/good ones in bars, and a 10/90 ratio online.  :-)  Weirdos are everywhere, not just in cyberspace. :-) 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    Oh Alf...I have to tell this story...it is hilarious!!

    I was down on the Cape a couple of years ago with my girlfriends and we were at a bar. Well this guy, who was buzzed kept hitting on my friend, trying to impress her. She wasn't into him at all, but he wouldn't stop, so she decided to just give in and chat with him. Well he started off by saying "Yeah, I graduated from Harvard." Ok, big deal. Well, his friends kept laughing at him...as did me and all my girlfriends. Anyway he went to the bathroom and came back about ten minutes later clearly more buzzed. He kept chatting my friend up, but this time starting talking to her about how he graduated from Princeton. My friends, his friends and my friend just hept laughing at him. He then went up to the bar and bought himself and my friend a drink. About 20 minutes later he started talking about his degree from Yale. My friend was like "Ok dude, WHERE DID YOU REALLY GRADUATE FROM?" His friends cracked up, it was HILARIOUS!!! So yeah...don't count on the guys you meet at bars!!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]People talk about meeting "weirdos" online, but don't let that scare you away. You could easily meet a "weirdo" at a bar, or on the train, or at work, or anywhere! Just keep that in mind!
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    I met my two best friends online.  I would be lost without them.  I've met a lot of weird guys through friends, at bars, etc.  :)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO? : I met my two best friends online.  I would be lost without them.  I've met a lot of weird guys through friends, at bars, etc.  :)
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Lucy, men or woman?
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO? : Lucy, men or woman?
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    My two best friends are both women.  But I have a third very close friend, a man, who I also met online - through a similar mailing list/discussion group as the one where I met my friends.  I've never been able to bring myself to use online dating (as much as I am a general fan, I always worry that people will recognize me), so I haven't met anyone that way.

    And, in college, when I would get bored, I would go through Match.com and look for people I know (not people I wanted to date).  So, my fear is not totally unfounded.  Surely, if I do it, other people do it, too.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]I guess I am petrified of not finding someone I love to spend my life with. So I thought the sooner I begin a search, the better, no?
    Posted by GirlyGirl82[/QUOTE]

    I figured that was your motivation, but, no, it's not a good idea.  Better to spend 6 months to a year discovering what it means to be YOU and what you really should be looking for in a mate.  You dive in now, you'll end up being very sorry.  Please trust me; I've been where you are, and I was older at the time of the divorce than you are now.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    I don't know, kar. If the breakup was a long time in coming, or if the OP just wants to get out and see what's out there, then I don't see the harm in starting now.  It may make her feel better to have a bunch of promising guys email her and show interest. I totally agree that she should not look for anything serious right now, but as long as she goes in w/ a mindset of 'this is going to be fun' and not mislead the guys that she does respond to about her intentions, then I don't see the harm in it.  If, however, the OP is looking for the love of her life right off the bat, then yes,I agree w/ you and think it's a terrible idea. I waited about 6 months after I broke up w/ a serious boyfriend [met though friends] before I started my initial foray into online dating.  I had spent enough time alone that I was mostly over him and met some nice guys. One guy wanted to get serious right off the bat, and I just wasn't feeling it enough [ie, wasn't fully over my past boyfriend] so I ended it w/ him.  I felt bad, but we were not at  the same place at that point in time.  Still it was fun to get out, to feel 'wanted', and to have a stable full of fine looking stallions in my inbox.  lol. :-)  I found that it did help me get over my boyfriend. :-) 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Our divorce was 8.5 years coming; I knew 6 months in that I'd made a big mistake. The divorce was traumatic nonetheless.  It's like the slow death of a loved one.  Just because you see it coming doesn't mean you don't grieve.

    I absolutely believe wholeheartedly that she should take some time and just be herself.  It's probably been quite some time since she was true to herself, if ever, and that's essential for being healthy...in a relationship or not.  A relationship will stunt that progress, IMO.

    6 months won't ruin her chances to ever meet the "right guy" or have children.  But, it can get her in deep with another wrong guy setting her that much further behind.

    I cannot be disuaded.

    P.S.  ALF, your idea is good in theory, but a vulnerable just-broken-off-my-engagement-girl is not able, IMO, to withstand the lure of actually dating and getting serious with the guys who show interest.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    I love reading everyone's story!

    When I was moving to Boston from Atlanta I took a little trip to Vinalhaven, ME to my friends cabin to spend the summer.  It was the 4th of July so a bunch of people went to watch fireworks at this sweet spot that overlooks the ocean.  I was there for about 10 minutes and DH came up and introduced himself.  He smiled at me and I was hooked (he has a great smile).  We've been together ever since for the last 4 years.  I was 25, he was 24 and we were married 2 weeks ago.

    Until I met him I had never had a serious relationship and didn't have any interest.  It's always sad when a relationship ends, but that doesn't mean someone great isn't around the corner.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Kar, I think there is an enormous [huge, gigantic, I could go on] difference between breaking up w/ a boyfriend, even a FI, and ending a marriage.  It took me a good year, year and a half to get over my boyfriend, even though I was online looking about 6-9 months after our breakup.  I agree that she should def. take some time for herself  too.  She hasn't said how long she and her FI have been broken up.  Besides, she could set up a profile and not go out w/ anyone who emails her but just take comfort in the fact that there were guys out there who DO want her. That was my initial approach to online dating anyway. 

    Rebound guy never works anyway.  Take time for yourself, Girly, and then get out there and find rebound guy.  Have a great time w/ rebound guy, and then find Mr. Right. :-) 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Scorpio75. Show Scorpio75's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]6 months won't ruin her chances to ever meet the "right guy" or have children.  But, it can get her in deep with another wrong guy setting her that much further behind. I cannot be disuaded.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
    We know....you often repeat yourself in the same thread.  We get it you had a sucky marriage you got a divorce and took time to yourself and it was the best thing for you.  I understand that and I am glad that you have gotten to where you need to and want to be with your new husband. 

    But people react differently to things, not everyone needs what you need and vice versa.  What you had to share was important once, now you are just getting preachy with the implication that the only way this poster will be happy is if she writes in a journal for a year and gets therapy.   Maybe that will work for her maybe it won't, we really don't know the OP and how she deals with things etc, so maybe it is time to accept that you put a great suggestion out there for her to consider and let her determine if it is the correct thing for her.

    I agree with ALF if she wants to get out there and date then go she should go for it but just remember to keep things light and not to look for the next person to fill the role of "the one".
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO? : Oh Alf...I have to tell this story...it is hilarious!! I was down on the Cape a couple of years ago with my girlfriends and we were at a bar. Well this guy, who was buzzed kept hitting on my friend, trying to impress her. She wasn't into him at all, but he wouldn't stop, so she decided to just give in and chat with him. Well he started off by saying "Yeah, I graduated from Harvard." Ok, big deal. Well, his friends kept laughing at him...as did me and all my girlfriends... Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    Similar story!!!  I was dancing with a guy at a bar in Boston the summer after graduation.  I asked him where he went to school and he said "Berkeley - that means I'm smart you know."  (Meaning in Cali.)  I basically walked away right there because I found it so obnoxious!  I wanted to say, "Yeah well I went to a school you've probably never heard of and I'm still smart!"
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]Our divorce was 8.5 years coming; I knew 6 months in that I'd made a big mistake. The divorce was traumatic nonetheless.  It's like the slow death of a loved one.  Just because you see it coming doesn't mean you don't grieve. Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Kar, I don't know the whole story.  How did you know you were in the wrong marriage 6 months in? 

    I think it's important to have alone time after a break-up.  I have so many friends who have never been alone, they have always had boyfriends.  How do you even know what you want if you're constantly with someone new?  They're just afraid to be alone. 

    I think it's just as important to know what you do want as what you don't want.  And, learning that alone is a good way to learn.  I sure did!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO? : Similar story!!!  I was dancing with a guy at a bar in Boston the summer after graduation.  I asked him where he went to school and he said "Berkeley - that means I'm smart you know."  (Meaning in Cali.)  I basically walked away right there because I found it so obnoxious!  I wanted to say, "Yeah well I went to a school you've probably never heard of and I'm still smart!"
    Posted by framerican51008[/QUOTE]

    It drives me crazy when people say stuff like that.  Going to Harvard, Yale, Berkeley, etc. does not mean you're smarter than I am.  It either means that you are richer than I am, or enough poorer to qualify for financial aid opportunities that I didn't have.  That's it.

    Or, I suppose, it could mean that you didn't mind leaving your undergraduate career in the hole $150k.  I did.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Spending time on one's self is never time wasted.

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    "We know....you often repeat yourself in the same thread.  We get it you had a sucky marriage you got a divorce and took time to yourself and it was the best thing for you."

    Scorpio, you have EVERY right to voice your opinion, but you don't have to in such a rude matter....

    That is my opinion....

    Kar is just trying to give advice from a life-experience, and she has every right to.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO? : It drives me crazy when people say stuff like that.  Going to Harvard, Yale, Berkeley, etc. does not mean you're smarter than I am.  It either means that you are richer than I am, or enough poorer to qualify for financial aid opportunities that I didn't have.  That's it. Or, I suppose, it could mean that you didn't mind leaving your undergraduate career in the hole $150k.  I did.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Well my other story was funny because that guy was lying to my friend and kept changing his story because he was so drunk and couldn't even remember the Ivy League school he was trying to impress her with.

    BUT, I did have a friend who dated a guy who went to Cornell, and he thought he was God's gift to Earth. Kind of like Andy from The Office. Everything was always Cornell, Cornell, Cornell.....it got to the point where one night while a bunch of us were out to dinner I finally spoke up and said "You do know that Cornell was only 4 years of your life, right?" It was like I stabbed a knife in his heart. Thank God she broke up with him!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    It either means that you are richer than I am, or enough poorer to qualify for financial aid opportunities that I didn't have.  That's it.

    Lucy, this is the perfect description of Ivy League schools for the last 15-20 years.  lol.  Thanks!!!!!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where did you meet SO? : Kar, I don't know the whole story.  How did you know you were in the wrong marriage 6 months in? 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    He had been deceptive about his spiritual journey to get me to marry him knowing that my spous's faith is very important to me, and after we got married the facade started coming down.  All the warnings from my family made a lot more sense at that point, and I knew he wasn't who he said he was.  I think he knew he made a big mistake pretending, too, but it was too late for both of us. 

    If I repeat myself it's usually to respond to questions, but I guess I can be more conscious of stating something once and leaving it be.  Scorpio can be rude, and often is, but she can have a point, too.

    ALF's point is well taken.  I don't know what it's like to break up from a fiance.  Nor do I know how long it's been since the wedding was called off.  I don't really know much of anything, but I have been through hell and never want anyone I even bump into in cyberspace to suffer the same fate.

    I'll definitely be giving the boards a break this week - the new puppy will be here early this afternoon!!  Yay!!

    ~kar
     

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