Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    My first thought was, "Geez, how gauche, asking her why she doesn't drink.  Who cares?  Doofus."

    Oh, and for some reason, the comments section doesn't show up.  I'm blaming our goofy proxy servers.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from jkjband. Show jkjband's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    say TwoCents..... why haven't you been around?
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Jkj - didn't you get the memo?  I sent it out to all the LL Kool Kids.  Maybe your copy got lost in the sandbox.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?


    You've been missed, TwoCent!

    And I don't know how to vote -- the guy might have been rude, or maybe he was just curious.  Without knowing his tone of voice at the time, tough to say, but I'm leaning toward rude.  He seems to have blown her off after that, and that is rude, but on the other hand, her wishy-washy nonanswer might have been a red flag to him, too.


     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    True - My second thought was maybe he was just trying to make conversation, and perhaps he was thinking, "If you don't drink why'd you meet me in a bar?"  Ok, granted, there aren't that many coffee shops open at midnight, but still...  And why start a date at midnight?

    And I've missed everyone, too!  But my productivity has improved... Innocent
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?


    Well, LL's loss is the LL-WA forum's gain!  ;)  Good to see you on all the sideroads.

    I just reread the letter and realized that the LW doesn't even say what she replied.  (Perhaps there's been an update, but I haven't read past the first couple of pages of comments, so I haven't seen one.)  So it's really hard to know if him saying "see ya around" was jerky or maybe somewhat understandable.  Like maybe he got too much yet not enough info about her health issues or maybe he left thinking she was a recovering alcoholic or maybe he thought she was overly secretive.  It was a first date, so the deal-breaker threshold would have been set pretty low.

    I have a friend who doesn't drink, and she's never given a particularly clear reason why not.  It's okay, but it does tend to lead others to draw conclusions, most of which would have to be wrong.  I've known other non-drinkers who've had friends killed in drunk-driving accidents, and that's led them to shun alcohol, for example.



     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from WillDeerborn-of-Gilead. Show WillDeerborn-of-Gilead's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Not too early - but wait until after coitus in case she gets pee'd off about it. That way at least you got laid even if you don't get a second date.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Then again, I'm the sort of person who goes to an informal LL event at a bar and orders a Shirley Temple, so I obviously have a somewhat different worldview than the LW.  And my answer if someone asked why I didn't order a cocktail?  It'd be, "I just didn't feel like it."
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Great, not only didn't I get the memo, but now I've realized that I'm not one of the cool kids.  It's just like grade school all over again.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from jkjband. Show jkjband's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    In Response to Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?:
    [QUOTE]Great, not only didn't I get the memo, but now I've realized that I'm not one of the cool kids.  It's just like grade school all over again.
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]

    oh I hear you other-two ..... I hear you
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    I seriously think there's an issue with the sandbox delivery system....
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Maybe, Twosie, but I always assume that when someone is not around a lot they are working....or they've been poofed into the stratosphere. In your case, I figured you had a good gig.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from LifeLessonsLearned. Show LifeLessonsLearned's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Question: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Answer - um, definitely not -- that is, if the first date involves going to a bar and hanging out there until last call.

    (Sorry, couldn't resist being silly. And "hi" Two Cent - I miss seeing you in the main thread.)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdrotten. Show jdrotten's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Yay!! Hiya TwoCent, good to see ya. :)

    I'm sorry what was the question?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from venforknot. Show venforknot's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    I really love this whole topic because it reminded me so much of myself and well, I really love myself. hahahaha. :-) The first date isn't too soon. I'd rather people ask if they're curious then sit around wondering and postulating with friends, which most of the time ends up with absurd scenarios that are a far cry from the truth.  (In case you all missed it I responded to the LW somewhere on the 90th page that I also can't drink for health reasons but never had it mess up my dating life ).
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    I just don't ask people why they're not drinking, at least not when I'm first getting to know them.  I just figure that they weren't in the mood, didn't want to get drunk, are recovering alcoholics, can't drink for medical or religious reasons, etc.  If I know them better and I've noticed that they never drink I might ask, but if I did I'd probably mention that I was just curious.

    Maybe it's because when I was in college I met people who didn't drink for religious reasons, and I knew someone who just couldn't drink more than half a drink before passing out.  Alcohol didn't react well with her system, so she just didn't drink after realizing its effect on her.  And maybe it's because the people at my college, at least the ones I hung out with, didn't pressure you to drink.  Sure, there were drinking games and such, but if you didn't want to drink no one gave you any grief.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from redwolf68. Show redwolf68's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    I figure it's none of my business - OK, meeting up at midnight is odd, unless you're looking for a hookup, and at that time of night, if *anywhere* is going to still be open, it'll be a bar (exceptions being places like the South St. Diner).  But as someone else pointed out, the booze is available for those who want it, and for those who don't, there's always soda (be it seltzer or Coke/Sprite), and what difference does it make if you're paying for the drink?

    But that's just me.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from LifeLessonsLearned. Show LifeLessonsLearned's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    If someone doesn't drink, I generally wait for him/her to mention the reason why.

    The only time I would ever ask would be to check whether being around alcohol would bother them (for example, coming to a party, or meeting me at my favorite restaurant, which includes a brew pub.) Even then, I don't come out and ask "why don't you drink."
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    I wouldn't have been offended if someone asked me if I never drank, and I wouldn't have hesitated to tell him that I couldn't because of some medication I was taking.  

    By not getting a truthful answer, the date was left to fill in the blanks by himself, and probably thought raging alcoholic in recovery or uptight prissypriss.

    What's the big deal with telling the truth, especially when the answer is no big deal.   
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatacherry2. Show whatacherry2's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    If someone works in the restaurant/bar business, meeting up at midnight is not unusual.  Doesn't always have to mean a hook-up.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    Whether ordering a plain seltzer, or an alcoholic drink with seltzer, for me the important thing is to tip is if I were ordering an alcoholic drink - if I'm in a bar, that is (rare these days).
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from yrraine. Show yrraine's posts

    Re: Is the first date too soon to ask about someone's drinking habits?

    In general it could be weird, like running through your checklist of spousal habits or traits that mean a fun-loving significant other, rather than getting to know the person (the whole point of dating) and then deciding how they might fit in as s/o or spouse.

    But as someone who rarely drinks (and hates beer) the question, asked in a mild 'noticed minor thing, following up' tone, wouldn't freak me out. Though my reasoning (don't like feeling tipsy, don't like beer) doesn't involve any deep confessions about my drinking and medical history, either. Ruling out a date who believes in the importance of getting slammed together would hardly be a bad outcome: might as well learn on the first date. Friends who always drink beer with dinner were surprised the first time they saw me drinking a cocktail, having assumed my rejection of beer applied to all alcohol.

    For the specific LW, he didn't ask when he had wine and she had tea with dinner. I think it's conceivable her date wondered if he messed up: Was he wrong to suggest a bar, wrong to order a second drink, what's going on? Sure, it could have meant he had no interest in dating a woman who wasn't drunk enough to laugh at his jokes, but it could mean he's confused she suggested a bar and trying to figure out where the second date should take place. LW needed a different first date venue than drinks in a bar, which seems to be her go-to.
     
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