Need some advice and a little help

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from neenee326. Show neenee326's posts

    Need some advice and a little help

    Ok guys, so I met this guy, on-line and he asked me out for this Saturday night.  He lives South Shore, I am North Shore.  It's my first time going on a date with someone I don't know.  I have always dated people that I sort of knew, or a friend knew. I'm not sure where to go, so I feel like I'm in my safety zone.  Any thoughts?  I know I should meet him where ever we decide to go.  What do I do if I feel like I need to bail?  This is all very new to me, so I'm a little freaked out.

    Thanks!   
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    You're right to be concerned.  But, I met my husband on eHarmony and, obviously, it turned out great.  Best wishes to you and your new interest. :)

    eHarmony gives these safety guidelines for when you are about to take the relationship to the real world:

    Make Your First Date Safe and Successful

    Meeting in person is a very exciting time. Most of all you just want to have fun and explore the level of chemistry that you share with your date, but don't let high hopes cloud your ability to exercise reasonable caution.

    Do:

    • Choose the time and place of your date wisely. Meet in a public place at a decent hour during which lots of people will be around. Lunch dates work especially well.
    • Limit alcohol consumption or abstain entirely until you know the person better.
    • Use your own transportation, even when meeting someone who lives a great distance away from you. It's never a good idea to get into someone's personal vehicle on a first date. Wherever possible, drive yourself or take a taxi.
    • Tell at least one friend or family member about your plans, and arrange to check in with them after each of the first few dates.
    • Carry a fully charged mobile phone with easily accessible emergency numbers.

    Don't:

    • Leave beverages or personal belongings such as purses, wallets, or jackets with pockets that may contain items that could reveal personal information about you, such as a driver's license, credit cards, ATM receipts, etc.
    • Meet at your house or place of work or give that information out until you have had a good opportunity to know the other person better.
    • Incur large expenses on a date without first discussing how the cost will be divided
    • Go home with someone, even if it feels like everything's going great. You have not spent enough time with them to assess whether your safety is at risk.

     

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from neenee326. Show neenee326's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    Thanks Kargiver and Robin. Both very helpful with your advice!  I already have a few friends who will help get me out of there if necessary, but I didn't think about having someone call me early on to check on me.  I will do that!

    Kargiver - the list of do's and don'ts is super helpful.  So happy that things worked out for you and your hubby! 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dread27. Show Dread27's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    When I met Buttercup I made it spur of the moment so that she couldn't get her date rape drugs ready.

    I'm kidding but she told me about some of her other eHarmony dates and she just went on some of them to have a good train wreck story.  Meet in public and have a good time regardless.
     
  5. This post has been removed.

     
  6. This post has been removed.

     
  7. This post has been removed.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from bzorn22. Show bzorn22's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    What Kargiver said. But I would leave the cat suit and the whip at home.

     
  9. This post has been removed.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Seebell. Show Seebell's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    Hi Neenee:
    Hmmmmmm.  I never done 'On-Line Dateing - but I've got plenty of dating experience

    FIRST - If you've never met him before - HAVE A LUNCHEON DATE

    TIME: 1:00pm to 3:00pm - and then go home solo without him whether you like him or not!  And make sure he doesn't stalk/follow you back home.

    Honestly Neenee - If I hadn't met the guy before - NOW-A-DAYS I would not want to meet him ANYWHERE AT NIGHTIME - You would be safer in the day time.

    Good luck and have fun.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Seebell. Show Seebell's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    Actually kargiver's advice SAYS IT ALL!   I'd go blow by blow on kargivers advice.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    Kargiver's lists are excellent. I'd add: don't leave your drink unattended. If you need to use the ladies, finish your drink first and then get a second fresh one from the waitstaff if you so desire. And, don't be embarrassed to make a gut decision if you don't like the way any part of the date goes down. If you don't like the conversation, just say please excuse me and get up and get your coat and leave. Don't be embarrassed to make a fuss; some people depend on you not wanting to make a scene. Have plenty of cash so that you can just grab a cab....even if you're just taking it to the next out-of-sight T-stop or the garage where your car is, even if it's nearby.

    It's unlikely that there'll be a problem. But, one of my good friends, now married, regaled me with her online dating stories and, I swear, some of the ones she sat through politely I would have been out of my seat with car keys in hand in the first ten minutes...sneaking in dirty language or ranting about f'ing liberals (her views are very left-wing.)
     
  13. This post has been removed.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    In Response to Need some advice and a little help:
    [QUOTE]Ok guys, so I met this guy, on-line and he asked me out for this Saturday night.  He lives South Shore, I am North Shore.  It's my first time going on a date with someone I don't know.  I have always dated people that I sort of knew, or a friend knew. I'm not sure where to go, so I feel like I'm in my safety zone.  Any thoughts?  I know I should meet him where ever we decide to go.  What do I do if I feel like I need to bail?  This is all very new to me, so I'm a little freaked out. Thanks!   
    Posted by neenee326[/QUOTE]

    Well, there's the practical advice already given - which is very smart.
    But - you don't want to go into this date thinking this guy's gonna date-rape you, then ditch your body. that really will stifle your chance to open up.

    Meet some place halfway, if you can. What about Quincy or Braintree? I've found (with my north shore friends) that that's a good half way point. You could even make it UBER safe by heading to a place right around the South Shore Plaza.

    Be smart, but be fun. Be yourself. Don't bail - even if you don't like him. Just see it through to the end. It's just a date. Good practice, if nothing else and a nice meal. If you're made to feel uncomfortable at all - be firm, but not offensive.

    Have fun, have fun, have fun! Limit your drinks to 2, enough to loosen up, but not enough to compromise integrity OR lower your inhibitions.

    You understand we'll need a full report, double spaced on Monday by 9AM. Tongue out
     
  15. This post has been removed.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    Wow, do women really walk into every unkown situation with date rape on the top of their mind?  I'm not making light of it at all, it's just something that as a guy, I guess I'm lucky to have never had to consider.  
    The north shore-south shore shuffle can get tiresome.  I'd suggest meeting for dinner in Boston.  And schedule a friend call you after an hour, so you can pretend it's an emergency and bail, if necessary.  I'm pretty sure that's the oldest trick in the book, but it works.  
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    McRob, you have no idea how many creeps are out there.  

    Ok, so maybe the same creeps get around a lot, but if you poll your female friends, every one of them will have a scary story.  It's a rare woman over the age of 25 who hasn't been in a difficult situation.  

    I had a friend who went on a boat (A BOAT!) for her first date with some guy.  I was horrified.  You cannot walk home from a boat!!!  (She lived.)
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    In Response to Re: Need some advice and a little help:
    [QUOTE]Wow, do women really walk into every unkown situation with date rape on the top of their mind?  I'm not making light of it at all, it's just something that as a guy, I guess I'm lucky to have never had to consider.   The north shore-south shore shuffle can get tiresome.  I'd suggest meeting for dinner in Boston.  And schedule a friend call you after an hour, so you can pretend it's an emergency and bail, if necessary.  I'm pretty sure that's the oldest trick in the book, but it works.  
    Posted by McBostonrob[/QUOTE]

    No. We all want to date the Mr. Markoffs of the world. The Commonwealth requires it by statute.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    And safe calls don't always work, Rob. A woman could be dead and in a bucket of lime before someone can rescue her.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from bzorn22. Show bzorn22's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    Is it really that bad. This is a serious question?
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGal109. Show BostonGal109's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    I just make sure I meet in a public place, I always text a friend before I go to let her know where I'm going, who I'm supposed to be meeting (their name and sometimes number), and plan to call them or text them at some point. 

    That normally is enough :) 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGal109. Show BostonGal109's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    In Response to Re: Need some advice and a little help:
    [QUOTE]Is it really that bad. This is a serious question?
    Posted by bzorn22[/QUOTE]


    There are a lot of sketchy, PUSHY men out there that cannot take no for an answer I've found. But this isn't the reason I take precautions, I do it more because I used to work with sex offenders and some of them don't always immediately give off that creepy vibe, so I'm just super paranoid because of my background. And I encourage my friends to do the same, until they get to know the person a bit :) But I'm definitely bias. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from jds1282. Show jds1282's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    In Response to Re: Need some advice and a little help:
    [QUOTE]Is it really that bad. This is a serious question?
    Posted by bzorn22[/QUOTE]

    Most of the time, no. But those rare times it's pretty awful make you wary of every future date. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from bzorn22. Show bzorn22's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    You know I asked my daughter this weekend about and she says the same thing. Simply amazing. Of course when I asked her why she didn't tell me she said she was afraid I would get crazy.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from johnny1963. Show johnny1963's posts

    Re: Need some advice and a little help

    In Response to Re: Need some advice and a little help:
    [QUOTE]Actually kargiver's advice SAYS IT ALL!   I'd go blow by blow on kargivers advice.
    Posted by Seebell[/QUOTE]


    Seebs, blow by blow...think about it?

     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share