Where should guests send RSVPs?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lowren25. Show lowren25's posts

    Where should guests send RSVPs?

    Good morning!

    My fiance and I are planning to order wedding invitations this weekend, and I was talking about them last night on the phone with my mom.  She said, "Don't forget to have the RSVP envelopes addresses to your father and I."  Apparently, it is "tradition" to have the RSVPs and early wedding gifts send to the bride's parents.  I have never heard of this and frankly, had been looking forward to receiving the RSVPs over the summer in the mail. 

    It sounds like way less fun to have to call my mom every night and listen to hear opening them!  It also just seems like a little bit of a hassle.  I don't believe that any of my friends did this when they got married and I think that maybe this is a throwback to when the bride still lived with her parents before she got married! 

    Has anyone done this or heard of people doing this?  I know that this is probably one of those situations where either way if fine, but I am just not feeling that excited about handing over the reins.

    I am truly trying not to be a control freak and have backed down on a number of things that were not that important to me, but this is important to me. 

    Thanks!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from nsh1018. Show nsh1018's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    As a Mom, I would say, this is your day.  If you want them sent to you then put the Rsvp to your address. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    Traditionally, the RSVPs go to whoever is hosting the event.  So, if your invite reads "Mr. & Mrs Lowren request your company at the wedding of their daughter Lowren...etc etc..." then they should go to your parents (similarly, if they are paying for all or a majority of th event).  If, however it is "The pleasure of your company is requested to celebrate the marriage of Lowren Smith to Elvis Presley... etc.." and costs are shared evenly between families or you are paying, then they are fine to come to you.

    This is only tradition though - and social norms continue to change with time, so I'm sure noone wil be horrified if they are to be sent to you.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Txgrl82. Show Txgrl82's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    If you're the one doing the seating charts and keeping track of everything else, have them sent to you. 
     
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    I'm having mine sent to my parents simply because FI and I have been looking around for a new apartment.  I didn't want to risk finding one and moving before all the RSVPs come in.  If we weren't thinking of moving I would have had them sent directly to us.  If it's important to you, just use your address!  :)
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from jag27. Show jag27's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    It is tradition to the have RSVPs sent to the Bride's parents home as they would be hosting the wedding.  However, I would let your mother know that you would prefer if the RSVPs were sent to your home if you plan to track the responses.  It would make it much easier so you don't have to call her every evening or try to get them every few days.

    I have received invites where the RSVP went to the bride's parents home, but opted to have my RSVPs sent to me directly has I knew my parents were not going to bother with them, even though they hosted the wedding.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    I had the RSVPs sent to us, because even though the invites said both parents requested the presence etc and we were all paying for it it, I was doing the seating chart etc.  Plus my parents are out of state so that would have bee a bit weird.  Neither set of parents had an issue with it.


    For my two older sisters they had the RSVPs sent to my parents house because (1) they lived at home (2) the wedding was near my parents home and (3) my parents paid for everything.  My little sister had her RSVPs sent to her beacause (1) she was paying for a lot of the wedding with some contribution from our parents (2) the wedding was near where little sis lived which was not near my parents (3) she was doing the seating chart etc.

    So really you need to do what makes sense for you.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from dbilodeau. Show dbilodeau's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    We had ours sent to us, but we are hosting our own wedding.  If your parents are hosting, just talk to them and tell them how you feel.  I have to say, we had a lot of fun checking the mail everyday and it is exciting receiving the responses! 

    We also are doing all the planning ourselves, so we had keeping track of the guest numbers.  It would have been a pain doing that over the phone.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    The others are right in saying that whomever hosts is the one to receive the RSVPs.  That makes sense in terms of any party, right?  Why would they have the guest of honor handle the guest list and details like that from an etiquette perspective. 

    However, since so many brides and grooms are paying for their own weddings these days and, therefore, are the hosts, the tradition of having the parents handle the early gifts and RSVPs isn't as prevelant.

    This fact hasn't crossed your mom's mind, and she's been looking forward to this part of her daughter's wedding.  I wouldn't take that away from her if I were you.  Instead, turn it into a special mother-daughter daily call of excitement!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    Typically I think your parents are right, that in tradition the hosts/parents of the bride get the RSVPs. That said, mine are coming to our apartment. My parents are in Ohio. We didnt want any gifts to be sent to my parents house b/c they would have to lug them all here in June.

    with THAT said, I now wish I had them sent to FMIL's house in Salem, b/c FI and I could be moving any day and will most certainly be moving after the wedding.

    If you haven't already, I would recommend listing your parents or his parents' address for the shipping address on your registry.

    And considering how disappointing it is at the end of the day when there are no RSVPs in your mailbox...maybe it is better for your mom to get them so she can give you a weekly update. haha. :-)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    Or, if it's easier, have an option to RSVP via email. We had this and that's how a majority of people responded - a few called, one or two wrote.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    [QUOTE]Or, if it's easier, have an option to RSVP via email. We had this and that's how a majority of people responded - a few called, one or two wrote.
    Posted by Prill[/QUOTE]

    We didn't use it, but I noticed our Knot wedding site had an "RSVP here" button, too.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    It depends on the way the invitation is written, like Prill describes.

    My invitations just had "Your presence is requested to witness...", so the RSVPs came to me. My mom and I figured things would just be easier that way.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    [QUOTE]If you're the one doing the seating charts and keeping track of everything else, have them sent to you.   
    Posted by Txgrl82[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  My sister had them sent to my Mom's house, but that's because she was attending college out-of-state and my Mom (and the poor, defenseless, twelve-year-old little sister!) was planning the whole thing. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    oh you poor thing! no tween should have to deal w/seating charts. But at least now I know why you've got so much wedding wisdom. Sink or swim! ;)

    [QUOTE]I agree.  My sister had them sent to my Mom's house, but that's because she was attending college out-of-state and my Mom (and the poor, defenseless, twelve-year-old little sister!) was planning the whole thing. 
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    [QUOTE]oh you poor thing! no tween should have to deal w/seating charts. But at least now I know why you've got so much wedding wisdom. Sink or swim! ;)
    Posted by pinkkittie18[/QUOTE]

    TWICE.  My oldest sister got married when I was 12, my second-oldest when I was 14.  Isn't it lucky that I started high school with knowledge of how to create 400 packages of birdseed wrapped in tulle and ribbon in about 2 days?  Yay me!

    Now you all also know why I often toy with the idea of eloping. :)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    My mom is paying for most of the wedding, but I had the RSVP's sent to FI and me for several reasons.  FI and I needed to do the seating ourselves and had this grand idea that we would buy a huge poster-board, put tape on the backs of all the RSVPs and do the seating plan by sticking the RSVPs to the board, moving them around as necessary.  Of course, this never happened, but... I have to say, FI and I *loved* our little intimate nightly ritual of opening those little envelopes!  It was so exciting to see them sitting there. 

    Maybe selfish, but my mom didn't seem to mind.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    I absolutely love that idea.  It sounds like something I would plan, but never do.  :)  But if I had a friend do it for me, it would be awesome.

    [QUOTE]FI and I needed to do the seating ourselves and had this grand idea that we would buy a huge poster-board, put tape on the backs of all the RSVPs and do the seating plan by sticking the RSVPs to the board, moving them around as necessary.  Of course, this never happened, but... 
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    I loved the option on The Knot where once I had checked off folks as having RSVP'd they were immediately plugged into my seating chart. I just had to enter the number of tables and how many could be seated at a table. Of course actually figuring out who sits where was tricky, but DH took that task on, and it was good to know we couldn't forget anyone.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    The RSVPs are coming to our house because 1) we're planning everything and making the seating chart, etc. and 2) my parents have a house in FL and an apt in NY where their business is, so they travel a lot and aren't in one place for an extended period of time.

    I'm psyched about getting RSVPs, entering the info into my little database, and creating a ginormous seating chart on posterboard.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    THe etiquette police should come my way! I had the invites sent to my place even though my parents are hosting.  My dad was very surprised that I was going to do this, because he believed they should be sent to him.  He has been away for 2 months and just got back.  I wanted the fun of opening them and seeing who could come, and not have them sitting at my parents house for weeks till they got home.  I did also not want to wait and call them every night to bug them.  I LOVE getting them in the mail.  Also my friends can write funny stuff on them since they are being sent to us! :) 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bride2B08. Show Bride2B08's posts

    Re: Where should guests send RSVPs?

    Hi lowren,

    We had a similar situation - my parents paid for the bulk of my wedding, and they were the "hosts."  I sort of wanted the RSVPs to come to me, but it meant a lot to my mom, so we had them sent to her.  It really wasn't a big deal...she kept me posted.  I figured if we were going to have conflict over something, I'd save it for something more important! :)
     

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