Re: Doctor Who and Love
posted at 7/29/2010 12:57 PM EDT
In Response to Re: Doctor Who and Love
DG, (it's hard for me to call you that as DG are the initials of a particularly cruel boss of mine)
You could call her Diamond, or maybe D?
But in general I'm more likely to be friends with women as I'm a fairly emotional guy, a bit shy, and more interested in emotional intimacy than bravado and macho stuff. So, as I've said, I do feel a sexual tension around female friends, but to me it's just minor and to be accepted. But my wife doesn't accept it. So neither of us can be close friends with women because of tension.
*sound of record needle scratching*
Huh? Your wife
can't have close female friends?????
Ok, in order to respond to rest of your post I am going to compartmentalize and put that Moment of Zen off to the side for now.
Two-sheds and TwoCent, that's kind of what I'm getting at. The things that make me like a woman as a friend are some of the same things that make me like them as a partner. The dilemma seems natural and unavoidable. If you agree then do you think a lot of people live with it, or do more people, like DG, end up avoiding the situation? What's the right thing to do? What is socially acceptable?
I don't know, because I seem to be wired a bit differently than you and Diamond. I don't feel any sort of sexual attraction to my friends, of either sex. And, if a friend were to put the moves on me I'd feel really uncomfortable. Actually, I have had women friends put the moves on me, and each time it was uber annoying, if not creepy. The first case was from more of an acquaintence, and she was just generally annoying anyway. Plus, she was hitting on me in an annoying manner. She has no game.
The second person was both annoying and creepy. She had other boundary issues with me, but in terms of her wanting to move things out of the friend zone I was especially irritated because 1. she knows I am straight, therefore this amounts to harrassment and 2. she's MARRIED!
And, no, it wasn't a case that she just wants to be physically affectionate with her friends in a non-sexual way.
I'll have to think more about this...
Well, the closest to this problem I've had is maintaining friendships with ex-boyfriends. In my mind i've drawn a line. I don't make any of the jokes we used to make when we were together. I don't talk about my sex life with them. Basically, I take what made us a couple and I put it in the past, and I just relate to them in a way that doesn't have the coupledom in it, if that makes any sense. it's hard for me to get more specific than that since all my ex-bfs aren't part of my daily life (moved away, families of their own, was a long time ago, etc.).
So, maybe consider how you act towards a woman when you're interested in her versus when you're not, and filter out the romantic stuff?
Or, treat them like your sister/mother? But, obviously, don't expect them to make your favorite dinner on your birthday or pinch your cheek ;)