I need assistance.

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Lioness,

    My Mum taught me a trick for dealing with bullies:

    Imagine them with their pants pulled down, sitting on the toilet, and reading the newspaper. You'll laugh, and their taunts won't bother you again.
     
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  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    The other thing that occurs to me is that this guy is himself hooked on discussing sexual assault. If this went on in my hearing for an extended period of time I'd probably fix him with a serious look and say: "For someone who is so disturbed by sexual assault (or however you phrase the Penn State issue...I'm not up on the details) you seem to have a surprising need to bring the topic up over and over." But, you're probably a nicer person than I am. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    I find it exceeding ironic that your name is creepysean. In a funny way, not a malicious one.

    I know what you mean. This whole thing has me very conflicted. I'm the type of person thats very trusting and truly wants to believe that everyone has the best of intentions, but I know that this is wrong. I just keep thinking there has to be more to this.
    Deep down, I know all of these men failed and were in the least morally wrong, and that someone or all of them really need to pay. It kills me that for a place that has meant so much to me (much of the healing from my assault came from moving there) that it could be imploding on itsself from such gross negligence by a few.
     
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  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Right Said Ed. Show Right Said Ed's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Then the HR person would pull this guy aside and have a talk with him.

    A talented HR person would frame that discussion as "this person has not complained to me directly, but others in the office have spoken with me because they are uncomfortable with the way you're treating her." And then let him know he should never raise the issue to you again, just go about your business and avoid this topic.

     
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  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Right Said Ed. Show Right Said Ed's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Absolutely, people are going to have strong feelings about something like this, it's no reason to badger someone with stupidity like "so you're ok with pedophilez?!?!?!?" and then make a federal case out of it throughout the office. Rico needs to tell the guy to grow up.
     
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  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Right Said Ed. Show Right Said Ed's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    I probably should be more enraged at JoePa, but they are 8-1.
     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    I've always thought that JoePa is the dumbest nickname in all of sports. 
     
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  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    {{Nittanylioness}}

    I am so sorry you have to deal with this small-minded jerk, and that it's bringing up some very upsetting memories and emotions for you.

    I think what others have given much better advice on what to do with the current situation than I could have.  My advice is for avoiding future situations...

    Sometimes it really is hard to bow out of a political conversation at work.  It depends on the workplace culture.  Where I am, if you don't join in you could get labelled as an uptight pill.  Now, in my case I am comfortable with voicing my views, BUT I moderate them and easily acknowledge that I could be wrong.  And I keep my cool.  It also helps that those who are on the opposite side of the aisle do the same.

    However, if you don't want to play along like I do, and I really don't blame you, what you CAN do is practice how to make on-topic yet neutral comments.  Let's take the Penn State scandal since it's recent.  You could truthfully say, "I'm just shocked," and continue along in that vain.  If pressed for whether Joe Paterno should step down, you can just say, "Really, anyone who had a part in perpetuating the abuse should be punished."  It's true, yet vague.

    Another tactic would be turn the question around and ask the person asking the question to answer it, and then reply to only a small part of his answer.  Or lead away from the topic with another question, e.g., "Now that the grand jury has finished, what happens next?  Does anyone know how PA handles this?"  That can lead into a more abstract talk about law enforcement, the courts, etc.  While still related to original topic you are now moving away from the more emotional stuff.

    And expressing general disappointment or general approval always works, depending on the topic.  An example of general disappointment: I just wish Congress could get its act together.  An example of general approval: Say what you want about the Tea Party/Occupy Wall Street, at least they've gotten people talking about the issues.  (Well, maybe not the occupiers... They've moved from highlighting issues to making many wonder what their issues are.)

    Good role models for these types of tactics can be people who have to interact with a broad range of people yet remain on good terms with them all and not anger them, e.g., dentists, bus drivers, store clerks, doormen, etc.  Anyone who may find themselves conversing with people on current affairs.  When you see someone having a neutral conversation about a controversial topic pay attention to what they say, what they don't say, and how they say it.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Creepy:
    I'm not asking for validation for my opinion. I know the entire situation is so wrong. I just think it's all is sad and ridiculous. I'm very conflicted from a victim standpoint.
    To stay on topic, regardless of the subject matter I shouldn't have to feel like i'm back in middle school fending off a bully as an adult at work.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    In Response to Re: I need assistance.:
    [QUOTE]To stay on topic, regardless of the sudject matter I shouldn't have to feel like i'm back in middle school fending off a bully as an adult at work.
    Posted by nittanylionness[/QUOTE]

    ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!!

    But sadly not everyone leaves middle school for good...
     
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  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    As for my own thoughts on the Penn State scandal, I haven't formed an opinion on whether Paterno should go because I'm still stuck on the fact the there was an eyewitness, and what that eyewitness may have felt seeing the abuse, and that the eyewitness is now on the football coaching staff.

    If I were him I'd have such a feeling if ICK everytime I saw Sandusky on campus.  And major guilt over not stopping the abuse right when I witnessed it.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from MoVa. Show MoVa's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    Natty,
    If you feel the need to say anything directly, I would say "Discussing something this sensational wth co-workers was an error in judgement on my part, and one that I do not ever intend to make again".
    After that, put your head down to work and ignore him.
     
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  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Butterflyz. Show Butterflyz's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    I can't add to the excellent advice given to nittanny, but I just wanted to say how much I like TCD's advice for dealing with these type of conversations in settings where a thorough airing of views is infeasible or unwise. I've almost always been a political minority (just the life you live when you're a conservative in academia) and have used these strategies myself to get around what could be bad situations.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    In Response to Re: I need assistance.:
    [QUOTE]As for my own thoughts on the Penn State scandal, I haven't formed an opinion on whether Paterno should go because I'm still stuck on the fact the there was an eyewitness, and what that eyewitness may have felt seeing the abuse, and that the eyewitness is now on the football coaching staff. If I were him I'd have such a feeling if ICK everytime I saw Sandusky on campus.  And major guilt over not stopping the abuse right when I witnessed it.
    Posted by TwoCentDonation[/QUOTE]

    THAT'S the part I can't get over too. I can't say that I blame Joe for going, "um, I'm not sure I can deal with this appropriately?" and sending him up the chain of command.  It's also not his job to babysit his bosses to make sure they do the right thing. Should he have maybe inquired about what was done with it? Sure. But again, ALL involved should have just done it, without being told.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from nittanylionness. Show nittanylionness's posts

    Re: I need assistance.

    In Response to Re: I need assistance.:
    [QUOTE]"To stay on topic, regardless of the subject matter I shouldn't have to feel like i'm back in middle school fending off a bully as an adult at work" ================================================== No, you shouldn't. This guy needs a talking-to. But you have to realize how you ended up in this situation so you can avoid it happening again.
    Posted by Zeptember[/QUOTE]


    Don't worry. It's duly noted. I'm looking for another place of employment anyways.
     

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