Question about FWB relationships

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from WickedMcCool. Show WickedMcCool's posts

    Question about FWB relationships

    I'm in my first FWB relationship.  I've known him a very long time, even while married, and a year after my divorce, we started been hanging out and then it progressed to FWB.  And it will definitely never progress any further, just hanging out once or twice a month with or without benefits.  We're both definitely on the same page about this.

    Anyway, I'm curious about what happens afterwards.  If either of us meets someone we want to be monogamous with, do we still get to be friends?  What are your experiences with this?

    Thanks in advance.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from naturalginger. Show naturalginger's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    Oh Wicked, welcome to the weird twisty web of FWBs.

    In my expierience (and I've had my fair share of 'friends' that became platonic eventually) you can be friends, but you should maintain a cool distance.

    There's nothing wrong with being friends and spending time with them socially, but if you have a significant other I think there's a certain level of respect that should be upheld in terms of etiquette. Hanging out alone? Texting after drinks? No nos.  Meeting up in a group, texting them something funny, basically anything that wouldn't give you the pit in your stomach if your SO found out is acceptable in my book.

    Just don't go back for more after you find someone and then write a letter about it. I'm ready to start cutting and pasting my responses we've had so many.

    BUT - all those rules aside, if you're emotionally comfortable with the level it's at and the sex is good? HAVE AT IT!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    Yes, you can still be friends, however it depends on how the FWB ends. Having one blow up in my face, we are no longer friends. But we were never really "friends" to begin with so, not sure that it really meets the FWB status.

    However, my previous FWB, that I have known since middle school, we are still friends. There was a bit of a cooling off period where we didnt talk for a couple months. Not for anything bad, but because I wanted to honestly give my SO the focus of my attention and I couldnt really do that still talking to FWB in the beginning. He respected that and a couple months later I shot him an e-mail and we are back to our pre FWB banter. There was actually a FWB discussion in the Relationships section of the forums you should check out. Definitely some varying opinions on it.

    Good luck!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    WickedMcCool, this is not in an effort to turn you away from your current situation - but my only FWB situation ended pretty ridiculously - it crashed & burned and I posted most of it on LL.

    Long story short: We're no longer friends. Won't ever be again.

    And we were always both "in agreement" on what the situation was.

    Good luck, make sure you can trust him. And don't forget to trust yourself. Cool

     
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  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    Yeah, I'd never be able to do the FWB thing with someone I genuinely have a deep friendship with.  I would get attached.

    In my opinion, if you're going to FWB, you need to enter into it that way at the very start of your interaction with the guy.  The FWB thing works best for me if it is strictly about the sex.  No txting just to ask about how his day was, deep conversations, etc.  It's more like an alliance or a pact than a true "friendship".  You're both there for an express purpose.  I don't want to make it sound cold, because I do and always will care for my FWB's...but you have to be able to compartmentalize them in your brain.  The less you cultivate true understanding of each other, the better ;)

    If this guy was a friend prior, and then you start seeing someone else, you'll have to keep a distance until you are absolutely sure you can dial it back to just friends again.  That might be never, in which case you will have to quell the friendship because you feel like you can't keep the sexuality under wraps.  That's sad, though.

    Strictly casual FWB's should be informed of your new relationship situation and asked to respectfully back the hell off :)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    I've done the FWB thing and it came out okay...because the women found someone else.

    That being said, I also do not talk to the women anymore, because it was a clean break. They used my body and were done when they found someone they were having an emotional attachment to.

    So, in this tale, realize if he finds someone, he also may just not want to talk to you etc. I'm okay with that... you need to decide if you could be.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from bzorn22. Show bzorn22's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    I can't reccomend them. People get attached even when they say they won't. It happens. The heart is a funny beast. And when it ends it usually costs a friendship. In one case it cost a friendship I considered among the best I ever had. I don't think it is worth it at all. 

     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    Everyone's good at SOMETHING, Lilz :)
     
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  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItalianIce84. Show ItalianIce84's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    rules of the FWB situation I have learned the hard way, from many such tumultuous situations:

    1.) make sure you are both aware that it is ONLY a friends-with-benefits, sexual situation that will never ever lead to dating and romance

    2.) If at any time any feelings develop outside of a purely I-wanna-rip-your-pants-off nature, communicate with the other person in the relationship. Same goes if you might feel the other party is developing romantic feelings

    3.) As J-9 said, it's best to develop this type of situation with someone you aren't very close to on a friendship level, as, if situations 1 and 2 do occur, the chances of losing this person as a friend in your life is great.

    4.) communicate expectations

    5.) Use protection

    6.) Communicate

    7.) Do not act romantically or coupley towards each other in public-- your physical connections (kissing, hand holding, etc.) should be during nekkid time only

    8.) Communicate

    9.) Once it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and don't be afraid to say it doesn't work.

    10.) Did I mention communicate?
     
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  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from daveh7373. Show daveh7373's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    rules of the FWB situation I have learned the hard way, from many such tumultuous situations:

    1.) make sure you are both aware that it is ONLY a friends-with-benefits, sexual situation that will never ever lead to dating and romance


    I have to disagree with this ONLY because no matter how much you tell yourself it will JUST be sex...things have a way of evolving before you even know it is happening........just be careful
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Question about FWB relationships

    I laughed. :)
     
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