What happens when you try to squeeze a 50-pound loaf into a 1-pound pan?
 
That's Amtrak Wi-Fi !

It works, but of course, it doesn't work.

It's "free"--after you pay ten times the Chinatown bus fare--and you get more-or-less what you paid for. Reform-school retreads who run Amtrak want you to know...we're filtering out "gay news."
 
Thanks, Amtrak, thanks...for the memories.

It we did not have Amtrak, it would have to be invented. The country is deeply indebted to Amtrak for a pungent reminder of what old-time goldbricking and featherbedding were really like--the "100-mile rule." If you need to revisit the 1930s, head for an Amtrak station.

The country is also indebted because of Amtrak: a company that never paid its bills.

[ Ron Nixon, Amtrak Wi-Fi: missed connections, New York Times, May 30, 2012, at http://travel.nytimes.com/2012/06/03/travel/wi-fi-and-amtrak-missed-connections.html ]