Yesterday's Letter (Education)

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Gracelan. Show Gracelan's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    I am curious though, when on a date, do you ask for your date to bring a yearbook, wear their school's sweatshirt and bring 3 notarized copies of their diploma?
    Posted by The-Porkchop-Express


    Come on, Porkchop, let's not get carried away.  Obviously 1 notarized copy is sufficient.

    Actually, for my own part, I don't trust the educational system, so I issue my own written exam before each date. I think it's a more accurate way of testing intelligence.  I vary the questions each time to prevent cheating, however. The most recent exam was a little bit skewed and had a lot of questions about b00bs, apparently, but what can you do. No test is perfect...just look at the SATs.  
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    Another reason why I might prefer a college-educated guy is it would decrease the chances of him resenting me for having gone to college.  It won't guarantee it, but it would lessen that chance.

    And

    My whole family is very blue collar and on my father's side, they actually kind of looked down on me for going to grad school

    I just want to touch on these points after reading everyone's responses.

    In regards to resentment, I think it comes down to the mindset of the person that doesn't have a degree. Which in my case brings me to the second point.

    How much of your thought goes down to family? I mean my mom doesn't mind my girlfriend with a Masters degree because my mom knows I like women that are wicked smaht. Yet at the same time it scares my own GF about what her family might think of me since I don't have a degree.

    In my viewpoint, I'm confident enough of what I can put through with without a degree. One day when I can afford it out of my own pocket, I may go for a degree, but at the same time, there isn't anything I really want to learn that I need a degree. If I want to learn Italian one day, I'll take a course in Italian
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Butterflyz. Show Butterflyz's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    The age filter is a great second example. Even if you set it up, for 10 years in either direction, well, the perfect match may be 11 years separated from you. You're blocking out a whole class of people who don't fall within that age range. It's arbitrary but the nature of online dating makes it absolutely necessary, there's just no way you can look at every single profile and contact every single person there's even the smallest chance with whom you could connect. Online dating is just one way of meeting people, it has limitations, just like any other form of dating. Meeting through mutual friends is limited by those people your friends know who are single. Meeting through a class or meet-up is limited by the people who had the time to go at the same time you go. What about those people who don't go to a skiing meet-up, but a snowboard instead, you'll never meet those people! We can't do it all, or meet everyone, and so we have to use some filters, it's just the types of filters we use in the "real world" and online, don't always completely overlap.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Kind-of-Irritating-Lady. Show Kind-of-Irritating-Lady's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    The most recent exam was a little bit skewed and had a lot of questions about b00bs, apparently, but what can you do. No test is perfect...just look at the SATs.  
    Posted by Gracelan


    How true.  I got 1250 on my SATs, but I'm sure it would have been much, much higher had the questions been about b00bz.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from bzorn22. Show bzorn22's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    Lily- will jump down my throat for this, but this is how I feel. I think there are certain life events that are the making of you.  Getting a bachelor's degree is one of them.  I filter out anyone that doesn't have a college degree.  I know I'm probably filtering out some perfectly good men - but then online dating is fundamentally imperfect anyways. I will also make allowances for someone with a PHD that I wouldn't make for someone with a bachelors or a masters.  When you spend X years of your life basically disconnected from society in order to get your degree, it's only natural that your life gets a little imbalanced.
    Posted by Loud-Mouthed-Broad

    And how is your life being imbalanced a good thing. 


     
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  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    I fully get the idea of common experiences but I have a mental block when it comes to the idea of presuming that a piece of paper or a checkbox on a Web site eliminates the possibility that the common experiences exist.Posted by Jim-in-Littleton


    I think this is why I ended up using OK Cupid.  You don't check off boxes of what you want to date.  Instead, you answer a bunch of questions in two ways: YOUR answer, and your ideal MATE's answer, then you rate how important the question is.  The results all go into the site's mathematical formula and it calculates how closely you match with someone.  So while there might be a question about education level, it won't necessarily cut off a whole mess of people from you because it's mixed with all sorts of other things, like smoking/non-smoking, religious beliefs, pop-culture references, etc.  Even some really personal sex stuff, if you choose to answer everything (I didn't answer the really personal stuff - didn't want it in some database somewhere).

    I did take a look at Match and I felt icky about checking off boxes about education level, income, race, religion, etc.  So, I didn't use Match.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    I did see your response yesterday Butterlyz!  Thought it was one of the better responses of the day in fact.

    I just find this entire concept to be very foreign.  I was always told (and you see it repeated often) that going to college to was supposed to open one's mind to additional possibilities in life.  Basing one's future relationships on whether someone went to college (or finished a degree program) just strikes me as being more closed minded than open minded.

    I fully get the idea of common experiences but I have a mental block when it comes to the idea of presuming that a piece of paper or a checkbox on a Web site eliminates the possibility that the common experiences exist.  The whole idea of dating is to interact and learn what the common experiences are and aren't (as well as create a few).  If the dating sites were that good we could all just go punch in whatever our criteria is and marry the 1st "match" that pops up and live happily ever after, right?  For me, there are far to many intangibles to concern myself with than what the checkboxes allow for. I spent 21 years in the military but the idea of restricting my dating to women that also were in the military just seems a little silly to me.

    If I wrote a letter in to Love Letters saying that's what I do, I doubt there would be many people that would agree that limiting myself in such a way would be a good idea.
    Posted by Jim-in-Littleton




    I wish I could recommend this post, Jim.  Recommend it a LOT.
     
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  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    You're blocking out a whole class of people who don't fall within that age range. It's arbitrary but the nature of online dating makes it absolutely necessary, there's just no way you can look at every single profile and contact every single person there's even the smallest chance with whom you could connect.
    Posted by Butterflyz


    Very, very true.  And, if you're a woman, you're also fielding inquiries from men...*  Online dating takes time and effort, but in a different way than meetups, etc.

    *From what I've been told by the guys I've met, men don't get a lot of messages.  Or at least not nearly the amount women get.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    Great, did I kill a thread again? Yeesh.  Am I like, some sort of leper or something?
    Posted by The-Porkchop-Express



    These are two separate issues, Porkchop.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from bzorn22. Show bzorn22's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    It seems to me that the college experience that they are talking about is having blow-out parties and getting blind drunk on someone elses nickel. I did night school. I was at blow out parties and got blind drunk but I was the one paying for it. I don't see the inherent advantage of having 4 years of no responsibilities. It would seem a limiting thing to me.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Kind-of-Irritating-Lady. Show Kind-of-Irritating-Lady's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    Is there a checkbox for 'leper'?  I want to make sure all the leper lovers get a crack at this.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    Is it the piece of paper?  The stigma? The bragging rights? The giant hole in your pocket? What do you, as a person, really truly lack because you don't hold a degree? What would make you "unworthy" in the eyes of your GF's parents? I'm just wondering, not picking on anyone.
    Posted by DrunkWithLove


    In theory, to answer the questions
    Yes, Yes, Yes, No, No idea, no degree....on top of being almost a decade older then her. Her whole family just has bachelors+ degrees so I think that freaks her out a bit.

    For all I know, her worries could be for naught and they can be like "as long as you love him and he treats you right we don't care."

     
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  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Butterflyz. Show Butterflyz's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    Bzorn, I don't think it's "an inherent advantage." If your concerns with a degree are about job potential or valuing higher education generally, then it doesn't/shouldn't matter if the degree was obtained in 4-years or part-time. For the cultural/shared experiences thing, how one got the degree might matter. And the cultural aspect goes beyond parties and getting crazy drunk, at least I hope it does for most people. It certainly does for me, those were the smallest parts of what I loved about college. The mundane aspects, living on campus in a dorm with shared bathrooms, the clubs you joined, the school spirit, getting food at the dining hall at 1 a.m. just because you could, all those little things. My boyfriend never really experienced that rah rah school spirit that I did, and that's largely because he never lived on campus, being surrounded by it daily for four years. It's one experience out of many possible experiences. My boyfriend worked on a research ship off the coast of Antartica for months at a time when he stopped going to college for 2 years. I could never relate to that experience. The only difference is that, as I said earlier, in this part of the country particularly, for my age group at least, the 4 year college experience is almost as expected as attending high school.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : I'm still single because I am relying too much on online dating sites and not getting out enough. -- Believable. So can I ask why you bother with dating sites? I'm picking a fight with you but I'm hoping it's a respectful fight. What if, LMB, the right guy for you DOESN'T have a degree? And, to your point about a man being threatened by a woman who has a degree, well, he sounds like the WRONG guy, so you wouldn't date him anyways. Point moot. So, I challenge you to spend one week on line not filtering out because of degrees. See what you get? Prove me wrong.
    Posted by Sally-


    I like how you pick fights with me Sally-  So long as you tell me up front that you are doing it, I'm game.


    I don't bother looking at anyone's profile or sending notes to anyone.  I concluded (and I  think Monty concurred) that it's far better to be approached than the other way around.  Let's give it a month instead of a week.


    I promise not to cancel the next date I'm asked out on (I've cancelled two in the past two months).  And I will remove the filter in my profile for education.



     

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    Believable. So can I ask why you bother with dating sites?
    Posted by Sally-[/QUOTE]

    So that I can have the illusion of 'putting myself out there'. 

    It's a lot like when I was in college and I used to bring my textbooks to the Frat house and sit on the bar and study while hanging out with my friends.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    What is the true value of a degree? Is the the life experience? Is it the actual knowledge gained? Is it the piece of paper?  The stigma? The bragging rights? The giant hole in your pocket? What do you, as a person, really truly lack because you don't hold a degree? What would make you "unworthy" in the eyes of your GF's parents? I'm just wondering, not picking on anyone.
    Posted by DrunkWithLove


    I was going to write a long explanation about values and economic advantages, but you know what, I think it comes down to class.  We want someone who is in a similar "class" to us.  We measure class by money and education.  The reality is, people are snobs.  And it's not just the educated who are snobs.  I've certainly hear plenty of people say they don't want to listen to someone with their ivory-tower education, or that someone with a Ph.D. must lack real-world smarts (sorry, LWitt, for bringing that up again - just illustrating a point).

    This doesn't make us bad people.  We simply relate better to people we have the most in common with.
     
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  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    It seems to me that the college experience that they are talking about is having blow-out parties and getting blind drunk on someone elses nickel. I did night school.
    Posted by bzorn22


    I really hate it when people assume that EVERYONE who went to college did nothing but party.  I didn't have any blow out parties, and I paid for my own beer and booze.  I also never got blind drunk.

    For me the non-academic part of college was meeting people from another part of the country and from other countries.  People I never would have met otherwise.  I also met people who weren't Mass. Democrats and who were some religion other than agnostic/atheist, Unitarian, Catholic, or Episcopalian.  It was also learning, the hard way, that time management is useful and that no, I would not be able to do everything I thought I could.  I was also among people who were more like me as opposed to the rich brats at my high school :P

    And I learned what a drag it is to travel on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
     
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  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : It's not really a fight. It's yenta in me trying to get you to think about all the different possibilities. I'm not saying you'll be attracted to a guy who digs ditches for a living. Chances are he won't be attracted to a woman with advanced degrees. But maybe there is someone who is extremely successful at his job who happens to not have a degree. I know a few. And I live with one. And he is way smarter than I am.
    Posted by Sally-

    And as I recall, you picked him up in a bar...all this filter stuff goes out the window when you meet someone in person and feel a connection.

     
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