Yesterday's Letter (Education)

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from MrCorvin. Show MrCorvin's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]So, for the folks here who didn't attend college: What was your reason for not doing so?
    Posted by reindeergirl[/QUOTE]

    In my case, I didn't finish. I have only one year under my belt. In my case had to do with a mixture of money and location.

    After I got through my first year in New Hampshire, I was ready for my second year and to start to finish my associates, when the family moved to Lousiana from NH. I did not have anywhere to stay in NH. I had just recieved a part time job 2 days before I was informed we were moving, and since I didn't drive, well, I was stuck.

    When I got to Lousiana, none of my credits transfered. Didn't feel like paying the federal goverment more money to take English Comp 1 and 2 over again. Since then it's been "Really, I don't want to pay any more student loans..."
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheRealJBar. Show TheRealJBar's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    CHC I always enjoy your posts and learning things from you.  I get what you're saying about not lording your intelligence over people. Don't change a thing.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]When you are smart, it's your duty to make others comfortable. === That statement makes me uncomfortable since I have no odea w-t--f you're talking about. Are you really going through life thinking you have a responsibility to make dumb people comfortable?? I swear to god I don't think I've ever come across a more self absorbed condescending person in my entire life than you CHC. I'd go on but I have to take a conference call with Chelsea.
    Posted by CharmingSean[/QUOTE]

    Little wonder I have no interest in talking with you in real life.  You've got problems, dude.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

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    [QUOTE]CHC I always enjoy your posts and learning things from you.  I get what you're saying about not lording your intelligence over people. Don't change a thing.
    Posted by TheRealJBar[/QUOTE]

    I'd like to take credit, but if you go back and read the thread, it was Lily- who made that point.


    And to close the loop on this topic, this is what I think Two Sheds meant when he talked about wanting to hang out with similar people.  It's exhausting to think about all of the different ways that others could be offended or feel diminished from a benign statement.  Not my preferred social outlet.

     
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  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    They say the essence of good manners is to make others comfortable.  Having good manners does not consist of going around correcting everyone else.  (ZOMG that's the fish fork!!!)

    Same with smarts.  And social skills.  The responsibility of people with smarts is not to make other people feel dumb; or to make those without social skills feel awkward.  The whole point of everything is to keep getting better, no? 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from cb156. Show cb156's posts

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    When you are smart, it's your duty to make others comfortable.
    ----------------------------------

    LMB--In one way, I can understand this sentiment, but really, when I think about it, it has nothing to do with intelligence or educational level.
    It's about finding common ground and dealing with people as equals in social situations.  You don't dumb yourself down, but you don't force a topic of personal expertise onto anyone either just to show off.
    As for whether saying things like "I have a conference call with China" is showing off--that's just plain silly.  Clearly falls under what I said earlier about how a person hears or perceives the message more than what was actually said.  Seriously, I don't hear anyone complaining that people around here are bragging or showing off when they say they have to leave the forum to go pick up their kid (isn't that showing off to people who don't or can't have children?) or they're off to cook dinner (lots of people that can't cook).
    Here's an example for you:  I have to drop off this forum now.
    Did I just say that I am going to go do something else, or did I just say that I have something else to do that is WAY more important than anything the rest of you folks still posting here have to do?

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]But there's a fine line between pride and bragging.  Just like the really rich people in this world don't need to brag about their money, the smartest people don't need to brag about their intellectualism either.
    Posted by Lily-[/QUOTE]

    Very true.

    I feel stoopid and icky for saying this but I don't always tell people where I went to school because it's a fancy shmancy school and I don't want to look like I'm bragging.  Also, one time when someone asked me where I went, I told her, and then she got a sad face and said, "I wish I was smart enough to go there."  I felt really bad for inadvertantly making her feel bad :(

    Now I feel sad Frown
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

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    [QUOTE]When you are smart, it's your duty to make others comfortable. ---------------------------------- LMB--In one way, I can understand this sentiment, but really, when I think about it, it has nothing to do with intelligence or educational level. It's about finding common ground and dealing with people as equals in social situations.  You don't dumb yourself down, but you don't force a topic of personal expertise onto anyone either just to show off. As for whether saying things like "I have a conference call with China" is showing off--that's just plain silly.  Clearly falls under what I said earlier about how a person hears or perceives the message more than what was actually said.  Seriously, I don't hear anyone complaining that people around here are bragging or showing off when they say they have to leave the forum to go pick up their kid (isn't that showing off to people who don't or can't have children?) or they're off to cook dinner (lots of people that can't cook). Here's an example for you:  I have to drop off this forum now. Did I just say that I am going to go do something else, or did I just say that I have something else to do that is WAY more important than anything the rest of you folks still posting here have to do?
    Posted by cb156[/QUOTE]
    _________________

    THIS is called emotional intelligence...your EQ, and you have it CB..not many do.  You either do or you don't. Schools can't teach this. I don't care how much money you pay for an education you either relate or you don't, you either try or you don't, you either get it or you don't. You either realize that if you don't relate it doesn't mean it has to be exhaustive or high maintance, you just know how to handle the situation or you figure it's too much effort to even try to relate and go  find people that make life easier.

    Hey if that's what you want to do and are comfortable doing, so be it.

    Unfortunately in my experience - the ones that give up on trying to relate to people that are "different" have always been the "highly" educated folks. Perhaps they think they are more important, better, smarter, wiser.. or perhaps they've just grown tired of working for things. Either way, that's been my experience and  you can't teach people how to make an effort.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

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    When you are smart, it's your duty to make others comfortable
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    hmmmm, i really like CHC/LMB but this remark im kind of taken aback at.
    i get where you're coming from with it, but in the manner in which its read( and CB, it is the manner i think most people will read it) it really really does come off rather elitist and or snobbish
    sorry chc/lmb i mean no disrespect to you but i try to be as objective as i can when reading peoples' posts, but this is not a becoming statement to put out there....
    or maybe im reading it wrong... either way. not becoming at all, IMO
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    I make everyone feel comfortable.. but that's because I play dumb ;)

    Love you BBB...
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]And to close the loop on this topic, this is what I think Two Sheds meant when he talked about wanting to hang out with similar people.  It's exhausting to think about all of the different ways that others could be offended or feel diminished from a benign statement.  Not my preferred social outlet.
    Posted by Loud-Mouthed-Broad[/QUOTE]

    In the Unitarian religion there's a lot of work being done around identity-based stuff, e.g., people of color, GLBTQ, etc.  One thing that is important for the minority groups is to have a place of their own where they can share common experiences and VENT without having to defend or explain themselves.  For example, a paraplegic in a wheelchair can vent to others in the differently abled group about how hard it is for her to go to her church because there's no ramp.  She'll get sympathy and empathy and a safe place for her to express her frustrations WITHOUT having to hear the usual excuses (not enough money, etc.).  She can go straight to what she needs - venting and a sympathetic ear - without having explain everything all over again.

    When I went out with bf, um, I don't know, #4, it was a relief at first because his class background was more similar to mine than bf #3.  Occasionally I'd get chip-on-the-shoulder flack from bf #3 for having more money or whatever, and that got tiring.  With bf #4 I didn't get that.

    ETA: And I think a big reason why I got flack from bf #3 is because he was insecure.  If he had been secure like Choppy I doubt it would have been an issue.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    and hi JBar!!!!! That is wonderful that your step daughter got her degree, I'm applying for Harvard Ext after the wedding, psyched. :D
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    The message given is not always the message received.

    Communication is tricky.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    love you to Jazzy, and you're one smart cookie!!!!! and never think otherwise
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Kind-of-Irritating-Lady. Show Kind-of-Irritating-Lady's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]The message given is not always the message received. Communication is tricky.
    Posted by wizen[/QUOTE]


    I agree, communication is absolutely tricky.  The major problem from my POV is that (mostly) everyone thinks their way of delivery is the best and most understandable way, because it is so for their own self. 

    edit:  yes, I am guilty of this too.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from backbaybabe. Show backbaybabe's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    wizen. true, very true
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]When you are smart, it's your duty to make others comfortable ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ hmmmm, i really like CHC/LMB but this remark im kind of taken aback at. i get where you're coming from with it, but in the manner in which its read( and CB, it is the manner i think most people will read it) it really really does come off rather elitist and or snobbish sorry chc/lmb i mean no disrespect to you but i try to be as objective as i can when reading peoples' posts, but this is not a becoming statement to put out there.... or maybe im reading it wrong... either way. not becoming at all, IMO
    Posted by backbaybabe[/QUOTE]

    You are reading it wrong.  I was reflecting back to Lily- what I thought she was saying to me. 

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]I agree with the statement that there is a difference, however if people percieve that others may think more educated = smarter or better, they are more likely to assume someone making a benign statement, or having "pride" is arrogant or bragging. If there is any insecurity at all there then it makes people more sensitive to this fact, and education can be a sensitive subject.
    Posted by BostonGal109[/QUOTE]

    Perceive
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Butterflyz. Show Butterflyz's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    I definitely second that TwoCent. I can tell you sometimes it is frustrating and exhausting to have to defend my love of Christmas and celebrating birthdays to my boyfriend who didn't experience that kind of stuff growing up. His family wasn't Christian and being outside of the U.S. Christmas was not recognized, and his family really downplayed birthdays when he was growing up, so not only does he not understand my excitement for my own birthday, he has a hard time understanding why I want to celebrate his. They didn't have a TV growing up, so the fact that I like watching tv to relax is weird to him, he rather listen to the radio or read news articles on his laptop. I like to decorate a space and buy things to make it look nicer and be more comfortable, growing up in a minimalist household, he's more of a mindset of it's functional it's fine. Neither way we grew up was right or wrong, better or worse, and while I love him enough to work past it, sometimes it's annoying (for both of us) to have to often explain that which we take as a given. Education in particular, as I think this thread has well exposed, is one of those areas that can make people especially touchy, on all sides. Much like income. In this country questions of intelligence and class sit close to our self-image and therefore I think it's completely understandable that we seek partners who match us in these areas. After reading all this, I'm not sure it's all that different than the fact that people tend to partner with those who are close to their attractiveness level. Too much difference can make us uncomfortable.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from cb156. Show cb156's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    B3--in LMB's defense, I do not think that she presented that statement as "I believe when you are smart..."
    She presented it in the context of Lily having chided her for saying things like "I have a conference call with China", instead of saying "I have some work to do now"--or something like that.  And also in the context of having been involved in some form of conversation with someone that was apparently pushing an area of personal expertise on her.
    For example, if an auto mechanic cornered me at a social gathering and started peppering me with questions about what I knew about catalytic converters, or ABS systems, it would make me uncomfortable--he would be the "smart" one on that topic, and I would be feeling "dumb" for knowing nothing and feeling pressed to reveal how little I knew.  As an adult, I can extricate myself from that situation, but should he know better than to do that to someone, just to show off his knowledge?  Perhaps he should tone it down a bit to make the conversation more comfortable?
    I think that's what LMB is really getting at.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from cb156. Show cb156's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : I agree, communication is absolutely tricky.  The major problem from my POV is that (mostly) everyone thinks their way of delivery is the best and most understandable way, because it is so for their own self.  edit:  yes, I am guilty of this too.
    Posted by The-Porkchop-Express[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. The real trick is being able to realize when your delivery style is not working and appropriately tailoring it to the audience.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from wizen. Show wizen's posts

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    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : Agreed. The real trick is being able to realize when your delivery style is not working and appropriately tailoring it to the audience.
    Posted by cb156[/QUOTE]

    Having a few tools in your bag of tricks is key.  I get into trouble when I use humor sometimes - it's not always appropriate, but it is my most familiar tool. 

    I have quite a few toothmarks on my feet as a result!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]I definitely second that TwoCent. I can tell you sometimes it is frustrating and exhausting to have to defend my love of Christmas and celebrating birthdays to my boyfriend who didn't experience that kind of stuff growing up. His family wasn't Christian and being outside of the U.S. Christmas was not recognized, and his family really downplayed birthdays when he was growing up, so not only does he not understand my excitement for my own birthday, he has a hard time understanding why I want to celebrate his. They didn't have a TV growing up, so the fact that I like watching tv to relax is weird to him, he rather listen to the radio or read news articles on his laptop. I like to decorate a space and buy things to make it look nicer and be more comfortable, growing up in a minimalist household, he's more of a mindset of it's functional it's fine. Neither way we grew up was right or wrong, better or worse, and while I love him enough to work past it, sometimes it's annoying (for both of us) to have to often explain that which we take as a given. Education in particular, as I think this thread has well exposed, is one of those areas that can make people especially touchy, on all sides. Much like income. In this country questions of intelligence and class sit close to our self-image and therefore I think it's completely understandable that we seek partners who match us in these areas. After reading all this, I'm not sure it's all that different than the fact that people tend to partner with those who are close to their attractiveness level. Too much difference can make us uncomfortable.
    Posted by Butterflyz[/QUOTE]


    Yep - it all makes sense... that's why I'm marrying a super hot guy

    lol

    But really, you are right and I've found this often, we mate with people similar to ourselves.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE] I have quite a few toothmarks on my feet as a result!
    Posted by wizen[/QUOTE]

    Have you tried using bug spray? ;)
     
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