Do you drop your teen's off?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Do you drop your teen's off?

    Whenever my 14 year old daughter wants to stay over a friends house I ask several questions - Who? What? Where? When? Why? and will the parent's be there, I also request specific's like names and phone numbers.When my daughter says "I don't know" I offer my answer "No, you can't sleep over".  Within 20 minutes I get all the requested information.  When I do bring her to her friends I go in with my daughter introduce myself and provide all my contact information (requested or not).  While my daughter feels it's "embarrassing" (I don't make a scene, just polite conversation) I believe as a parent I should do what I do for, at the very least, peace of mind.

    But when my daughter had a Christmas Party with 15 of her 14yo friends, not a single parent came into the house, introduced themselves or provided emergency contact info!

    So, my question is do you dump your kids and run or get some info and meet the friends parent's???
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    I'd like to think when my daughter is a teen I'll drop her off, or attempt to have her hold the shindig at our house.  Of course, I'm close enough to my own childhood to know that simply having a stable place with authority figures and standards/rules automatically makes our home less alluring to a gaggle of teens. 
    It's tough, though.  The truth is, when they get old enough to drive it gets harder.  Plus, there's no guarantee where you're dropping her off is where she's staying. 

    I do believe that having standards and a general rule of law established in your family/household is important in the long run--not because having them automatically innoculates your kids from doing stupid things--but because deep down kids feel more comfortable and safe if they know someone cares about them enough to try to enforce rules.  No matter how much they grouse that you are ruining their lives by keeping them from doing what EVERYONE else is doing, part of them knows you're mortifying them and infringing on their social life because you love them. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from keane5050. Show keane5050's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    I have always made it a practice to meet the parents of my daughters friends and if she is sleeping over I call to the parents to confirm.   But, the older she gets the harder it becomes.  She is almost 17 now and at this point I have to trust that she has the good sense and the skills to evaluate the situation and act accordingly.  She has declined several invitations to parties where she knows things might get out of control.  


     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    Not only does it give her a sense of security like nothing else can right now, as she does get older and will have more freedom (with a lisence and such) she'll know she can call you in any situation and you'll be there for her because you've been there all along.  You're building a foundation for a relationship with he dad that will bless you both for the long haul and set her up to choose a man who honors, respects, and loves her as a mate.  Go you!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    Saying hi quickly and making sure they have your phone number in case of emergency, letting them know who's picking up, is fine.  Two minutes tops. If it's someone you already know, checking they're present and waving hi is plenty.  So long as you're not acting like it's some kind of inspection and making a big deal out of it.  Nobody likes to be treated as if they cannot be trusted--your kid or the other parent.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    In Response to Re: Do you drop your teen's off?:
    Saying hi quickly and making sure they have your phone number in case of emergency, letting them know who's picking up, is fine.  Two minutes tops. If it's someone you already know, checking they're present and waving hi is plenty.  So long as you're not acting like it's some kind of inspection and making a big deal out of it.  Nobody likes to be treated as if they cannot be trusted--your kid or the other parent.
    Posted by purplecow89


    Agreed, 2 minutes is fine - I don't pack a lunch and stay! It just surprises me that my daughters friends parent's just drop the kid off to a total stranger - in this case me. If it's someone I know I call, no need to meet.

    Oh, and your comment "making a big deal out of it."....to every teenager it's a big deal no matter what you do as a parent, it's embarrassing too! lol  

    I've also reached that stage of parenting where my teenager believes she is smarter than me.....remember when you where 14? lol....she is a lot of fun.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from keane5050. Show keane5050's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    RT I know what you mean.  I've had kids dropped off for an overnight and the parents have never met me.  That's a little too trusting if you ask me.  I don't want to make my daughter uncomfortable but there is no way she is staying at someone house unless I get the all clear directly from a parents.

    I think if you continue to check in it's something your daughter will just come to expect from you and it won't be a big issue.  Believe me, the next couple of years will not be the easiest :) Things have changed quite a bit since I was in High School.   I can't believe how openly some of the kids (thank you Facebook!) drink.  In some circles, there is a party every weekend.  More troubling is the random "hook ups". 

     Ah, I sound so old!  Anyway, good luck and keep being there for you daughter.  It's the best gift you can give her.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    In Response to Re: Do you drop your teen's off?:
    RT I know what you mean.  I've had kids dropped off for an overnight and the parents have never met me.  That's a little too trusting if you ask me.  I don't want to make my daughter uncomfortable but there is no way she is staying at someone house unless I get the all clear directly from a parents. I think if you continue to check in it's something your daughter will just come to expect from you and it won't be a big issue.  Believe me, the next couple of years will not be the easiest :) Things have changed quite a bit since I was in High School.   I can't believe how openly some of the kids (thank you Facebook!) drink.  In some circles, there is a party every weekend.  More troubling is the random "hook ups".   Ah, I sound so old!  Anyway, good luck and keep being there for you daughter.  It's the best gift you can give her.
    Posted by keane5050


    I knew you knew what I meant, you sounded like a parent with experience. Facebook? Tweets? Yup my head can spin a full 360 degrees based on what my DD has done!
     
    I created a post a while back asking about street smarts versus book smarts. I'm hoping (fingers crossed) she will be both book and street smart (knowing full well that her mistakes will offer her some great life lessons).

    One thing that being a parent has taught me is why the adults in the Charlie Brown specials talk the way they do. Remember? Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa...wa wa wa.....it's because that's what children hear when an adult speaks to them! Wink

    Good Luck!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    As a high school teacher, I'm absolutely terrified of my daughter becoming a teenager.  I love teenagers (no, seriously, I do!) and I love my job but I don't know how I'm going to spend all day with them and THEN come home to one!  Plus, a parent's responsibilities are so different from a teacher's.  I'm nervous way ahead of time.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    In Response to Re: Do you drop your teen's off?:
    As a high school teacher, I'm absolutely terrified of my daughter becoming a teenager.  I love teenagers (no, seriously, I do!) and I love my job but I don't know how I'm going to spend all day with them and THEN come home to one!  Plus, a parent's responsibilities are so different from a teacher's.  I'm nervous way ahead of time.
    Posted by lissafro


    Does your high school have a daycare for the "kids" who have "kids"?????THAT'S SCARY!!!!!!!!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    They don't but they do have a preschool program. If a kid is a senior and interested they can take childcare classes and then work 2 blocks a cycle in the preschool room with the kids.  This leads to them having extra experience that helps them get jobs in the childcare industry.  Consequently, one of my daughter's favorite "teachers" at the Kindercare she goes to is a girl who failed my class once.  I'm so old.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    I grew up in a small town so my parent's knew all my friend's parents and basically all the parents in my school! I think it's important to get to know who & where you're kids are hanging out with.

    It's a shame that other parent's aren't checking in when they drop off their kids.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    In Response to Re: Do you drop your teen's off?:
    I grew up in a small town so my parent's knew all my friend's parents and basically all the parents in my school! I think it's important to get to know who & where you're kids are hanging out with. It's a shame that other parent's aren't checking in when they drop off their kids.
    Posted by KAM2007


    My DD goes to a regional high school - 3 towns attend the one high school.  I know most of her friends parent's in her town but not the other two.  While she will tell me" it's annoying" she will also say she knows I do it because I love her. I figure another year or two and a drivers license and she will be pretty much done with me in favor of time with her friends.....unless she needs $$$$$$$$     LOL!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Do you drop your teen's off?

    I used to date a guy whose mom called herself "More Money Mom" because she said her kids only called when they wanted more money! :)
    Good for you for checking in on your daughter.  I can't believe most parents just drop their kids off and don't check to see that there is a responsible parent around. 
     
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