A Question of Independence

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    Perhaps pointedly moving the drink over in front of Dana's own spouse...

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    In Response to Re: A Question of Independence:
    [QUOTE]Perhaps pointedly moving the drink over in front of Dana's own spouse...
    Posted by diamondgirl[/QUOTE]

    I would not do that.  Diagonal move.  Dana owns the behavior, not the mortified spouse.  It would only serve to highlight that he is neglecting her in favor of this Jamie chick.  Go direct - the one that ordered it, owns it. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    The 'mortified' spouse Dylan puts up with this because it excuses Dylan's own crush on CJ, who thinks the whole thing is amusing as hell.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    I think i'm getting the proxy creeps just hearing about this group dynamic.  
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    this happened to me not long ago... I had a friend who treated me like absolute ish... Butcher Boy tolerated it for a while.. but then one night he deleted his own facebook... I asked him why... and basically he said because he couldn't witness this person chatting me up and acting like nothing happened when in two weeks he'd do something ridiculous again. Nor could he get over what happened before and how I had forgiven my friend.

    I was beside myself. I thought he was jealous and accused him of being so :( Turns out he really was upset because he couldn't stand to see me upset and continue a friendship with this person. It took me a few days to see what he meant..

    Ultimately I broke the friendship off with this person. My fiances opinion is far more important to me than someone that has given me the run around, the upset stomaches, the tears, for years now.. I didn't want it to upset my fiance that much that he asked me to stop talking abotu this friend, he deleted his own facebook, he begged me not to talk to this person again.

    Now, being a few months later.... I'm glad I made that decision. I'm glad fiance stood his ground and that I was able to see how it showed clear lack of self respect on my part to continue being friends with this person.

    IDK... sometimes they see things we don't want to see DG. Especially if we are people pleasers.
     
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  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

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    It seriously is.  I could just sit and drink and watch all the nonsense happen for hours.  I do, in fact.  Diamondguy thinks it is all kinds of silly. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheRealJBar. Show TheRealJBar's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    I'm still very confused.  And why don't we have a Pat in here anywhere? Or a Jesse?
     
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  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    Oh, we do.  Courtney, too.  And Ashley, for the old-fashioned ones.  But I think we are confusing JBar enough.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    Everyone always forgets about Sydney.
     
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  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    The pushing of drinks on other people is usually a sign of an alcoholic who feels better about his/her own drinking by having someone to drink with...even if it's forced. I wonder if Chris had not been there if Jaime would have accepted another drink and Jaimie changed his/her behavior because his/her husband/wife was sitting right there.

    I agree with Chris for the most part; it's probably time for both of them to limit socializing with Dana. But if drinking too much is a problem Jaimie has, it won't go away by avoiding Dana.

    Hope this helps; I'm not online much these days but when I do check in I can see you guys are dispensing your usually sensible advice. Ciao.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    A lot of people say, "What's that?" It's Pat!
    A lot of people ask, "Who's he? Or she?"
    A ma'am or a sir, accept him or her
    or whatever it might be.
    It's time for androgyny.
    Here comes Pat!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from MarketSurfer. Show MarketSurfer's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    the object of the power struggle is a conflict avoider, and therefore, enables the situation to continue.  Personally, the object's marriage to the protector has some thin ice they skate over once in a while, most likely not visible to the outside.

    The Protector, her husband, should be the one to take the lead, because conflict avoider cannot make the stand herself.

    The married, disrespectful of others, control freak should be spoken to by the protector, and then the protector and the conflict avoider should find some other parties to attend for awhile.  In other words, the protector should create some social pressure so that the group realizes that the group will be broken up with the continued disrespect. . .

    glad i don't have to hang out in peyton place. . . .


     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    In Response to Re: A Question of Independence:
    [QUOTE]the object of the power struggle is a conflict avoider, and therefore, enables the situation to continue.  Personally, the object's marriage to the protector has some thin ice they skate over once in a while, most likely not visible to the outside. The Protector, her husband, should be the one to take the lead, because conflict avoider cannot make the stand herself. The married, disrespectful of others, control freak should be spoken to by the protector, and then the protector and the conflict avoider should find some other parties to attend for awhile.  In other words, the protector should create some social pressure so that the group realizes that the group will be broken up with the continued disrespect. . . glad i don't have to hang out in peyton place. . . .
    Posted by MarketSurfer[/QUOTE]


    I like you :)
     
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  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    In Response to Re: A Question of Independence:
    [QUOTE]Can I play the role of bartender in this drama?
    Posted by JohnCocktosten[/QUOTE]


    Can I get a JD & Coke?  Hell, I can't remember who the players are anymore as it is...
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheRealJBar. Show TheRealJBar's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    In Response to Re: A Question of Independence:
    [QUOTE]Oh, we do.  Courtney, too.  And Ashley, for the old-fashioned ones.  But I think we are confusing JBar enough.
    Posted by diamondgirl[/QUOTE]

    Amen to that sistah!  I attacked this string again this morning armed with industrial strength coffee and I get it a little more, but my head still spins with the addition of other characters.  I may try again with a Bloody Mary clutched in my paw next.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    Can I have some SoCo, JoCo?

    Marketsurfer, you are like Yoda, with clearer syntax.

     
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  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence

    In Response to Re: A Question of Independence:
    [QUOTE]I've been here, DG (if I perceive your scenario correctly). Friend of Mr. Z's had mad crush on him through college, friend and I maintained cordial relationship when I started dating Mr Z, though we had nothing in common aside from Mr. Z. After college, when we got engaged, said friend began "drinking too much" (passive aggressive way of being able to act like an azz without owning behavior), and flirting openly with, giving unsolicited advice to,and bringing up exclusionary "remember whens" with Mr. Z when we'd all go out. I took it at first as a load of BS not worth arguing over, but it got to the point where it was disrespectful to me, and I tentatively brought it up with Mr. Z. Since he's a serial conflict avoider, he claimed not to notice it. I started pointing out examples. Arguing ensued. I simply said I wouldn't be attending any more group functions at which "friend" was present. Mr. Z's interactions with the group also waned. I suspect he noticed and enjoyed the behavior, and had no reason to stop it until there was a consequence. I'm no control freak, and loathe influencing Mr. Z's outside social life, but when it affects me negatively, I'm not having it. Sounds as though your friend needs to have an example-laden, direct conversation with SO. Hope this helps--I don't typically write novels when I post.
    Posted by Zeptember[/QUOTE]

    I wish I knew you and this story 8 years ago.... would've helped me through a lot... faster and quicker. This would happen to me all the time, and instead.. I reacted.. :( I flipped out and I was "that insane girlfriend" ...

    stinks.. I'm glad it worked out for you and he turned around. I bet if I did that, it would've had a better outcome for me too.. but such things happen for areason and I am with a better man for it today :)
     
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  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from hsmbs. Show hsmbs's posts

    Re: A Question of Independence


    Wow -DG, I can't follow a bit of this beyond the first two people are married!  Are you any of the people involved?  If not, I would ignore it all and let them drown in the drama and drink. You seem too smart and practical to care about this kind of stuff.

    And did I hear you right this morning singing your Wellesley song?  I went to the "other" college in that town...  :)


     

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