Apology

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  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Porkshop Love. Show Porkshop Love's posts

    Re: Apology

    Don't let those meanies get to you!!
     
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    Re: Apology

    idk Sally - that you love attention?
     
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    Re: Apology

    I think that is very nice of you to apologize Porkshop.  
     
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    Re: Apology

    Sally, you're hilarious.

    I think now would be a great time for a ((((((GROUP)))))))
     
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    Re: Apology

    I think Sean would have accepted it out of hand if you'd not qualified it by saying, "[it] was not completly fair."  Not to speak for him, but that's what his response indicated, and, generally speaking, a qualified apology isn't usually one that goes over 100% like you might intend.  An unqualified apology would have said, "[it] was unfair," meaning as Sean wanted it to say, "100% unfair."  It might seem nit picky, but when you qualify it you essentially say you don't really mean it.

    fwiw, I used to think people were always conscious of such things, but I realize now it's often due to a passive-aggressive style upbringing where those phrases were used at home or from a habit one picks up who knows where.  My husband used to have a lot of passive quasi-aggressive phrases in his regular vocab that caused a less than favorable response from everyone (not just his wife), and he was constantly confounded by it.  One day he asked what was going on with that, and this is what I told him.  Since then he's removed those passive (semi-aggressive) phrases from his regular vocabulary, and he notices when others use them.  A book that helped, too, was Overcoming Passive Aggression which we read most of together.  He understood for the first time why what he thought was innocuous was coming across as aggressive (or less than sincere) to others, and it really helped.

    This is just a kind word to the wise, not a criticism, and I hope you'll take this in the good spirit in which its offered.  And, by the way, your screen name makes me crave pork chops.  :)

    ETA:  By the way, your latest post was 100% unqualified and is why I bothered posting this; it conveyed your true state of mind which is that of sincerity.
     
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    Re: Apology

    Porkshop, I thought it was a nice simple apology.  I wouldn't analyze it too much, you could end up with a headache!   I always remember what lawyers advise.  Never apologize!   It implies wrongdoing on your part.  PS: I would have accepted it!
     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from MoVa. Show MoVa's posts

    Re: Apology

    In Response to Re: Apology:
    [QUOTE]Somebody receives a sincere apology and then tries to immediately leverage that apology for some additional perceived advantage. Now I'm not calling that person a filthy piece of garbage, just saying "that's what a filthy piece of garbage would do."
    Posted by Cottonheaded Ninnymuggins[/QUOTE]
     
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    Re: Apology

    I felt it was a gracious apology. If it is not accepted as such, then so be it.
    Move on.
     
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    Re: Apology

    Sorry. This forum has me flumoxed a bit,  technically speaking.
     
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    Re: Apology

    In Response to Re: Apology:
    [QUOTE]It was written at 1:45am, and I was tired, so no need for the psychoanalytic background of my upbringing.  I mean, feel free if that is what you're into.
    Posted by she blinded me with porkshop[/QUOTE]

    Sean reacted, probably surprisingly, saying essentially to come back when you have a real apology, and if it's "not your thing" to think about why that might have been, peace to you, anyway.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: Apology

    porkshop to Sean: I apologize
    Sean to porkshop: Apology not accepted
    Ache to porkshop and Sean: S.T.F.U, the both of you. Youre annoying...
     
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    Re: Apology

    Except for the hugging, i love this thread very very much.
     
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    Re: Apology

    Achenot, Sean was being a wiseass. How are we to know whether or not he's 'accepted' the apology. And why would we care? Kargiver, Sean has a history of creating sockpuppets to be insulting. Based on that, I think there's a measure of fairness in accusing him of such. My lay opinion (without the benefit of being raised in a passive aggressive atmosphere) is that you've missed the mark on your diagnosis.
     
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    Re: Apology

    I was saying that qualifying an apology in any fashion renders it less effective and sets things up for it to not be accepted.  I was not justifying Sean's behavior; an apology is about the forgiver and his graciousness, not the forgivee and his behavior.  And, if someone has a habit of qualifying their sincere apologies such that they are not accepted as he hopes or expects, it would be too bad to never have insight into why...I'd think.

    Take the info if it's useful to you, dump it on the heap of junk you get in an online public forum, if not.   No hard feelings on my end, either way.
     

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