3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Since the box is broken.....again.


    Q:
    Meredith,

    I have been seeing someone, let's call him Pete, for almost a year. We met last spring when I was doing an internship in Boston and he was finishing up his first year of grad school. We were very happy for a while, all the wonderful rushes of first love, etc.

    And then the summer ended. I had to move a few hours away for the fall to finish up my last semester of school. The place where I had interned offered me a job upon graduation, so Pete and I decided to do long-distance, just for a couple months, since I'd be back so soon.

    Halfway through the fall, I started noticing that he was being really distant. The next time I came up to see him, I told him how much it was hurting me when he was distant like that, and he confessed to me that he had been suffering from depression for a while. He told me he was starting therapy and starting going on medication, and things seemed to be getting better. I even suggested -- and we did -- spend Christmas with his family.

    The new year started and I moved back to Boston, but things were different. He only wanted to see me when he didn't have anything pressing for school -- so it meant only on weekends or, if during the work week, only me coming over to sleep at night.

    I wrote a letter to him, full of "I statements," supportive comments, statements of love, and things that I felt that we, as a couple, need to work on to have a more fulfilling relationship.

    He started crying. I mean, hysterically. He told me he loves me, so much, and that he doesn't want to lose me. That he had to break up with his last girlfriend when he moved to go to grad school and that he didn't want to hurt me like that. He said that he just couldn't do it, that he feels like he can't give me what I want, what I need.

    Pete is a man who is very introverted, needs a lot of alone time. I thought about it and all the times we were physically together until this year, he was not in school. Except this fall, but we weren't even in the same city. I think he just doesn't know how to deal with stress - and that right now our relationship is the only thing he has that he has control over.

    I just don't know how to feel. He wrote me the sweetest card for Valentine's Day, it was a freaking sonnet! Like, Shakespearean sonnet! How does someone write their girlfriend a romantic, beautiful sonnet on Monday and rip their heart out on Thursday?!

    Last week, it had been two weeks since I heard from him. So I texted him, asking if he was OK, and he said that he misses me, misses us, and that he's sorry. I texted back, telling him I was sorry too, but above all else I want him to be happy, and if that means that we're not together then so be it. It'll hurt for a while, but so be it. He didn't respond that night but texted me yesterday that he’s incapable of a serious relationship right now.

    I haven't responded yet. I don't know if I even should -- and what to say if I did. I'm not even sure I'd want to be in a relationship with him again. But part of me wishes we could just go back to the way things were between us and pretend that this whole incident never happened.

    – Dealing with a Stressed, Depressed Shakespeare, Boston

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    having been dumped via text myself, I feel for you. whatever his issues, he should have at least had the decency to break up with you face to face.....or least by phone.

    That being said, he broke up with you. He isnt in a place to have a relationship right now and you have to respect that. I would give it a couple days and then maybe talk to him. I am not a fan, ususally, of doing this, but I think in this instance it may be better for you....and him. Ask him to just grab coffee somewhere and just talk about it. If he declines, you have your answer.

    There is no going back, you know that. So all you can do is move forward.

    Best of luck.


    Jeeps.
     
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  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    I know....I kept refreshing to see if the dang box would work and everytime I did JBar got like 10 more recommends.

    CONSPIRACY!!!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    SHe named the guy PETE?!?!?!?  She calls him Shakespeare for the whole damn letter, and names him PETE!!!!  Why not Oberon or Hamlet or Mercutio or SOMETHING?!?!

    FAIL!  FAIL!

    Ok, I feel better.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    you know I really posted it here for you DG ;)
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    She could even have named him Shylock, for being stingy with his love and making unnecessarily long speeches about it.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Action is eloquence.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Montyy. Show Montyy's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Oh confused LW.

    Your first sentence contains your problem.  You think you've been seeing Pete for a year.

    Wrong, wrong, wrong.  That math doesn't pass the Montyy Tuesday Test.

    You dated Pete for several months almost a year ago.
     
    Then you continued to talk to him after you moved away.  BTW, you were no longer his girlfriend at this point.

    Then you moved back to the area and were an occasionaly sleepover buddy.  You were under the mistaken notion you were his girlfriend at this time. 

    You pressed him and he tried to be a better job of breaking up with you.  He's very bad at breaking up.   It makes him cry.    But he did his very very best to make it clear to you that he was breaking up with you.

    You did not go away.

    You wrote him letters.  You sent him text messages. 

    I'm better at breaking up than your Pete/Shakespear is.  Let me make it clear.  Its not you, its him.  He's sorry things didn't work out.  He will treasure the memories from your 3 month long relationshp and wishes you all the best in life.

    Good luck.


    p.s. thanks for starting the discussion board thread - i'm a junkie too apparently.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Why is it that catnmouse has to assume that this guy is struggling with his sexuality?  I don't understand why people are so eager to play the gay card.  I've never struggled with my sexuality, so I can't speak from firsthand experience, and honestly all my friends have always been clearly straight or gay, so i can't speak from second hand experience either.  So I have to ask, do people actually think this is a reasonable response?  Because i think it's crap.
     
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  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    74 - total jbar scam!

    Somebody address me!  Are there that many young men running around who are confused abut their sexuality?
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    In Response to Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love:
    You know we're addicts when we move this to the forums. I blame JBar.  I think she broke the comment box after her post in order to remain #1.
    Posted by Lily-



    JBar broked the Interwebnets?  :o
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lalablue. Show lalablue's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

     "but above all else I want him to be happy, and if that means that we're not together then so be it."  

    No, LW, above all else you should want YOU TO BE HAPPY. start with that for a change.
     
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  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Twinster. Show Twinster's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Lily wrote:
     
    www.boston.com/community/persona.html?UID=626af776d8b9b2e98ffa0bdba42e922c&plckUserId=626af776d8b9b2e98ffa0bdba42e922c"> 



    You know we're addicts when we move this to the forums.

    I blame JBar.  I think she broke the comment box after her post in order to remain #1.
    -----

    Oh my goodness, that made me laugh out loud. That's awesome.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    In Response to Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love:
    Why is it that catnmouse has to assume that this guy is struggling with his sexuality?  I don't understand why people are so eager to play the gay card.  I've never struggled with my sexuality, so I can't speak from firsthand experience, and honestly all my friends have always been clearly straight or gay, so i can't speak from second hand experience either.  So I have to ask, do people actually think this is a reasonable response?  Because i think it's crap.
    Posted by McBostonrob


    Agreed.  I don't see his (or her) sexuality as an issue here at all.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from redwolf68. Show redwolf68's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Thank God it's not just me - so has anyone e-mailed the Minotaur yet to let him know we've got a serious issue here?

    I'm not really sure what to say to the LW here.  I agree with McRobbie that catnmouse's claim of "He's struggling with his sexuality" is complete horse$#!+.  But I suppose someone felt they *had* to play the gay card - especially since Vitzy seems to have forgotten us.  (Does anyone really miss him?  I don't.)

    I think the depression issue is perfectly legitimate, however - serious clinical depression can cause a person to flip-flop on all sorts of matters in his or her life.  "Pete" needs therapy and, possibly, some better meds before he goes into another relationship, much less further into a relationship with the LW.  And she needs somebody who's a lot more stable.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdrotten. Show jdrotten's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    In Response to Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love:
    74 - total jbar scam! Somebody address me!  Are there that many young men running around who are confused abut their sexuality?
    Posted by McBostonrob

    I actually did have a friend in highschool and college that struggled with it.  We honestly didn't have a clue until his junior year in college when this guy suddenly started hanging around the apartment.  He was dating a girl at the time as well.  He broke up with her and came out of the closet.

    I don't look at it as one or the other, either straight or gay.  I look at it on a scale from 1 to 10.  10 being completely gay, 1 being completely straight. Lots of gray area.  I say this because I have 2 gay brothers.  One of them is completely gay, never even considered dating a girl.  My other brother definitely likes men more, but he has more of 'who ever will have me' when it comes to dating and sexual relations.  My one brother is definitely a 10 on the scale, my other brother is more of a 7.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    This guy goes hot and cold between writing "Shakespearean" love letters to not wanting her around at all. He goes from blubbering to complete disinterest.  He's def got some serious mental health issues.

    The LW needs to walk away and not look back.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from naturalginger. Show naturalginger's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    I'm team "JBar Conspiracy"

    To the LW: 
    Break-ups stink. That's the long and short of it. You put your effort into it and he's ultimately failed you. Chalk it up to a life experience and move on. Let him be the 'Shakespearean Ex' that you laugh off to your next boyfriend that may not write you sonnets, but leaves you a simple love note on the kitchen counter when he leaves for work. This guy isn't worth you agony. Do better.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Interesting how the avatars appear bigger here than on the blog.  Especially Zeptember's.  I'm not normally into comics, but that is one well drawn lady.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: 3/9/2011 Letter- Shakespeare Not In Love

    Thanks for posting this, Jeepie. My LL addiction means I can't get my day going without posting.

    Montyy's post above said everything I wanted to say. She's pretty much backed him in a corner and then just had to text after two weeks of radio silence. She's got great communications skills (showing patience and caring and so on) and those will come in very handy when she finds a guy who's actually interested in her and they need to negotiate their relationship. What the sonnet was about, I have no idea. Maybe he'd like to be in love and has been trying to talk himself into her being the one.

    Not that I'm a great expert on this, Robbie, but I think sometimes the approach/avoidance thing can happen with guys who are hoping they are straight and fighting gayness. However, I don't think this is the case here. I think he's been trying to get her to go away without a direct conversation or a confrontation for quite a long time. Most people would have given up last fall, when he was "distant."

    Of the women I've known who married men who later declared that they were gay and asked for a divorce, not one of them mentioned any problems or differences in behavior. They all thought they were happily married.
     
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