Yesterday's Letter (Education)

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    You know, I think this subject has probably been beaten to a pulp, but then again when I see the LL comments section I'm always like "Holy smokes, there are already 1000 comments.... how many of them are about the letter and the rest regular conversation..."

    What is everyone's thoughts on education and dating? I mean, if you looked online would the checkmarks be important to you? I'll admit that sometimes I use to be concerned about it while I was dating, but do you overlook a possible funny, intellegent, post if someone doesn't have a bachelors?

    Granted I didn't use a dating site to meet my girlfriend, but for many people that's all they have. I basically looked for people that actually could write something interesting and didn't have a bunch of pictures of them partying.

    How big of a deal breaker is this for you?

    Thoughts?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE] I'll admit that sometimes I use to be concerned about it while I was dating, but do you overlook a possible funny, intellegent, post if someone doesn't have a bachelors?
    Posted by MrCorvin[/QUOTE]

    I haven't used a dating site, but I'm guessing that people can use those check boxes as filters.  So, that funny, intellegent post doesn't even get viewed by the people who'd prefer someone with a degree.

    Myself, if I were to use such a site, I probably wouldn't look at profiles where the person didn't have a degree.  There are so many profiles, and only so much time, so you've got to pre-sort them out somehow.  It's not that I wouldn't consider dating someone who didn't have a degree.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    Lily- will jump down my throat for this, but this is how I feel.

    I think there are certain life events that are the making of you.  Getting a bachelor's degree is one of them.  I filter out anyone that doesn't have a college degree.  I know I'm probably filtering out some perfectly good men - but then online dating is fundamentally imperfect anyways.

    I will also make allowances for someone with a PHD that I wouldn't make for someone with a bachelors or a masters.  When you spend X years of your life basically disconnected from society in order to get your degree, it's only natural that your life gets a little imbalanced.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]You know, I think this subject has probably been beaten to a pulp, but then again when I see the LL comments section I'm always like "Holy smokes, there are already 1000 comments.... how many of them are about the letter and the rest regular conversation..." What is everyone's thoughts on education and dating? I mean, if you looked online would the checkmarks be important to you? I'll admit that sometimes I use to be concerned about it while I was dating, but do you overlook a possible funny, intellegent, post if someone doesn't have a bachelors? Granted I didn't use a dating site to meet my girlfriend, but for many people that's all they have. I basically looked for people that actually could write something interesting and didn't have a bunch of pictures of them partying. How big of a deal breaker is this for you? Thoughts?
    Posted by MrCorvin[/QUOTE]


    No, a lack of those checkmarks wouldn't be a dealbreaker.  In fact, if someone listed that they were a Ph.D., I'd be less inclined to click-through and see if there was any there-there.  Based on my experience, those with multiple heavy-duty degrees tend to be less down-to-earth, have less common sense, less my type of sense of humor.  I'm not broad-brushing EVERYONE with Ph.D.'s here - I'm just saying based on those people that I've met, they wouldn't be someone I'd be interested in dating if that opportunity had presented itself.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Yesterday's Letter (Education) : I haven't used a dating site, but I'm guessing that people can use those check boxes as filters.  So, that funny, intellegent post doesn't even get viewed by the people who'd prefer someone with a degree. 
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]

    Well....  I've used a few and what you say is true but that only lasts for a few days.

    While the user can search on whatever criteria they choose, the sites generally send you "matches" based on whatever their own algorithim comes up with and that may or may not include education so you might end up seeing people's profiles that may not meet your search criteria.

    You also end up changing your searches over time.  Once you setup that inital "dream search" with your list of a thousand requirements, you find that the only 3 people that meet it live hundreds (if not thousands) of miles away.  So the user changes their critera and quickly learns to narrow their search to a reasonable distance.   After 3 or 4 days you find that the same faces keep coming up.  If they aren't responding to you  (and the odds are high that they won't) you modify your searches more and more.  Sooner or later you end up doing a search with minimal criteria and the education level requirement goes out the window. Instead you start looking for someone that lives within 10 miles, is within a given age range and is still breathing.

    Once you drop all the wish lists you start reading the profiles (which can get pretty depressing!).  Most are pretty vapid so when you do stumble on a good profile write-up it stands out.

    In the end, searches only provide so may choices and you find that what you actually care about isn't even listed in the various checkboxes they offer so you start categorizing people by things that come up in their profile write-ups.  
     
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Yesterday's Letter (Education) : No, a lack of those checkmarks wouldn't be a dealbreaker.  In fact, if someone listed that they were a Ph.D., I'd be less inclined to click-through and see if there was any there-there.  Based on my experience, those with multiple heavy-duty degrees tend to be less down-to-earth, have less common sense, less my type of sense of humor.  I'm not broad-brushing EVERYONE with Ph.D.'s here - I'm just saying based on those people that I've met, they wouldn't be someone I'd be interested in dating if that opportunity had presented itself.
    Posted by LWhitt58[/QUOTE]

    Gee, thanks a lot.  Seriously, though, that's exactly the problem.  On these sites, there is a large number of people, and so you have to sort people quickly based without really knowing them.  In other words, you have to rely on your prejudices
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThatJneenGrrl. Show ThatJneenGrrl's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    When I was online dating, I believe I said in my initial profile setup that college or above was preferred, but I never redlined anyone over it.

    Heck, I had my age preference set at 7 years to either side of my age, but a good chunk of the guys I ended up dating were even younger than that.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)


    Jim:

    Still breathing is pretty much number one on my criteria list.


    But maybe that's because I'm older now.  Maybe I'd be less picky if I were still in my 20's.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : Well....  I've used a few and what you say is true but that only lasts for a few days.

    ... Instead you start looking for someone that lives within 10 miles, is within a given age range and is still breathing. Once you drop all the wish lists you start reading the profiles (which can get pretty depressing!).  Most are pretty vapid so when you do stumble on a good profile write-up it stands out.  
    Posted by Jim-in-Littleton[/QUOTE]

    At that point, I'd be so desparate I might date a left-shoe.  So, yea, lacking education probably wouldn't hold me back if there were other signs the person would be a good match.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]Jim: Still breathing is pretty much number one on my criteria list. But maybe that's because I'm older now.  Maybe I'd be less picky if I were still in my 20's.
    Posted by EnjoyEverySandwich[/QUOTE]

    lol

    The thing is, when I was on PoF the people with the most items on the "must have/can't have" lists were the one's that cried the most about not getting contacted - and a lot of them were in their 20s.  (PoF happens to have forums where people discuss that sort of thing so you can get an idea of what people are doing/not doing with their profiles and searches. I'd guess that the exact same thing happens on other sites too.)

    I ended up meeting my lovely even though we would have never met if we'd both left our inital search requirements in place.
     
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  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]LMB, did you even read my posts yesterday?  You know, the ones where I was advocating a college education?  And defending BostonGal, who like you, won't date someone without a degree? We all have our filters.  You choose education as a filter.  That's your choice.  Free will. I have my filters.  We all do.
    Posted by Lily-[/QUOTE]

    I didn't read yesterday's column.  I was drowning in the misery of a programming project that just won't end.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : At that point, I'd be so desparate I might date a left-shoe.  So, yea, lacking education probably wouldn't hold me back if there were other signs the person would be a good match.
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]

    A left shoe?  There ya go being picky again! Tongue out
     
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  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    I used OK Cupid, and I don't recall being able to filter out by education.  Maybe it was there - I don't remember, and I didn't use it.  Instead, OK Cupid has you answer a whole mess of questions and then calculates your % match with others.  So,  I sorted my matches based on % match and filtered on location.  I didn't see the point in starting something with someone in Indiana :P

    So, with OK Cupid, I read through people's profiles regardless of their educational background.  This gave me a chance to get a sense of their personality before any education prejuidice kicked in.

    What item that did turn me off was when a man listed his 6 figure salary.  Blech.  I always wondered if he was lying or being crude int rying to impress women.  Either way, I passed on those - I don't need a guy who thinks women can be bought.  Instead I was much more impressed by the men who listed their salaries in the $20Ks - I knew THEY were being honest, and looking for a woman who'd look past their salary to see THEM.

    Now, would I date someone w/o a degree?  Maybe, in fact I think my first online date didn't have a degree.  But, as I said yesterday, to me a bachelor's degree ups the chances that we'll have some life experiences in common.  Would I automatically exclude them if they didn't have a degree?  No, not on that fact alone.  If they sound interesting I'd answer them back, but that has a lot to do with how they wrote their profile.

    Which makes me think that a lot of good people don't do well online simply because they're not good writers.  So, if anything, my experience online dating caused me to rule out bad writers, which is fine with me.  Decent writing skills is one of my must haves.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE] I'm just giving you the advice that changing up your filter may lead you to people who are just as smart and just as kind, and maybe less creepy!
    Posted by Sally-[/QUOTE]

    This is just a general remark, and not aimed at anyone in particular:

    I think a woman's user name on an online site plays a role in the amount of creepies she attracts.  If it's a name that can in any way be perceived as kittenish and sexual she'll get hit on more by the creeps than someone who's name is more neutral.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : Gee, thanks a lot.  Seriously, though, that's exactly the problem.  On these sites, there is a large number of people, and so you have to sort people quickly based without really knowing them.  In other words, you have to rely on your prejudices . 
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]


    True, two-sheds.  (and again, no offense was meant for anyone here who are Ph.D.'s.  :-) )   But yes, you have to go with "what you know" in a very short time frame.  Can make for missed opportunities, I suppose.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    Oh, and one more thing - OK Cupid allows you to skip items in your profile, so you can get away with not checking off any education box.  And I don't think you had to list what you're looking for.
     
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  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from JTB8773. Show JTB8773's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    I'm with Lilly - we all have filters.
     
    Mine is, has and always will be education.  And as I recall, with Match (where I admit I met my wonderful Mr. B!) you could filter on education (like smoking, weight etc).  Now that's not to say I didn't have some fun with men who DIDN'T have the education level I was looking for but I never considered them 'seriously' as a possible partner - they were just dates - part of the re-learning process after having been out of the dating pool for a number of years.

    It all comes down to what do you need, expect and how HONEST you are with yourself.
     
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  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]I prefer men without degrees so that I can assured that they DON'T have some of the same life experiences as I.
    Posted by Sally-[/QUOTE]

    One of the funny things (to me anyway) from yesterday's discussion was that people listed a Heinz-57 of ways to get a degree yet some kept coming back to this "shared life experience" thing.

    Ok, 2 people both have a degree.  How is that a shared life experience?  Does the person that went to a 4-year school right after high school and lived in a dorm share anything in common with someone that went the commuter/Community College/Adult Ed route?

    Unless the two happened to go to the same school in the same degree program within a few years of each other, their "shared experience" doesn't exist. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]The thing is LMB -- and I say this to be slightly tough on you: IT'S NOT WORKING FOR YOU. YOU'RE STILL SINGLE. 
    Posted by Sally-[/QUOTE]

    I'm still single because I am relying too much on online dating sites and not getting out enough.

    That and I get freaked out easy when guys come on too strong.

    Also - I'm not looking for A GUY, I'm looking for the RIGHT GUY.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    when i was using the online dating sites as one of my ways to meet/date men, i DID put higher education as a factor that i liked to see in others.

    BUT BUT BIT
    that said, when i went perusing through the profiles  i would generally look at any profile that piqued my interest. whether it be their tag line or photo or location.
    believe it or not, location was a major focus to me.
    but if someone caught my attention, education really didnt factor in a  criteria that would be a deal breaker.
    on my profile of what i was looking for i did check it off, but if someone didnt have that, it in no way detered me from not being interested in them.but i did have it checked as i thought college education could be a commonality, possibly.

    what really caught my attention was someone who had a personable/witty/quirky/funny/(hopefully) honest/sincere outlook on life.
    someone like myself who doesnt take themselves too seriously.. if i saw they they were seemingly content with their life and where it was going, albiet not having a partner, then that was who sparked my interest...

    and believe it or not, someone who loves dogs or not is a major dealbreaker for me. MUST LOVE DOGS

    i dont know if the above makes any sense to you all, but it does to me... and really that's all that matters, so, Mccorvin, not sure it helps, but there ya go...
    smiles - BBB
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : Unless the two happened to go to the same school in the same degree program within a few years of each other, their "shared experience" doesn't exist. 
    Posted by Jim-in-Littleton[/QUOTE]

    I disagree.  Mr. Cent & I went to two different colleges in two different parts of the country, and we can still relate to each other's college experiences of being in an academically challenging environment (i.e., bombing out in classes and getting our egos busted), dealing with roommate situations, etc.  We can also contrast out experiences.  For instance, I think his college would have been more fun for me...  But my dating life would have still stunk :P

    As to whether I'd share something with someone who went to CC and transferred to a 4 year, and was an older student, I think I would.  We'd both know what it's like to deal with jerk professors, a heavy academic load, university bureacracy, etc.

    Another reason why I might prefer a college-educated guy is it would decrease the chances of him resenting me for having gone to college.  It won't guarantee it, but it would lessen that chance.
     
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