I need assistance.

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    I need assistance.

    Hi all LLers,
    As I know you give good advice, I need some in a hurry.
    At work yesterday, I fed into a co-worker trying to rile me up about a situation. (I know this is my fault.) I calmly stated my point about the current PSU scandal and thought we could have an adult, friendly debate. (I'm an alum, this is close to hom.) Apparently I was wrong in forming an opinion, and a guy that I work directly with bit my head off with, "Alright, so you're okay with pedophiles and kids being assaulted. Good." I felt ill at this. He promptly then went around the office to different people repeating what I said and egging them to talk about me the remainder of the day. You know, like little girls spreading gossip in 7th grade. (Mind you, i'm 24, he's in his late 30's!)
    I chose to ignore him and was going to bring it up this morning and ask if he felt he went a little overboard. But he came in and when I wasn't chatty with him, started telling cubemates that I was mad and wouldn't speak to him because "boo hoo, she's soooo wrong."
    This is complicated much more by the fact that I am a victim of sexual assault. It REALLY upset me that anyone would EVER associate me with that. Such as in hyperventilating crying on my way home. It brought up alot of bad feelings.
    I'm not sure where to go with this. I don't want to talk about my past with him or my boss. But I don't want to deal with a child either. I have to work side by side with him every day. Could an email be approriate in this situation? I know that if I talk to him I will get upset again.  

     
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  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Yeah, sadly, the best damage control here is to maintain frosty silence. 

    Chances are, everyone else knows this guy's personality problems, and that his behavior is reflecting more on him than on you.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Yeah, why would you let a dick like that bother you?  People know who you are and people know who he is - that should be enough.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    oh, im sooo sorry to hear Miss Nittyany

    i dont think you should talk to him.
    chalk this up to a learning experience. and definitely do NOT tell him of your past.
    that is info that he nor your boss should be privy to.

    if he is going to react the way he did, you know know what you're dealing with. someone who clearly isnt a mature person and who seems quite childish and petty.

    i would be the more mature person and just let it go. dont say anymore on the topic or anything related to it. let it jsut die down.

    and im very sorry for the fact that you've been a victim of such a horrible attack. i hope that you have sought counselling/therapy to help you get through this horrible event in your life.

    my heart and big hugs go out to you.....re: your nutty co-worker? just ignore him you dont owe him any explanation whatsoever!!!!!

    hold your head high and move on!!!
     
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  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Archangel Michael. Show Archangel Michael's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    I know you want to defend yourself and set the record straight, but I'm betting on a couple of things here;
    1) This guy already has a big-mouth A'hole rep around the office
    2) You are liked by your colleagues

    If those things are true, you really don't need to settle this in the court of workplace opinion.  It will resolve itself on its own, and probably already has.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Idk why i'm letting it bother me. Probably cause I feel a little bullied. And this isn't a job I envision myself in for years and I really just want to do my time every day and go home.
    I know silence is the way to go...i'm just appalled at this guys actions more than his words.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Archangel Michael. Show Archangel Michael's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    You feel hurt but will get over it.  He'll be an A'hole his whole life.  You win.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Archangel Michael. Show Archangel Michael's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Out of curiosity, does he pledge allegiance to a major rival of PSU?
     
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  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ygren. Show ygren's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    His actions are appalling.

    How are others reacting to all the noise and drama he's putting out there?

    As you say, silence is the way to go with him. But if someone else asks you about it just say that you don't like being mis-represented but don't want to go down that rat-hole with him.

    I am reasonably certain none of your co-workers - even Mr.Appalling - think you are "OK with pedophiles and kids being assaulted."

    Your history of assault dredges up all sorts of complications for you; but not for them. I know this first hand. This is not the time for sharing if people don't know already.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Natz, I am not sure how you really should handle. Maybe Zeptz has an idea. But first, I would confront him. In front of everyone, calmly and nicely so everyone sees you arent angry despite his nasty behavior. I would simply say, in the future, sir, please do not take a comment I made and twist it to suit your purpose. Second, going around the office and lying and twisting what I said is crossing a line and a form of harrassment. I would appreciate it, if you refrained from doing that, especially when you are spreading false information.

    Technically, I think what he is doing is illegal. Not that you want to push it to that level, but he needs to understand that you cant do that.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from geoffmc4. Show geoffmc4's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    The guy is an A'hole....nothing will change that, and I'm sure everyone in the office already know this. I'm with the rest of the crowd in ignoring him. Hopefully he will move on to some other thing to be an a'hole about. If he keeps up with this for an extended period of time, then you might have to go the HR route, but I'd still keep your personal history out of it.  
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Haha, I don't think so.
    The topic came up because this guy thinks Joe Paterno should have left about 20 years ago. Why he cares as he has no affiliation to the school, I don't know. He talks about it constantly to me.
    He (purposely, I know) started spewing stuff about the current situation next to my cube. I put my two cents in. If you ask me, Joe shouldn't have to go. Why? Because since I understand a little how they feel, those kids don't give a flying fudge who knew (except maybe the idiot who SAW! UGH!), they just want this to go away and the monster to go to jail so he can't hurt them again. Giving these other people blame takes it away from the person that should have it-Jerry Sandusky.
    Of course, I never got that far. He cut me off at Joe shouldn't.
    For the record, Joe probably will go, and i'm okay with that too, as well as all the others. But tarnishing another man's reputation because of someone else's unspeakable actions seems so, so wrong to me. It's like accusing my aunts and uncles that they should have known what happened to me.
    I'm okay with him not agreeing with me, I know my stance isn't popular. Just don't jump down my throat.

    Anyways, thank you all. I sit in frost. I am in therapy, I actually have an appointment today too. This was just a BIG trigger.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Lioness,

    No, no, no to the email. As the a hole he is, he'll save it and taunt you with it one day. If he continues, go to your boss - the boss will not want his behavior in the workplace.
     
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  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Nittany, no Email to him.  That just gives him more ammunition to use against you.

    Ignoring *is* the best way to go, but if this guy continues with the crap he's pulling, perhaps bringing it up with the boss might be the best way to go (prior to going to HR).  

    You don't need to get into your personal background about the topic of discussion.  But this guy is essentially harassing you AND trying to drag others into the fray, and hopefully your boss isn't going to want to have to have this go any further (i.e., an official HR investigation into the harassment).
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    I wouldn't want to go that far unless it does go that far. Although my boyfriend is ready to put his hockey skills to use.
    I feel much better. Thank you guys!! I'm still green with this office stuff.
     
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  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from dog-lady. Show dog-lady's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Never discuss politics or religion in the workplace.    Keep everything professional.  Do not interact with this person unless someone else is around.  Do not engage in any conversation with him unless it is work related.  Actually you should be doing this with everyone there anyway imo.  I hope you have learned from this experience.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Our HR dept is more or less not really existant. Although one of the girls who would be a liason overheard the whole exchange.

    I knew I should have bit my tongue. Definite rookie mistake and absolutely a lesson learned. I certainly won't engage him again.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    No to the email, or any written document. He's trying to bait you and, while he doesn't know your story, he probably senses some emotional reaction beneath your professional exterior. Dollars to donuts, he had this audible discussion in the cubicle next to yours on purpose. When dealing with a baiter, you can't really relax. It's good to have a strategy for how you are going to handle the next few encounters until he realizes he can't get your goat. Fix in your mind as you are entering the building that you're not going to engage. 

    Being a survivor myself, and having overheard a number of discussions about child abuse and rape at work, I think the best thing to do is try to unhook the personal feelings from your feelings about him and the situation (you already know that, right? Bear with me.) Here are some things I've said: "You and I will just have to agree to disagree." "I'm here to work, please excuse me." "I hear what you are saying and I happen to disagree. Let's change the topic now." You can even just keep walking, put up your hand in a stop sign, and say: "Enough already." Just keep doing it, or ignoring him completely. 

    Don't worry so much about what the other employees think. They already know he's a troublemaker. Odds are good that someone in the "shadow hierarchy" (the folks who are friends with the higher ups but who aren't in management) will say a few choice words about him on the golf course or at the bar and he'll end up on the next lay-off list. That's what happened to the guy who kept unzipping his pants and tucking in his shirt when ever he met with me. 

    I guess you could go to HR if the whole thing doesn't die down but I'm guessing that if you stay cool, focus on your work and ignore him he'll find another target.
     

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