Where did you meet SO?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]Kar, that was so sweet and touching.  It was nice to read about your true life experience.  Many people can relate to that.  I'm glad things worked out for you!  You deserve it. I was in a relationship, which I thought was going to be forever.  We were together for almost 5 years.  Started dating when I was nearly 19.  After an AWFUL break up, I met my future husband 2 1/2 years later, and it's been bliss ever since.  It is so important to know yourself, and your partner.  Looking back now, I always wonder WHAT I was thinking being with my ex for as long as we were together.  Everything happens for a reason, right?
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    I think sometimes it takes a bad breakup to find "the one"
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]I think sometimes it takes a bad breakup to find "the one"
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    Goodness and Liz, thanks so much.  Massive relationship failure at least makes you appreciate "the one" all the more, and at best, like you said, Liz, it teaches you about yourself and who you really need in a mate.  Goodness, I'm glad you are another "found real love after terrible breakup" story!  My DH was engaged, and had a difficult breakup, too, before me.

    Lucy, eHarmony allows you to rate the questions dealing with those issues at a 0 for importance to you instead of a 10 (or anything in between) so I'm not sure why it wouldn't work for anyone of any heterosexual persuasion or personality.  It would only match you with someone who rated those things with an equal importance level.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlyGirl82. Show GirlyGirl82's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]Girlygirl, sorry  things didn't work out w/ your FI.  Don't lose hope! I met my DH when I was 32 and he was 30.  I had pretty much given up hope at that point, even though I hadn't started seriously dating anyone till I was done w/ school [at the ripe old age of 27; I had weird priorities according to some of my friends. lol].  Do things you like to do, and live your life.  You will eventually find someone who appreciates you for you.  I took dance lessons [had always wanted to and my boyfriend would never agree to it], bought my own place, and did whatever the heck I felt like [trip to Newport for the day on a whim, etc].  Have fun and who cares what anyone else thinks!  Good luck.    ETA: There are just as many good, older single guys left as there are single woman who are looking for them. Bear in mind that they may not have full heads of hair or be in Iron man shape once they are over 30.  As long as they have their own teeth, are gainfully employed, and have no major mental/emotional problems, they should be considered viable choices.  :-) 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    I love the eta you wrote. It made me laugh! I am 29 and afraid I may miss the boat because I want kids and fear I am getting to old
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Girly, 29 is still very young!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]I love the eta you wrote. It made me laugh! I am 29 and afraid I may miss the boat because I want kids and fear I am getting to old
    Posted by GirlyGirl82[/QUOTE]

    I totally fear the same thing - that not only did I suffer through a 9 year marriage, but in the process I ruined my real chance at being a mom.  But, I'm so happy with my DH that if we never have kids I still will be happy.  And, I really, really, want a baby; don't get me wrong.  And, in another 2 week wait starting today.  Sigh.  Anyway, I digress.  The fact is, we're already whole.  A baby would be a huge blessing for us, but you can't make something that's already whole more whole. We are a loving family, just the two of us, already.

    Now that you've freed yourself from a relationship that wasn't right, you can find the one that is.  It will make all the difference in how you see everything including your greatest anxieties. Start with a relationship with yourself, though.  That needs to come first, or you'll risk finding someone essentially just like the one you broke up with.

    P.S.  29 is getting up there for fertility; your concerns shouldn't be dismissed, but on the other hand, your chances aren't bad into your early 30s, either.  I'm hopeful we'll get pg soon, and I'm 37.  Your main concern should be healing and learning right now.  Everything else will follow in good time.  And, if worse comes to worst, I have to share that being single and childless is better than married and suicidal.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    "And, in another 2 week wait starting today.  Sigh." 

    Are you trying, if you don't mind me asking....
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]"And, in another 2 week wait starting today.  Sigh."  Are you trying, if you don't mind me asking....
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    Yup, since the honeymoon!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    I wish you all the luck in the world :) I have two brothers, one has a 4 year old daughter and they started trying when she turned one and had some serious problems, but they kept trying and just found out they are due Jan 28th :)

    My other brother got married a year ago and isn't ready for children, but it will happen when God intends it to; that's what I believe :)

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]I wish you all the luck in the world :) I have two brothers, one has a 4 year old daughter and they started trying when she turned one and had some serious problems, but they kept trying and just found out they are due Jan 28th :) My other brother got married a year ago and isn't ready for children, but it will happen when God intends it to; that's what I believe :)
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    Thanks so much, and congrats to your bro - they must be so happy after trying 3 years!  We believe in God's plan for our family, too. :)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Girlygirl, when you feel like you can't stand the pain, think this simple thought:  It's better to be single and sad than married and suicidal.

    I only lived through the last year of my marriage and the year of the divorce because of one very dear steadfast friend who made a sacrifice in loving me through it.

    I joined this discussion group in 2005 two months before the divorce was final.  Not sure why, but I'm glad I did.  Feel free to stick around.  Maybe you'll end up a bride just like I did. :)  I mean, here I am talking about getting pregnant by the absolute love of my life with Sept2010 (Liz), and I started out talking about how my divorce was almost final and I was sure I'd never love again.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    I am sorry about your break up and I understand your plight.  I had given up I was lonely and figured I would never find anyone. I was in my late 20s, so I said scr3w this and bought a townhouse (which I could afford and worked my @ss of for) which moved me to a new area so I had to make some new friends. 

    I harassed my co workers who lived in the area with questions of what they did for fun and they invited me to go out afterwork to dinner and movie with some of their college friends.  My DH was one of the friends, and I thought he was a geek, he is :) but figured I had just made a bunch of new friends and was quite happy, I had new friends, a place that I was working on and just enjoying life.  Well soon I found myself emailing just him and we were doing things just the two of us and the rest is history. 

    When we met I had just turned 30 he was 29, we were married three years later.  So I get it.  And I had the same concerns as you about not finding someone and the kid thing.  I do know how hard it is to hear "you will find someone" and "just enjoy your life and do things you enjoy" but it is the truth, you will find someone. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]Girlygirl, when you feel like you can't stand the pain, think this simple thought:  It's better to be single and sad than married and suicidal. I only lived through the last year of my marriage and the year of the divorce because of one very dear steadfast friend who made a sacrifice in loving me through it. I joined this discussion group in 2005 two months before the divorce was final.  Not sure why, but I'm glad I did.  Feel free to stick around.  Maybe you'll end up a bride just like I did. :)  I mean, here I am talking about getting pregnant by the absolute love of my life with Sept2010 (Liz), and I started out talking about how my divorce was almost final and I was sure I'd never love again.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Wow, Kar....that is so inspiring, for anyone!

    Girly, I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason, and as much as that is the last thing you want to hear right now, just try to keep thinking that.

    And the last thing you want to hear as well, is that I also believe that the number one thing that heals pain is time. I would take Kar's advice and keep a journal and continue to see your progress through this time.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    I'm glad to share and HOPE it helps!  My pain is worthless if I keep the lessons I learned to myself, right?

    Thank goodness Girlygirl didn't get married.  Divorce made premarital counseling a nightmare.  How do you convince someone that you don't believe in divorce if you ARE divorced?  Embarassed  She saved herself being on trial when she dates again.

    If I may add, well spent time heals all wounds.  So many people spin their emotional wheels indefinitely making time itself irrelevant.  I wallowed, to be sure, but when I decided to get counseling is when time started doing it's proverbial thing.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Kar, your posts are all the more inspiring not only because of the wonderful joy you've been able to find, but also because I just signed up for eHarmony last week.  It's lovely to hear a success story that doesn't come in the form of a sappy commercial! 

    I've been a bit sad lately because about a year ago I was just getting into what I then thought was a wonderful relationship.  Anyway, he turned out to be possessive and disrespectful to my family, which were absolute deal-breakers.  In my moments of feeling melancholy, I just trust that the right man will come along someday.  In the meantime, I am incredibly blessed with the most wonderful family and friends, and I live in a place I love and find genuine joy in what I do.  It's tough to meet straight men in my field (I'm an opera singer), but at least I'm enjoying my life and doing my best to make the most of it.

    I've heard that "it's better to be left on the shelf than put in the wrong cupboard," and I firmly believe it. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]Kar, your posts are all the more inspiring not only because of the wonderful joy you've been able to find, but also because I just signed up for eHarmony last week.  It's lovely to hear a success story that doesn't come in the form of a sappy commercial!  I've been a bit sad lately because about a year ago I was just getting into what I then thought was a wonderful relationship.  Anyway, he turned out to be possessive and disrespectful to my family, which were absolute deal-breakers.  In my moments of feeling melancholy, I just trust that the right man will come along someday.  In the meantime, I am incredibly blessed with the most wonderful family and friends, and I live in a place I love and find genuine joy in what I do.  It's tough to meet straight men in my field (I'm an opera singer), but at least I'm enjoying my life and doing my best to make the most of it. I've heard that "it's better to be left on the shelf than put in the wrong cupboard," and I firmly believe it. 
    Posted by mezzogal1124[/QUOTE]

    Love that saying!!  It's less, uh, harsh sounding than my version. :)

    Once in awhile I am sad, too, that I made those bad choices.  I think it's part of being human.  Don't worry; your sadness here and there won't impact your overall happiness and joy.

    Best wishes on eHarmony!  Just a warning, I went a few weeks here and there with no matches.  Some people hate that, but stay encouraged.  You are paying them to filter men for you so let them do that with patience.  Some of the matches I got I closed right away, others were closed right away by the guy, and I opened a few matches and exchanged the 5 multiple choice questions (the first hoop you have to jump through before you get to a first real date) but closed the matches after that (or they did).  My DH is the only one I actually exchanged the multiple choices, exchanged "must haves" and "can't stands" in a relationship, and answered his 3 essay questions.  It took about 2 weeks.

    Let yourself experience the sadness without guilt.  It's natural and just means you're human.  It's great you have wonderful friends and family, and you're right, the right guy will come along.  Congrats to you, too, for breaking it off.  It's super hard when the problem is that he's controlling.  You're a strong woman.

    Blessings,
    kar
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Thank you, Kar!  I will keep those eHarmony tips in mind.

    By the way, speaking of hope, the choir director at the church where I sing met his wife when he was in his mid-40's.  It was his first marriage and her second (she was also in her early 40's).  They are a wonderful couple in every way.  They tried to have children and were given a pretty grim chance of conceiving "naturally."  However, after a few years, they now have a beautiful, healthy daughter...and she was conceived after they'd pretty much given up hope of having a child together.  Beautiful miracles do happen every day.  
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    Thanks!!  We know God has our family in His hands and all the statistical analysis of age vs. fertility rate in the world won't befuddle God or confound His plans (Jeremiah 29:11).  However, being human, I have to admit we get pretty sad when it's "confirmed" we aren't pg.  I suppose that doesn't say much for my faith, but there it is, anyway. 

    One more thing about eHarmony, I think more woman join then men because my DH had a LOT more matches than I did.  Oh, and I enjoyed reading the hypothetical profile of the man they were looking to match me with.  My first husband was the exact opposite of it in every category!  Take a look at your ideal man's profile - I bet it will be therapeutic!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]I love the eta you wrote. It made me laugh! I am 29 and afraid I may miss the boat because I want kids and fear I am getting to old
    Posted by GirlyGirl82[/QUOTE]

    :-)  It's true, Girlygirl.  I have friends who are rejecting men based on their hair line, their ears are weird [this is an actual one and I still don't understand it], or for some other bizarre reason.  After you take time for yourself to get sorted out, check out online dating. Once you figure out the system, it totally works. :-)  I met my DH on match.com after being on it for a while. One of my best friends also met her DH on line and they now have twin boys.  Yes, there are a lot of skeezoids looking to get get laid, like lucy said, but there are also tons of guys actually looking for relationships online.  I think I dated at least 1/4 of the city of Boston back in the early '00s before I finally met my DH.  I've heard from one friend that they radically changed how match is set up and now it's really weird, whatever that means.  If you like quirky guys, I've heard good things about sweetongeeks.com.  If I weren't married, I would totally check it out. lol.  Good luck!  You will find the right guy for you eventually and it will be worth the wait. 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]:-)  It's true, Girlygirl.  I have friends who are rejecting men based on their hair line, their ears are weird [this is an actual one and I still don't understand it], or for some other bizarre reason.  After you take time for yourself to get sorted out, check out online dating. Once you figure out the system, it totally works. :-)  I met my DH on match.com after being on it for a while. One of my best friends also met her DH on line and they now have twin boys.  Yes, there are a lot of skeezoids looking to get get laid, like lucy said, but there are also tons of guys actually looking for relationships online.  I think I dated at least 1/4 of the city of Boston back in the early '00s before I finally met my DH.  I've heard from one friend that they radically changed how match is set up and now it's really weird, whatever that means.  If you like quirky guys, I've heard good things about sweetongeeks.com.  If I weren't married, I would totally check it out. lol.  Good luck!  You will find the right guy for you eventually and it will be worth the wait. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    This totally reminds me of Seinfeld's issues with his girlfriends!  I guess that means it's universal...  "She's got man hands," "She eats her peas one at a time," etc.  I love that show.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    lol, I love that show, Kar! I think it's one of the reasons why I never casually dated that much. I was so busy checking for all those little things that might drive me crazy before I'd even consider dating the person!

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]This totally reminds me of Seinfeld's issues with his girlfriends!  I guess that means it's universal...  "She's got man hands," "She eats her peas one at a time," etc.  I love that show.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    That's what it reminded me of too!  :o)


    I was once on a date (with one of our groomsmen hahaha!) and I mentioned that my hands are pretty big considering I'm a petite 5'1".  I was driving and he proceeded to call me Man Hands for the entire drive home.  Clearly I couldn't hide my hands, so it was hilarious.  We never went on another date, but he is now one of my best friends (and my DH's too).

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    [QUOTE]Lucy, eHarmony allows you to rate the questions dealing with those issues at a 0 for importance to you instead of a 10 (or anything in between) so I'm not sure why it wouldn't work for anyone of any heterosexual persuasion or personality.  It would only match you with someone who rated those things with an equal importance level.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    My personal issue was that there were things I wanted to know about my potential partner that weren't even included in the questions asked.  For example, I believe in astrology and, at the time, there were no questions about anything remotely related to astrology.

    These days, my issue is about the discrimination. A court ordered eharmony to open itself up to gay couples.  They created a separate service specifically for gays, but posted a disclaimer on the main page that it doesn't work if you're not heterosexual.  Also note that, at the bottom of their main page, they have links to Christian Dating, Black Dating, Jewish Dating, Hispanic Dating, and Senior Dating, but not GLBT Dating.  I mean, I understand that they have a right to their beliefs, but I have a right not to give them my money or to endorse them.  That doesn't mean I'm not glad it worked for you.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    lol. It is totally like Seinfeld.  I remember one date I went on w/ this guy right after I met DH [actually, I had my second date w/ this guy on Friday and my second date w/ DH on Saturday - variety was one of the best things about online dating, plus the entertainment value of some dates and free food. lol], and he was telling me how he limits his dairy intake.  I mean, the guy had a system that valued milk, butter, cream, cheese, etc.  He also had this intricate gym routine that he had to follow so that his weight and muscle mass stayed at some specific level, and he would kick it up a notch if he was planning on having pizza that week.  Hello!!!!!  You are a guy!  Why are you spazzing about your dairy intake? And why are you telling me this freakazoid info on a second date!!!!!???????  He was good looking and all, but come freakin' on!  If you are monitoring your fat intake that much, what are you going to say when you discover my unnatural love for icecream and cheese?!  I will admit that I actually called my friend from the bathroom to tell her that the guy was a freak.  Once he stated that he recently told his mother [who lived in India and whom he hadn't seen in 2 years] that she had gotten fat, I mentally crossed this dude off the list.  I was SO glad I had a date w/ DH the next night.  It was my last weekend of dating 2 guys too. lol. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    That's awesome.  I remember I met this guy through a mutual friend... I wasn't realy interested, but my friend went on and on about what a nice guy he was for so long that I finally told her he could call me.  The first conversation?  He spent 20 minutes talking about how he doesn't know how to read.

    I called my friend the minute we got off the phone, and she said, "WHAT?  He knows how to read!!!"

    Men are weird.  But, I'm sure that guy is right for someone.

    [QUOTE]lol. It is totally like Seinfeld.  I remember one date I went on w/ this guy right after I met DH [actually, I had my second date w/ this guy on Friday and my second date w/ DH on Saturday - variety was one of the best things about online dating, plus the entertainment value of some dates and free food. lol], and he was telling me how he limits his dairy intake.  I mean, the guy had a system that valued milk, butter, cream, cheese, etc.  He also had this intricate gym routine that he had to follow so that his weight and muscle mass stayed at some specific level, and he would kick it up a notch if he was planning on having pizza that week.  Hello!!!!!  You are a guy!  Why are you spazzing about your dairy intake? And why are you telling me this freakazoid info on a second date!!!!!???????  He was good looking and all, but come freakin' on!  If you are monitoring your fat intake that much, what are you going to say when you discover my unnatural love for icecream and cheese?!  I will admit that I actually called my friend from the bathroom to tell her that the guy was a freak.  Once he stated that he recently told his mother [who lived in India and whom he hadn't seen in 2 years] that she had gotten fat, I mentally crossed this dude off the list.  I was SO glad I had a date w/ DH the next night.  It was my last weekend of dating 2 guys too. lol. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Where did you meet SO?

    LMAO!  Lucy, that's hilarious!  How does one get through life not being able to read?!!!!  That was one of the things I loved about online dating - you could tell if the guy had access to a computer [which to me connoted a certain life style], and whether they could read, write and use appropriate grammar and punctuation, all key elements for me in choosing a mate. lol. 
     
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