Jeepers Cripes

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  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    When I got serious with Dr. Diamond, a lot of my guy 'friends' stopped talking to me.  It was a depressing wake up call. 

    I would let things ride until they find out in the natural course of things.  But be prepared to find out who your friends really are, and who was hanging around just in case they could get in your pants. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rintoo2. Show Rintoo2's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Jeepers07 -

       I lost a lot of guy friends when I became serious about my FWB guy (who later turned into my baby daddy - long story much drama and that is all I'll say).  It was very sad for me, because I didn't really have good guy friends until school in Boston, and then they were really wonderful.  But I'd say that maybe half of the guys were around because of the natural tension between female and male and that energy shifted when I was serious about someone (I tend to be a serial monogamist - lots of crushes, but very loyal to one guy at a time).

       I'd say you don't need to tell your guy friends, if you think you can maintain a friendship.  But they will probably notice a change in your energy.  I hung around guys who also had girlfriends, so it's not always a big deal, but you have to trust yourself, and them, to be able to keep those boundaries when needed.  I would have felt horrible if I cheated on my guy with a guy friend, or had an affair with a guy who had a serious girlfriend, so I avoided those situations (I think with success)... at the same time, I lost some of the guys as friends, and as diamondgirl says, it will help you find out who really thinks of you as a friend, and who is actually thinking with their (other) head.

       But definitely, don't blow off any of your friends, guys or gals, for a boyfriend.  Big mistake.  :)

     
     
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    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    I work a lot like you, AnnE, which upsets the crushes.  A lot.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Another-Veronica. Show Another-Veronica's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Honesty in a tactful way is best in my opinion.  You may nonchalantly mention it when & if the opportunity presents itself.  It also depends on the guy & the relationship you have with them. Some may be more difficult to tell than others so use your better judgment.  Maybe it's better to ease out of the friendship to those who may be more fond of you if you feel you can't approach the subject.

    At my age & this point of my life (believe it or not), I have quite a few platonic guy friends that in the beginning of our relationship wanted more than friendship & I always told them up front how I felt.  If they chose to remain friends, that's their choice.  I do continue to go out with them but only if they ask me first.  I also make a point to mention if I am seeing someone -- not that it should matter since we are only friends but I feel I need to 'put it out there.'

    I think a few of them are hoping they'll win my heart over in time so I'm very careful (or at least I hope I am) on the flirting, communication, things I do & say as not to lead them on in any way.  I hardly make initial contact unless to say hello & only if it's been a while.  Otherwise I never get in touch with them for any reason -- okay, if it's their birthday, maybe.

    That's me Lovely Jeepers.  Good Luck & I'm very happy for you!

     
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    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Do you share what's new in your life with your friends?  If they were female friends, you'd share the fact that you were now involved, wouldn't you?  Why are you treating your guy friends differently?

    The reality is that as diamondgirl said, some of these guys may start avoiding you once the news is out of the bag.  That's sad, but you shouldn't hide a relationship from your friends.



     
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    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    In Response to Re: Jeepers Cripes:
    [QUOTE] But be prepared to find out who your friends really are, and who was hanging around just in case they could get in your pants. 
    Posted by diamondgirl[/QUOTE]

    In defense of guys that disappear, they may have been willing to hang around just for friendship, but that friendship changes once you have a BF.  They may not want to get in the way of your new relationship (bro. code), or they may now just find the whole thing awkward.  
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rintoo2. Show Rintoo2's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    In Response to Re: Jeepers Cripes:
    [QUOTE]I work a lot like you, AnnE, which upsets the crushes.  A lot.
    Posted by diamondgirl[/QUOTE]

    diamondgirl - you have probably broken the hearts of many a crush!!  To be honest, I used to have that problem, but now that I'm a mommy, no one really approaches me, even if I am pretty sure they like me (one guy turns beet red anytime I say hello and always seems to turn up where I am.  Weird).  I don't get "the approach" like I used to.  Or, if I do, I don't want it.  :)

    I think Jeepers can keep her guy friends, and be honest if they ask her about if she is seeing someone.  But Jeepers, you don't have to stop seeing all your guy friends, if you don't want to (maybe just the ones who keep asking you to sleep with them...lol).  I had a good guy friend who stuck by me, even when I was seeing the FWB guy.  He gave me good advice about the bf, and he was more like a girlfriend, in a way (we went to Target and shopped together and talked and ate ice cream a lot)... however, when he got married, he was the one to cut off contact with me.  I respect him for that, but I miss his friendship so much. 

    I wish it were possible to have more guy friends as "just" friends, because I do appreciate the different perspectives and different energy a guy friend can bring into your life. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Switters242. Show Switters242's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    I think you should tell them.  Don't make a big production about it but slip it into conversation some time.  What's the point of having them as 'friends' if you can't share your life with them?  If they stop calling you then obviously they weren't true friends anyways.
     
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    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    One of them actually looked my guy up and down, said 'Oh, are you Diamond's flavor of the month?' and smugly put his arm around my waist liked he owned shares in my time.

    ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

    Things were definitely 'awkward,' yes. 
     
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    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    In Response to Re: Jeepers Cripes:
    [QUOTE] I wish it were possible to have more guy friends as "just" friends, because I do appreciate the different perspectives and different energy a guy friend can bring into your life. 
    Posted by annewithanE[/QUOTE]

    I agree with you annE.  I have several very close strictly platonic girl friends and it's great to get different perspectives.  I especially appreciate the relationship advice but the natural dynamic between the sexes can also be a lot of fun.  Although I probably know more now about nail polish, shoes, designers, etc. than I should ever publicly admit.
     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rintoo2. Show Rintoo2's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    In Response to Re: Jeepers Cripes:
    [QUOTE]Its really mainly the guys boat I sail on. He has always kind of hinted that he likes to take his time getting to know someone before "putting the moves on". He's awesome and we have a great time when we hang out. Just no attraction what-so-ever on my part. Just have that feeling that if he knows I am "hanging out" with someone it would change our friendship. That would bum me out. Also, I would never dump my friends for a guy. Did long time ago and learned my lesson having to make new friends all over again.
    Posted by Jeepers07[/QUOTE]

    Jeepers07, that is a tough position to be in... sounds like a great friend to have, and you are clear you don't have romantic feelings for him.  If your current relationship, and the friendship with this guy, continues, you will probably eventually have to let the friend in on your status.  Hopefully it wouldn't change the friendship too much... I don't know what I'd do, but I think I'd probably tell the guy friend, and hope he sticks around as a friend.

    Switters, I think it's great when a guy knows about "girly" stuff.  My bf recently admitted to me that he had watched 'Mona Lisa Smile' (a film I was watching again because I love it), and that made me love him even more.  :) 

    diamondgirl - you sound like my friend, who has trouble keeping the guys away because they love her so much.  You are a treasure, so don't let them take your shine and polish!  :)

    And Jeepers, it is totally from my own experiences, too, that I learned if you neglect your friendships for a romance, it will never turn out good. 

    Have a great day, everyone!!  I'm helping with my sister's wedding so I won't be lurking on the blog for a bit... hope you all are well and enjoying the global warming.  :)
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Another-Veronica. Show Another-Veronica's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Jeepers, If the guy on the boat has feelings for you (& why wouldn't he?) & he knows about your relationship, that's a chance you have to take on losing him as a friend.  Perhaps he can't handle knowing you're with someone else & that's his right to keep the friendship or not & can't really blame the guy.

    If the situation were reversed, I don't know if I could handle seeing a guy I had feelings for being with another woman or hearing about it.  That would be tough.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Yeah, AV is right.  :(  You can't walk on eggshells to keep a friend, or it isn't a real friendship.
     
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  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Agree, Jeeps.  But letting him know, maybe by putting the word 'we' in occasionally when you refer to your weekend, instead of 'I' might be a subtle way to go there, instead of the horribly awkward 'So, Sailor, I am um... you know.... doing it sort of exclusively with this guy who is not you,' which is what I would end up saying with my infinite tact.

    Because he needs to find out, in a way that does not lose him Face.
     
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  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    I have been in this position before. and either way you cut it, it hurts for someone, and could for all parties concerned. but with time hopefully all parties will understand why may be for hte best or why it just "happened" the way it did.

    i think it would be on a case by case basis as to whether someone should be told
    some are more sentimental/emotional tied than others, and others just feel, ok, i'd at least still enjoy to have her as my friend if not for anything else..

    sometimes its not an easy topic to discuss, sometimes it is... some you need to address head-on or others let time and people's actions speak for themselves.

    i know i went through this exact situation and i needed to tell this person honestly what is /was going on with new BF..and it worked out well ffor both parties...
    you'll get a sense, or should know how your relationship is with this person and how they'll handle it...
    if you feel they CANNOT handle it..... distance yourself for a while and tell them that....
    but hopefully that wont come to be...

    i wish you well with your new guy jeeeps... im happy for you !!!!! yeah!!!
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Jeeps, I sympathize.  Life can be tough; sometimes people get hurt.  I think honesty is always best, but I also agree with your last thought that it might be better not to say anything until there's really something to be said.
    But if that iss awkward, then maybe you think there's more interest from boat guy than you originally indicated? 

    I think it can be very tough for women to know where the line is between being a good friend and leading somebody on.  But that's probably because all too often, guys aren't honest about their feelings.  Hopefully you've chosen to surround yourself with quality, mature people, so that whatever happens, it won't be a drama vortex. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from PowerCord. Show PowerCord's posts

    Re: Jeepers Cripes

    Rob, that's so true.  A lot of guys (and girls) don't say right up front how they really feel and that can get them into trouble down the road. 
    Unlike me.  I'm upfront right from the very beginning, so I always get in trouble right away Tongue out

    The point is, no one can read minds and you can't tell how someone feels or how they are going to react to something until it actually happens.
    Jeeps, I'd hold back for now. Don't say anyting and just let things unfold.  No matter what happens, you know you still have other friends besides him and if the Drama Vortex gets too big, we're here to pull you out.
     
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