When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from CFQ. Show CFQ's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

    Don't pay it - watch a couple of episodes of Judge Judy and you'll see why...
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from mikeyd99. Show mikeyd99's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

       I think it's interesting that so many responders have automatically assumed reckless spending on the part of the SO, even going so far as recommending debtors anonymous. While that's entirely possible, we're also in the midst of a time where a lot of very responsible people are drowning financially due to a myriad of reasons and the OP mentioned at least one of them, underemployment. To me, it's good to hear he's at least working wherever he can.
       I can't help but wonder if people are responding do harshly because it would be a woman giving a man money? Socially we find it more acceptable to view a woman needing financial help, but a man accepting financial help is viewed pretty harshly. He's gigolo, lazy, irresponsible, etc. 
        What's clearest to me from the OP is that she really doesn't want to give him this money, which is ABSOLUTELY FINE. It's hers to with as she pleases. If it's because he's been irresponsible, then you should certainly have him explore the options you've been presented with. If there's another reason for this, be honest about that. Are you afraid that the differences in your finances are going to be ongoing problem? Do you really see a future with him? Are you ready for the kind of sharing that marriage requires? 
    Good luck to you both.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kendrasbigday. Show kendrasbigday's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

    I disagree with the others.  You love him so help him.  Just be smart and do it with a contract - http://tinyurl.com/4obbhd

     

    In Response to When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?:
    I love my boyfriend but he is in a world of hurt right now, financially speaking.  It's a deadly combination of credit card debt, student loans, and chronic underemployment. He's 90 days past due on student loan and has no means to start paying it back.  I am financially stable with no bad debt.  I received an inheritance many years ago that I never planned on touching and it sits in a brokerage acct that I never think about.  Easily, I could cash in 1/3rd of my inheritance and eliminate his credit card debt completely. This would enable him to focus on the student loan debt which keeps mounting.  I love him, and I want to help him.  But then I think - this is his problem and he should find a way out of it.  We're not married, and we probably can't ever get married b/c it would subject me to financial risk.   But then I think about how much money I'll be saving him - thousands of dollars in interest - if I give him the money now.  It kills me to watch him throw what little money he has at a problem every month that keeps getting bigger. Do I do it?
    Posted by whippoorwill79

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from BR88. Show BR88's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

    I agree with all the others, don't pay off his debt for all the previously listed reasons.

    Depending on the community you live in, I would see if the local community health center and/or library has any classes.

    For example, in Dorchester, Dotwell (which works with Dorchester House & Codman Square Health Center) has many free financial programs that are open to the community.  They include credit counseling, free tax filing (if you meet certain income requirements), etc.  www.dotwell.org
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from diamondgirl. Show diamondgirl's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

    MikeyD, if he is behind on credit card and student loan payments, he needs a solid repayment plan, whether he spent himself to the ground, or whether he lost his job and had to buy groceries with a credit card.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from SabrinaAdena. Show SabrinaAdena's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

    Bankruptcy does nothing for student loan debt. It doesn't even die with you.

    Don't give him the money. Its a bad choice. Don't even offer. And if he asks, say sorry but no. This man is not your husband so his debt is his problem.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

    mikeyd - My advice would have been the same if it'd been the bf offering to help and the gf with all the debt.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from JJLen. Show JJLen's posts

    Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?

    In Response to Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt?:
    In Response to Re: When is it OK to pay off your SO's debt? : I stand corrected. I did a Ch. 13 so I could keep my place (which I own). It's austerity-ville here, but worth it. My attorney charged less than $3,000, and I had to take a two-hour seminar on debt management. But coming up with the $3,000 wasn't easy - hopefully the O/P's bf will have better luck.
    Posted by reindeergirl


    Very few people qualify for Chapter 7 bankruptcy nowadays; several years ago (maybe 2003?) the rules changed. A large pile of consumer debt (credit debt) often means the debtor has to go through ch. 13, not 7. Congress didn't like that people could write off consumer debts.

    Stevehud, you are so angry and defensive in your posts that you are misreading people's responses. I'm going to assume that is simply because you feel so strongly, and not because you are trying to be a troll-like poster. But you should take a few breaths and re-read. One huge issue is that they are dating -- they are not married. I think it is insane to pay off the debts of someone you are dating. Married? Okay. But dating? Please.

    Also, no one has suggested she simply tell him how to fix it and walk away. People are offering suggestions of ways she can help him -- helping him connect with resources that exist out there (bankruptcy, credit counseling, consolidation, debtor's anonymous). She can offer support and encouragement and help him without giving him tons of money. After all, you're right -- love does not equal money. That's why she shouldn't have to pay him (through paying off his debt) in order to date him.
     
     
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