ROCKLAND, Maine — A 62-year-old Cushing man will spend five days in jail after pleading guilty Wednesday to assaulting his estranged wife.
Fred E. Thomas pleaded guilty to 180 days in jail with all but five days suspended and was placed on probation for a year for domestic violence assault and indecent conduct. A third charge of unlawful sexual contact was dismissed.
The incident occurred in July in Warren when his wife of 39 years, who was estranged from him, stayed at his place. He offered her $20 for sex, and when she refused he took out his penis and struck her with it, according to the prosecution’s version of events to which he pleaded guilty.
Fast forward to a bar:
Old guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Hot chick: Buzz off.
Old guy: Seriously, let me buy you a drink. Ask me what I just got out of jail for.
Hot chick: Okay, what'd you do?
Old guy: I was sent to jail for assault. With my penis.
Hot chick: Bartender I'll have a martini.