picking your battles

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    picking your battles

    Question to all you parents out there. THERE’S NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER HERE, just asking/wondering.

    this is  probably a long ramble, but what else do you expect from BBB, right???

    maybe I was brought up in a rather strict but loving household which has still
    left an impact on me as to respect and not arguing with parents, but im just wondering,
    what battles are worth it today? As some of my friends say its just not worth it, whereas I say, otherwise.

     For example… when I was growing up and my mother took me to back to school clothing shopping.
    I had very little say in what I wanted to wear. My mother was an excellent dresser and
    instilled in my brother and me to always look nice. We couldn’t wear jeans, we couldn’t wear sneakers, couldnt wear sweats. etc… I always had to wear a skirt or dress.

      My mother and I had definite fights in the stores….BUT she always said, “until you have money to buy your own clothing, you’ll be wearing what I think is appropriate”… now mind you, I wasn’t wearing an amish outfit, or some out-dated
    outfit.. My brother and I were usually the best dressed kids. And NOT the kids that would get pummeled for wearing something that would make them get bullied … She just wanted us to always look presentable.

    so, when I see my friends allowing their kids to look schleppy, sloppy, and or for some young girls to look too
    sexy or even trampy, I wonder….  We even as adults talk amongst ourselves saying that kids/teenagers look schleppy and or trampy today.  My friends say that as parents they’re picking their battles with their kids. And I say what’s wrong in helping their children look more presentable with the help of their parent’s advice/guidance?

     I’m just wondering.  but I think in the end, my mother did us a service by standing her ground. 

     So, why was it ok to stand your ground as a parent back then, but NOT today?

     Honestly folks, im just wondering this, as I don’t have children, but I would do exactly and say exactly what my mother had if I did…
    So, to all the parents out there, worth a fight or NOT?

    Again, no right or wrong, im just looking to chat about this that’s all…..

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    Honestly...my mom always had veto power when it came down to clothing shopping, so we tended to learn what was appropriate or not.

    My mom didn't care if something would make us cool or not, she would look at the price and veto it, or if she thought it was horrid and would get DHR called on her, she wouldn't allow it.

    Later on when we were actually earning our own money, my sister wound up dressing like a tramp. I just dressed baggy as possible without being offensive (to this day my girlfriend hates when I wear camo pants). I just like being comfy.

    In regards to parenting, I'm going to be the veto parent. It also makes me hope I never have a daughter cause I'm not sure if I could handle it. Call it a double standard, but I could handle better a son going and wearing overly baggy clothes then my daughter dressing like a tramp.


     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    If you don't raise your kids with a moral compass they devise their own.  Given that the last area of a developing brain to finish maturing is the judgement center, it's not a good idea, imo, to let that happen.  Stand your ground when you think the decision will impact their lives as a whole and shape their ideas of right and wrong.  Otherwise, let them be themselves.  Giving them a sense of self is as important as a sense of right and wrong.

    ETA:  Disclaimer - I don't have kids.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    It's a fine line between letting a kid express themselves, and letting them harm themselves by the way they dress.  People will judge you by how you dress, by the friends you hang out with, by how you present yourself in public.  It's not fair, but it's a fact of life.  Standards are important, but you have to give them breathing room, too. 

    It's also a generational thing - older folks have always bemoaned the way teenagers dressed.  From the Middle Ages through the Elvis Years to now.  Imagine what today's teenagers will be complaining about when they're middle-aged? 

    "Oh, that jetpack makes you look like a sloot!" 

    "Why does junior have to wear his space suit hanging down the back of his azz?" 

    And this comes from someone who was not allowed to wear jeans in the 70s.  Oh, the horror!!!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    thanks McCorvin and Kargiver!!!

    allowing a child/teenager establish their sense of self i think is very important without a doubt...

    that said, i think what my mother was instilling upon my brother and i was OUR individual style(albeit maybe a little biased towards what SHE thought was OUR style). but i think in her doing so, she was trying for us to NOT be like the masses, and copy every tom, dick or jane or fad trend.
    so, that goes back to where my mother thought it was best to fight "those"(clothes) battles, in the hopes that would nurture our own styles later on in life and not follow the norm...
    does that make sense?

    looking back at this now, this thread might be stupid, but i do wonder why some parents today dont fight that so-called "battle" when i think it can help later on in life, or maybe not ...

    just wondering that's all... thought it might be an interesting thread, or again, maybe not
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    At least your mother gave you a sense to not dress like a tramp while in school....

    ...of course unless you went behind her back about it. :)

    However, that was back then, this is now. There is a sense of style to allow your kids to branch out, but you still need to be there to say "hey, I'm not going to let you wear that..."

    Then again, as you mention slob, why someone might look like a slob. My nephew, he looks like a slob, but at the same time he is so active he really wears out his clothes (He's going to be 14) because he skateboards, and does Parkour without actually realizing what Parkour is. He's not baggy, but he's definately ragged, and to him that's his style, why get something nice when I might just go through and ruin it because i'm to busy trying to vault myself over walls.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: picking your battles



    These kids to today!!!  ::::shaking cane at them:::::


    Really, they should count their blessings -- my mom made a lot of my clothes when I was in middle school and even into high school.   She took a class on how to sew polyester double knits.....well, you get the idea......I still remember the pink and grey plaid pants.



     
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  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    In Response to Re: picking your battles:
    [QUOTE]"These kids today..." Are often thoughtful, funny, smart, more open minded than in the past, more engaged in their worlds, and give back to their communities.
    Posted by Lily-[/QUOTE]

    Down side there is no recommend here. 

    But

    QFT

    Some kids make too much of fashion. I loved it when Jeeps Jr had a uniform. Now he kind of gets picked on because his father dresses him like a slob. I have kind of intervened there, but at the end of the day, if the kid is happy, there are no issues at school, and they arent troublemakers. Who the heck cares if they are wearing Ralph Lauren or Chaps.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    You know, there's always the "change your clothes once you get out of sight of the parents" trick....

    But, I can see both sides of this.  I do see teens and younger adults dressed in ways that boggle my mind, but at the same time everyone has different standards.  For example, I wasn't allowed to wear jeans to school except on gym day.  Meanwhile, one of my friends wore t-shirts and jeans all the time EXCCEPT for the first day of school.  She had to wear a dress that day.

    Neither rule makes much sense when you really pick them apart.  We just had different mothers.

    And now I am imagining the battle between parents and those boys who think it's cool to wear their pants down around their knees...  I mean, really, is it worth the amount of breath and bluster it would take to try your best to convince some kid determined to wear his pants around his knees that it's a bad idea?  After all, if he's stupid enough to think that looks good.... ;)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from user_4376881. Show user_4376881's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    I actually wish that my parents had cared a little bit about what I wore in school.
     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    true, 2cent...
    i really was just wondering, nothing else.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    In Response to Re: picking your battles:
    [QUOTE]"These kids today..." Are often thoughtful, funny, smart, more open minded than in the past, more engaged in their worlds, and give back to their communities.
    Posted by Lily-[/QUOTE]


    Lily-  I hope you know that I was kidding.


    I don't even own a cane.


     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    In Response to Re: picking your battles:
    [QUOTE]And now I am imagining the battle between parents and those boys who think it's cool to wear their pants down around their knees...  I mean, really, is it worth the amount of breath and bluster it would take to try your best to convince some kid determined to wear his pants around his knees that it's a bad idea?  After all, if he's stupid enough to think that looks good.... ;)
    Posted by TwoCentDonation[/QUOTE]

    I'd pay a cute girl to go to the kid and go "You know, you would be cute if you had your pants up, but now that I know you are willing to dress that way...sorry..." and walk off. That's my plot for my future son if he tries something like that.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    Actually, what boggles me even more than teens wearing inappropriate clothing (that's part of the teen job description, no?) are PROFESIONALS making questionable clothing choices.  For example, the woman in front of me at Dunkins who was wearing a very nice pair of white pants and was clearly dressed well for her daily cubicle gig.  However...

    1. Her pants were long and she was wear flip flops, which in and of itself is fine, but it meant her pant bottomes were dragging on the ground and getting dirty!

    2. Her pants were unlined and she made the choice to wearing hot pink thong underwear, visible to all.

    I mean, ok, #1 could just be a caffeine challenged brain failure.  But the thongs???  Did you NOT look at yourself in the mirror???  Oh, and nothing about her suggested she wanted to dress provacatively.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    In Response to Re: picking your battles:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: picking your battles : I'd pay a cute girl to go to the kid and go "You know, you would be cute if you had your pants up, but now that I know you are willing to dress that way...sorry..." and walk off. That's my plot for my future son if he tries something like that.
    Posted by MrCorvin[/QUOTE]

    Seriously.  I have NEVER heard a heterosexual female, bisexual, or homoesexual male say, "That look is hawt!"
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    In Response to Re: picking your battles:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: picking your battles : Seriously.  I have NEVER heard a heterosexual female, bisexual, or homoesexual male say, "That look is hawt!"
    Posted by TwoCentDonation[/QUOTE]

    I heard it when I lived in Lousiana, Alabama, and Northwest Florida.
     
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  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    Well, Jeeps Jr was the best dressed kid on the playground, by a long shot. And I wanted to go into styling little boys for celebrities, because its shameful at times. And little girls always got the most attention.

    What I told Jeeps Jr was that he should think of school like his Job. That his father gets dressed up in his custom suits and zegna shirts for work, so he (jeeps jr) should think of it the same way. I think that made a bit of a difference. At least he isnt wearing sweaters that have holes in them and cords that have worn down to bear threads.

     
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  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from user_4376881. Show user_4376881's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    I dress casually at work because we have a casual dress code.

    However I never wear sandals, or graphic tees with dumb sayings on them, or things with holes in them (other people do, which is appalling to me).  I mean, it's casual, but it's not my home.

    But I do have a great selection of nice clothing.  I know when to wear each.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: picking your battles

    If I had children I would let them find their own style with a few rules centered around them keeping things covered.  I read somewhere - maybe Annies Box - that a family had a simply rule: No butts, no breasts, and no something else...  Basically, all the key parts had to be covered.

    And I would retain veto power for special occasion things like dressing for weddings and funerals.  I think it's important to teach them that while certain rules of etiquette are somewhat silly it still matters how you present yourself to the world, and that you should be aware of how you are presenting yourself, and no child of mine will make themselves look like a promiscious teenbo until he or she is 35 ;)
     

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