Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lesal. Show lesal's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    After my miscarriages, I always appreciated hearing that people were thinking of me whether through cards, email, or in person.  And knowing that other people also think it is a 'big deal', something you have to grieve for awhile before you can look ahead helped me feel like I was normal for being so sad.

    So yes, I would try to contact her to see how she is doing and to tell her you've been thinking of her.  I can't imagine how devastating it must be to miscarry so late, so I would imagine she is still having a tough time with it.  Don't ask about the situation, other than maybe how she is feeling physically.  But definitely do not mention trying again or anything like that.  And if she really still doesn't want to talk, she will at least know you care and will listen when she is ready, which can't hurt.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from le2329. Show le2329's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    I agree I would reach out to her, I've gone through a few miscarriages and it was nice to hear from people.  My miscarriages were all before 12 weeks.  I know how I felt then, 20 weeks! Just devasting.  Let her know you have been thinking about her and her hubby, and just talk to her.  I agree with lesal, don't ask about the situation or when are they going to try again, she can have another etc... Let her know she's been on your mind, and go from there. . 

    Also, if this helps... my very good childhood friend miscarried at 21 1/2 weeks. We were all devasted, she like your friend did not want to be contacted.  We waited a bit, then asked to get together with her.  We decided that as a group of friends we wanted to recognize the child she had lost.  I went to www.nameastar.com, and had a star named for her baby.  They sent an letter with a map of the constalation (sp.wrong??) and where the baby's star is located.  She and DH were really touched.  It's just a thought...
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from sarahbth. Show sarahbth's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    This is a place for a good old fashioned letter.  E mail is very  in-your-face now, or zap it.  A letter can be put aside and read when needed.  Share general news, but do write a few lines about your feelings of sorrow for her and her husband, and wishes for better results in the future.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from am1028. Show am1028's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    I agree with the PPs.  I would contact her and just ask how she's doing.  Let her know you are there for her, if and when she's ready to talk.  After my ectopic pregnancy (also early, at 7 weeks), I didn't want to talk about it at first mostly because I didn't want people to say things like, at least you didn't have to have surgery/lose a tube/etc. and you can try again soon.  But I did eventually want to talk and I was happy to know there were people willing to listen.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from KT75. Show KT75's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and I was devastated, I can't imagine 20 weeks. 

    I would try and contact her to see how she is doing.  Even if you don't get to talk to her will probably be happy to hear from people who care about her and are there for her if she wants to talk.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from onecoolchick. Show onecoolchick's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks.  It was very difficult and I didn't really want to talk about it. 

    I think enough time has passed where you could contact her.  I would however not ask about that situation unless she brings it up.  Maybe just touch base to catch up.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    Hi all

    I am sorry to bring this up on what is usually such a positive board, however I am wondering if anyone can offer any advice.

    A friend of mine had been trying to conceive for about 1 year. The week before she was going to start IVF she found out she was pregnant. Unfortunately she miscarried at 20 weeks. She lives (quite literally) on the other side of the world and at the time her and DH sent an email to a group of friends (some who live abroad, others who live close to her) saying that they had lost their baby boy and asked for no one to contact them.

    Having spoken to others who have m/carried, they have said that asking for no contact was probably not a good idea, however, this is how they chose to deal with the situation and it is totally their call. This happened in April, at the time I sent a card to them and have since sent a postcard from a trip that I took. Since their original email however, I have not heard a word from them (but I know she has been on-line, through facebook etc).

    Would anyone suggest I try to contact her? Send an email?

    Any thoughts/suggestions/ideas would be great, as I am concerned about her.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from sher. Show sher's posts

    Friend had miscarriage - what to do?

    The only thing i would be careful of is contacting her too close to what her due date was. i would do it now rather than wait a few more weeks. After my miscarriage (at 9 weeks) i was crushed all over again when the date i was supposed have a child came and went. i was really the only one that remembered the date but it would have been more painful to have been reminded of the loss from someone else. I say let her know you are thinking of her now.
     
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