Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    Due to the massive amounts of comments in today's letter, it had reminded me of an issue that a friend of mine had gone through.

    He broke up with his girlfriend, mutual, and I was possibly the only friend he had that didn't like her.

    If this was discussed in the comments...

    What does the letter writer do if one of the "friends" sees if he's okay? One that is friends with his ex?

    I am on the side of "Sorry, and this will may offend you, but you are friends with her, I do not want to discuss anything in regards to the relationship,let's talk about anything else...."

    A friend of mine went through this, and had other supposed friends get back with information, which made him decide it was best to simply leave the state to get away. That got compounded where the ex thought he was "depressed and a danger to himself" contacted his family, which they went the offensive at her, along with other issues that were going on with his family.

    He was talking about the situation with me and other friends not attached to her and with her contacting his family, just wound up moving to the other side of the country, changed his phone number etc.

    Honestly I dont' want the LW to feel the same way (that he has to move across the country), but was anything added on how to handle mutual (at least on the surface) friends that try to contact him about the whole thing (especially if he does a mass defriending)?

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from hollygolitely-. Show hollygolitely-'s posts

    Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    what???

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    In Response to Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...):
    [QUOTE]what???
    Posted by hollygolitely-[/QUOTE]

    Basically

    LW breaks up with GF.
    LW follows advice, defriends everyone.
    Mutual "friend" tries to get information on LW on how he is doing, twists what he says, and tells the ExGF, who may or may not overreact and ruin his life in other ways.

    What would your advice be on how to handle the "friend"
     
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  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    What would your advice be on how to handle the "friend"

    Ignore the friend? Tell him/her that you don't want to be friends? Doesn't back-stabbing kind of negate the friend part of being a friend?

    Maybe I'm missing something. Friendships don't always last.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    This is why I tell my boss it wouldn't be a good idea for me to go to a specific department :) and this is all hypotheticals.

    Hypothetically, the friend comes to you to find out what's going on after you were defriended. They might not have done "Finally!" but it may have been a friend in the core group that you had defriended. At the same time, who knows what would happen, are they a friend or are they a "friend"

    Do you just treat everyone the same and not tell anyone anything in regards to why you may have defriended/not contacted the friend/"friend", or just remain silent.

    I mean, after all, you might friend and defriend people on facebook, but it doesn't mean it's the only way people converse. It's easy not to see people on facebook, but then they might just get in your face to find out what's going on etc. It might get back to the ex depending on how the mutual "friend" would spin it and then havoc would ensue (sorta like how i'm trying to explain the situation).
     
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  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    Actually CHC, I'm not talking about Friend as in Facebook, I'm talking as real life-non facebook contact. I know it has happened to me (and other friends) that sometimes you can either be more trusting (or suspicious) if someone goes out of their way to contact you outside of Facebook. I'm mostly talking about if someone actually hunts you down because you defriended them to find out what's going on, but it happens to also be a Mutual Friend, as in, real life mutual friend, not facebook mutual friend.

    Darn facebook and the use of the word Friend!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from StormyMonsoon. Show StormyMonsoon's posts

    Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    I don't think there's a general rule. You have to at some point use your discretion and common sense on how you interact with people.  Depends on you, depends on what you're willing to tell them, and depends on how much you are willing to trust or not trust that particular person.  

    But what you are describing doesn't sound like that much of a friend to me.  So why tell them anything of value.  Just say, "It seemed like a lot to have to interact with everyone on FB in the context of the breakup.  I'm doing fine, but didn't feel the need to broadcast everything to everyone.  I'm sure you understand."  

    Leave it at that.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: Defriend Everyone! (What does the letter writer do if...)

    Sounds like just regular old meddling and drama queenism.  

    Facebook or not, don't tell the meddlesome friend ANYTHING.  They can't be trusted, and they're just serving their own needs.  If you tell them anything tell them you won the lottery, you got a promotion, and you're taking a Pan-Asian tour for a month.

    Second, tell the ex to butt out.  The whole drama thing feeds his/her ego "oh poor dear he can't live without me **swoon** which is BS.  

    Talk to those you want to keep and ignore the rest.  
     
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