Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

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  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    neb, not for nothing, but by inadvertently asking for only the responses of LL regulars, you were unintentionally exclusionary.

    Which proves the point that your friend is imagining slights that do not exist.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from realsaturn. Show realsaturn's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    In Response to Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free:
    [QUOTEI'm guessing people who write "other parents" think they are flagging the post for the audience that's most likely to respond (and possibly a signal to those not interested in parenting posts that "this is a parenting post).
    Posted by move-on[/QUOTE]
    This is exaclty why I will start a Facebook post with "other parents." It's no different from "other computer geeks" or "other Wes Anderson fans." If somone who isn't a parent reads my post and wants to contribute, that's fine with me.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from nebmatx. Show nebmatx's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    ThatJneenGrrl wrote: "neb, not for nothing, but by inadvertently asking for only the responses of LL regulars, you were unintentionally exclusionary.

    Which proves the point that your friend is imagining slights that do not exist."

    ***

    Jneen, I thought of this after I wrote it. It did make me wonder if I was being exclusionary without intent, if I could so easily do it here. But I thought if I wrote a hand-wringing post about it, I would be laughed right off the blog. 

    Perhaps the solution for me is to either pay close attention to how I phrase salutations, or to omit them altogether. (Of course, then I might offend those who like salutations and consider their demise to be a sign of civilizations' decline.)

    *sigh*
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from nebmatx. Show nebmatx's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    DG, I know some people (childfree or parents) find talk about kids and child-rearing to be tedious. I personally find anyone who has only one or two topics/interests to discuss to be tedious.

    You also make a good point that many parents are dreadful at it -- that they have poor judgment, etc. I agree that being able to give birth does not actually correlate to being good at child-rearing. Your friends who ignore you or exclude you are missing out. (I hope that tween with the purple mascara made it home safely. Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen.)

    Wizen, why on earth would someone attack you for trying to help, when she had asked for help??? She sounds nutty. 

    Zeptember, thanks. I, too, find it odd that someone would be offended to not be specifically included in a FB post asking for advice, especially when it's not uncommon for people to have too many FB "friends" to consider each and every one of them and their states of mind, etc. before posting.... it just seems obvious to me that a FB post is a public announcement and invites commentary from all. If one wished to exclude people from such a post, there are ways to do it -- so if one doesn't take those routes (private message, or choosing to "hide" FB queries from specific people) it would seem to me to suggest all are welcome. 

    Netiquette is so much weirder and more complex than I ever expected. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from nebmatx. Show nebmatx's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    realsaturn, I agree. Starting a post with "other parents/fans/etc." always struck me as a way to let people off the hook from reading any further if that opener didn't apply to them... a way to save people time if that topic is of zero interest. Not some sort of deliberate insult. Thanks. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Perhaps the solution for me is to either pay close attention to how I phrase salutations, or to omit them altogether. (Of course, then I might offend those who like salutations and consider their demise to be a sign of civilizations' decline.)

    *sigh*

    ~~~~

    Nope.

    It just means live your life the way you always have and stop kowtowing to the people who insist on finding ways to be offended :) 

    You meant no ill will, so none should be taken.

    That was my point :)

    Yet somehow you ended up feeling like you were offensive in some way.

    Sigh indeed.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from nebmatx. Show nebmatx's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Thanks, Jneen. :)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Marat2012. Show Marat2012's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    diamondgirl, it's a good thing you don't feel offended!

    Having fired my baby cannon a few times does not make me an expert on parenting.  And not all people who procreate wind up getting the "parental feelings", while most who adopt start experiencing the prelude to those feelings before they ever wind up with a child to raise. 

    However, all parents who do care for their children, whether biological or adopted, have in common a fundamentally changed world view that takes the center of their lives off of themselves and places it on their child.  I felt it happen the first time I held my oldest.  The world shifted instantly and profoundly with that first touch. 

    I don't know if anyone who hasn't taken on the responibility for another life this way can know that feeling.  It's not about intelligence or even understanding.  It's about knowing that you would absolutely give your life to protect your child without a thought or hesitation.  That you will sacrifice your own dreams for their dreams, because they are now something of a projection of yourself beyond your own lifetime.  Sometimes when you want advice about your child, you want it from someone who has experienced that same fundamental change in themselves - and the fact is that nobody who is childless will have had the opportunity to experience that, no matter how much they love kids or work with them.

    It doesn't hold for ALL advice that one seeks, because nobody can raise a child well without exposing that child to other people and their points of view.  That's life.  Medical advice, educational advice, even emotional advice have all been sought from friends, teachers, nurses, doctors, aunts and uncles. 

    But if it's a question of the bond between my children and me, I'm going to seek out the advice of my father first, because he had to deal with me.  After that, other fathers' opinions.  It's not that I think less of anyone without children, but I don't beleive they're equipped to answer that kind of question.
     
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  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Marat2012. Show Marat2012's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    It's still different, Sally.  It's fine to have that life-altering love, but without the responsibility that will be yours for this child's lifetime - or at least your own lifetime, it's not the same experience.

    Look - you wouldn't say that you know what it's like to be in combat unless you'd actually been in combat.  You can't watch Saving Private Ryan and somehow KNOW.  You can love and care for someone who's been in combat and you can have a deep empathy for things they may have gone through, but you can't say you've experienced what they've experienced.  It's a similar dynamic with being a parent.

    I'm sorry if you find that somehow offensive, but it's true.  Until you've been a parent you can't KNOW the experience that someone who is a parent has gone through.  You can know parts of what they experienced, that we all experience as part of humanity, but you cannot say with any truth that you know what a parent goes through in all facets of being a parent until you've faced those issues as a parent yourself.

    It doesn't mean that your input is invalid or will not be sought for some things, but don't be upset if a parent seeks out the advice of another parent for other issues.
     
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  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Marat2012. Show Marat2012's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Whew!

    (I think that's the shortest post I've made yet!)

    (Well, crap...not anymore...)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from geoffmc4. Show geoffmc4's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Wow...DG's family likes to have the sex with out the protection, huh?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from porkshop--. Show porkshop--'s posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    wizen:  Nobody knows everything. 


    ----------------------------

    I disagree.  I know everything.


     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from porkshop--. Show porkshop--'s posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Also: Wizen, your use of the term "baby cannon" makes George Zimmer very happy.  So I'm told.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from AlyssaJones. Show AlyssaJones's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Being one of the happily child-free, I usually stay out of posts/threads like that.  Its not my area of expertise. In some cases I might have an opinion, and i might share it, and they can take it or leave it.  
     Your friend sounds a little self-absorbed actually... she may be amazed to realize that the whole world does not revolve around her.  
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from porkshop--. Show porkshop--'s posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Well AJ, you will never know the true meaning of love.  Sorry.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from bzorn22. Show bzorn22's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    I don't think she should be offended. I would be reluctant to listen to someone who's experience is a couple of random months with a niece. It isn't the same. Having and raising a child is a unique experience and I am sorry there is no other way in the club. Instead of getting her nose out of joint she should either have children or come to grips with the idea that every action has its consequences.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from AlyssaJones. Show AlyssaJones's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    In Response to Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free:
    Well AJ, you will never know the true meaning of love.  Sorry.
    Posted by porkshop--


     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    facebook parents are insufferable.  The worst are the stay at home moms who suddenly have an outlet to the adult world and no idea what to do with it.  
    I realize this contributes nothing to the conversation.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    "The world shifted instantly and profoundly with that first touch."

    Gosh, Marat, really?  I had no idea that kind of thng could happen.  Who knew having children made a bond of any kind.  I am a barren dried up hag, so I wouldn't have enough imagination to see that at all.

    "(I hope that tween with the purple mascara made it home safely. Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen.)"

    Yes, nebmat, she did.  Or unpregnant and in one piece, anyway.  Thank heaven.  Her language was not improved, though, I must say.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Exactly, bzorn.  Exactly.  The same way that a couple of random  stabs at being married doesn't mean I would listen to marriage advice from a divorced person.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Facebook question re: exclusion of the child-free

    Well, at least we know marat isn't cupcakes.
     
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