Second weddings

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    Also, it's not his second wedding - his friends and family are going to want to give him gifts.
    Posted by lucy7368


    Exactly, and her, too -  I'd hope they'd want to welcome and celebrate her marrying him even if she has been married before.

    Hm, I feel the same way about asking for donations instead of gifts.  People want to give the couple something to celebrate the marriage not give to a charity, imo.  It's a disguised way of saying "no gifts."
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    I saw a wedding website once where it said, "Your presence at our wedding is all the gift we could ever hope for.  However, here is a list of items that may prove useful."  Then, a link to their three registries.    I think that's in poor taste.
    Posted by lucy7368


    Really?  I don't see anythign wrong with that on a wedding website.  I guess I've always been told that the website is the place to put that info.  And they sort of started it off by saying, don't feel like you have to get us a gift.

    I don't know, the whole registry thing is so contradictory.  It is rude to not have a registry (for people who want to get you a boxed gift, and so people don't feel like they have to give you cash), yet it is also rude to tell people where you are registered in pretty much any form (you haev to wait for your guests to ask about it).  Yet, it is also rude to say "no gifts".  Rude to want gifts, rude ot not want gifts, rude to mention the word gift in any way, shape or manner.  Seriously?  I give up.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from happiest1. Show happiest1's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    We had a beautiful ceremony at the Boston Harbor Hotel, in the Pavilion, which held 50 seated guests easily.  Then we used two of the smaller rooms on the second floor, one for a cocktail hour, then the other for a seated dinner.  It was beautiful.  The next day my husband and I hosted a brunch for our guests in one of those rooms as well.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    In Response to Re: Second weddings : Really?  I don't see anythign wrong with that on a wedding website.  I guess I've always been told that the website is the place to put that info.  And they sort of started it off by saying, don't feel like you have to get us a gift.
    Posted by trex509


    Honestly, it was just the way they phrased it.  "We don't need or want anything, but here's 11 pages of things you could buy us, anyway."  It seems disingenuous.  I'd rather just have a link to the registry.  Or, if there was one registry with a few items, but they registered for EVERYTHING.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    It is totally fine to post a link on your website of places you are registered. Trust me, people want to know, so they don't have to call you and ask you. That is even more awkward.

    Sometimes, I think people take wedding "etiquette" WAY too far....
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    Other Catholic brides on these boards have cautioned that you can't assume you can have your wedding in any Catholic church.  Some will only do it for parish members.  So I guess you need to find your venue and your church at the same time.....
    Posted by cosmogirl


    We picked our church first and then the venue because we knew we wanted that church and could work a venue around it. Of course, the coordinators at all the venues we looked at said we should have picked the venue first. My feeling was that the reception isn't going to happen without the ceremony, but to each her own, I guess.

    OP - I'm curious as to why you aren't using your home church or the priest who helped you get started on your annulment.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    It is totally fine to post a link on your website of places you are registered. Trust me, people want to know, so they don't have to call you and ask you. That is even more awkward. Sometimes, I think people take wedding "etiquette" WAY too far....
    Posted by Peonie


    That's not what I said.  I have no problem with a link to the registry on the website, although, in general, I don't really like wedding websites.  But that's an entirely different issue.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    In Response to Re: Second weddings : Honestly, it was just the way they phrased it.  "We don't need or want anything, but here's 11 pages of things you could buy us, anyway."  It seems disingenuous.  I'd rather just have a link to the registry.  Or, if there was one registry with a few items, but they registered for EVERYTHING.
    Posted by lucy7368


    well they didn't say they didn't need or want anything, they just said that their guests shouldn't feel obligated to give. Like "You don't have to give us anything, but if you really want to:", and I don't have a problem with that.

    Honestly, I'd prefer a very long registry with lots of options as opposed to a small one. I'm going to my BIL's wedding this weekend and they had two very small registries. Everything except the bg ticket items are already "fulfilled" but unfortunately DH & I can't afford to buy those big ticket items, so we're just going to have to give them a check. Which I know is fine, but it just feels boring and like we didn't put any thought into it.

    and I'm with Trex that the whole thing is just maddening!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    Don't forget - it's not OK to ask for contributions to a specific charity, because it may not be one your guests agree with or want to give money to, but it's also not OK for guests to pick a charity and make a contribution on the bride and groom's behalf.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    Don't forget - it's not OK to ask for contributions to a specific charity, because it may not be one your guests agree with or want to give money to, but it's also not OK for guests to pick a charity and make a contribution on the bride and groom's behalf.
    Posted by lucy7368



    Perhpas it's just best to list your registry under the heading "The 500lb Gorilla in the Room" or "That Which Is Known But Shall Not Be Said"
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from maggierep. Show maggierep's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    Friar Girl,  I originally got married in my home parish, so I would'nt want to get married there again.  Cosmo, I 'm really not sure yet how many people to invite yet.  I just wanted to get some ideas .  I'm really not too concerned about the budget as long as it's  not really over the top. I plan on taking up some of the suggestions I got on this board and get to work.  Who knows maybe I could get my special relatives to fly to and island.  Anyway, thanks to all who responded, any more ideas , feel free to share.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    Makes perfect sense! :-)

    There's a little non-denominational chapel in Plymouth that maybe you could get a priest to come to. I'm not really sure how that works. I also went to a wedding at the chapel in (don't laugh) the West Garden Cemetary in Andover. It's a beautiful little chapel where you can bring the clergy of your choice. If you can get past the idea of getting married in a cemetery, it might be a good option. The Andover Country Club is only a few minutes away. But I guess if you're going to have to have the reception off-site, you can kind of just pick any church that's near the venue you want.
     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Surferbettygal. Show Surferbettygal's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    Depending on size there is the Wayside Inn in Sudbury. -Barker Tavern in Scituate -Ocean View Inn in Gloucester -Concord's Colonial Inn in Concord, MA -Red Lion Inn, Cohassat There are a ton on the Cape, I just can't think of anything right now.
    Posted by Peonie


    I would never recommend The Colonial Inn in Concord...it has completely gone downhill.  I have no idea why my mother wanted to have rehearsal dinner there and I had to put my foot down and say NO!!!  I'm not a fan of colonial era but I can appreciate, but this place isn't worth it.

    What about  Daniel Webster Inn?  Chathams Bar Inn?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Melsau2006. Show Melsau2006's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    I've been to a wedding at the Wayside Inn and it was lovely!
    If you're willing to drive a bit, I was married for my second time at the Loon Lodge in Rangeley, Maine.  It was amazing!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from walshm. Show walshm's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    Dear Maggierep,

    This is New England and there are so many places, I don't no where to begin.  So, let's start with a few questions.  How many people?  What kind of budget?  Ocean view?  Beach?  Quiet place?  Castel, mansion? Where, Cape Cod, NH, Maine, Newport? The possiblities are endless, even a well to do friend could host it at their house. 

    As a DJ for thirty years, I have been to hundreds of places.  If you have any of these things decided, you may email me directly at mike@mwalsh.com.

    Best wishes for the second time around.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sophie08. Show Sophie08's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    In Response to Re: Second weddings:
    Actually the annulment is being worked on as we speak.  I'm asking about lovely places to have a second wedding.  I don't expect  my parents to pay for this wedding, nor should they.  However, I still would like to find a place for the wedding.  It will be my fiances first wedding.  His parents are just wonderful and would go anywhere for us.  I have a few relatives who are deathly afraid of flying, and therefore I would love to find a place in New England.  I truly want to get married in the Catholic church, but I need ideas  for inns or B&B's.  Thanks so much for your answers.
    Posted by maggierep

    My first thought was Martha's Vineyard, Vineyard Haven is quaint.  Although, it can be pricey.  Cambridge has some BB's and inns.  Check with the chamber of commerce.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    that's exactly what I said (and meant!), but here I am coming up on my second year of re-wedded bliss.  Good luck, bg.

    And, to weigh in on the "don't feel obligated, but here's what we'd like if you insist" is, no matter how it's phrased, rude.  That's the entire point of a GIFT.  It's not obligatory.  Otherwise, it would be the price of admission.  Stating it outright and then giving a link to a registry either IS disingenuous, meaning they don't mean the part about "your presence is enough of a gift," OR at least SOUNDS like it.  There's absolutely no good reason to state that a gift is not necessary.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    Thanks, Kar.  I was starting to wonder if I was crazy. Cool
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    You know what it says to me, Lucy (and Kar)?  "Your presence is present enough - but if you're going to give a gift we want to make sure it's something good."  I don't see it as a HUGE faux pas, but definitely less than sincere.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    Don't forget the Sherborn Inn - it's been very popular with some of our bdc brides, as well as the Bedford Village Inn in New Hampshire.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    You don't see "make sure you give us a really good gift if you choose to give one at all," as a HUGE faux pas?  I do!  Yikes, how much worse can it get as far as etiquette, strictly speaking, goes?
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    But then wouldn't any registry be a faux pas, Kar?  The whole point of registries is to make sure that the bride and groom get what they want.

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    I don't think so; guests do want a guide as to what the couple wants and needs if they are choosing to give a gift.  It's the passive aggressive, "no need to give us a gift, BUT..." statement that makes it a problem.  For me, anyway.  I just hate it.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Second weddings

    I hear ya!
     

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