1. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:13 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    IDMWIT - That's pretty rough. Sorry to hear that. Were you guys "offical" or "just friends" that you thought might become more?
    Posted by Bruins73



    Good question, Bruins.  Didn't know if you had been dating him, IDMWIT?  Or the "just friends with the hope of being more"?
     

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dread27. Show Dread27's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:28 PM EDT

    I'm going to have to go down to the warehouse for an hour but IDMWIT, from what I know of you, you're a sarcastic person.  I probably wouldn't have taken anything you said too seriously and you didn't get psycho.  It might seem psycho depending on what status you were with this guy like LWhitt said.  I just think you were looking for answers.  As a straight forward sort of guy I would have appreciated your candor.
     

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dread27. Show Dread27's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:30 PM EDT

    Hey Bruins, do you golf?
     

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:36 PM EDT

    Okay! I like you guys. You pick up on all the pertinent stuff.

    We have never been "together" - but we've been FWBs on and off for years.
    It's understood that we're not going to have a relationship-relationship, but we're still very close regardless.

    For instance, St. Patrick's Day, he bought me two dozen roses from the street vendor as we're driving through Boston.
    When we hang out as his place, he slaps me on the butt.
    We kiss goodbye on the mouth (no tongue, but full lip to lip)
    I'm the beneficiary on his life insurance...

    I mean, it's a highly involved friendship, but there have been no "benefits" for over a month, now.
     

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:43 PM EDT

    I'm not sure which part really hurt the most. I thought I was just being annoying in a you're-busted! kind of way, and about wanting to come up and have a drink, and his immediate response is:
    We're done if you're gonna act crazy
    ????

    Really? You're gonna throw 10 years out the window because I might have crossed the line with your flavor of the week?
    We've had disagreements before and he's never ever thrown the "We're done" out there.

     

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:45 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    Okay! I like you guys. You pick up on all the pertinent stuff. We have never been "together" - but we've been FWBs on and off for years. It's understood that we're not going to have a relationship-relationship, but we're still very close regardless. For instance, St. Patrick's Day, he bought me two dozen roses from the street vendor as we're driving through Boston. When we hang out as his place, he slaps me on the butt. We kiss goodbye on the mouth (no tongue, but full lip to lip) I'm the beneficiary on his life insurance... I mean, it's a highly involved friendship, but there have been no "benefits" for over a month, now.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink


    I know you said you wanted guys opinions, but since 99% of the time  Ithink like a dude, maybe I can offer a little insight?

    The way it seems with the information you've provided is that he cares for you a little more than FWB. Even if you have decided not to pursue a relationship that doesn't mean his feelings for are necessarily non existent. Were you the one who said no relationship? Maybe he has changed his mind? I'm asking this because there could be two reasons he's lying -

    1. He doesn't want to lose the FWB thing with you and is afraid if you find out that he's dating then you will stop coming around and find someone else to share the fun times with
    2. He actually has feelings for you and is waiting for you to "step up" and confess your love for him and then if he is dating someone, she will clearly be out the door and you will never have known. Maybe he really is trying to leave his options open with you and is afraid if he tells you he is seeing/dating/effing some other chic then you'll lose what little interest you have now.

    Also - in my opinion, if I may, if you are as upset as your message seems like it came out, maybe you could explore your real feelings too. Maybe you want him more than you originally thought or maybe it's just the fear of losing someone or being rejected.

    Ugh.. so many moving parts in life.
     

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:48 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    Okay! I like you guys. You pick up on all the pertinent stuff. We have never been "together" - but we've been FWBs on and off for years. It's understood that we're not going to have a relationship-relationship, but we're still very close regardless.

    1. For instance, St. Patrick's Day, he bought me two dozen roses from the street vendor as we're driving through Boston.
    1. When we hang out as his place, he slaps me on the butt.
    2. We kiss goodbye on the mouth (no tongue, but full lip to lip)
    3. I'm the beneficiary on his life insurance... I mean, it's a highly involved friendship, but there have been no "benefits" for over a month, now.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink


    REALLY?  You're the bene on his life ins?  That's the one that took me aback.  I've kissed male friends on the mouth although it's not a frequent occurrence.  The "slap on the butt" thing is, well, different.  I don't know a lot of guy/girl friends who do that on a regular basis.

    But bene on life insurance?  That's big.  I don't mean to pry (much ;-) ) but does he not have family he'd want to leave it to?  The FWB thing is also, ummm, different.  I don't know many women who could do that for long without wanting more from the relationship.  But if it works for you both, more power to you.

    Maybe whoever he was with Sat. night wouldn't like the idea of knowing he had a FWB out there?  And you DID say it was 3am you were texting, right?  Almost like drunk-texting?
     

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:50 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    I'm not sure which part really hurt the most. I thought I was just being annoying in a you're-busted! kind of way, and about wanting to come up and have a drink, and his immediate response is: We're done if you're gonna act crazy ????

    Really? You're gonna throw 10 years out the window because I might have crossed the line with your flavor of the week? We've had disagreements before and he's never ever thrown the "We're done" out there.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink



    So maybe he feels that she could be *more* than a flavor of the week?  And knows that most women wouldn't like the idea of a female FWB?  But agreed - to seemingly throw away a long-term very close friendship based on something (if he knows you THAT well) that was supposed to be a teasing text seems a bit odd. 

    Have you tried texting him or calling him to ask what's up?
     

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:53 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    But bene on life insurance?  That's big.  I don't mean to pry (much ;-) ) but does he not have family he'd want to leave it to? 
    Posted by LWhitt58


    Yes, LW58, he said chose me because I was the only person he trusted enough to be fair in making sure it was split evenly among his children and other appropriate parties.
     

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:54 PM EDT

    I know if I was dating a guy and potentially sleeping with him, if some girl text him at 3:00am asking to come meet me, I'd be out the door in a heartbeat. It would tell me that they are way too close for my own comfort zone. And maybe he knew that about this chic. His reaction doesn't seem befitting but maybe he was drunk and maybe he was trying to convince the girl that was over there that you were just some crazy chic that wouldn't go away, so that he wouldn't lose this new girl.

    I think IDMWIT, you should talk to him upfront about it instead of letting other speculate for you hahaha.. that could be very dangerous. Afterall, if you are a bene on his LI I think you deserve that much.
     

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheRealJBar. Show TheRealJBar's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 12:58 PM EDT

    IDMWIT I think he totally overreacted to your text.  You busted him sure but he didn't need to start the text convo with you or pursue it for as long as he did. Plus calling you crazy? That just bites.  PLUS he's feverishly texting you while dollface is sitting there watching him?  I think HE's crazy.  How can a guy like you enough to list you as his beneficiary, yet be so willing to declare everything "over" after one text?
     

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:00 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22 : Yes, LW58, he said chose me because I was the only person he trusted enough to be fair in making sure it was split evenly among his children and other appropriate parties.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink


    OK, wait - are you TRUSTEE of his will?  Being a beneficiary of life insurance is way different than being trustee of a will, agreed? 

    Being a beneficiary means you get the money.  You pay the taxes on the "inheritance."  Are you then expected to transfer it to his children?

    Versus being a trustee, it is your responsibility (along with lawyers) to make sure that the inheritance is properly distributed according to his will.
     

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:08 PM EDT

    Thanks, Jazzy - I'd like opinions from everyone :-)

    And yes, I definitely want(ed) more from him (at one point). He knows this.
    I don't know how he feels. His actions are clearly contrary to what he says.
    At one point, he gave me the old line about being the one he wanted to grow old with, said we'd have kids, blah blah blah. He had a girlfriend then, so I was like, whatever...

    He told me he wouldn't want to know if I was seeing someone unless it was serious. When I innocently asked, "How serious?" He started crying because apparently he thought that meant I was talking to someone. I asked him why he never said anything before if it bothered him too much, and he said he thought I knew I was "his" after an incident at a club.

    I told him a while ago I wasn't interested in being around when he was actively dating, that I probably couldn't handle it. So you're right - maybe he just doesn't want me to know. That violates the terms of the FWB agreement, and just makes him a liar.

    I have been kind of wanting this relationship to end, so I can focus my concentration on someone worthy of it, but I want to walk away with some dignity in tact, and I don't know if the whole jealous "s_lut" remark just shot my chances.
     

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:12 PM EDT

    IDMWIT, here's one guy's opinion.
    You were a little crazy and a lot out of line.  I'm guessing you two don't generally discuss your dating relationships with one another.  It's too bad that he likes to lie to you about who he's dating; that's pretty immature.  If you two both have your own lives, then off course that involves dating other people.  So it should be sufficient for him to tell you he's busy that night and you should leave it alone.  Just a wild guess here, but does he lie to you because you're not very good at leaving it alone? 
     

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:13 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    IDMWIT, I think you're setting yourself up for some heartbreak here.  Once he finds something that's more than a flavor of the week, you're going to feel some major rejection.  I would not date a guy who's got a FWB who is his life ins beneficiary and can text him at 3AM - if he finds someone he likes, when faced with the choice, I'm afraid the relationship may win.  At some point he is going to find someone more permanent.  I'm a bit confused as to the status of your relationship but if you are truly just FWB, I would start the process of moving on.  You deserve more.
    Posted by Lily87


    I know it Lily, not the first time this heart has broken over this guy.
    You're right. A relationship would trump me.
    And he ditched me to go out with his guy friends, so it seems actually that anyone *but* me trumps me.
     

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:13 PM EDT

    IDMWIT

    i think this relatioinship has run its course. you need to find someone who wants to be with YOU. to grow and foster a great relationship that will grow legs.
    someone has chopped this FWB thingy  off at the knees.  move on

    im sorry, thats just how im feeling the vibes of what you wrote
     

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:15 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    IDMWIT I think he totally overreacted to your text.  You busted him sure but he didn't need to start the text convo with you or pursue it for as long as he did. Plus calling you crazy? That just bites.  PLUS he's feverishly texting you while dollface is sitting there watching him?  I think HE's crazy.  How can a guy like you enough to list you as his beneficiary, yet be so willing to declare everything "over" after one text?
    Posted by TheRealJBar


    That's one of the things killing me! Okay - so it's over now? Why? Because I threatened the safy cushy feeling of your one night stand?

    To clarify LW58 - not executor, just the beneficiary (it's all he'd really have) transfer to me, to in turn, do what had to be done.
     

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from anecdotal-evidence. Show anecdotal-evidence's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:16 PM EDT

    I kept saying awesome over and over again on Saturday night... started to annoy myself!
     

  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:17 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22 : So maybe he feels that she could be *more* than a flavor of the week?  And knows that most women wouldn't like the idea of a female FWB?  But agreed - to seemingly throw away a long-term very close friendship based on something (if he knows you THAT well) that was supposed to be a teasing text seems a bit odd.  Have you tried texting him or calling him to ask what's up?
    Posted by LWhitt58


    Well, he just got out of a long term thing, so I'm hesitant to say she could be more. He's said all he wants to do is "have fun"
    Plus, I've been helping him move etc, for just about every night the last 2 weeks. I don't think he could have already been dating someone.
     

  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:19 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    Thanks, Jazzy - I'd like opinions from everyone :-) And yes, I definitely want(ed) more from him (at one point). He knows this. I don't know how he feels. His actions are clearly contrary to what he says. At one point, he gave me the old line about being the one he wanted to grow old with, said we'd have kids, blah blah blah. He had a girlfriend then, so I was like, whatever... He told me he wouldn't want to know if I was seeing someone unless it was serious. When I innocently asked, "How serious?" He started crying because apparently he thought that meant I was talking to someone. I asked him why he never said anything before if it bothered him too much, and he said he thought I knew I was "his" after an incident at a club. I told him a while ago I wasn't interested in being around when he was actively dating, that I probably couldn't handle it. So you're right - maybe he just doesn't want me to know. That violates the terms of the FWB agreement, and just makes him a liar. I have been kind of wanting this relationship to end, so I can focus my concentration on someone worthy of it, but I want to walk away with some dignity in tact, and I don't know if the whole jealous "s_lut" remark just shot my chances.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink



    OK, I'm WAY confused.  He's "claiming you" after the "incident at the club"?  What does that mean?

    This is a "have my cake and eat it too" kind of guy, from what you've written.  He can do whatever HE wants, but you're "his" and you're not allowed to have other relationships?

    As for the remark you made, I'm trying to figure out what you mean by "shot your chances" - meaning walking away with your dignity intact?  Not sure if that's possible. 

    I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's been playing you for a long time.
     

  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from anecdotal-evidence. Show anecdotal-evidence's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:19 PM EDT

    IDMWIT, I don't think you should make any decisions at all based on a text convo. So much is missing. He could've also been teasing. It's all in the tone.

    Pick up the phone, see him in person, talk to him .... no texts!
     

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:21 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    To clarify LW58 - not executor, just the beneficiary (it's all he'd really have) transfer to me, to in turn, do what had to be done.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink



    And yet YOU would be responsible for taxes on the inheritance.  Sorry, but that's a no-go.  I don't care how good a friend you are.  That is just a bizarre set-up, IMO.
     

  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:23 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    IDMWIT, here's one guy's opinion. You were a little crazy and a lot out of line.  I'm guessing you two don't generally discuss your dating relationships with one another.  It's too bad that he likes to lie to you about who he's dating; that's pretty immature.  If you two both have your own lives, then off course that involves dating other people.  So it should be sufficient for him to tell you he's busy that night and you should leave it alone.  Just a wild guess here, but does he lie to you because you're not very good at leaving it alone? 
    Posted by McBostonrob


    This is the meat I was looking for. Thanks, McBostonRob.
    When you say I was out of line - how so? Which part? I know the insult was out of line. 
    But yes, we discuss; he asks me every time the phone rings who it is. If he sees a guy's name on my phone he asks who it is.
    And I am very good at leaving it alone. Probably too good. I think that's how I got in this mess to begin with, because I've always been like, "Whatever..."
    That's why it's especially hurtful. I don't ASK questions that paint him into a corner where he feels he needs to lie. He voluntarily gives me deceitful information.

    For instance, I didn't ask him what he was doing Saturday night.
    He asked me and volunteered that he would be spending the night with his sister (big fat lie). So ... why just lie when you haven't been asked?

    He doesn't "date." He's been on and off with the same girl for as long as I've known him.

    So....?
     

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:24 PM EDT

    IDMWIT, I don't think you should make any decisions at all based on a text convo. So much is missing. He could've also been teasing. It's all in the tone. Pick up the phone, see him in person, talk to him .... no texts!
    Posted by anecdotal-evidence



    Agreed.  A full-on conversation, in person or on the phone, needs to be had in this situation.  Even if it's just to "close everything out."
     

  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bruins73. Show Bruins73's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    posted at 3/22/2010 1:26 PM EDT

    Dread - do I play golf? Do I! Hell yeah I do. When we going?

    IDMWIT - wow the onion really peeled some layers while I was at lunch. That's crazy. I don't even know what else to say. Seems like you guys are probabaly good for eachother but either the timing was never right to have a real relationship. Or neither one of you stepped up at times where it could have because of your friendship and FWB thing.

    Now the FWB thing is kind of getting in the way of both of your lives and making it impossible to be friends or move on to someone new.

    I think you may need to cut the ties.

    Sorry thats tough.