Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 10:42 AM EDT

    Thanks Cosmo,
    I actually do understand. Its not something I would personally do either (unless maybe the ticket money did go to a charity, kind-of like using the party as an excuse for helping a charity. Like people who say "no wedding gifts but instead please donate to XYZ charity"). I am a very stubborn and unfortunately prideful person who would never accept cash from anyone even if I was desperate, so definitely would not for something lavish. I would die cringing and never be able to look anyone in the eye again.
    But these things do happen, with people who suffer less from pridefulness. Just thought it was worth pointing out. Conceptually its an interesting idea and breaks the mold. 


     

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 10:47 AM EDT

    In fact I just thought of an equivalent thing. Not sure how popular it is here, but in the city I used to live when ladies were having their "hen-night" (bachelorette party) the bride-to-be would wear a pretend veil and go around bars with her drunk screaming friends asking men for money for kisses or offering them lollipops or whatever. All to finance the drunken debauchery of the night. 
    Now that, I found truly repulsive and degrading. But conceptually it was kindof to get money for wedding-related boozing.
    Always felt ashamed for those women, having to beg for drink money like that. Hope you ladies were more classy on your nights. 
     

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 10:57 AM EDT

    I could never hold an event, charge my loved ones to come to it, then keep the profit for myself.

    Re: engagement parties - do people throw these for themselves?  I always thought of them like showers - someone independent of the bride & groom throws a party in honor of the engagement.

    Re: bags - anyone who would actually say to another person holding a Coach bag, "Coach is so low end" needs a good slap.
     

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkandpearls. Show pinkandpearls's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 11:13 AM EDT

    I always thought a "Jack and Jill" shower was like a co-ed version of a traditional bridal shower. People bring gifts but it's more of a cocktail hour/social party vs an all-women afternoon tea party (I'm generalizing but you know what I mean).

    I've heard of the tradition in other countries of it being a fundraiser type event...is that what is like around here? I'm clueless!
     

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 1:16 PM EDT

    nah pinkandpearls,
    Its probably me who was clueless given the responses!

    Whats a bridal shower for? Is that for yet more gifts, or instead of wedding gifts?

     

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 1:21 PM EDT

    Oh I see now.....

    "The history of the custom [bridal shower] is rooted not necessarily for the provision of goods for the upcoming matrimonial home, but to provide goods and financial assistance to ensure the wedding may take place."

    So there actually IS a party to provide stuff for a wedding. Pinkandpearls you are spot on. A Jack and Jill party is a unsex version of that then. Hah! Who knew?

    Heres me thinking I was outlandish and it was a "Bridal Shower" I was talking about all along!
    D'oh.


     

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 5:03 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?:
    Oh I see now..... " The history of the custom [bridal shower] is rooted not necessarily for the provision of goods for the upcoming matrimonial home, but to provide goods and financial assistance to ensure the wedding may take place ." So there actually IS a party to provide stuff for a wedding. Pinkandpearls you are spot on. A Jack and Jill party is a unsex version of that then. Hah! Who knew? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridal_shower Heres me thinking I was outlandish and it was a "Bridal Shower" I was talking about all along! D'oh.
    Posted by plasko


    Well, it was the custom because a bride might not have a big enough dowry and so sometimes family and friends would come together to make sure the happy couple could afford to be together. There was no such thing as a small wedding at the courthouse back then.

    Nowadays things are different and I agree with the others that hosting a fundraiser to pay for your wedding is tacky. One should not throw a party one cannot afford.
     

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 5:50 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?:
    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag? : Well, it was the custom because a bride might not have a big enough dowry and so sometimes family and friends would come together to make sure the happy couple could afford to be together. There was no such thing as a small wedding at the courthouse back then. Nowadays things are different and I agree with the others that hosting a fundraiser to pay for your wedding is tacky. One should not throw a party one cannot afford.
    Posted by pinkkittie27

    Agreed. Can someone tell me the point of a bridal shower in the present day then? Honestly I don't know. Or even better, has anyone been to a "wedding shower" (includes the groom and other boys aswell). What's that all about, and how does it differ to an engagement party?

     

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 6:17 PM EDT

    a shower is something your friends or family offer to throw for you. they host, they invite. An engagement party is usually something you throw to celebrate your engagement. Or your parents throw it so they can meet the other parents and everything. Engagement party gifts are typically small tokens. Bridal shower gifts are typically bigger, but not as big as wedding gifts.

    I personally don't like big showers, wedding or baby, but it's totally a personal thing and I usually just decline invites and send along a small gift.
    My own shower was very small, two of my close guy friends were there, and it was gift-free. It was more of a chance for us all to get together since they were all helping me with planning the wedding in some way or form.
     

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 6:35 PM EDT

    Fascinating. Thank-you for the insight. Social customs really are interesting when you have a look at them a the nuts+bolts level. 

     

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lilpeanut. Show lilpeanut's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/22/2010 9:38 PM EDT

    1- Year married:2008
    2- Total estimated cost($):$37,000
    3- Satisfaction of the day for the pricetag (1=poor, 10=fantastic):10+
    4- Any incurred debts due to the big day (yes/no):No
    Married on a Saturday in October at the Westin Waltham, 180 guests.
     

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/23/2010 3:40 PM EDT

    Wow ladies - I saw a newish post with 90+ responses & thought there would be a brawl!  This board has come a long way from the super-charged defensive fights from the past :)
    FWIW:
    1- Year married:2009
    2- Total estimated cost($):$13,000
    3- Satisfaction of the day for the pricetag (1=poor, 10=fantastic):8-9
    4- Any incurred debts due to the big day (yes/no):No

    I could have done with a smaller affair, but we had guest list issues.  While it didn't influence the day, I would have been just as happy without paying for the 2 tables of "family" that ate & took off immidiately.  Although it does give me satisfaction that DH & I were right that they shouldn't have been invited.
     
     

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/23/2010 4:46 PM EDT

    On a related note, if anyone would like to pay me $20, please let me know, and I will send you an invitation to my housewarming party.  Cool

    As far as bags go, I love my Coach bags.  My best friend balked at the price of the first one I bought in 2003, but... it's still fully functional, and she's gone through about 20 $20 bags in the past seven years (probably more). 

    And my Coach bags will never EVER touch a lady's room floor.  I will carry it in my mouth first.  I won't even put it on the top shelf of a grocery basket, because that is where the diapers go. 
     

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/24/2010 8:25 AM EDT

    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?:
    On a related note, if anyone would like to pay me $20, please let me know, and I will send you an invitation to my housewarming party.  As far as bags go, I love my Coach bags.  My best friend balked at the price of the first one I bought in 2003, but... it's still fully functional, and she's gone through about 20 $20 bags in the past seven years (probably more).  And my Coach bags will never EVER touch a lady's room floor.  I will carry it in my mouth first.  I won't even put it on the top shelf of a grocery basket, because that is where the diapers go. 
    Posted by lucy7368

    20x$20 bags in 7 years is what, $400 (around $57 per year)
    Exactly how many Coach bags do you own (it sounded like multiple from what you said) and what was the total cost in the same time-period? Was it really more cost-effective, like you implied?

     

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/24/2010 9:45 AM EDT

    1- Year married:  1991
    2- Total estimated cost($):  No clue, my parents paid, but it was 180 people at a country club
    3- Satisfaction of the day for the pricetag (1=poor, 10=fantastic): 10*(see below)
    4- Any incurred debts due to the big day (yes/no):  no (neither parents nor us and yes, I do know that my parents did not incur any debt).

    My * is to explain my 10, which is probably for different reasons than many of you.  That reason is my mother.  My wedding would have been a 10 no matter where I got married because I was marrying my wonderful husband (going on 19 years in 3 weeks).  I really did not want a big shindig as neither my husband nor I like to be the center of attention.  However, I have a good size extended family and really wanted them there so knew a small wedding was not going to happen.  In addition, my mother was in remission from a long battle with, and second treatment for cancer and she really wanted to plan a wedding (she died 6 years later).  So I let her.  Was it the wedding I always dreamed of?  I'm not sure, but I would do it all over again just to see the look on her face.
     

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/24/2010 9:50 AM EDT

    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?:
    I apologize for "speaking for" anyone but myself. However, I've been on these boards long enough to know what is consensus and what is up for debate. I have no problem with buying tickets to a medical-expense fund-raiser or a charity auction.  I have attended a pot-luck wedding and had a great time.  I even helped host a "rent party" for friends who had fallen on hard times and needed help to avoid losing their home.  But I don't think you should ask your friends and family for money to pay for your wedding or your honeymoon. Just my opinion.
    Posted by cosmogirl


    I authorize cosmo to speak on my behalf on this matter (Hi cos!)
     

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/24/2010 10:50 AM EDT

    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?:
    Oh I see now..... " The history of the custom [bridal shower] is rooted not necessarily for the provision of goods for the upcoming matrimonial home, but to provide goods and financial assistance to ensure the wedding may take place ." So there actually IS a party to provide stuff for a wedding.
    Posted by plasko


    This is a very weird definition of bridal showers, at least in my little section of the world.  I've never heard of a bridal shower meant to "provide financial assistance to ensure the wedding may take place."  In my experience, it's meant to be a smaller gathering to preceed the wedding so that close friends and family can celebrate the upcoming event.  Gifts or no gifts.

    A shower also is often thrown by people who are NOT coming to the wedding.  I didn't invite any of my coworkers, but the office threw me a little shower just to say, "congrats". 

    I personally found it a bit embarassing to receive so many gifts (first shower, then wedding), but I didn't have much control over that. 
     

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/24/2010 12:45 PM EDT

    1- Year married: 2009
    2- Total estimated cost($): ~$40k for 90 guests in CT (not including honeymoon or rings)
    3- Satisfaction of the day for the pricetag (1=poor, 10=fantastic): 8, we could have shopped around a little more
    4- Any incurred debts due to the big day (yes/no): None, the entire event was paid in cash
     

  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/25/2010 7:34 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?:
    In Response to Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag? : 20x$20 bags in 7 years is what, $400 (around $57 per year) Exactly how many Coach bags do you own (it sounded like multiple from what you said) and what was the total cost in the same time-period? Was it really more cost-effective, like you implied?
    Posted by plasko


    The first one I bought was about $185.  I am still using it, so, yes, it was cost-effective.  I actually have two, but since I just got the second one, I have no way of knowing how long it'll last, so it doesn't really play into the analysis.  But I will tell you that 20 bags was a converserative estimate, since she usually gets a new bag every 3 months, and she bought a couple that lasted less than that.  And $20 was an average cost per bag.

    Overall, call me in 7 years, and I'll let you know.
     

  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from ElmiraGulch. Show ElmiraGulch's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 9/27/2010 3:23 PM EDT

    1- Year married: 1997
    2- Total estimated cost($): $2500*
    3- Satisfaction of the day for the pricetag (1=poor, 10=fantastic): 9
    4- Any incurred debts due to the big day (yes/no): no

    *Since it has been asked on occasion, this includes:
    - purchase of dress and shoes
    - purchase of rings
    - purchase of invitations
    - mailing costs
    - rental of the hall
    - decorations
    - wedding favors
    - cake
    - catering (tea sandwiches, tea, appropriate china)
    - champagne for toast
    - priest
    - organist
    - rehersal dinner
    - license fees and blood tests
    - service of a photographer for 1 hour in advance of wedding, proofs, and all negatives
    - one night honeymoon in Boston
    - fees associated with name change at the RMV, certified mailings to bank, etc.
    - bridesmaid gifts (scarves to match their choice of dress)

    We did not have to purchase:
    - bridal bouquet (garden roses)
    - tuxedo (owned)
    - transportation to/from church (none required)
    - Bridesmaid dresses (they each paid approx. $100 for a business-appropriate dress in a complimentary color, their choice)
    - tuxedo for best man (he wore a suit that he owned)

    We could have added additional guests without a dramatic increase in cost.

     

  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from SSBride09. Show SSBride09's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 10/4/2010 11:02 AM EDT

    1- Year married: 2010 (two weeks ago)
    2- Total estimated cost($): just under $30k ($35k including honeymoon)
    3- Satisfaction of the day for the pricetag (1=poor, 10=fantastic):10+
    4- Any incurred debts due to the big day (yes/no): No

    Married on a Saturday night at a golf club in Plymouth, 100 guests.  We paid for the entire wedding ourselves with our savings and it was worth every penny. 
     

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from beastsgirl. Show beastsgirl's posts

    Re: Your Wedding: What Year? How much did it cost$? Was the day worth the pricetag?

    posted at 10/4/2010 11:20 AM EDT

    Congrats SSBride09! Can you post any photos bg