1. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/7/2011 9:52 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Facebook Nonsense:
    Now I'm doubting myself.   Highly intelligent professor guy and I chatted a lot over the weekend - but I got nervous and shut him down. He deleted his online profile on OKC - but we chatted on his blog again today.
    Posted by Loud-Mouthed-Broad


    Don't worry about the OKC thing, people pull down and put up their profiles all the time.

    You spoke today - that means he's interested. Have you met him yet?
     

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/7/2011 9:54 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Facebook Nonsense:
    In Response to Re: Facebook Nonsense : Don't worry about the OKC thing, people pull down and put up their profiles all the time. You spoke today - that means he's interested. Have you met him yet?
    Posted by reindeergirl


    Nope - haven't met in person yet.  He could have been polite as opposed to interested.

    I'm so used to jerks that my natural assumption is to assume the negative.
     

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/7/2011 10:00 PM EDT

    I've been chatting with this guy for at least six months.  If he was truly interested, he would have asked me out by now. (I made allowances because he hasn't dated since his divorce and he is a serial monogamist kind of guy)

    I've invited him out to group activities (always a friendship context) at least twice and he just ignored the invitations.

    Big sigh.  I'm going to trust my in the moment reaction.
     

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/8/2011 8:56 AM EDT

    Ask him out on your own, without the groups. Some guys don't like traveling in groups. Say, "I'd really like to have dinner with you. How does next [day, time] sound to you?"

    Find out on your own, not from him, if he's divorced.
     

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/8/2011 9:13 AM EDT

    In Response to Re: Facebook Nonsense:

    Ask him out on your own, without the groups. Some guys don't like traveling in groups. Say, "I'd really like to have dinner with you. How does next [day, time] sound to you?" Find out on your own, not from him, if he's divorced.
    Posted by reindeergirl


    This guy is a straight shooter.  Uses his real name in email.  He's also well known in my field (although up until we started chatting I hadn't heard of him).

    You can find him on google and spokeo - and everything there correlates with what he's said.

     

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/8/2011 9:47 AM EDT

    6 months?  He's not interested in investing any more than typing with you.  Benefit of the doubt is a waste of your emotional energy at this point.  He might be the straightest shooter out there, but my DH and I spent 2 weeks online with me and then asked me out. 6 months later he purchased my engagement ring (proposed 3 months after that).  We were 35 and 43, not kids prone to rush things, but we knew what we wanted and took steps to get there.  No one has to follow our time table to have a legitimate relationship that's going somewhere, but 6 months online with no meeting when you're local says, "I'm not interested in taking this to the next level," no matter what his background is or how straight a shooter he is.  He's telling you straight, just not in so many words.

    I hate to see someone set themselves up for disappointment with false hope.  Best to you, lmb.

    ~kar
     

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/8/2011 5:39 PM EDT

    Well, at least he's not married (yes?) CHC. He needs to get real. You're worth it - and he's risking losing you to pen-palitis.
     

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/8/2011 6:51 PM EDT

    If he saw losing her as a potential dating partner as a risk he'd have done something about it by now.  

    That's not to say she isn't worth asking out, of course.  He just doesn't want to for whatever reason, and, based on his background, I'm assuming it has nothing to do with lmb or how attractive (whole package) she is.  And, the longer she hopes he'll "come around," the longer she'll be tied up emotionally in a pseudo-relationship going nowhere that might prevent her from noticing a truly available man who might show real interest in her.

    lmb, I hope you'll consider this and move on - remember the song lyrics, "It's sad to be stuck with someone else when the right one comes along," or something like that.  Of course, you're not actually "with" this guy, but emotionally speaking you're involved in the fantasy of who you wish he were and the relationship you wish you had which mimics being in an unhealthy relationship in many ways.

    Hope you're doing well, rdg, with your FB dilemma.  I haven't checked the other thread in awhile.
     

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/8/2011 10:17 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Facebook Nonsense:
    If he saw losing her as a potential dating partner as a risk he'd have done something about it by now.   That's not to say she isn't worth asking out, of course.  He just doesn't want to for whatever reason, and, based on his background, I'm assuming it has nothing to do with lmb or how attractive (whole package) she is.  And, the longer she hopes he'll "come around," the longer she'll be tied up emotionally in a pseudo-relationship going nowhere that might prevent her from noticing a truly available man who might show real interest in her. lmb, I hope you'll consider this and move on - remember the song lyrics, "It's sad to be stuck with someone else when the right one comes along," or something like that.  Of course, you're not actually "with" this guy, but emotionally speaking you're involved in the fantasy of who you wish he were and the relationship you wish you had which mimics being in an unhealthy relationship in many ways. Hope you're doing well, rdg, with your FB dilemma.  I haven't checked the other thread in awhile.
    Posted by kargiver

    The thread where I shut him down was a thread about a date.  He was working up to asking me out for coffee.

    Also - this guy hasn't been ready to date ANYONE - he's still adjusting to his divorce, getting his kids settled, and he has a heavy travel schedule.  He doesn't know what he's looking for (he's talked about it) - and he listens to me.  When I gave him the standard LL advise (e.g. heal from your divorce, get used to being single) he took it to heart.

    I put out a feeler about how hard it is to meet 'blog people'.  It's the best I can do to repair the damage.

    But I'm also not going to invest any additional energy.  If the timing wasn't right, it wasn't meant to be.

     

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/9/2011 10:57 AM EDT

    I say just kind of sit back and enjoy the communication for what it is for now, LMB.  As long as you don't feel you're investing emotionally in it to the point where it is hindering you meeting an actual, real-life, ready-to-meet-you man.

    I spent countless hours hand-wringing over situations like these.  It's weird how the "real" relationships kind of drop into your lap when your brain is busy doing this kind of stuff.

    I just went to a BBQ this past weekend hosted by the girlfriend of the man I obsessed over for months, but managed to simmer down to an actual friendship with.  The entire relationship/friendship still has the tiniest bittersweet sting to it, but it is preferable to not knowing him at all.
     

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/9/2011 1:28 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Facebook Nonsense:
    I say just kind of sit back and enjoy the communication for what it is for now, LMB.  As long as you don't feel you're investing emotionally in it to the point where it is hindering you meeting an actual, real-life, ready-to-meet-you man. I spent countless hours hand-wringing over situations like these.  It's weird how the "real" relationships kind of drop into your lap when your brain is busy doing this kind of stuff. I just went to a BBQ this past weekend hosted by the girlfriend of the man I obsessed over for months, but managed to simmer down to an actual friendship with.  The entire relationship/friendship still has the tiniest bittersweet sting to it, but it is preferable to not knowing him at all.
    Posted by ThatJneenGrrl


    I think it's a nice distraction while I work on other 'stuff of life'.  Nothing more, nothing less.
     

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/9/2011 6:52 PM EDT

    Well, as long as you aren't emotionally wrapped up and expecting more than he can give I'm happy for you.  I am addicted to reality almost to a fault.
     

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/10/2011 12:23 PM EDT

    I have a date Friday night with some nameless, faceless youngin.  But he's not TOO young and he wants to talk about stuff that interests me.

    I'm not emotionally invested in highly intelligent professor guy.
     

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/12/2011 10:34 AM EDT

    I hoope you enjoyed the date, CHC.

    Now kar: I found it kind of insulting that he asked some of his many female admirers to model for him, but he didn't ask me. Should I call him and ask him why? I was hurt.
     

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/12/2011 4:16 PM EDT

    I know you didn't ask me that question RDG, but I say leave it alone.

    Inspiration comes from different places sometimes, and it would do nothing but serve to mke you look petty.
     

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/12/2011 5:58 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Facebook Nonsense:
    I hoope you enjoyed the date, CHC. Now kar: I found it kind of insulting that he asked some of his many female admirers to model for him, but he didn't ask me. Should I call him and ask him why? I was hurt.
    Posted by reindeergirl

    rdg, if you'll take a guess at what you'd think I'd say I bet you'll be right on.  Get in my head and give it a try.  I'll let you know how you do. :)
     

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Facebook Nonsense

    posted at 9/22/2011 8:19 AM EDT

    Highly intelligent professor guy upgraded me to his work email.

    I did a little dance of joy.  Trying very hard to maintain my cynicism.