Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    Oh, and before someone has to ask:

    While he is "on" with his girlfriend the "benefits" stop. Although he doesn't want them to.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from nonpareil. Show nonpareil's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    Hi Everyone --

    I see there's a heavy discussion going on here. Can I interrupt to ask a question -- are we going to stick with here for OT, or is there OT on LL also? Or is this more personal? Just want to do the right thing . . .
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    IDMWIT,  I'm sorry to say that you are in one F'd up relationship.  You're like Will and Grace, except he's not gay, and you continue to sleep with each other.  You either need to become a real couple (which it sounds like you both might actually want to do) or just give each other space so that you can both move on.  But 10 years of this.  Wow. 

    Why did you really send him the text?  If it was to call him out on lying, it could have waited until the next day.  So, I think you did want to intrude on his date, and he's right that you are being jeoulous and a little crazy.  I don't blame you (or him), though, the whole situation is crazy, so what can you expect?

    Don't worry about your dignity, just be honest with him, so you both can move on.  Perhaps together, who knows?   But just do it, already.  Neither of you can have a real relationship (with each other or with someone else) with this going on.

    I hope you don't mind my (perhaps unsolicited) advice.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    But yes, we discuss; he asks me every time the phone rings who it is. If he sees a guy's name on my phone he asks who it is.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink



    It's NONE of his business who it is when someone calls you on your phone!



    He voluntarily gives me deceitful information. For instance, I didn't ask him what he was doing Saturday night. He asked me and volunteered that he would be spending the night with his sister (big fat lie). So ... why just lie when you haven't been asked? He doesn't "date." He's been on and off with the same girl for as long as I've known him. So....?
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink


    He's been "off and on" with you as well, don't you think?  He strings you along.  Why would you be friends with someone who knowingly lies to you, and he knows you know he's probably lying?
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22 : OK, I'm WAY confused.  He's "claiming you" after the "incident at the club"?  What does that mean? This is a "have my cake and eat it too" kind of guy, from what you've written.  He can do whatever HE wants, but you're "his" and you're not allowed to have other relationships? As for the remark you made, I'm trying to figure out what you mean by "shot your chances" - meaning walking away with your dignity intact?  Not sure if that's possible.  I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's been playing you for a long time.
    Posted by LWhitt58


    I agree 100% with LWhitt on this one. :(
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22 : OK, I'm WAY confused.  He's "claiming you" after the "incident at the club"?  What does that mean? This is a "have my cake and eat it too" kind of guy, from what you've written.  He can do whatever HE wants, but you're "his" and you're not allowed to have other relationships? As for the remark you made, I'm trying to figure out what you mean by "shot your chances" - meaning walking away with your dignity intact?  Not sure if that's possible.  I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's been playing you for a long time.
    Posted by LWhitt58


    I know LW58 - LOL - We were at a club, and some guy was bothering me to dance. I said no twice, and when he leaned the third time, I pushed him away. Well my friend saw that, and came over and said, "She's with ME, You Meeping Bleeper..." The subsequent implication was that I should have know then that he wanted to be with me (when I'll never know)

    But I think your last line says it all. I think it's taken me this last whole year of beating my head against a wall to finally succumb to the fact that I've been played. For a damn decade. Makes you feel like quite the loser.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheRealJBar. Show TheRealJBar's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    IDMWIT - I'm going to disagree with everyone that says to talk to him.  I'm going to tell you to just walk away.  Everything you've written about this guy paints a picture of a selfish user with severe boundary issues.  You've been helping him move every night for two weeks?  This, after working a long day yourself?  And no thanks from him by the sounds of it.  He doesn't lie to you in response to a question - he proactively lies to you! When he could say nothing he chooses to invent carp.  Then, when YOU get a phone call he demands the details.  I don't want to say "he is using you" (I hate that expression even more than the phrase that can't be said here) but I will say that he is taking HUGE advantage of your good and generous nature.  And the opportunity cost of you staying with him is your ability to meet other men.  Nicer men.  Men who want to date you exclusively. Men who can show consideration for your feelings.  They exist. Plus, girlfriend, you KNOW the second you are not available to him he's going to pursue you relentlessly.  If I were you I would not call, text, email and I would not respond to his first, second or third attempts. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    i agree with LWhitt



    i think its best to get all out on the table....when thats done, digest if you are feeling full or if you want some dessert...

    either way, i hope you find some resolution to this situation
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    Hi Everyone -- I see there's a heavy discussion going on here. Can I interrupt to ask a question -- are we going to stick with here for OT, or is there OT on LL also? Or is this more personal? Just want to do the right thing . . .
    Posted by nonpareil



    Nonpareil, I think IDMWIT's situation should stay off the LL board (IMO), but I'm willing to go OT there as well.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    I kept saying awesome over and over again on Saturday night... started to annoy myself!
    Posted by anecdotal-evidence



    LOL!  But A-o and the band were awesome!  :-)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22 : This is the meat I was looking for. Thanks, McBostonRob. When you say I was out of line - how so? Which part? I know the insult was out of line.  But yes, we discuss; he asks me every time the phone rings who it is. If he sees a guy's name on my phone he asks who it is. And I am very good at leaving it alone. Probably too good. I think that's how I got in this mess to begin with, because I've always been like, "Whatever..." That's why it's especially hurtful. I don't ASK questions that paint him into a corner where he feels he needs to lie. He voluntarily gives me deceitful information. For instance, I didn't ask him what he was doing Saturday night. He asked me and volunteered that he would be spending the night with his sister (big fat lie). So ... why just lie when you haven't been asked? He doesn't "date." He's been on and off with the same girl for as long as I've known him. So....?
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink


    Well when i typed that, I meant that the insult was out of line as well as the "I want to meet your friend" and the "I'm not going to leave you alone", because you knew he was up there with a girl. 
    But now that you've explained it more, it just seems to me like your relationship with him is so dysfunctional that it is difficult to say that either of you are out of line. 
    If he lies on his own (and not as a reaction to you) then he has some respect issues with you.  And when you said that everybody else comes before you, you give more evidence for respect problem. 
    But I guess which is most troubling for me is that you say he doesn't date; it's always been the same women.  I don't think an FWB arrangement can survive a situation like that. 
    You clearly both mean aa lot to each other, but if it isn't going to happen or it isn't meant to be, then you're just going to continue hurting one another.  I'd say you're right when you suggest that it's time to end this relationship.  But I doubt you'll be able to do that very easily. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    No, thanks, please ante-up everyone!

    This is some of that "tough lurve" I need.

    And Two-Sheds, I probably would have waited to say something, but it was almost as if he baited me with his first text, I couldn't let it go with no reply.

    I would have a conversation, but he just doesn't get it.
    He thinks there's nothing wrong with lying, apparently.
    So, I think we said it all in that convo.
    I know for sure he was not joking, and he is incapable of sarcasm.

    Is there any non-psycho thing I can do for closure?
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    NP - I think people are going back and forth.

    I kind of commandeered the OT land today with my ridiculous "relationship" stuff.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    IDMWIT - I'm going to disagree with everyone that says to talk to him.  I'm going to tell you to just walk away.  Everything you've written about this guy paints a picture of a selfish user with severe boundary issues.  You've been helping him move every night for two weeks?  This, after working a long day yourself?  And no thanks from him by the sounds of it.  He doesn't lie to you in response to a question - he proactively lies to you! When he could say nothing he chooses to invent carp.  Then, when YOU get a phone call he demands the details.  I don't want to say "he is using you" (I hate that expression even more than the phrase that can't be said here) but I will say that he is taking HUGE advantage of your good and generous nature.  And the opportunity cost of you staying with him is your ability to meet other men.  Nicer men.  Men who want to date you exclusively. Men who can show consideration for your feelings.  They exist. Plus, girlfriend, you KNOW the second you are not available to him he's going to pursue you relentlessly.  If I were you I would not call, text, email and I would not respond to his first, second or third attempts. 
    Posted by TheRealJBar



    As is usually the case, JBar's got it.  He is taking advantage of you.  I had skipped over the helping him move part.

    IDMWIT, don't beat yourself up about it.  And DO NOT respond to his texts or calls.  JBar's right - he will pursue you.  Now he can't have what he's had for 10 years.  I suspect the attraction is knowing he's got both you and the "off and on" GF just where he wants both of you - attending to his every need.  So just don't do that anymore.

    And ask to be removed from the beneficiary on his insurance.  That's just.  plain.  STRANGE.  And will cost you in the long run.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    I kept saying awesome over and over again on Saturday night... started to annoy myself!
    Posted by anecdotal-evidence


    anecdotal-evidence,  that's awesome.

    I just read that there was swing dancing, too, on Saturday.  Now, I'm really disappointed we didn't make it.  (OK, I was really disappointed before, too).

    How did everyone find out about the event?  I saw a comment on FB, but by then it was too late.   (I actually didn't see the comment until Sunday morning).  Because we need a sitter, we generally need at least a week's notice, or all of our sitters get booked up.  I fear that this will continue to exclude us from the LL events, because they all seemed to be planned spontaneously. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dread27. Show Dread27's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    Bruins, I want to go soon.  I'm bad but I have fun.

    IDMWIT, with this new information you could have been violating the FWB agreement a little bit on your own there.  McBRob could be right there.  BUT, this guy has been using you.  This is a classic guy move.  Guys for some reason think that once the sex starts that if you insert some sort of emotional action into the situation that you're locked in.  After that happens with no real serious commitment he's left to go explore other options.

    I've done this subconsciously before and when I realised what I was actually doing I broke things off.  It just happens and before you even know it you're starting to juggle things and a whole lot of drama happens.  You can either continue on with said drama if you think he's worth it but if you wanted that relationship to turn into just friends then let him know.  Just say that you're happy for him and that you don't want things to be weird.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    NP - I think people are going back and forth. I kind of commandeered the OT land today with my ridiculous "relationship" stuff.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink



    Not ridiculous.  Strange to some of us, sure.  LaughingBut important to you.  And sometimes it helps just hashing it out.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bruins73. Show Bruins73's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    Dread - who cares how you play as long as you have a good time. I have hit the range a few times during the winter.

    Can't wait to get out there for real.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22 : anecdotal-evidence,  that's awesome. I just read that there was swing dancing, too, on Saturday.  Now, I'm really disappointed we didn't make it.  (OK, I was really disappointed before, too). How did everyone find out about the event?  I saw a comment on FB, but by then it was too late.   (I actually didn't see the comment until Sunday morning).  Because we need a sitter, we generally need at least a week's notice, or all of our sitters get booked up.  I fear that this will continue to exclude us from the LL events, because they all seemed to be planned spontaneously. 
    Posted by two-sheds


    Two-sheds, this one had been briefly talked about on the LL blog, before the OT explosion happened last week.  I just asked bbb to let me know what was going on (and A-V and A-o both Emailed me details of the benefit).  bbb texted me at 4pm and I chose to go then (other plans were moved to the following weekend for me).

    But LL-sanctioned events, like the one at Noir, will definitely be publicized by Meredith.  And another one is in the works.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    IDMIT,

    You helped him move!??   He checks your phone !?!?  This is crazy.  GET AWAY!

    He must be really hot, or great lay, or both, but you've got to be able to do better.  And you're not going to, as long as you have any contact with him.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dread27. Show Dread27's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    Dread - who cares how you play as long as you have a good time. I have hit the range a few times during the winter. Can't wait to get out there for real.
    Posted by Bruins73


    My cousin wants to go too.  We should hit up some place pretty good but not "staring at the guys getting drunk at 10 in the morning" good.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    No, thanks, please ante-up everyone! This is some of that "tough lurve" I need. And Two-Sheds, I probably would have waited to say something, but it was almost as if he baited me with his first text, I couldn't let it go with no reply. I would have a conversation, but he just doesn't get it. He thinks there's nothing wrong with lying, apparently. So, I think we said it all in that convo. I know for sure he was not joking, and he is incapable of sarcasm. Is there any non-psycho thing I can do for closure?
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink



    oh, IDMWIT - you just said it all right there for me... walk away, your head high.dont addfuel to the flame... keep your dignity, and just walk away..no need to re-hash anything more...
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22:
    In Response to Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22 : Two-sheds, this one had been briefly talked about on the LL blog, before the OT explosion happened last week. Posted by LWhitt58


    Thanks, LWhitt.  I figured it got mentioned in the comments, but last week was too busy to do much beyond make a quick comment and skim through some of the comments.  Speaking of being busy, I really need to go get some work done.  Have a good afternoon!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    Dread wrote: IDMWIT, with this new information you could have been violating the FWB agreement a little bit on your own there.

    Like as in, I was messing up his game?

    When I said we had a FWB agreement, it's because we actually had one.
    We were supposed to be sexually exclusive. I'm all for free love, but for health reasons, I refuse to sleep with someone who's freely dipping the stick.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bruins73. Show Bruins73's posts

    Re: Love Letters Off Topic 3/22

    Well I am not going to lie Dread. I have days I love to golf completely sober and others where I love to tie one on. Either way I love to play and have played since I was little. So yeah definitely a nice place but not a stuffy members country club.

    I can find someone to fill in a group of 4. I have at least 3 different groups of friends I golf with. We should definitely get this going.
     
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