Apology

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Apology

    In Response to Re: Apology:
    [QUOTE]The passive aggressive tactic of apologizing but qualifying it in any way is the Achilles Heel of apologies.  One doesn't have to have an emotional disorder to fall into this habit and then wonder why his apologies don't always go over well, and I never said had one.   Gosh, a word to the wise is just that.  A wise man realizes it's no weight on his shoulders to hear it no matter to what degree it applies or it doesn't.   Whatever you guys want to do with how qualifying an apology renders it less effective at best and totally rejected at worst is fine with me.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    As for Choppers, his initial apology was fine. He is one of the kindest, gentlest, sincere people on BDC.

    And he doesn't overthink things. Sometimes, dear Kar, you just have to take a Zen approach to life, and just exist, just ... be.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Apology

    In Response to Re: Apology:
    [QUOTE]I think Sean would have accepted it out of hand if you'd not qualified it by saying, "[it] was  not completly fair."  Not to speak for him, but that's what his response indicated, and, generally speaking, a qualified apology isn't usually one that goes over 100% like you might intend.  An unqualified apology would have said, "[it] was  un fair," meaning as Sean wanted it to say, "100% unfair."  It might seem nit picky, but when you qualify it you essentially say you don't really mean it. fwiw, I used to think people were always conscious of such things, but I realize now it's often due to a passive-aggressive style upbringing where those phrases were used at home or from a habit one picks up who knows where.  My husband used to have a lot of passive quasi-aggressive phrases in his regular vocab that caused a less than favorable response from everyone (not just his wife), and he was constantly confounded by it.  One day he asked what was going on with that, and this is what I told him.  Since then he's removed those passive (semi-aggressive) phrases from his regular vocabulary, and he notices when others use them.  A book that helped, too, was  Overcoming Passive Aggression  which we read most of together.  He understood for the first time why what he thought was innocuous was coming across as aggressive (or less than sincere) to others, and it really helped. This is just a kind word to the wise, not a criticism, and I hope you'll take this in the good spirit in which its offered.  And, by the way, your screen name makes me crave pork chops.  :) ETA:  By the way, your latest post was 100% unqualified and is why I bothered posting this; it conveyed your true state of mind which is that of sincerity.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad you wrote the ETA, because your initial post seemed to accuse Choppers of being passive-aggressive, even though you used your DH as an example.

    Also, one does not have to apologize if it brings harm to the person doing the apology. But I don't like unqualified apologies (all the rage now - and Choppers isn't guilty of it) - "Oh, if I offended you, I'm sorry." That's not taking responsibility.

    One should be able to apologize without being a doormat.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Apology

    I wouldn't have said a word about it if Sean hadn't said what he did as a response, " Get back to me when it's no longer partially fair."  I mistakenly thought that pointing out why he responded that way to what was probably meant to be a thoroughly sincere apology would be appreciated.  I guess no unsolicited advice is ever appreciated so the lesson's on me.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from John Bender. Show John Bender's posts

    Re: Apology

    O lawd, here we go
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Apology

    In Response to Re: Apology:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't have said a word about it if Sean hadn't said what he did as a response, " Get back to me when it's no longer partially fair."   I mistakenly thought that pointing out why he responded that way to what was probably meant to be a thoroughly sincere apology would be appreciated.  I guess no unsolicited advice is ever appreciated so the lesson's on me.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    While I can speak for CSean nor for Choppers, I would have let the boys be boys. For all we know CSean was making light of things (or maybe not).
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Apology

    I agree, lesson's on me.
     
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  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from John Bender. Show John Bender's posts

    Re: Apology

    We'll get the prom queen.... Impregnated!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Apology

    Now I feel like I need to take kargiver's side.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jerry Springer. Show Jerry Springer's posts

    Re: Apology

    If you could sign your Standard Release Forms and pass them in, I think we can get this show

     aired some time next week.
     
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  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Apology

    Since you ask, Sean, aside from TheJoker in CC the day after the panty raid, I've never had a malicious sock puppet. I've never even had any worth mentioning. I was porkshop's restaurant, the wizard or Porkshop, it's a wonderful Porkshop, and Porkshop part deux, none of whom said anything about anybody. I obviously have bostonrob, niceymcniceynice, and the 123kid. Other than that I posted a few times as the church lady, and fabulousbartender(a transparently fake character in a letter one day, when everybody else created fake characters.) I think that's it, but if I've forgotten any it's because they're entirely insignificant. When I have something nasty to say here, I say it in this voice or I don't say it at all. Since you asked.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Apology

    That's a pretty speedy grapevine, especially for a Sunday night. You've got to hand it to our tattletales; they're a dedicated group.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Apology

    Of hens.
     
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  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from MoVa. Show MoVa's posts

    Re: Apology

    No good deed goes unpunished.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Apology

    In Response to Re: Apology:
    [QUOTE]Since you ask, Sean, aside from TheJoker in CC the day after the panty raid, I've never had a malicious sock puppet. I've never even had any worth mentioning. I was porkshop's restaurant, the wizard or Porkshop, it's a wonderful Porkshop, and Porkshop part deux, none of whom said anything about anybody. I obviously have bostonrob, niceymcniceynice, and the 123kid. Other than that I posted a few times as the church lady, and fabulousbartender(a transparently fake character in a letter one day, when everybody else created fake characters.) I think that's it, but if I've forgotten any it's because they're entirely insignificant. When I have something nasty to say here, I say it in this voice or I don't say it at all. Since you asked.
    Posted by McBostonrob[/QUOTE]


    Carp. I liked that Joker. Until now.
     
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  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from MoVa. Show MoVa's posts

    Re: Apology

    moose, as we say in my part of the world, you ain't right, boy.

    I love that about you.
     
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  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Colonel Angus. Show Colonel Angus's posts

    Re: Apology

    I don't know why people make such a big fuss over Colonel Angus.
     
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  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from The Original Jeeps. Show The Original Jeeps's posts

    Re: Apology

    You are misinformed Ms. Sally-, i suggested you as the culprit stirring up nonsense, as you have done in the past. Based on facts from your history of stirring ip trouble then laughing about it with other posters offline who are no longer with us today. Whether it is you or not, who really knows. I stated facts to the suggestor, so my process of elimination was not created in fantasy. So if you want to start something, make sure you address the correct person. God i am do thankful i am no longer party to this crapola . Ps- i already did the swedish chef months ago
     

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