How do you find a good couples counselor?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGuy3076. Show BostonGuy3076's posts

    How do you find a good couples counselor?

    My marriage has some pretty serious issues, and we have two young boys, 2.5 years and 10 months.  We were both in individual therapy before the birth of our second son, but have been on a therapy break since his arrival because we’ve been too tired to address our problems.  Now that we’re returning to our normal selves, we’re finding that we still have the same problems despite having done a decent job of coexisting for the last 10 months.  I’ve restarted my therapy, and my wife is restarting hers, and we both feel ready to start couples counseling and need a good recommendation. 

     

    Can any of you recommend a good couples counselor?  Is it okay per Boston.com to post names?  Is there a list I should consult?  We live in metro Boston and don’t have great babysitting options because we’re broke and don’t have any family or friends nearby that could watch our kids regularly.  Do any therapists make house calls?  How would you find a therapist?  Referrals from health care providers have been only so-so. 

     

    Our issues include money, cheating/emotional affairs, respect, trust, controlling behavior, traumatic childhoods, codependence, household management, and of course communication if that makes a difference or if you just want to know.  Thanks for the help!

     

    -BG

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    Truly - ask your friends.  I got a great referral from my hairdresser, who is also a friend of mine.  Before that I got a referral from a social worker colleague at the time. 

    Also - check with you local community mental health center - many of them have low cost counseling options.  Check with your health insurer, some sessions may be covered.  Also, check with your employers HR department - many have contracts with social service/mental health providers as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that may provide a few sessions at low or even no cost to you. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    You could each ask your individual therapists for referrals.  If they are professional they should understand why you wouldn't want to use them (hers may be biased to her, yours to you).
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    Agree with Twocent; plus, your therapists should know you two well enough that if they are familiar with marriage counsellors in the area, they can maybe pick one that they think might work best for you?  It is worth a try, anyway.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from WalkingTheWalk. Show WalkingTheWalk's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    If you're in a health plan they should be able to provide you a list of counselors as well.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGuy3076. Show BostonGuy3076's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    Just to clarify, I think therapy is covered under our health plan (so we're not worried about that expense), and the referals from our therapists haven't been great.  To a certain extent it will have to be trial and error, but I'll look closer at your suggestions tonight and hope they help!

    -BG
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    I don't have any referrals, but good luck.

    I think there's always hope when two people who love each other agree there's something worth saving.

    Remember that.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    Are you near the city? Try Beth Rosen, LICSW. She's awesome.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from sexual-chocolate. Show sexual-chocolate's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    I'm biased but I suggest you seek out a social worker who does couples therapy.  Dont be afraid to interview the therapist and ask what their experience is, if they are married, what their specialty is (if any), and if they have any certifications in particular types of therapy or couples therapy.  It is somewhat of trial and error too.  You may find that you click better with someone whos only been practicing 5 years over someone whos been around for 30 years.  Also, poke around this site http://www.gottman.com/ he is one of the masters in the field.
         
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from PowerCord. Show PowerCord's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    And don't forget...you can always bring up your issues here and on LL.
    We're not pros, but we do help sometimes.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdrotten. Show jdrotten's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    BostonGuy wrote: 

    Our issues include money, cheating/emotional affairs, respect, trust, controlling behavior, traumatic childhoods, codependence, household management, and of course communication if that makes a difference or if you just want to know.  Thanks for the help!

    _______________________________________________________________

     

    Boy have I been in your shoes buddy!  Smart that you are getting into counseling, I hope it helps you turn your marriage around. 


    In my case, 8 months of counseling just made it clear to me that the marriage was over.  Even though the marriage counseling didn't turn things around, it made it easier to accept things and move on.  Best of luck!

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    back in the day when i had problems with a horrible BF whom i dated for 7yrs, we went to a counselor/pysch by the name of steven romansky...
    he did wnoders for me in understanding my bf was a jerk and our relationship was not worth saving... that was 20yrs ago, and i still remember him well.
    he practiced in backbay.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGuy3076. Show BostonGuy3076's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    In Response to Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?:
    [QUOTE]And don't forget...you can always bring up your issues here and on LL. We're not pros, but we do help sometimes.
    Posted by PowerCord[/QUOTE]

    Um, I'm not so sure you're glad you suggested this now!

    -BG
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    Try Jewish Family & Children's Services (you don't have to be Jewish):

    http://www.jfcsboston.org/

    They take insurance, but also do work on a pro-rated basis if your insurance doesn't cover enough.


    http://www.jfcsboston.org/OurPrograms/CounselingSupport/tabid/175/Default.aspx

    Based on what you wrote today:

    http://www.jfcsboston.org/OurPrograms/CounselingSupport/JourneytoSafetyDomesticAbuse/tabid/349/Default.aspx

    Don't worry about all the references to Judaism. JF&CS supports everyone.

    http://www.jfcsboston.org/OurPrograms/CounselingSupport/FamilyMentalHealth/tabid/203/Default.aspx

    They're very nice.

    However, they're in Waltham, about 1/4 - 1/5 mile walk from the nearest commuter rail stop.

    Since you're in Metro Boston, also try Brookline Community Health Center:

    http://www.brooklinecenter.org/

    http://www.brooklinecenter.org/adult_services

    http://www.brooklinecenter.org/family_services

    Also, look how great bbb's referral is:

    http://www.vitals.com/doctors/Dr_Stephen_Romansky.html

    Four stars!


    I so feel for you and your little ones, BG. No child should be called horrible. No partner should have to ask for permission to do things.

    I wish you the very best.

    Please keep in touch with us. We can be of great support to you, although what you need is an experienced family systems therapist, and a good, no, a great, attorney.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    In Response to Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you find a good couples counselor? : Um, I'm not so sure you're glad you suggested this now! -BG
    Posted by BostonGuy3076[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad you posted today.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    BG,

    If you call JF&CS, ask if Dr. Ben Gurion is still in practice there. He's a kind soul. But I don't know if he's retired, I haven't seen him in years. Hopefully, he's still on staff.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from thirtysomething. Show thirtysomething's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    One additional thought...

    Consider the possibility of an Early Intervention intake for the children? If they qualify, you and your wife can receive a host of services including parental support groups that might help her find her balance.

    It can be emotionally difficult to spend all day, every day, with young children. Especially when your only adult contact (with your spouse) is fraught with negative energy. She can love them and still be consumed by frustration and hatred.

    If you don't qualify for Early Intervention, then take heart that your children are developing more-or-less normally. And perhaps seek a parenting support group in another form? A "Mom's Club"? Or "ParentTalk" in Needham? Or JF&CS (seconding reindeergirl)?
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: How do you find a good couples counselor?

    hey BG did you ever seek out Dr. Romansky? i dont think you'd be dissapoointed.

    best of luck to you, and i hope soon, you'll find peace, with or without your wife. but you my friend deserves happiness, as do your children. wfiey,ahhh not so, but only you can be the judge of that.

    best to you

     

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