At what point is it "cheating"...?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Michelle-. Show Michelle-'s posts

    At what point is it "cheating"...?


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  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Michelle-. Show Michelle-'s posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    I should specify that in this scenario, although you woke up next to him, you did not "do the deed" with him...yeah.. i just said "do the deed"...

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from PowerCord. Show PowerCord's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Wait...you slept with - but didn't 'do the deed' with your ex and you are worried that it is cheating on your more recent casual date, who for some reason started showing less interest in you?

    You have no reason to feel guilty or that you did anything bad.
    I wouldn't call that cheating at all.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from sm1231. Show sm1231's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Agreed, PC. I think you're in the clear!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rintoo2. Show Rintoo2's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Michelle-

    I think this is a hazy line.  Technically, it might not be sexual cheating, but emotional cheating - possibly.  It depends on what you've told the new guy.  It sounds like you didn't specifically say you are exclusive yet, but you also didn't say you would be seeing your exes (in your new guy's case, this is just a flying rumor - in your case, you "slept" with your ex, even if you didn't sleep sleep with him)...

    However, either way, don't feel bad for too long (I tend to feel guilty for every little thing in a relationship myself, and it sux)... be honest with yourself about how you are feeling about new guy, about the ex, and about what you really want.  Don't start seeing your ex on the side now, and don't play the competitive "who loves me more" game with the new guy.  Someone is bound to get hurt that way.  Best wishes!!
     
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  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from naturalginger. Show naturalginger's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    I'm very much of the nothings-off-the-table-until-it-is-exclusive camp.  Until it's determined that you're in an actual relationship, and not just a casual weekend date, you're free to do whatever and whomever you choose.

    Alcohol induced hook ups with the ex aren't always the most productive - but when you're single and slightly upset at mixed signals from new objects of interest, it's completely understandable that it happened.

    Don't beat yourself up, and don't feel like you owe any explanation to the new guy.  Let whatever happened with the ex fizzle with the hangover - the guilt should be as temporary as the headache you had the next day.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Michelle-. Show Michelle-'s posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    In Response to Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?:
    [QUOTE]I'm very much of the nothings-off-the-table-until-it-is-exclusive camp.  Until it's determined that you're in an actual relationship, and not just a casual weekend date, you're free to do whatever and whomever you choose. Alcohol induced hook ups with the ex aren't always the most productive - but when you're single and slightly upset at mixed signals from new objects of interest, it's completely understandable that it happened. Don't beat yourself up, and don't feel like you owe any explanation to the new guy.  Let whatever happened with the ex fizzle with the hangover - the guilt should be as temporary as the headache you had the next day.
    Posted by naturalginger[/QUOTE]


    I would like to hug you... haha
     
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  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Another-Veronica. Show Another-Veronica's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?


    Hi Michelle!

    Sweatshirt guy!  Do you still have feelings for him?

    That was just a random question on my part.

    I'm with PC & sm1231, I don't consider that cheating either.

    Hi PC, sm1231 & anne!  Smile
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Michelle-. Show Michelle-'s posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Jeeper..yes Sweatshirt guy.. :(
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from naturalginger. Show naturalginger's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Haha Hugs back Michelle- and good luck with the new guy!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from sm1231. Show sm1231's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Hi AV!
     
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  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Another-Veronica. Show Another-Veronica's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?


    Michelle, How do you feel about SG now?  My philosophy is once an ex, let it be  but there are always exceptions to the rule.

    Sometimes it works out the 2nd time around especially since you are both relatively young & guys need more time to mature.

    I don't consider you a hypocrite.

    Hi Jeepers!  I didn't see your posts when I posted last.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    "Guilt is like a bag of phucking bricks. All you gotta is set it down"

    Maybe you cheated on the new guy... a teensy little.
    Because, while I'm sure you didn't have the exclusivity talk, I'm usually a proponent of that golden rule feeling, and I bet you wouldn't like him going off and hooking up with his ex.
    BUT... a couple drunken kisses into a new relationship, in my opinion, is not a big deal and you get a pass.

    The only thing I'm worried about is sweatshirt guy and new guy bumping into each other around the block, especially since you travel in the same circle of friends.

    Jealous makes dudes do some nasty things. Do you have anything to worry about in that respect?
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Yeah, if you have not discussed exclusivity, I wouldn't call it cheating.

    But obviously you are going to sort out your feelings before you get exclusive, cause you are a classy broad like that. 

    I wouldn't worry about it.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from PowerCord. Show PowerCord's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    You still have your sweatshirt though, right?
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from yogafriend. Show yogafriend's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Hi Michelle,

    I do not consider what you did cheating, but I DO consider it a sign of your self-integrity and character that you feel a little guilty about it.  I also think that the guilt comes from liking the new guy.  Sounds like you were / are hurting a little bit, and this was your way of distracting yourself. 

    Are you worried new guy will find out?

    But I do think that what happened with SG is a wake up call for you on a few levels.  First, that it's ok to say "I'll always love you" but not often, and certainly not when he sees you have a new potential BF.  I think there is still his ego involved and he needs reassurance that you haven't written him off and that you still will always have feelings (as a friend now) for him, too.  But that needs to be unspoken, because you have moved on ... right? 

    Also a wake up call to yourself to ask how you want to handle your new guy, can you be frank with him, is it too soon to ask him why he's cooled off, is it too soon to show you care too much, etc.   Now is a good time to ask yourself about your own motives.  If he's cooled off, are you going to just sit and wait for him to make a move, or do you feel comfortable making the move yourself?

    There is a little "pot / kettle" for you to hang with your ex, when you are concerned his ex is back in the picture ... if you see what I mean.   I'd say next time you see new guy, have a talk.   If you can hang with your ex, it is not really fair for you to feel he can't ... unless his ex is really trying to get him back.  
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    Michelle

    from what you've told us, there is no exclusivity between you and the new guy.. and alcohol infused emotions with sweatshirt guy..

    no reason to feel guilty. but if you reallythink this is going forward in a positive light with new guy, try and talk to him about where he feels things are right now.
    but dont beat yourself up over this. just make sure, seeing feelings are sometimes brought to an ugly head via booze, that when and if you are around him, no booze..
    my suggestions, while the emotions are still fresh, i would decline invites when he's around. and if you cannot, jsut be a bigger person and use all the restraint and say hi, and walk away

    but you didnt do anyhting wrong, except put undue pressure upon yourself...
     
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  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    "Jealous makes dudes do some nasty things."

    TRUE, Dimmy, too true...  So go carefully.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Oneofakind85. Show Oneofakind85's posts

    Re: At what point is it "cheating"...?

    I don't think it's cheating.. you both aren't exclusive, haven't given the whole "what are we talk?" so I think you are ok. You can look at it like a farewell to the old guy and if it made you realize you want to be with the new guy then it should be all good. I wouldn't necessarily go flaunting it around him though. But sounds like you are in the clear.
     
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