Should she marry him?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from PowerCord. Show PowerCord's posts

    Should she marry him?

    Let's help today's Letter Writer. Vote now.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Michelle-. Show Michelle-'s posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    I think she should marry him. Many women wait for a catch like him to come along and they never find it. She would be insane to let him go.

    But that could just be me thinking this...

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from AlyssaJones. Show AlyssaJones's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    I would love to have what she has.  greedy beaytch
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from BannedAgainBoston. Show BannedAgainBoston's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    Another LL with not enough info, so I'm skipping any real comments.  Not sure if it would be able to make a judgement, unless you could really observe the two people.  Her perception of passion could be completely different than other peoples.  But it sounds like there never was a true "spark", the marriage could be DOA.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from PoohBear44. Show PoohBear44's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    If he's as wonderful as she's making him sound, I honestly don't think she's settling and yes, she should take the plunge.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    In Response to Re: Should she marry him?:
    [QUOTE]I would love to have what she has.  greedy beaytch
    Posted by AlyssaJones[/QUOTE]


    Ditto that, AJ.  I had no comment for today's LW because all I could think of "you have a problem with this?"  I should be so lucky at 52.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    Agree with Babs - not really enough info. But really surprised at how many people think nice, dependable, etc is all you need. I need the "spark", too, and our "sparks" have helped us get through some times when we didn't agree on much else.
    Also, she didn't mention if he makes her laugh. Mr GMV has defused more problems than I can count by making me laugh.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    I don't think nice and dependable is "all you need", GMV.  But it should also be there, because just those sparks aren't enough to keep a relationship going.  The LW did say she loves her BF; but not in a "madly, passionate sort of way."  In all the relationships I've been in, the "madly, passionate" makes way for "truly comfortable with each other but with sparks of madly, passionate" interspersed throughout.

    I think she's wanting the fairytale-forever romance, and that rarely ever happens.  Perhaps I'm looking at it from a distance of 20 years from the LW's age.  I had the baby urges at 32.  BAD.  I was dating someone at the time, but knew I didn't want a baby with him.  By the time I was 38 or so, I was pretty certain I wouldn't want to have a baby in my early 40s.  I know many women do it.  I just didn't want to do so.  Since then, there have been a few guys in my life, but none that were permanent.

    Now, I'd love to have someone "be there" for me.  Yes, I'd have to have those tingly feelings in my heart for him as well.  But dependable sounds pretty damn good to me right now.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    Didn't mean to criticize you, LWhitt...there are a lot of commenters on the the main thread saying things that sound like they are calling LW spoiled for questioning whether she needs more in the relationship. If she thinks she needs more, she probably needs more.
    I spent my most fertile years on a guy who was mind-blowing in the sack, but who didn't have much else to recommend him. I was lucky to find someone compatible later, but, like you, didn't want to have children in my forties. I have what I consider a reasonable balance of tingles and niceness but maybe my choice wouldn't be right for everyone. What I worry about with the tingle-free relationships is that I know so many people who divorced because one or the other of them had thought: "He/she is great; I'll grow to love him/her." Some of those "comfortable" relationships just blew up.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from mhouston1. Show mhouston1's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    IMHO - LW needs to take a good, long look at herSELF and decide what she wants.

    "Let your soul be your pilot" - Sting Cool
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    I didn't take it as criticism of me, GMV.  :-)  I just used my experiences as an example of what I'd want *now* vs. what the LW seems to want at her age. That's where my comment to AJ came from - my 52 years, not her 30 years.

    I do agree that you can't let relationships lapse into all niceness without any tingles.  Even if the tingle comes from knowing he picked up the dry cleaning on the way home without being asked because "it was on my way."  The tingles don't have to be sexual, IMO.  They come from knowing you're loved in all sorts of little ways.  Which usually makes the sex better.  :-)

    Your reasonable balance of tingles and niceness sounds like it's right up my alley.  :-) 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    Agreed MHouston, but I wonder how much the two of them communicate.

    LWhitt, I hope you meet someone nice...and tingly.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    i'll take the Lw's guy any day....and whip him into shape if need be....

    just saying...
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from sexual-chocolate. Show sexual-chocolate's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    My vote is no.  She's not ready.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Switters242. Show Switters242's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    In Response to Re: Should she marry him?:
    [QUOTE]Tthere are a lot of commenters on the the main thread saying things that sound like they are calling LW spoiled for questioning whether she needs more in the relationship. If she thinks she needs more, she probably needs more.  What I worry about with the tingle-free relationships is that I know so many people who divorced because one or the other of them had thought: "He/she is great; I'll grow to love him/her." Some of those "comfortable" relationships just blew up.
    Posted by Green-Mountain-Views[/QUOTE]

    100% agree with this post.  I'm actually surprised by the overwhelming response on the blog that she should marry this guy.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from thirtysomething. Show thirtysomething's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    If LW gets engaged now, she'll feel trapped.  She needs to find peace in her own heart before she takes that next step.  But yes, this sounds like a great guy.  Take some risks, and maybe a little passion will kick in?  (And try alternatives to the pill.  Hormonal regulation ain't for everybody.)

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Seebell. Show Seebell's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    She should just marry him and GET A LOVERBOY ON THE SIDE!!!!!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    btw, i never said i would marry the Lw's guy, i would just take him
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    Tks Switters. I worked with a guy whose first wife said exactly that, that she didn't love him but thought it would just happen. It was a train-wreck. She met someone through her work that she fell for big-time and started staying over with him and lying about it and just being awful. By the time my colleague figured out what was happening and arranged a separation she was pregnant by the boyfriend. He said to me: "Why didn't she just tell me the truth before we married?" On the up side, he's very happily married now and has two little girls.

    Oh. Seebee-baby. Wouldn't marrying him and then getting a LoverBoy put her in your most Ha#teD!!! category of Cheater? (not a bad fantasy, though.)

    I gotta get something else done today!!!! TTFN
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from yogafriend. Show yogafriend's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    .In Response to Re: Should she marry him?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should she marry him? : 100% agree with this post.  I'm actually surprised by the overwhelming response on the blog that she should marry this guy.
    Posted by Switters242[/QUOTE]
    mmm...that's not my impression, actually.  I think most advocate giving it more time, b/c for some people, a year is not long enough.   Yes, she has concerns, but she has concerns about letting him go, too. 

    I did not advocate marrying him by a long shot, but I do advocate that she needs to evaluate what she wants b/c at this point, she has crossed a line and is not being fair to him.  I honestly don't think there is ever enough information to go on, but I found it encouraging to see people tell her to give it time and not rush into either marriage OR breaking it off.  

    We have seen so many letters at this point, I don't post a response all that often anymore.  maybeI honestly have to think before I write a response, if I write one at all because the issues are all starting to run together and get a bit repetitive!

    There was something about this letter that made people think she could be throwing away a great guy, so maybe that's why they are encouraging her to give it more time.  
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Switters242. Show Switters242's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    I guess, for me, what really rings true is, as GMV so eloquently stated,"If she thinks she needs more, she probably needs more."

    Like most people, my opinions are greatly shaped by experience.  I'm still friends with most of my ex's because they're all wonderful, smart, caring, etc. (because I wouldn't date anyone who's not) but that doesn't mean we should be together.  The feeling I got from the letter was the feeling she is worried about having, that she'd be settling with this guy.  It seemed to me that she was more worried about not finding someone else then she was about losing this guy.  I didn't read anything that made me think she's excited about this guy.  I don't think that's a good start to a relationship that's only a year old.  Also, describing their pajama parties as "pleasant to very nice" is very concerning to me (neither word should be associated with that type of party).  I don't think that sex, in and of itself, is the most important part of a relationship but I feel like the ability to connect intimately is.

    I don't disagree with advising her to take a step back and evaluating the relationship but I don't see a long-term future with this guy.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Should she marry him?

    I'm off marriage, but I think she should have him. I surely hope he doesn't see her letter, though. Dear, poor man!
     

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