What kind of "friend" says this?

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  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdrotten. Show jdrotten's posts

    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    Dimmy wrote:
    That's another aspect of our friendship that's wearing on me, our friendship is on when he says it's on, but when he's distracted by other people or events, I'm a bother.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    So sorry Dimmy.  Don't let him make you feel like his option, when you obviously make him feel like a priority.  He's taking you for granted as a friend.  Not cool.  Not healthy.

    Take care!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink. Show ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink's posts

    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]Oh Dimmy I can't even come up with a plausible reason why a friend would make such a cruel remark. He sounds like an insensitive lout. As for helping him through his own turmoil, eaten bread is soon forgotten. My dear mom use to tell me that if someone stops being a positive force in your life, they are deadwood and should be pruned. I think that may be the case here. I am sure his words are resoundng in your ears. Try to drown out that sound with all the love and support you are getting here today. We can convene the witches coven and take him out, if you like.
    Posted by MoVa[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, MoVa, yeah, when I finally got around to asking myself what good he brings in my life, I was hard-pressed for an answer other than 'he's fun to have a drink with...'
     
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    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]The kind that doesn't value you Dimmy. Back away softly and slowly. You will be gone before you even realize that the last time you spoke to him was to say goodbye.
    Posted by ArekofEstre[/QUOTE]

    This seems to be tha main theme... just back away slowly and softly
    I'll leave on a whisper instead of a yell
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    Dimmy wrote: That's another aspect of our friendship that's wearing on me, our friendship is on when he says it's on, but when he's distracted by other people or events, I'm a bother. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So sorry Dimmy.  Don't let him make you feel like his option, when you obviously make him feel like a priority.  He's taking you for granted as a friend.  Not cool.  Not healthy. Take care!
    Posted by jdrotten


    Thanks, JD, it sucks but you're right, it's not healthy.
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this? : Thanks, MoVa, yeah, when I finally got around to asking myself what good he brings in my life, I was hard-pressed for an answer other than 'he's fun to have a drink with...'
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink[/QUOTE]



    That's what you have the LL crowd for.  ;-)
     
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    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this? : That's what you have the LL crowd for.  ;-)
    Posted by LWhitt58[/QUOTE]

    No kidding! :-)
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    I'm with Twocent.

    A "friend" who would honestly feel this way is not a friend...

    I have some pretty strict rules about who I call a "friend" and someone like this would never make the cut.

    I ask myself:

    Would this person back me up in a fight?
    Will they keep my secrets?
    Will they take my side even when they know I'm wrong and then bitchslap me later?
    Will we be able to make fun of one another mercilessly and still laugh?
    Will they testify against me in exchange for a lighter sentence?
    Will we go fishing every year and remember our days on Brokeback Mountain?  Oh wait, that last one wasn't me... 

    I'm in the camp of "A good friend will help you move.  A really good friend will help you move a body..." 

    I have no problem cutting folks out of my life, who are toxic to me on a continuing basis.  It took a while to learn that they're not worth my time and emotional energy.  If the only way they can make sense of their lives is to throw yours into chaos, then *snip*.
     
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    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]Oh wait, that last one wasn't me...  I'm in the camp of "A good friend will help you move.  A really good friend will help you move a body..."  I have no problem cutting folks out of my life, who are toxic to me on a continuing basis.  It took a while to learn that they're not worth my time and emotional energy.  If the only way they can make sense of their lives is to throw yours into chaos, then *snip*.
    Posted by TubThumper[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, Tub. Mostly, this person is all those things. But it's all talk only. A call to action delivers absence. I probably wouldn't have such an issue if we hadn't known each other for so long. And I keep wanting to see a 'lesson learned' in this friendship, even though I'm not sure there is one.
     
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    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]The length of a friendship does not always determine the strength of a friendship
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick[/QUOTE]

    Very true. Tough to deal with so many memories.
    Jesus, this feels worse than the last breakup I went through!
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    Get rid of him. 
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    Wow, Dimmy.  I can't believe a friend would say that.  Seems pretty callous (unless, you were prying for an answer, in which case why did you pry?).  I'm not really sure what to make of it, but it seems like a warning to me.  He wants you to know exactly where you stand with him.  Now, if you have more feelings for him than he does for you, he can put the blame squarely on you.  Not nice, but it's a warning you should heed

    Having said that, the reality is that many people, even good ones, will pull back from opposite gender friends when they are in a relationship.  It's tough (sometimes impossible) to have a intimate (in the emotional, not phsyical sense) friendship with someone of the opposite gender and not have it interfere with a relationship.
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    We have a Personal Foul--Unnecessary Roughness and an Illegal Hit From Behind, both on the "friend".
    The League has cracked down on these types of infractions, and the "friend" should be removed from the game, and suspended from further play.

    Dimmy--I am VERY sorry to hear that you are going through this.  Please remember that friendships are like any other relationships--they do not exist at the whim of one party, as "on-again, off-again" conveniences just for the benefit of one person.
    You are a person worthy of being treated decently.  You are not a piece of clothing that someone can pick up and put down whenever their mood suits them.
    I understand that it hurts, and that you have a lot of fond memories, but you must not let the good memories cloud your judgment on how you are being treated overall.  What I've read here is that this "friendship" is pretty much only on his terms, when he needs or wants it.
    That's not a friendship.  Don't allow yourself to be treated that way--you deserve better for and from yourself.

    CB
    Have Flag, Will Travel.

     
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    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]Get rid of him. 
    Posted by diamondgirl[/QUOTE]

    Text kick: If your future girl asked you to pick - would you really pick her over me, no questions asked?

    No response = silence is consent

    That'll be the last text.
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]Wow, Dimmy.  I can't believe a friend would say that.  Seems pretty callous (unless, you were prying for an answer, in which case why did you pry?).  I'm not really sure what to make of it, but it seems like a warning to me.  He wants you to know exactly where you stand with him.  Now, if you have more feelings for him than he does for you, he can put the blame squarely on you.  Not nice, but it's a warning you should heed Having said that, the reality is that many people, even good ones, will pull back from opposite gender friends when they are in a relationship.  It's tough (sometimes impossible) to have a intimate (in the emotional, not phsyical sense) friendship with someone of the opposite gender and not have it interfere with a relationship.
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]

    I didn't ask, Two-Sheds, voluntary disclosure.
    It kicks me the most because he's not even IN a relationship right now. And according to him this won't be for 'years down the line'
    I guess I'm a victim of my own optimism, I never thought it would happen with us. He's never lost standing in my life... until now.
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]We have a Personal Foul--Unnecessary Roughness and an Illegal Hit From Behind, both on the "friend". The League has cracked down on these types of infractions, and the "friend" should be removed from the game, and suspended from further play. Dimmy--I am VERY sorry to hear that you are going through this.  Please remember that friendships are like any other relationships--they do not exist at the whim of one party, as "on-again, off-again" conveniences just for the benefit of one person. You are a person worthy of being treated decently.  You are not a piece of clothing that someone can pick up and put down whenever their mood suits them. I understand that it hurts, and that you have a lot of fond memories, but you must not let the good memories cloud your judgment on how you are being treated overall.  What I've read here is that this "friendship" is pretty much only on his terms, when he needs or wants it. That's not a friendship.  Don't allow yourself to be treated that way--you deserve better for and from yourself. CB Have Flag, Will Travel.
    Posted by cb156[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, CB, I'd like to throw *something* at him. A flag would probably do. :-)
    I'm starting to get the perspective that this hasn't been a friendship for a long, long time. Best to cut my losses now.
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]We have a Personal Foul--Unnecessary Roughness and an Illegal Hit From Behind, both on the "friend". The League has cracked down on these types of infractions, and the "friend" should be removed from the game, and suspended from further play. Dimmy--I am VERY sorry to hear that you are going through this.  Please remember that friendships are like any other relationships--they do not exist at the whim of one party, as "on-again, off-again" conveniences just for the benefit of one person. You are a person worthy of being treated decently.  You are not a piece of clothing that someone can pick up and put down whenever their mood suits them. I understand that it hurts, and that you have a lot of fond memories, but you must not let the good memories cloud your judgment on how you are being treated overall.  What I've read here is that this "friendship" is pretty much only on his terms, when he needs or wants it. That's not a friendship.  Don't allow yourself to be treated that way--you deserve better for and from yourself. CB Have Flag, Will Travel.
    Posted by cb156[/QUOTE]


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    totally totally agree
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this? :
    Text kick: If your future girl asked you to pick - would you really pick her over me, no questions asked?
    No response = silence is consent
    That'll be the last text.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink[/QUOTE]



    Yeah, he's pretty much just completely dissed you for a non-existent woman.  Gah.  Time to say:

    So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye.


    And I truly <3 cb156.  Laughing  Forget throwing the flag at this "friend", Dimmy - throw the football.  Makes for a much more satisfying thud.  ;-)
     
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    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this? : Yeah, he's pretty much just completely dissed you for a non-existent woman.  Posted by LWhitt58[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that says a lot... a non existent woman is a better girlfriend than I am a friend. Wow. This hurts at least 14 kinds of awful.
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this? : Yeah, that says a lot... a non existent woman is a better girlfriend than I am a friend. Wow. This hurts at least 14 kinds of awful.
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink[/QUOTE]


    Don't let it.  Remember - this is HIS issue, not yours.  This is HIS stupid reasoning, not anything to do with you.  This is HIS lack of ability to be a good friend, not anything you've done or said.
     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this? : Don't let it.  Remember - this is HIS issue, not yours.  This is HIS stupid reasoning, not anything to do with you.  This is HIS lack of ability to be a good friend, not anything you've done or said.
    Posted by LWhitt58[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, LW58, I'll try, but it's hard.
    Even though he's a bum, I don't want to lose him.
    =(
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    Wow, Dimmy, what a thoughtless, callous, heartless thing for a friend to say.  I'd hate to think he really meant it.  I wonder what even made him bring up this rhetorical situation.

    My first thoughts are he's possibly:
    clueless
    crass
    into you
    not really good at verbal expression
    socially stunted.

    My reactions might be humor, one-up-manship, or re-evaluate the whole friendship entirely.  I'd probably respond with something like

    "Really?  Cuz I'd trade you for a decent margarita."

    or.....

    "Yeah, like you'd ever get a girlfriend." 



     
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    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What kind of "friend" says this? : Thank you, LW58, I'll try, but it's hard. Even though he's a bum, I don't want to lose him. =(
    Posted by ItDoesntMatterWhatIThink[/QUOTE]


    I know - but you know you need to have him out of your life.  Otherwise, you'll just still continue to hurt like you have been.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from cb156. Show cb156's posts

    Re: What kind of "friend" says this?

    Dimmy--I would definitely advise against committing a holding penalty here.  From the sounds of this "friendship", it seems to me that the only thing you'd do is hold yourself back.
    What advice would you give an LW that wrote in the following about their relationship with their "best friend":
    From my past experience with him, this wouldn't be about setting boundaries with a new girlfriend, it's about making sure I know my station in his life.
    That's another aspect of our friendship that's wearing on me, our friendship is on when he says it's on, but when he's distracted by other people or events, I'm a bother
    He's always tearing me down. Over the last year I started asking myself what this friend did for me - and the answer is summarily; nothing
    And yes, the friendship is mostly on his terms. It's definitely a power struggle
    I've done the pros and cons before. And then been made promises of better friendship. If I keep believing that malarky, I only have myself to blame.
    he's been content with treating me like dirt, because his 'best friend' is always there regardless
    when I finally got around to asking myself what good he brings in my life, I was hard-pressed for an answer other than 'he's fun to have a drink with...'
    it's all talk only. A call to action delivers absence.
    Signed:  Who Says That?

    Dimmy, you also said : "And I keep wanting to see a 'lesson learned' in this friendship, even though I'm not sure there is one"  There is one, and you are starting to see it.  It has to do with respecting yourself, and receiving that same respect from the people around you.  And as an additional comment, I add: Not a good idea to stay in a bad relationship of any kind if you're keeping it going just so you can learn a lesson.

    If you want to create the sound and fury that will reverberate throughout his mind, try complete silence.  YOU know why you have to walk away.  He'll just be left wondering.

    CB
    Have Flag.  Will Travel.

    PS.  I recommend hitting him with the gatorade container on your way off the field.  He'll have his helmet off, it hurts more than the football, and it's pretty clear the clue-by-four isn't going to work.

     

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