new baby not invited to wedding

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from blushingbride1. Show blushingbride1's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Wow... This is a tough one.

    I was married last March and did invite two children to my wedding, a 6 and a 10 year old. I probably would not have invited young children b/c I would have been afraid of them crying out during the ceremony.

    However, if I was faced with your situation... An usher that was a new father that asked if they baby could come, I would reconsider. Especially since this wedding is in NJ, that would be hard for you to be away from your newborn. But since you'll be breast feeding, I would have definitely invited the baby as well so you could be there too.

    So sorry that you're dealing with this situation, but I guess this is what the couple wants, it is their big day. But I totally understand your side of it too.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    First of all - congratulations on your up coming addition! You must be so excitied! Anyway, in regards to my thoughts on this - I can also see why the B&G have had to draw the line on no kids. Once they open the door to one, more and more hard feelings could happen.

    While I do not have kids- I think if I were in your situation I would do as you mentioned - just stay home and enjoy some time with the new baby. There will be other weddings and opportunities. This just doesn't seem like the right place and time.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    A one month old infant is not "children." I think your bride and groom are being unreasonable. I also have heard many worry about 'drawing the line.' They obviously do not understand the difference between toddlers getting antsy and an infant who is still only eating, sleeping and pooping.

    I have no doubt you would go out of your way to be a good guest and see that crying, breastfeeding and poop-related activities do not spoil a lovely wedding.

    Your b&g are wrong. Your other friends are right.

    But you will not convince the b&g of that. Stay home. (and good point that you will be infinately more comfortable at home than on the road and in a hotel with an infant.)

    P.S. it's a shame b&g are spoiling what could have been a great weekend for your husband by making him make such a choice. But b&g's have been known to miss a few standards when they get caught up in 'perfect day!'

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Again, I disagree with you pingo, and I'm pretty sure I understand what you are saying. I'm sure the invitation was to "Mr and Mrs Smith", not "Mr and Mrs Smith plus baby" or "the Smith family". If they have not said that kids and babies are all invited, I would never bring my newborn, baby, or child to a wedding and expect that's okay.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    We are not talking about ANY person here, we are talking about one guyin the wedding party, for heavens sake. There are times, one has tomake exceptions. If the groom really want his friend to be in hisparty, a newborn baby should not be a hinder.
    What if it was the brides sister being maid of honor, that had a babyfew months before the wedding? Do your guys really think the answerwould be "no, can't bring the baby"? I doubt it.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    another option is for your husband to decline. If you really aren't close to the couple, it shouldn't be a big deal. He should simply say that his wife doesn't want to be alone for 3 days with an infant. Can't come, sorry.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    mrs C, --- I never said that EVERYONE should just bring theirchildren or their newborns. For heavens sake no. No children means nochildren. But in this specific case the father of the newborn was inthe wedding party. I still think in this particular case one could makean exception. Newborns do not make a lot of comotion. I have been tofuntions, where we didn't even know babies were there. This fathershould just bring his wife and his baby, with his wife beingresponsible enough to leave if the baby started to fuss. Or, as I saidbefore, tell the groom that he cannot attend the wedding.
    I for one would never bring a young child - newborn or otherwise to an occasion like this. They don't belong there.
    But as often on this board, everyone jump to a conclusion of their own.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from summer07. Show summer07's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Sometimes it's not necessarily that the bridal couple has no experience with kids that causes them to make the "no nursing babies" exception. Like someone else says, in some cases, it's a "if you make an exception for one, have to make an exception for all" mentality. In my case, there were so many people with kids and babies (in fact one couple who had a 2 week old), that if I had let the nursing baby (well actually there were 6 nursing babies, but for argument's sake, let's say there was one) attend, I KNOW others in my family with kids would have been plenty p-d off that they couldn't bring their kids. Even though some of those kids are older than nursing age. It just depends on the crowd. So maybe your (the OP I mean) friends are in a similar situation.

    I agree with Red - if you mention that you can't come b/c you have to stay w/ the baby, they might not have realized and might change their minds. But on the flip side, maybe there are 3 other couples with nursing babies who they'd have to let attend as well. It's one thing to have 1 young infant, it's another thing to have several.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ingleterra. Show ingleterra's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Personally, I think that B&G are being very selfish. You can't just leave a nursing infant--a month-old newborn at that!--at home with Grandma for a few days. It's asking too much of a new father and new mother that soon after a baby is born.

    That said, it is the B&G's wedding, and they have the right to make the rules. If they want absolutely no children, then they have the right to say so. If they do so, then they have to accept that some people may not like it--and may stay away from their wedding entirely. It's just very thoughtless of the B&G not to have some compassion for their supposedly good friend who will have become a new father just a month before their wedding.

    At this point, the only thing the OP can do is determine how she and her husband will deal with this unfortunate situation. If I were in her shoes, I would definitely stay home with the baby. I have two children, both born by c-section, and a month after their births, I was able to get out and about without pain. However, I was utterly exhausted by the demands of new babies. Remember that a month-old baby is still going to be waking up every 3 hours or so in the night, which means that both mom and dad are losing lots of sleep. To add travel and all the changes that go along with travel would be just too much.

    And the OP's husband needs to think about how important the exclusion of his baby (and most likely, his wife too) from the wedding is to him, versus the importance of his friendship with the groom. Would he really feel all that comfortable standing up for a "friend" who doesn't give any serious thought to this hugely transformative experience in his life?
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Wendy - interesting post. I am glad you are looking forward to a night out while baby is cared for at home. What would you do if it were a weekend and not a night? Would you a) send hubby alone; b) bring along a babysitter or c) take very small portable baby to wedding with every intention of acting maturly should baby behave babyish-ly? I don't ask to be sarcastic - just because that is this mother's dilema - not a night out, but a weekend away. What would you do?

    You have a friend who actually kicked someone off the grounds at their wedding? Wow! I am shocked. Because they were 'disobeyed'?? Did you really mean to use that word? They decided the best way to handle a minor disappointment was to humiliate their invited guests and presumably, their friends?

    I understand the disappointment of hearing the baby at the wrong moment (in fact it happened to me) but I sure as heck didn't call the bouncers to escort the poor mother off the grounds. sheesh.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Newborns are not "kids". I can understand the "no " to kids, but anewborn is easy. He or she sleeps except for feedings - and it soundslike you are a responsible mother-to-be.
    If I were you, I would go to the wedding and bring the baby. Stay atthe last bench at the ceremony (so you can quickly leave, if you haveto.) At the reception, I would bring the baby in in his or her carrierand place it next to your chair. Enjoy your dinner, but if the baby getfussy, leave. Don't make a big to-do out of it.
    Toddlers are a totally different thing. They are disturbing - and canreally be a problem. When the children get old enough to understand a"no" and "quiet"- I see no reason, they cannot attend a wedding.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Ok guys - so nursing babies are out! The majority rules.
    However, I have been attending several weddings, where a tiny infantwas brought along, and we didn't even know. That is where mysuggestion came from. I agree, babies do cry, but one baby does notmake a daycare center. And the mother or father can quickly shuttle thecrying baby away. But since you are all against babies at weddings, Icertainly degress.
    It is absolutely up to the B & G to want or not want childrenat their wedding. The same goes for unwanted guests. Still, peoplebring strangers along. What does one do? Accomodate them or send themhome? If one can accomodate some unknown person, I think one canmuch easier accomodate a newborn. Just my 2 cents.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from hito. Show hito's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Talk with the groom/bride.� See if they can recommend a babysitter that could be closely located.� Perhaps in a nearby room or something so you can leave to nurse the baby when needed.� I�m not surprised that a groom would not want a baby.� Even if you were to take the child out of wedding if she got fussy, then they would need an explanation for every couple that wanted to bring a child/baby.� It is their wedding, they should decide whether they want babies or children to attend.� Personally I love well-behaved children at weddings, but not everyone feels the same way and since it is their wedding, they should have it as they want.-->-->-->�-->Some one mentioned about bringing a young baby out of state � I disagree.� I traveled with my newborn at one month old across country.� The doctor even said that is the best time to travel with children � they sleep the whole time and are much easier to travel with.� Now that my kids are older, I completely agree with the doctor.-->-->

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    And if you're seriously asking about why she wanted to know your social calendar...

    (she wasn't seriously asking......)

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    If a person received a wedding invitation that did not include a guest and he or she brought a guest anyway, that would be just as rude as bringing an uninvited infant.

    If the person is invited to bring a guest, the bride and groom should not consider the guest " a stranger" -- he's their friend's date!

    I'd like to have one dollar bill for every time I've been in a church, restaurant, movie theater, etc. when a squalling infant is NOT quickly whisked out the door by a concerned parent, by the way.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    I did not forget, what I said - but thanks anyway for reminding everyone. As you can see, no where did I say "just bring the kid anyways".

    And lets stop this nonsense. You are not a mother yet - never mind a breastfeeding mom, - so you honestly don' t know, what you are talking about. Babies don' t always go by the books. Wishing you the best. Hope you will have a nice and healthy baby.

    Ps. You still didn' t tell me, why is my social calender important to you and what mysocial activities have to do with the subject in question.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    AuntBeth - you took the words right out of my mouth!

    To the OP - Honestly I would not have wanted to be alone all weekend one month after giving birth. What if you have to have a section? Generally you are restricted for 6 weeks after that (no lifting, driving etc). If he does go I would ask someone to stay with you. DH and I didn't feel "normal" for about the first 2 months after our first was born.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    pingo, I could not disagree with you more. You're telling the poster to disregard the b+g's request to not bring the baby and hope nobody says something about it. I'm surprised you'd say something like this after all the postings about this topic on the wedding boards.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Hey CT - how are ya? Good "seeing" you!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from am1028. Show am1028's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Firs tof all, congratulations on your upcoming new addition! This situation came up at our wedding. We had said no kids, but then one of my husband's friends asked whether it would be okay for them to bring their 3 week old baby to the reception (he was planning on coming to the ceremony alone so as not to risk a crying baby during the vows). He said they were able to get a sitter for their older child, but that his wife didn't feel comfortable leaving the newborn at home. We totally understood that and wanted them at the reception, plus, we knew no one would get bent out of shape that they weren't allowed to bring their kids and there was an infant there, after all, the infant didn't eat or take a up chair at a table, so we said sure, bring the baby along. However, if we thought someone might be offended that they weren't allowed to bring their child, we may not have done that. So, it really depends on the individual B&G's situation. You asked, they said no, so, even though it may seem dumb and you have every right to feel annoyed at that (after all you can't control your feelings), you have to respect their decision. It seems that your instinct to stay home with the baby is the best. If you don't want to be alone with the baby, see if you can invite a friend or family member to help you out while your husband is gone.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from onecoolchick. Show onecoolchick's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    I would not take it personally. They have a vision for their wedding. You don't know how many guests are invited that have infants. They may have to draw the line. The groom obviously still has a connection with your husband enough to ask him to be part of his wedding party.

    I think you should make arrangements for someone to come and stay with you for the weekend to help with the baby and have your husband go solo.

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Congratulations on your baby to be....

    Here are some things to think about from the bride's point of view, and I know you can think back to your own wedding and remember some similar issues you might have faced.

    If the bride and groom don't want to include children at their wedding, that is their right. They are not doing it to insult anyone, especially you and your husband, since he's close enough to the groom to actually be in the wedding party.

    They probably want an elegant, adult-oriented event AND/OR they don't have the space and budget to include all the children that would have to be included if they DID invite children AND/OR they are desparate to avoid inviting the in-laws' bratty brood.

    The problem with guest lists is that it is VERY hard to make exceptions without losing control - especially if there is push-back from one of the families. For example, no kids but breast feeding infants from out of state are okay. Well, SIL's infant is 9 months old and she kind of gives her a treat once in a while, so that's okay, right?.......It just gets to be a nightmare.

    Here is my advice: (1) don't take it personally - it really, truly isn't. (2) if you really want to attend, is there someone in the area you know and trust who could watch the baby in your hotel room while you attend the reception. If not, then your only choice is to bring someone with you to babysit. (3) Since it sounds like you're not too psyched about attending, then you can stay home and send your husband off to the wedding with your blessing and you can have a friend or relative stay with you for the weekend or overnight to help out.

    You know from the wedding boards that we all agonize over the guest listss and how to handle things.

    Try to give them the benefit of the doubt, they're really not trying to upset you.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    WED -- I excuse you for your sharp words since your baby is not here yet. You really do not know, what you are talking about. The option of pumping is not for everyone - theory is one thing - practise is quite another. For one thing - if you breastfeed and your baby is not with you - you will feel tremendously uncomfortable, no matter how much pumping you do. The baby will be fine, but you will not be. Good luck to you on your weekend out.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from septembergirl76. Show septembergirl76's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    I agree with everything cosmo said

    My wedding was last May and I had many friends and family members that have had children in the past several years with several being breast feed infants. I had a daytime wedding in a historic mansion that did not have a lot of room. We had to draw the line and say no kids except for immediate family members. Otherwise a fourth of the guests would have been young children and that is not the wedding that we wanted in such a formal setting.

    We had to tell couples that they were invited but their children were not. If they could make arrangements and come, that's great. Otherwise we understand the challenge and we were sorry that they couldn't make it.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pomgreen. Show pomgreen's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    I can see that there have already been a ton of posts and many conflicting views on this but really it's pretty simple: A person planning (and paying) for an event should be able to decide who they choose to invite. If they don't want babies, children, nonagerians, people who like the color blue or whatever then they don't have to invite them.

    Perhaps we should flip this around. Instead of viewing it as an inconvenience to the parents that the B+G didn't plan their wedding around others' children lets think about how rude it was for the parents not to plan having children around their friends wedding! I mean a few months later and this wouldn't even be an issue.
    Sounds ridiculous huh? (Whether you want to admit it or not it's the same thing.)

    Getting married and planning a wedding is a choice. You know that there will be compromises and maybe not everyone at the wedding will love your 2 dinner options but they are what you want so people can take it or leave it.

    Having children is a choice. You can't seriously expect everyone around you to change their plans because you decided to have children. You know that having children is a lifestyle change and means you won't be able to accept every invitation. They aren't saying you have to leave your child alone for days - plenty of people have suggested viable options such as bringing someone with you to watch the baby for an hour while you are at the reception. If you don't want to do that then you don't have to - no one is making you. Of course they would like you to come and they are going to tell you that they would like you to come but it's your decision if you want to make it a "me and baby or no one" deal. They already may be well aware that that is the likely outcome but what position are they in - do it your way or not invite you at all?

    B+G probably envision an adult affair that is fun for them and their guests. Even if the infant were silent and unnoticeable the whole time the fact of the matter is if you are busy worrying about feeding the infant or making sure they don't fuss then you won't be enjoying or appreciating the wedding. That's an uncomfortable position to put your host in.

    Sounds to me that if any friendships are lost over these type of situations the blame falls primarily on the parent who can't just graciously decline the offer (because the decision that they made ot have
    children and obviously can't accept that the rest of the world didn't make the decision with them).
     
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