Yesterday's Letter (Education)

  1. This post has been removed.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : I'm actually not into monkeys. Or organutans. I prefer fish. Different life experience.
    Posted by Sally-[/QUOTE]

    Haven't you always wanted a monkey?  Or maybe a green dress (but not a real green dress - that's cruel). 
     
  3. This post has been removed.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from cb156. Show cb156's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]Ahhh but it kind of is being presented that way CB. That was my sticking point. Why limit yourself? Listen, if you only want to date size 2 super models, great good for you. But to say you are only going to date size 2 super models because anyone over a size 4 basically isnt good enough? Is wrong. if you are attracted to a particular type, that is what you are attracted to. But dont assume that any other type isnt good enough. And what was being presented was a very snobbish attitude about dating someone that doesnt have a 4 year+ degree, claiming that what was wanted was an "intellectual". And for the record, this isnt the first time this topic has been discussed. So my comments are based on past comments as well as ones now. I dont know, maybe I am not explaining myself correctly. Where the heck is PC to translate for me.
    Posted by Jeepers-Cripes[/QUOTE]

    It's an interesting question, but realistically, we limit ourselves all the time.  When you go to a social occassion, do you make a point of meeting and chatting with everyone there? 
    Most likely not--you may avoid the one with the George Hamilton tan and the expensive clothes and pure white smile (too phoney?), or the guy with the unkempt look and greasy face, or the short, fat girl, or the pimply faced, nerdy looking guy, or whatever.
    We all make those snap decisions in social situations.
    In this online dating discussion, all we are talking about is bringing those out to the forefront.  It's more obvious how we filter--and those filters are, frankly, our personal prejudices.
    We can't know why someone has their own prejudices (at base, that is what a personal preference or filter is).  All we are really talking about here is how we perceive someone else's "filters".
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Empire-In-Ashes. Show Empire-In-Ashes's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    "

    Getting back to the original theme of this thread, I’d say that filtering for education, body type, age, etc. is understandable for all the reasons people have mentioned, but will cut off many potentially great partners.  If I were looking online, I’d cast a wide net, focus on meeting people because the connection that matters in a relationship is the one you have in real life, and filter based on likelihood of meeting in real life (distance, etc.).  For those of you who do filter based on empirical criteria, has it ever felt deadening to exclude so many?  I’d love to hear how LMB does during her trial period.  I’d like to think that excluding less options would help those looking for a relationship feel more free to experience the possibilities of life, and avoid following a trail of false rational decisions based on placeholder criteria that don’t reflect their real values."



    I think BostonGuy summed it up pretty well. When everyone is asking these questions, I don't really have a straight answer. For one, I've never done online dating. Oddly enough I've always thought I had a "type," but more often enough my type goes out the window when I meet the right person. I know it's been stated that this is the limitation with online dating. However, I think I have to agree with BostonGuy about being broad in your search. Because realistcally, we are broad in real life. Often we get to know the person before placing our filters onto them (if they are not physical). And sometimes we become attracted to friends that may not even have our physical wants or needs. Attraction is too mysterious to say "I will never date this type of person."

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from TwoCentDonation. Show TwoCentDonation's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE] But I do agree you'd make a fabulous Princess, and not the Cinderalla Fancy Lacy Dress kind. The kind that keeps 9 MM in her purse and breaks the china when she's upset.
    Posted by Sally-[/QUOTE]

    Like Princess Leia with the blaster?
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    Excellent example CB. I actually wait for people to come talk to me. Kind of like a Don :)

    But I talk to whomever talks to me. I dont "filter" people or purposely avoid people (unless I know you already). I even buy random strangers beer. Which has probably gotten me in trouble a time or two. And maybe because I wasnt in the popular "clique" in HS, maybe because I was that wallflower, I do actually talk to anyone and everyone. Because I dont judge people by the way they look, how they dress, or any other reason. I just dont.

    I do agree everyone has their own set of personal filters, its what makes us who we are. I just dont think some of those filters should be so superficial. Because then its the same as saying I wont date anyone over a size 2 because they arent attractive enough to date. So if you want to go to the extent to say, you refuse to date anyone that hasnt gone to college, you cant turn around and slam or argue with someone that wont date anyone that is over a size 2.

    Maybe that is more the point I was trying to make.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : Like Princess Leia with the blaster?
    Posted by TwoCentDonation[/QUOTE]


    HOLLA!!!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from JazzyJtotheILL. Show JazzyJtotheILL's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]This is an interesting thread.  One of the things I really like about LL is that there are people here from so many backgrounds.  Most of my other local friends, I've met through work (or my wife's work) and work in similar fields and have similar backgrounds (at least education-wise) to myself.  That's fine, but I'm glad to have met so many people here who aren't the same. It's not always so easy to make friends with people outside of your little world.  As I said before, the snobbery cuts both ways, and I have to admit I'm a little hurt by the people who commented how Ph.D's often lack skills in other areas.  I used to hate meeting new people and getting asked what I do. I never knew how to react to the "you must be smart" comment that was pretty much the standard reply.  (How I wish I could say "Yes, I'm a freakin' genius!".  Actually, in my field, I'm probably not even average).  Really, I just do what I enjoy and I'm reasonably good at, just like most people. 
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]

    personally, you're one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Just because you have your PhD, doesn't take that away. However there Mr.Shed :) be proud of the "wow,you must be smart" it's something that a lot of us wish we were. The 5 seconds I talked to you the first time I met you in person, I'd never think you were snotty, lacking in anything (even genius) or had anything less to be desired.

    Your wonderful wife - she's not so darn bad herself :) I like seeing you guys, smarties or not.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    EIA- thank you for translating BG's post. I was a little lost, but see that really we are on the same page.

    Why limit yourself ? I totally get if you want to date someone that you can have great conversations/debates with. Maybe you didnt know, but I love to debate. Very rarely will I ever change my mind because I am ubber stubborn, but I love hearing and understanding other point of views. So,  I am not going to say I will only date guys that were captains of their debate teams or prosecuters. I have had great debates with guys that were captains of their football teams, guys that never went to college, guys that graduated top of their class at Stamford, etc....I just wouldnt limit myself. And like I said, I dont limit in the "looks" department either. I have dated all kinds of guys, though naturally always end up with Italians.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Empire-In-Ashes. Show Empire-In-Ashes's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    I think people try to limit themselves in order to remain as compatible as possible. Also to make the relationship free of resentment maybe? Whoever that may be. I have limited myself I guess in some aspects, but then am always surprised at how it goes out the window once you get to know someone. However, both those relationships did not last. But I can't really say it's because I didn't listen to my "filter."

    When it comes to online dating, I guess it's just easier to filter. In real life, I doubt most people do unless it's a blind date or over something physical. Because you hit it off with someone before you know their full credentials. Usually.
     
  12. This post has been removed.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Kind-of-Irritating-Lady. Show Kind-of-Irritating-Lady's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]This is an interesting thread.  One of the things I really like about LL is that there are people here from so many backgrounds.  Most of my other local friends, I've met through work (or my wife's work) and work in similar fields and have similar backgrounds (at least education-wise) to myself.  That's fine, but I'm glad to have met so many people here who aren't the same. It's not always so easy to make friends with people outside of your little world.  
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]


    Two-sheds, I completely agree with you - besides being an outlet for my complete obnoxiousness, the mix of experiences and backgrounds, and the actual debates/discussions are some of the things I really like about reading and interacting with YOU PEOPLE.

    Also, I used to work with an entire building of 300+ Ph.Ds.  You're not all bad.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]This is an interesting thread.  One of the things I really like about LL is that there are people here from so many backgrounds.  Most of my other local friends, I've met through work (or my wife's work) and work in similar fields and have similar backgrounds (at least education-wise) to myself.  That's fine, but I'm glad to have met so many people here who aren't the same. It's not always so easy to make friends with people outside of your little world.  As I said before, the snobbery cuts both ways, and I have to admit I'm a little hurt by the people who commented how Ph.D's often lack skills in other areas.  I used to hate meeting new people and getting asked what I do. I never knew how to react to the "you must be smart" comment that was pretty much the standard reply.  (How I wish I could say "Yes, I'm a freakin' genius!".  Actually, in my field, I'm probably not even average).  Really, I just do what I enjoy and I'm reasonably good at, just like most people. 
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]

    What I notice when I see you in person is how quiet you are.

    I'm glad you spoke up today.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels bad about the 'wow you're really smart' kind of comments

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]Some "filters" are based on attributes a person has control over (weight), some are based on things people may have no control over (education level). I think an open-minded person makes that distinction.
    Posted by Zeptember[/QUOTE]

    Zep -

    I disagree on both points.  You have SOME control over your weight, but not total control.  Some of it is the luck of the genes.   

    You also have SOME (not no) control over education.

     
  16. This post has been removed.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from cb156. Show cb156's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE] I do agree everyone has their own set of personal filters, its what makes us who we are. I just dont think some of those filters should be so superficial. Because then its the same as saying I wont date anyone over a size 2 because they arent attractive enough to date. So if you want to go to the extent to say, you refuse to date anyone that hasnt gone to college, you cant turn around and slam or argue with someone that wont date anyone that is over a size 2. Maybe that is more the point I was trying to make.
    Posted by Jeepers-Cripes[/QUOTE]

    Understood and agreed.  The point I was making was that any particular "filter" is not necessarily more or less fair than any other.  Is preferring members of a particular religion to the exclusion of others superficial?  Some might think so.  Again it depends on how we perceive it.
    One person's preference is another person's prejudice.
    And as for haivng one filter sort of disqualifying you from complaining about others, that is a point I, along with others (possibly you?) raised for that particular LW:  she was mad about getting filtered out on education, but what was she filtering on?
     
  18. This post has been removed.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    With me, it's pasta, and all those creamy sauces that accompany it. My Dad had a great figure his entire life. Mum had a penchant for milk chocolate, though. She was svelte until she let chocolate get the best of her.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]CHC, a person who grows up in a home without the means to provide anything after HS can get loans, sure. If there are younger siblings in the home, or the parents are sick, that person may have to get a job to help support the family. Sure, they theoretically could abandon the people who raised them so they can go to college, but what kind of choice is that? Also, someone living on his/her own working 2 jobs to pay rent isn't going to be able to go to school. You could also say luck of the draw gives one more "choice" than others. Is that something on which to base a filter? The only time a person has no conttrol over his/her weight are the rare cases when disease causes weight gain. Genes are an excuse. 
    Posted by Zeptember[/QUOTE]

    Sorry - you can say the same thing about weight.  Someone who lives in a low income neighborhood where it isn't safe to be outside and works too many hours in a low paying job isn't going to get a lot of exercise or have access to a lot of healthy food.  There are of course exceptions to that - just as there are exceptions to how someone in a bad situation navigates college.

    Many employers will give tuition assistance.  It might take you  10 years to get there, but it is attainable to get a bachelor's degree.  And there are lifestyle choices you can make to eliminate the need to work 2 or more jobs to make ends meet.

    Bottom line - your statements are way too generic.

    BTW - I fully accept that many men would filter me out in an online dating search because I am overweight.  That is their preference - and I don't hold it again them. 

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from two-sheds. Show two-sheds's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE] The only time a person has no conttrol over his/her weight are the rare cases when disease causes weight gain. Genes are an excuse. 
    Posted by Zeptember[/QUOTE]

    I don't know.  In college I was 6'1" and 145 lbs.  I did everything I could to gain weight - worked out, ate like a pig.  I managed to gain a whole 5 lbs., and that was wiped out in a week when I got the flu. 

    and thanks, Jazzy. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Kind-of-Irritating-Lady. Show Kind-of-Irritating-Lady's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    Quiet, you.
     
  23. This post has been removed.

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Loud-Mouthed-Broad. Show Loud-Mouthed-Broad's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education) : As a single working mom, I can tell you that to get a degree right now - not possible.  There is no way between the demands of my job and parenting that I could classes right now.  Maybe someday, I've thought about getting a Masters.  My company would pay for an MBA but I don't know that I want it.  So even when companies pay, it's still not always an option.  And usually you have to pay up front and your company reimburses you after the course so it could be an issue of cash flow.  But hey, I agree with you - if at all possible people should take advantage of that benefit if they can. My company also reimburses for health clubs.  Either most companies or most insurances do now. But back to the filter argument - I thought about this driving to work.  I would filter on education.  Not because I'm an education snob but because there are SO many variables and so many people that you have to filter somehow.  Like age, weight, etc.  However, if I met someone IRL and we had great chemistry, (which is how I meet them anyway, I don't do online), I certainly don't discriminate based on degree. 
    Posted by Lily-[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad you raised the discussion because it helped me to better understand the 'why' behind my filters - and CB in particular showed me that I'm assigning the wrong vocabulary words to what I am looking for.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from LWhitt58. Show LWhitt58's posts

    Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education)

    In Response to Re: Yesterday's Letter (Education):
    [QUOTE]This is an interesting thread.  One of the things I really like about LL is that there are people here from so many backgrounds.  Most of my other local friends, I've met through work (or my wife's work) and work in similar fields and have similar backgrounds (at least education-wise) to myself.  That's fine, but I'm glad to have met so many people here who aren't the same. It's not always so easy to make friends with people outside of your little world.  As I said before, the snobbery cuts both ways, and I have to admit I'm a little hurt by the people who commented how Ph.D's often lack skills in other areas.  I used to hate meeting new people and getting asked what I do. I never knew how to react to the "you must be smart" comment that was pretty much the standard reply.  (How I wish I could say "Yes, I'm a freakin' genius!".  Actually, in my field, I'm probably not even average).  Really, I just do what I enjoy and I'm reasonably good at, just like most people. 
    Posted by two-sheds[/QUOTE]


    two-sheds, I'm sorry I hurt you with my comments.  And as I've said, my filter is based on past experience.  I had *no idea* that you had a Ph.D. when I met you - I didn't know until you mentioned it here on this particular thread.  So my filter was incorrect with *you*, because I certainly don't think you lack common sense.  But it doesn't mean it wasn't also correct with the Ph.D'ers I've met in the past, does it?

    Filters are personal, usually based on experience.  That's all I've been saying.  Sometimes they're right; sometimes they're wrong.  With you, they were wrong.  With others I've met, they were spot on correct.
     

Share