Unwelcome messages

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72. Show a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72's posts

    Unwelcome messages

    OK. Theres this couple. Weve been friends for about ten years. Theyre still friendly with the ex too. But theyre swingers and since the divorce a couple of things have been happening that have slowly made me uncomfortable. He has started sending me lewd pics and vids of naked women and sometimes short porn vids with men and women. I keep telling him that I really dont want that sent to my phone as my kids sometimes pick it up and answer it if Im in the shower or working in the yard. Not to mention the cheesy music that usually accompanies the vids that has started playing more than once while Ive been in a meeting at work. They dont have kids and all my complaints to him are laughed off with a wink.

    Now for her. She started sending me pics of women from dating sites. I dont belong to any dating sites. I think it started as a joke but she keeps sending them. Some of these women put some fairly racy pictures of themselves up for the public. Not naked but some of them might as well be. I never knew they made wunderbras that big before I started getting these pics from her. Thats all I ever get from her though. Just the pics. I dont know what shes expecting to happen if anything.

    I do like these two. They can be a lot of fun just socially. I never thought they were interested in me. Im certainly not attracted to her so the thought never crossed my mind before. They know from past conversations that I would not be into that. But this kind of stuff makes me suspicious especially since they wont stop. Im wondering if they think Im more susceptible to their "charms" now that I'm divorced and "desperate". But Im not even sure thats whats going on since nobody is coming out and saying theyre interested. It would be horribly embarrassing to tell them that I dont think I could get interested in swinging with them only to be told that I hadnt been invited. I dont know how to decode this stuff.

    I suppose I could just block their cell #s from my phone. But I think that would soon lead to a loss of the friendship. I dont know if theres a way to get them to stop without losing them as friends. Anybody else ever have to deal with this situation? I am just not the swinger type of guy. I dont even own a velvet smoking jacket or anything.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Oooh.  This is difficult.  You have already nicely asked the guy to stop sending them to your phone.  :(


    Leaving aside the swinging issue, which adds an uncomfortable layer of confusion, what do we have here? Friends are doing something they think is helpful/amusing, and you most certainly do not.

    Is it possible that in your nice way of telling him not to do it anymore, you

    1. sounded joking enough that he doesn't believe you, or
    2. sounded nervous enough that they now get a kick out of it (people with this kind of sense of humor mystify me, but they are apparently common)?

    Really, the only thing you can do is more firmly tell them to stop, that it makes you uncomfortable and you do not want it, though you appreciate their efforts to cheer you up.

    If they are going to huff off and not be your friends because you spoke up for yourself, then they have problems.  Look at it this way; if you block them from your phone, you are going to lose them anyway.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Tub

    i think this is a situation that needs to be addressed, head on(sorry the pun,, hehehehehehe, ok, now im blushing)
    if you really enjoy their friendship in a "friendship" type of way. then tell them that.
    tell them that you are uncomfortable about receiving those texts and vids and that they should stop, but you still wish to be friends with them

    they should respect your wishes. if not, they are NOT friends you need around...
    plain and simple
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from naturalginger. Show naturalginger's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Well that's awkward.

    I think that being firm with them is your best bet. 

    Or make up a particularly unpleasant STD that you're suffering from.  If a "friend"I was pursuing came to me with that information, I'd remain their friend but I can assure you all sexual advances would stop!

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Another-Veronica. Show Another-Veronica's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Dear Tub,

    You asked them nicely not to continue to send you videos & pictures especially since you have children & they are not listening.  This shows lack of respect for you.  If they thought you were kidding, perhaps you were not firm enough in voicing your opinion.

    Ask them one more time & be very adamant.  If they do not listen, you need to block their # if only for your kids.  Once they understand that you are very serious & if they are true friends, they should apologize & promise not to do it again.

    Or else it's time for new friends.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72. Show a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    I know youre all right. Maybe Im not coming across as being serious. Ill bring a gun next time I go over. Just kidding. But I will tell them that I have to block them. With the male I think Ill take the tactic that if he sends me these pics and vids and my daughter sees them he could find himself arguing with a judge about what level of sex offender he is to be considered...

    They do throw really good parties though - I mean the normal kind. Ive never been to one of the other kind they also throw.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdrotten. Show jdrotten's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Wow...that's really not cool at all.  You need to be more serious with them.  Like you said, tell them the consequences should your daughter happen to pick up your phone sometime.

    To bad some people just don't get the message until you're super firm with them.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Maybe it's like how Martinez always rubs Beltre's head after he hits a home run.  You can tell Beltre hates it, but at this point it's a running gag, and there's no way Martinez could stop. 

    I do wonder if they are interested in swinging with you, and these are clumsy attempts to feel you out.  If they are indeed swingers, I don't think you have a lot to loose by laying on the line and asking them if that's what's going on. 

    Beyond that, I agree with everyone else.  Just tell them firmly to stop.  If they don't, I'd cut them off for a bit.  After a few months, you can send them an email to see if they want to restart the friendship.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    I find it extremely annoying when people think I am not serious with a denial until I have to be firm enough that they get all offended.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Ugh.  This reminds me of a former friend who's bi who kept subtly hitting on me even though she knows I am straight.  Only she wasnt as obvious, so if I confronted her I knew she's just deny it, but continue.

    I agree with the others - firmly tell them to cut it out, and if they don't respect that then they aren't true friends.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    I agree with everyone, but ... if you do want some kind of friendship with them, make sure they use an anonymous email addie you've set up, not your phone.

    Anything to do with kids is a hard limit for me. It doesn't sound like they want your kids to see the pics, but they know they children might see the pics, so they are violating a very important boundary.

    As for the pics, your friends are being silly. They've struck a nerve, and now they want to tease you. Not fine friends, IMHO.

    (BTW - Try it. You'll like it. Srsly.)
     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72. Show a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    I talked to these two last night.  At first it was the same old nudge-nudge-wink-wink, but I was firm and told them that if it continued I'd have to block them from the cell. I told them that I liked them AS FRIENDS very much and would like to keep them as friends but that the cellphone stuff was off limits from now on.
    I chickened out on going anywhere near the swinger discussion except for emphasizing the AS FRIENDS part. Theres a big part of me that just doesnt want to know. Lalalalalalalala.....
    I think it will be effective. They seemed to be genuinely understanding. Of course today is the day I forgot my cellphone on the charger at home so I have to wait until tonight to find out.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Well good.  You made it clear you liked them, and made it clear what you find unacceptable.  I am crossing my fingers that your cell is nice and clean when you get home.
     
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  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72. Show a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    In Response to Re: Unwelcome messages:
    [QUOTE]Well good.  You made it clear you liked them, and made it clear what you find unacceptable.  I am crossing my fingers that your cell is nice and clean when you get home.
    Posted by diamondgirl[/QUOTE]

    For some reason I now feel like Im on a day-pass from jail...


     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    Heehee.  Sorry.  :D
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72. Show a3888b5accef493a59715074b2eb8c72's posts

    Re: Unwelcome messages

    By way of update - cell phone remains free of pic and video messages.
     
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