Some Thoughts on The Blog

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog:
    Jazzy, I have walked away from the blog after things were said negative about me, here and offline (emails warning people not to be friends with me IRL).  The difference is, I have the CHOICE to walk away.  Those truly being bullied do not have that choice and that was the point I was trying to make.  This isn't a rationalization for the so called "bad behavior" - I've pointed out that every single one of us has done it.  I just think calling it "bullying" is a very strong word.  And I think that for people here to appoint themselves the Morality Police is hypocritical, as again, we've all done it.
    Posted by Lily-

    eh.. I see waht you're trying to get at.. I dont think though, that we can define bullying by having choice - bullying is bullying, whether you have a choice to walk away or not. Some people aren't strong enough to walk away and therefore they aren't even aware they have a choice (Free will right? ) 

    people have a choice to bully..or not to bully. The victim doesn't make the bullying, the offenders do. Does a tree make a sound when it falls if no one is in the forrest? Lame cliche right? But it works - if someone walks away from a bully does that mean the person isn't a bully? Does that mean the victim wasn't being bullied? No - just means they had a stronger character and sense of self worth than others do and unfortunately it's probably not the norm for people who get bullied to walk away. Because who gets bullied? Weak people.
     
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  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    Because who gets bullied? Weak people.
    ----

    Kind people. Sensitive people. Sincere people. The new kid in class. The new guy on the job. Those who don't know the fine art of suck-up. Those who don't know the fine art of flaming. Bullies get bullied. All kinds of people get bullied.
     
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    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog:
    I'd like to move this conversation in a more constructive direction.  This is a blog about relationships. We give relationship advice.  Yet the environment that persists is not conducive to that environment.

    Bull.  Lots of LWs have written and updated that we were helpful, despite all of the comments you say are "unhelpful".  Just ask MaybeWorldTraveler, or some of the other LWs-turned-posters.

    Haven't you said in the past that you would never ask for advice in this forum because the comments would be hurtful?  Imagine how it must feel for individuals that come to us with a genuine need for an impartial view. One might say that if they need advice they should seek out a therapist - but not every therapist is impartial.  And sometimes a chorus of voices is much more helpful than just one. I'm very thankful for some of the wise voices that speak in this forum.  CB156, for example is consistently helpful - I learn a LOT from him.  I'd like to see more like him participate.
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick



    I like CB156 too, and he posts, on the blog and on the forums.  

    Personally I learn a lot from many of the great posters here. That said, if you don't think there are more posters with the wise insight of CB156, then you clearly are not reading enough - you're only sifting through the last 25+ pages of comments.  And that type of banter, by the way, you used to participate in - yet you only call out 1 or 2 of the people who make jokes during the latter half of the day, one of them being me.  

    When you are stood up to and directly challenged on your point of view, you turtle and run away.  So, you can understand why it is difficult to take your criticism seriously.
     
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    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog:
    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog : I'm disengaging from this thread now.  I don't think this comment is respectful.
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick


    Case in point.

    You throw out your barb, you offend someone, and instead of taking accountability for what you said and either explaning yourself or apologizing when you're called out, you "disengage".

    That sounds awfully trollish to me.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    You're passive agressive!
    You're confrontational!
    You're disrespectful!
    No, you're disrespectful!

    Good god, ladies.
     
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    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog:
    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog :  if someone walks away from a bully does that mean the person isn't a bully? Does that mean the victim wasn't being bullied? No - just means they had a stronger character and sense of self worth than others do and unfortunately it's probably not the norm for people who get bullied to walk away. 
    Posted by JazzyJtotheILL


    I see what you're saying and I can't decide if I agree or not, but I will say that these statements give the perceived bullies a lot of power.  Strictly speaking about online, I feel like there's pretty equal power - it's very easy to walk away, no matter how strong or weak your will is.  I mean, look at the 10 posts above this one :-)
     
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    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog:
    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog : I'm disengaging from this thread now.  I don't think this comment is respectful.
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick



    BYE CHC!!!!!

    :-) :-)
     
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  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Right Said Ed. Show Right Said Ed's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    In the end, I find that most analyses of "bullying" that ignore or marginalize the power/social consequence component simply lump all forms of confrontation and forceful disagreement into the "bullying" section of the venn diagram.

    Also, in my home and within my circle of friends, giving people the business is a sign of love and affection.  Laughing at our own faults and finding humor in shared recognition of absurdity binds us together.  On many occasions, someone who is "new" to this environment misinterprets the laughter as some kind of personal attack, when all someone was trying to do is say "we're including you, you're one of us." Depending on the level of the reaction, the interaction can generally be turned around and the person can come to an understanding of the dynamic. However, some people are apparently wired very firmly against this type of interaction and refuse to believe that the motivation behind the initial words was friendly.  That person generally holds strong to the idea that the interaction was "bullying" and that belief will poison any future attempts to be friendly.

    One example. In our town, a bunch of us are loosely connected because our girls play soccer.  Probably 40-50 parents of kids who compete at the high school level find ourselves in social situations, and many of us would never choose to hang out with each other in any other circumstance. But there's a friendly bond with the understanding that everyone wants everyone else's daughter to succeed (really).  Through that common understanding, we can all laugh when someone commits an egregious mistake, and everyone knows that they have the support of the group.  One day a few years ago, I was on the sideline with the mom of a younger girl who was playing at the time with my daughter on the middle school team.  There were a bunch of us standing together, doing the usual thing while watching the game ("oh god, could my daughter have made a worse decision there", etc.).  A few of the kids had done some silly things, all of which made the group laugh.  Then this woman's daughter didn't run back during a transition, and when one of our defenders unexpectedly stole the ball and booted it back toward the box, the girl was a mile offside.  A few of us chuckled and I said something like "you could have landed an airplane between her and the last defender."  Despite having been a part of all the earlier interactions, the woman immediately went into defensive mode and said "well I geuss she's just not a level one player" and walked away.  And maintains a grudge about it to this day (trust me).  

    Not only was this not an attempt to bully, humiliate, or exclude this woman or her daughter, it was an attempt to include her with everyone else.  It wasn't an attempt to be mean or elitist, but she's probably going to see it that way forever.  

    So was our original behavior "bullying"? I'm 100% on the "no" side, mainly because this whole dynamic was fine with her until her daughter was the topic of discussion. Frankly, I see her behavior as indicative that she legitimately DOES NOT CARE about the other kids, and as long as her daughter is successful the rest of them can go rot. 
     
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  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    Given all the intramural dating and blatant flirting that's gone on in this place (myself included), I think Jeeps has some nerve to complain about "using the blog as your own personal dating site" [paraphrase]. Besides, why wouldn't she want others to find happiness?
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    The worst part about these forums is that people can post things and then they can unpost things. 
     
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    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    Well, I had a long post written about this subject that I thought expressed my thoughts well.  Then I posted it and found I had screwed up a key element in the communication.  That's life.  You people were just saved from having to ignore it.

    Shorter version - I don't find stuff here to rise to "bullying".  Confrontational, tedious at times...and some who seem to resort to 3-yo's yelling "poopypants!" when someone disagrees with them.  But I have also over-reacted on the blog, so I don't have clean hands (and not because I have poopypants...).

    I also don't hate anyone here.  I may not agree with them or I may just ignore them if I feel there's no value in engaging them, but I would never punch anyone in the face unless responding to a physical threat and none of you are a credible physical threat.

    On the contrary.  I would help you in real life if you needed it and I could provide it.  Lily and I don't agree all the time and there have been written confrontations.  But I remember walking her to her car after an event because it was a long walk in a dark part of town and I wanted to make sure she got to her car safely.  As for her part, she has always been civil and friendly to me in social events.

    Ain't no time for hate
    Barely time to wait

    We only get one trip round the universe in this life and semi-successfully depriving electrons of entropy is fairly minor in the positive and negative balance of the big picture.
     
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  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from McBostonrob. Show McBostonrob's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog:
    In Response to Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog : Be direct, McRob. C'mon. Be brave.
    Posted by reindeergirl


    I don't need to be brave, I just need to learn to bite my tongue better.  You mentioned somebody who's mentioned here every so often.  I have things I want to say about this guy and the way he was.  But I know he got close with a few people here, so I resist saying what I'd like to say because I really don't want to offend anybody (in this case.)  So I usually bite my tongue.  You mentioned him, then deleted the comment, and instead of biting my tongue, I took a shot at you.  Which didn't make any sense at all, nor was it very fair. 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Some Thoughts on The Blog

    Thank you, McRob.

     
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