Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from mommywats. Show mommywats's posts

    Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    One of my son's best friends has a younger sister who is two.  We do many things together since they became great friends in preschool.  I have nothing against nursing but it's just plain embarrassing when she starts nursing her daughter in public.  It's not even something that is at all hidden, but the daughter just goes in for the grab and pulls down her shirt.  It's plain to see that she is just not a baby anymore and I hate to say it but I think it's just dsigusting and I dont want to be seen with her. I am too nice by just looking at her and saying "wow she's still nursing" when I just want to stand up and walk away and tell her that it's not normal.  I just need some feedback on what I am dealing with and how I should handle it.  I see people's faces when this is going on too so I don't think I'm crazy in thinking this.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I would feel the same way, personally, about a toddler disrobing her mother and exclaiming it's time for lunch.  But, as far as what's "normal" goes, you'll find it runs the gamut.  

    The question isn't whether you should feel embarrassed or not.  If you're embarrassed, you're embarrassed - no one's opinion about the situation is going to change that. The question you, and only you, are stuck answering is if your embarrassment is worth sacrificing the relationships involved over.  If embarrassment overwhelms your desire to keep things up with her and her child, distance yourself.  If your desire to keep up those friends overwhelms your embarrassment, keep it up and live with being embarrassed.  Unfortunately, unless she suddenly stops bf'ing her dd (and don't count on it - people do this through kindergarten sometimes!), those are your two options.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    You have a right to feel any way you want about this, but you can't really judge normal.

    I don't exactly know what is to be gained by having a bunch of people tell you, yes that's weird. Are you asking for back up, or how should you handle the situation?

    Basically, walk away if it bother's you or embarrasses you. Say "I'll give you some privacy." Perhaps she'll catch on and realize it's not something you are comfortable with and act accordingly.

    But the woman has nursed for two years, she knows it's outside the norm and obviously she is comfortable with her decision and it's completely none of your business. You don't seem to know her well and do you seriously think you should or have any right to intervene in this successfully and say "you really need to stop nursing?"

    I always found extended nursing very bizarre, but at 10 months I'm a little emotional about weaning these days. Now looking at the situation, if nursing at 2 works for them, I wouldn't make a judgement on that, but I would walk from a nursing session if it made me feel uncomfortable.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    In Response to Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??:
    [QUOTE]I think it's just dsigusting and I dont want to be seen with her. I am too nice by just looking at her and saying "wow she's still nursing" when I just want to stand up and walk away and tell her that it's not normal.  I just need some feedback on what I am dealing with and how I should handle it. 
    Posted by mommywats[/QUOTE]

    In my area/socioeconomic class extended breastfeeding is totally normal and YOU would be considered a seriously disturbed freak for having a problem with it. This woman is performing one of the most natural acts possible, one for which her body was designed. I think that you mind your business and keep your mouth shut. I also think that you SHOULD walk away from her because she deserves better friends. She can come hang out with me and we'll talk about the freaky lady who thinks the very precious relationship between mother and child is disgusting. We'll laugh about how we feel bad for you. It will be awesome.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I think when the child is old enough to verbally request a breast or make some other verbal request as to a preference regarding what he/she wants for lunch, that it's time to stop breastfeeding.  But that's me. Clearly, other people feel differently.  If you are out in public w/ her, just tell her "I'lll be be in Tello's [or wherever]; join me when you are done with Sally", and go and continue shopping or whatever activity you are doing.  GL. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    ha ha Tello's.

    I used to think that when a baby can ask it's time to stop BFing, but my daughter could ask at 7 months. So it's not a practical guideline -- it penalizes the early talkers!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I don't think nursing at that age is necessarily abnormal, but it's definitely not common. It's different for every child, but it does seem odd to me when I see a child who is old enough to speak in complete sentences nursing in public. If it's a comfort thing before bed (or even on an airplane), then it makes sense. I mean, people have different ideas about when a paci should be taken away and that's nowhere near the same level of comforting as nursing time with Mommy.

    My opinion is that once breastmilk is no longer the primary source of nutrition for the child, then nursing shouldn't be on demand all the time and it shouldn't be at the detriment of introducing other foods and ways of eating. The motions of using the mouth for drinking from a sippy cup and a regular cup are important in development for speech and those may not happen if the child is mostly BFing.

    Even if there isn't be any shame in nursing, it's also part of growing up to teach your child that some things are done only at home.

    If it makes you uncomfortable, walk away. Use the other advice and say you want to give them some privacy, but know that you might lose the friendship because of it.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from GC1016. Show GC1016's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    You should definitely stand up, walk away and tell her it's not normal.  That way she will eliminate you from her friend group and your problem will be solved.  That was easy.  Next question? 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    In Response to Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??:
    [QUOTE]One of my son's best friends has a younger sister who is two.  We do many things together since they became great friends in preschool.  I have nothing against nursing but it's just plain embarrassing when she starts nursing her daughter in public.
    Posted by mommywats[/QUOTE]

    Wait, I read this wrong -- the two-year-old has a daughter? I take it back -- that's messed up.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    "In my area/socioeconomic class extended breastfeeding is totally normal and YOU would be considered a seriously disturbed freak for having a problem with it. "

    I love your posts and your humor,Lemon, but I am sometimes surprised by your attitudes towards others.

    I am guessing I am in the same socioeconomic class as you are but I make my living serving those who aren't - and what a blessing it is! Sometimes nice, gentle education goes a long way but berating others not-so-much.

    I would also argue that the OP probably represents the majority of people in terms of feeling uncomfortable seeing older children breastfed.  I don't feel that way but certainly she has the right to post it and ask for opinions.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I don't feel under any particular obligation to be gentle to someone who says " I think it's just dsigusting and I dont want to be seen with her."

    She has the right to ask for opinions. And she got mine.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from calico79. Show calico79's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I think that breastfeeding at that age is ok.  I used to not think that but since I've grown up and have a child of my own, I think it's a wonderful, natural thing.  I wish I could have BF longer than I did.  In this culture it seems to be unacceptable to breastfeed too long and that's a shame.  Maybe some people need to be more discrete in public, but really it shouldn't be that much of an issue. 

    There have been studies done to show that the longer a child breast feeds the more independent and self confident a child will become.  Most think otherwise, but it's just not true. 

    And LOL to the post above!! I thought the same thing :)
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from medfordcc. Show medfordcc's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    Let us all judge not... let the OP judge not her friend for nursing her two year old (which is biologically quite normal).
    Let us judge not the OP because society has made breastfeeding into such a weird thing (why?  I have no idea.) that she probably grew up feeling very uncomfortable with it.
    Feelings are feelings, and there's no point in trying to change them.  Similarly, feeding is feeding and there's no point in trying to change that.
    Thus, the best advice you're going to get is to either just accept it, or say "Meet me in Tello's when you're done!"

    In conclusion, let us judge not me for posting weirdly using "thus" and also "judge not".
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    Also, she said "I am too nice by just looking at her and saying 'wow she's still nursing'".

    That's not "too nice" -- it's rude. The woman knows what you're trying to say, trust me. She's politely ignoring you. You could learn from her -- try politely ignoring her "dsigusting" behavior like she ignores yours.

    People should just chill out already.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    You say you have nothing against nursing but you do.

    In Response to Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??:
    [QUOTE] I have nothing against nursing but it's just plain embarrassing when she starts nursing her daughter in public.  it's just dsigusting and I dont want to be seen with her. I just want to stand up and walk away and tell her that it's not normal.
    Posted by mommywats[/QUOTE]

    You do have something against it if you think it's disgusting and shameful. 
    I can understand how it can be disconcerting to see a toddler breastfeeding since it is not common in our society.  Statistically it's not normal since in this country statistically not many women make it to the recommended 1 year mark.  It's not unnatural, however.  It is clearly not embarrassing for the mother if she is doing it in public.  I breastfed to 15 months.  If I hadn't been working full time I would have gone longer.  I will probably try to go longer with my next child since breastfeeding is one of the things I miss the most about having a baby.
    If I do go longer next time I probably won't be as willing to let my kid have complete control over disrobing me and nursing in public as your friend does but that's more about my beliefs in teaching about personal space and my need to feel autonomous, not a judgement about breastfeeding.  My daughter started asking (signing) for milk at 7 months and she was definitely into pulling my shirt up/down and attempting to disrobe me at 11 months so if I had followed the "if they can ask for it they don't need or deserve it anymore" policy I wouldn't have made it to a year.

    If it bothers you so much, stop hanging out.  If she asks why, let her know the nursing made you uncomfortable.  If she's nursing a toddler in public then she won't care what you think and be glad to be rid of you. 

    PS
    Framing this as whether it's normal or not is not an effective way of judging its validity. It's "normal" to watch over 4 hours of TV  a day in America.  It's "normal" to be overweight in America.  It's "normal" to be in credit card debt.  It's "normal" to sing the chicken dance at bar mitzvahs.
    Keep in mind in America it's also normal for a mother to only get 8 weeks of maternity leave.  That's  considered a "luxury"--in some lower-income jobs "normal" is NO paid maternity leave.  If those norms were different, breastfeeding norms would be different as well. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I'm wondering what exactly it is that the OP finds "disgusting".  Is it actually the notion of the breastfeeding?  Or is it the exposure of the naked bo0b?  Some people do find the nudity of strangers ("strangers" meaning "people I don't expect to see nude") very disturbing and have been taught that nudity is disgusting, wrong, bad, etc.

    My guess is it's not the notion of breastfeeding that is, in itself, disgusting to the OP, but instead something to do with the naked b0ob and the child old enough to ask for it, therefore acknowledging its presence.  But I could be totally wrong.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    In Response to Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??:
    [QUOTE]Framing this as whether it's normal or not is not an effective way of judging its validity. It's "normal" to watch over 4 hours of TV  a day in America.  It's "normal" to be overweight in America.  It's "normal" to be in credit card debt.  It's "normal" to sing the chicken dance at bar mitzvahs. Keep in mind in America it's also normal for a mother to only get 8 weeks of maternity leave.  That's  considered a "luxury"--in some lower-income jobs "normal" is NO paid maternity leave.  If those norms were different, breastfeeding norms would be different as well. 
    Posted by lissafro[/QUOTE]

    like
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I think what she finds disgusting is that her 2 year old started disrobing the mother pulled it out and nursed herself. 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    In Response to Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??:
    [QUOTE]I think what she finds disgusting is that her 2 year old started disrobing the mother pulled it out and nursed herself. 
    Posted by Winter2011Bride[/QUOTE]
    huh?

    If only there was some way to determine what the OP really meant. Oh wait, there's the subject line: "Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal?"
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    Personally that's what I think she found distrubing...maybe I'm wrong but no one but the OP knows.  Personally I would find it distrubing to see a 2 year old disrobe her mother pull it out and nurse herself.  More so if my son was with me who would then start asking questions?
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    In Response to Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??:
    [QUOTE]I think what she finds disgusting is that her 2 year old started disrobing the mother pulled it out and nursed herself. 
    Posted by Winter2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    I'm pro-breastfeeding, but public nudity is not cool with me under any circumstances.  My friend uses an apron; she has no desire to stand there naked in the park to feed her baby, and I'm personally glad for that.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I'm not againist bf either, but I, like Kar feel that it should be under a cover.  I never nursed in public, I would go somewhere a little less public if at all possible. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    In Response to Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??:
    [QUOTE]Personally that's what I think she found distrubing...maybe I'm wrong but no one but the OP knows.  Personally I would find it distrubing to see a 2 year old disrobe her mother pull it out and nurse herself.  More so if my son was with me who would then start asking questions?
    Posted by Winter2011Bride[/QUOTE]


    Easiest questions in the world to answer:

    "what is she doing?"
    "nursing"
    "what are those?"
    "breasts"
    "what are they for?"
    "feeding babies"

    Personally, I think that being able to explain breasts in the context of nursing is a LOT easier than trying to explain them any other way. I remember that exact conversation occurred between a friend's mother and a four-year-old boy at a pond when I was in second grade. I had never seen anyone breastfeed before and I was fascinated.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    Sorry.  I think it is fine to not agree with OP and to be horrified that she does not willingly accept her friend who is breastfeeding her 2 year old.  That is anyone's right.  As it is hers to not understand why someone would breastfeed at age 2.  I was responding more to the socioeconomic comment more than anything.  Perhaps I am just sensitive.   I have people in my life that have no idea what goes on in the lives of the majority of the population.  I am in a special situation where I realize that things may not always be as it seems and bashing the poster about not being in a particular socioecomic class was a little much for me. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Is Breastfeeding 2 years and up normal??

    I don't understand the whole "public nudity" business. I see more breast on ads and magazine covers than I do when women are nursing. (I also see dudes with giant racks running along the Charles all the time.) Obviously I would have no problem with someone nursing in front of me, even if she took her whole shirt off to do it (which nobody does, by the way). But if I DID have a problem with it I would avert my eyes. Like I do with the giant-rack dudes.

    And again, I personally think that women should nurse in the open. I think that the more women nurse in public, the more people will become accustomed to it, and the more "normal" it will become. That will result in more new moms nursing their beautiful little babies.
     

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