new baby not invited to wedding

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from sunshinemrs. Show sunshinemrs's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    cosmo, i have to agree with you.

    pingo, although you may feel that the b&g are rude not to allow the newborn to their wedding. it is even more rude to show up with the baby after the OP's husband was specifically told not to. two rudes do not make a right. instead, they could graciously decline to go to the wedding as their circumstances have changed.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    First off, I never insisted someone should ignore a friend's wishes and bring the baby anyways. It was you and others reading it that way. It' s like the feather that becomes 5 hens. All I was trying to convey was, that a small newborn is not such a big problem, as you and others want it to be.

    ----I wonder how many social events you have penciled in your calendar this year.-----

    Secondly, why is my social calender important to you? And what does my social activities have to do with the subject in question?
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    rhm, maybe I did not express myself very well. Of course, itwould be extremely rude for the B and G to bring their newborn, whenthey already had a firm "NO".
    What I really meant was not to ask and just bring the baby. Newbornsare really no problem. They sleep. And I do agree w/ the other posters,who would want to bring a newborn anyway to such a large crowd andexpose them to all kind of germs. I have seen it done many times, but Ifor one would not. But since these parents-to-be are asking thequestion, this wedding is either very important for them or they haveno problems exposing their baby.
    In my very honest opinion, when the father-to-be got a "No"- he shouldhave been able to attend alone. Lots of mothers are "alone" with their newborns. But-- if on his wife's insistance, he could just havetold the groom, "Sorry, my wife and I will not be able to attend yourwedding." Just because, he once said yes to be in the wedding party,does not mean he can't step out, due to such an important event in hisfamily. What is someone close to you dies? Do you attend the wedding -or the funeral? As someone, it once happened to, I attended the funeral.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    the SIL was wrong.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Oh mrs. C, are you WEDN07's secretary? Can't she speak for herself?Your post made me laugh. So, you think I don't go out much? How in theworld did you get to that assumption?
    Do you realize it makes your posts invalid, because you make assumptions, without having the facts.
    I am done here, because it seems I am dealing with a bunch of immature kids.
    Have a nice day!


     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    In total agreement, me neither! But that is just you and me. Somepeople think they can't move anywhere w/o their extended family. It wasfor them I made that option.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from whipsmama. Show whipsmama's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    My two cents is that it's up to the bride & groom to determine who they want to invite to the wedding. If they say "no kids" then it's no kids. And yes I consider infants (whether they are nursing or not is irrelevant), older babies, toddlers, whatever..to fall under that rule. If they start to make exceptions to the rule, it can cause issues. I'm speaking both as a bride as well as being the mother of a two year old.

    My husband & I were invited to a close friend's wedding on the Cape, 4th of July weekend the year my daughter was born. She was 3 mos old at the time of their wedding. Kids were not invited. We would've had to stay at a hotel, money was tight, and we didn;t have a babysitter. So guess what? We stayed home and were perfectly fine with that decision. And trust me, after you have your child you will have plenty of other things to be worrying about, not this :)

    On the flip side, a former coworker/friend who was invited to my baby shower called to ask if she could bring her pre-school age daughter...the host decided for a number of reasons not to invite kids..this person sulked, complained about the host's decision, etc...she didn't come, didn't give a gift, and to this day we have not spoken. Obviously, not someone I consider a real friend.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    Red, I am in total agreement with you. I got blastered b/c I said, thatis was ok to bring a tiny infant to a wedding (as long as the parentsdid not mind to bring their newborn into a huge crowd. I for one wouldnot.) . Toddlers and kindergarten age - no - , they need to beentertained. But a sleeping infant will not bring any comotion.
    My personal reaction to all this would have been for the new husband tosend his regrets. I am sure the wedding will go on fine w/o him. I alsostated, that since the couple had a firm "no"- it would be rude tobring the baby.
    Kids are sometimes old enough to understand that their aunt or uncle isgetting married. They get all excited - how, cruel it will be to tellthem not to be a part of the celebration.
    I think to bring or not to bring children should be weighedindividually. A 3 year old will behave just perfectly, while a 10 yearold can tear up the place.
    The funny thing is, that those "no children" brides and grooms, will beon this site in a few years - asking, why can' t I bring my child? Theworld goes around!

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    I am glad for you, that you are in a situation, where your mother can and wants to babysit your baby, while you are at the wedding. But most do not have that luxury.
    As for your SIL kicking out guests at her wedding, because they brought their baby, I can only say, that I have seen wedding guests in a lot worse shape than a crying baby. Drunk, rowdy and noisy. Not very pleasant to be around.


     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from alexandra47. Show alexandra47's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    I know that I'm late chiming in on this, but I just came across this message board today.First of all, let me say that I have 2 grown sons and 7 grandchildren that I adore, so I am not a childless person.I totally agree with you - you summed it all up very intelligently.� WHY do people want to force their babies/children on other people, especially at an event as special as a wedding???� So you have a new baby - good for you - either have someone take care of it for you or STAY HOME!� What is the big deal?? Who in their right mind wouldn't want a child-free night out?? You made the decision to have a baby and shouldn't expect the whole world to change their wishes or plans because of that.My oldest son was the sweetest, most agreeable child in the world - my second son was colicky for months (day and night).� But, even so, there is no way I would have brought an infant to an adult social function of any kind.� You may think your baby is the most adorable child on the planet, but that doesn't mean everyone else does. WHY would someone end a friendship over this?� Grow up!!!

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    new baby not invited to wedding

    pingo, i have to say that I am shocked by your post.

    People should not just assume it's okay to bring their babies -- that's just crazy. For a couple to show up at a wedding with a baby in tow that was not specifically invited is just plain wrong.

    I don't know about these fantasy babies that other posters are talking about, but in my experience, infants don't just sleep and eat. They also cry. A lot. Sometimes in the ear-splitting octaves. For extended periods of time.

    No one has the right to assume that it's okay to bring another person to any event to which they were invited unless they get specific permission from the hosts in advance. To do otherwise is just obnoxious.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    This issue was a big deal for us when we planned our wedding last year, and I researched the matter thoroughly. I would have liked to have kids at the wedding, but we both have large families and each of my cousins has about six kids (Irish, you know), so there was no way we could afford a place that could accomodate such a crowd. Limiting the invitations to adults cut our guest list by two thirds. Anyway, the general rules were that you either have to invite everyone's children or no children at all. The only acceptable exceptions were if the children were immediate family or members of the bridal party. I'm proud to say that only one couple got upset with us, and they seemed to be itching for a fight in general.

    Now we're entering wedding season with a three-month-old of our own, and I think it's totally acceptable that she not be invited. For one wedding, which is seven hours away and in which my husband is a groomsman, we called the local hospital and asked them if any maternity nurses wanted to babysit, and also asked the bride for babysitting resources in the area. We booked a hotel room as close to the reception as possible so that I can sneak back to breastfeed (my daughter won't take a bottle). If we had been unable to make these arrangements, I would have stayed home with the baby. In the greater scheme of child-induced sacrifices I'll make in my life, it's pretty minor stuff.

    That said, the weddings we'll be attending don't have hard-and-fast rules for the offspring of guests, and that does bother me. I mention this because some posters here expressed the opinion that infants, or only breastfed infants, should be allowed to attend while other children are not. The rules of etiquette only work if fairly and universally applied. I wouldn't want to be the jerk who is allowed to bring my baby when someone else is not, nor do I want to be the one who isn't allowed when some other lucky soul is.

    Not that any of this is a big deal.

    You know what is a big deal, though? Diaper stink containment. ACK74, the Champ is amazing. User-friendly, easy to load and unload, and has a smallish footprint. And it takes regular trash bags, so you don't have to make a special trip to BabiesRIncrediblyExpensive. Go, CHAMP!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE](my daughter won't take a bottle).

    You didn't ask, and perhaps you don't want to try to get your daughter to take a bottle, but just in case....

    Four babies at our center who seriously will NOT take a bottle (seriously, they were adamant!) will take the Adiri bottle.  Yup, perhaps the most expensive bottle on the market, but truly closest to Mom shape-wise.  Here it is: Adiri

    (I think I just put the link on there)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Congrats CT.DC!!

    I am not inviting children to my wedding. BUT, the youngest baby in the family will be 2 weeks shy of a year old.
    Also, the wedding is in-state and my cousins have grandparents, who provide day care for the baby, and aunts/uncles who can keep the baby.
    PLUS, your hubby is just an usher. Does he really need to attend the rehearsal? I think he knows how to seat people.
    Can he skip it?

    I would definitely make an exception for a groomsman's wife with a month-old baby who is breastfeeding and they are traveling from MA to attend the wedding!! That is just inconsiderate.

    But, its not like you can force the issue, you know? They are being rude.
    So, stay home, snuggle in with baby and tell hubby to have a good time.



    QUOTE]I am due March 9th with my first. My husband is an usher in a wedding at the end of April in NJ. He will have to head down on Friday for the rehearsal and will be returning on Sunday. My initial thought was to stay home with the baby. A few of my friends urged me to go, saying that the baby will be easy to take care of. If he gets fussy I can excuse myself from the reception. I would probably skip the ceremony because I would be a bit nervous about the baby crying out. My husband asked the groom about us bringing the baby. He said no. He went on to say that he wants me to attend the wedding, but they are not allowing any kids except for the ring bearer. I am planning on breastfeeding and I would not leave such a new baby home with family. I guess I was a little surprised that the groom would not allow us to bring the baby. My friends said that it is just understood that a baby so young would go to the wedding, especially considering my husband is in the wedding party and will be involved all weekend. So that answers that and I am OK with it. I just hope things are going well by then and it won't be a big deal that my husband will be away for the weekend. I am not up on wedding etiquette , so I don't know if my reaction is unreasonable. I can understand that the bride and groom do not want to invite children, but I think it is unreasonable for them to think I would attend their wedding and leave my child home for the weekend. I know a lot of women here are from the wedding boards and I would appreciate your thoughts.
    Posted by ACK74[/QUOTE]
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE][QUOTE](my daughter won't take a bottle). You didn't ask, and perhaps you don't want to try to get your daughter to take a bottle, but just in case.... Four babies at our center who seriously will NOT take a bottle (seriously, they were adamant!) will take the Adiri bottle.  Yup, perhaps the most expensive bottle on the market, but truly closest to Mom shape-wise.  Here it is: Adiri (I think I just put the link on there)
    Posted by CT.DC[/QUOTE]
    Wow -- the bottle of the FUTURE! It looks very breast-like, but I'm not going to sink any more money on bottles-- we've bought every other kind on the market, and none have fooled her. She knows how to get milk out of them -- she took bottles from time to time for the first couple months -- she simply refuses. Sometimes she'll break after seven or eight hours and gulp down an ounce or so, but she doesn't like it and won't take any more. We just started her on rice cereal last Friday. It's pretty early -- she's only four months old -- but she enjoyed it. So at least I know she won't starve or dehydrate while I'm at work.

    Hey -- this forum won't let you use the shorter version of "suckle." How stupid.

    Oh, to the original poster, I just wanted to note as well that if you're anything like me, you'll be spending the entire first month -- and second, and much of the third -- fantasizing about sleep. You're probably made of stronger stuff, but I couldn't even pull it together to allow friends to drop by, and I would have probably stabbed anyone who suggested I dress up and go out for the night, because if someone was going to watch the baby I didn't want to spend that time on anything but precious, precious sleep.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from erika1212. Show erika1212's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]I am due March 9th with my first. My husband is an usher in a wedding at the end of April in NJ. He will have to head down on Friday for the rehearsal and will be returning on Sunday. My initial thought was to stay home with the baby. A few of my friends urged me to go, saying that the baby will be easy to take care of. If he gets fussy I can excuse myself from the reception. I would probably skip the ceremony because I would be a bit nervous about the baby crying out. My husband asked the groom about us bringing the baby. He said no. He went on to say that he wants me to attend the wedding, but they are not allowing any kids except for the ring bearer. I am planning on breastfeeding and I would not leave such a new baby home with family. I guess I was a little surprised that the groom would not allow us to bring the baby. My friends said that it is just understood that a baby so young would go to the wedding, especially considering my husband is in the wedding party and will be involved all weekend. So that answers that and I am OK with it. I just hope things are going well by then and it won't be a big deal that my husband will be away for the weekend. I am not up on wedding etiquette , so I don't know if my reaction is unreasonable. I can understand that the bride and groom do not want to invite children, but I think it is unreasonable for them to think I would attend their wedding and leave my child home for the weekend. I know a lot of women here are from the wedding boards and I would appreciate your thoughts.
    Posted by ACK74[/QUOTE]
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from thinktest. Show thinktest's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Anyone who smokes in your face (pregnant or not) is borderline worth a trip to NJ wedding or no wedding.  Forgive him for not having a clue about nursing babies because for many without kids, they just can't grasp the concept of how babies are different from toddlers until they are a parent.  If you don't see this couple much and they aren't family, don't stress yourself to go to this wedding.  You will be o.k. at home and can call in friends and family if you are nervous about being alone with out your husband.  If it was a relative it may be worth peace in the family to bring a sitter, but these are way-out-of-town friends that aren't very close friends.  Stay home and enjoy that baby!  
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ofd222. Show ofd222's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    As my pediatrician recommended to me when my son was 3 weeks old:
    A newborn baby should not be subjected to a wedding reception, (regardless of being invited or not).  Newborns are very fragile and their immune systems are not fully developed.  It would be irresponsible for any parent to bring a newborn out in such a public place so early.  Not only is their immune system fragile, but to subject them to loud music from a DJ/band could also be dangerous at such a young age.  
    I got through about half of these posts and was surprised that nobody mentioned this before.  


     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from aynnie. Show aynnie's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    As a mother of three older "children" - 28, 18 and 16, I have to wonder why so many people think the bride and groom are wrong here.  If you can't bring a sitter, stay home.  It is their wedding, and why would you even want to attend with a newborn?  It won't be fun, you'll spend the whole time in the ladies room.

    We are from a family where children are invited everywhere - if their parents want to bring them.  We have 30 nieces and nephews of all ages, when my daughter got married we left it up to the parents - and nobody brought anyone under the age of 10.  It was great, the kids danced like crazy.

    But if they have told close family and friends that they can't bring their kids, then yours should be no exception.  After you have been a mom for a while you will see how nice it is to get away for few hours.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    This is a most interesting subject - it keeps coming up again and again.
    Aynrand said it best, wait until you have been a mom yourself for a while, and you will see things from a different angle.
    I also agree with the poster, that said that newborns should not been exposed to a large crowd. Their immune system is not developed enough.
    As a nursing mom for both my children, I had to send my husband alone for many functions, that was really necessary for us to attend. If not that important, we would send our regrets and both stay at home.
    Just because you have an infant, does not mean you are entitled to bring him or her.  And thanks God many new mothers agree with that.
    The bride and the groom set their limits, and they should be respected.
    I have said it before, I would be upset to have any child cry or fuss during the wows. The wows are only said once.
    I love children, but any child, that is not old enough to know how to behave during the ceremony (no matter what age) should not be allowed to attend.
    I know this is a very sore subject, because everyone thinks that his or her child is an exception. But no child is an exception as far as the bridal couple is concerned, if they decide to have an adult wedding only.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]I think newborns and nursing infants should be an exception to the "no kids" rule, but not everyone feels that way. Since the groom said you couldn't bring the baby I think you have two options. You can either stay home with your baby or if the wedding is at a hotel, you can get an extra room, bring a sitter (like your mom or someone close), and occasionally excuse yourself to nurse. Personally, I would let you bring the baby (I've been to weddings with small infants, you hardly know they're there and the parents don't stay long), but it's not up to me.
    Posted by Brighton[/QUOTE]

    Why should she "excuse herself to nurse"? Isn't nursing one of the most natural things in the world? Mothers should not have to take themselves and their babies out of the room to feed the little ones.

    As for the main question, and some other posters - babies sleep, a lot. There is no reason they can't be at a wedding. I used to take my infant to the theatre; symphony; religious ceremonies. She slept.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]I am due March 9th with my first. My husband is an usher in a wedding at the end of April in NJ. He will have to head down on Friday for the rehearsal and will be returning on Sunday. My initial thought was to stay home with the baby. A few of my friends urged me to go, saying that the baby will be easy to take care of. If he gets fussy I can excuse myself from the reception. I would probably skip the ceremony because I would be a bit nervous about the baby crying out. My husband asked the groom about us bringing the baby. He said no. He went on to say that he wants me to attend the wedding, but they are not allowing any kids except for the ring bearer. I am planning on breastfeeding and I would not leave such a new baby home with family. I guess I was a little surprised that the groom would not allow us to bring the baby. My friends said that it is just understood that a baby so young would go to the wedding, especially considering my husband is in the wedding party and will be involved all weekend. So that answers that and I am OK with it. I just hope things are going well by then and it won't be a big deal that my husband will be away for the weekend. I am not up on wedding etiquette , so I don't know if my reaction is unreasonable. I can understand that the bride and groom do not want to invite children, but I think it is unreasonable for them to think I would attend their wedding and leave my child home for the weekend. I know a lot of women here are from the wedding boards and I would appreciate your thoughts.
    Posted by ACK74[/QUOTE]

    Babies sleep, as you by now have found out. It's not the same as an older child at the wedding. I hope your labor and delivery was safe and lovely. Congratulations!

    I'm sick of people who say on their invitations "no children at this or that event." More often, the children make a dull event into a fun event.

    Infants should not be required to stay at home.

    It is unreasonable for the groom to tell your husband that your husband can come, but not the baby. That means you can't attend, either.

    A pox on the groom's head.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]Ouch. I personally think there's a huge difference between "children" and a breastfeeding infant. When couples say "no children" they generally make exceptions for newborns (and even infants up to 12 months old, on average). I said "generally." Don't forget that the new couple probably has absolutely NO experience with kids, so they probably don't even realize how difficult it would be for you to leave the baby home. Next time your husband talks to his friend, he should casually mention that because of the newborn, you (his wife) won't be able to make the trip. Maybe they'll have a change of heart? Otherwise, I agree, don't force the issue. Just stay home. What a bummer!
    Posted by Red977[/QUOTE]

    Oops! Careful of that generalization. My child was born 15 days after my wedding!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]This is not an easy one to answer. I think it really depends on the time of the wedding. If it's a night wedding, then I can see the groom's point of view. Children do not belong at evening weddings. However, if it's a daytime wedding, then I think they are being silly, but are entitled to their opinion. In the end, guests do not get to dictate who the bride and groom choose to invite to their reception, even if the guests are in the wedding party. Also, it's possible that the bride and groom are getting grief from a lot of people who want to bring their children. You don't know what their budget it like; it could be that if they invite one child, they will open the door to 20 more having to be included. My wedding was during the day and I had about a dozen kids out of 100 guests. The kids ranged in age from a few months to about 10 years of age. They all had a blast and there were no problems whatsoever. I had a few concerns that they would be fussy or cry during the ceremony and that it would just echo throughout the church, but it didn't happen [or if it did, I was too happy to notice]. Some of the parents w/ smaller kids left the reception before it ended b/c the kids were getting fussy b/c it was naptime, but that was to be expected. We have so many cute shots of little girls in my veil. Personally, if one of my husband's friends was coming from out of state to be in the wedding, and his wife had a newborn, I would either make an exception and have the child at the reception, or make sure that I had the names of some very qualified babysitters for the mother to meet with, or speak with in advance to see if she wanted to leave her baby for a few hours. But I can't imagine wanting to travel out of state with a baby so young. If I were in your position, I would just send regrets and stay home with the baby.
    Posted by ALF7[/QUOTE]

    Babies do not add a bit of cost to a wedding.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]We had a no kids policy at our wedding. Our Best man left his 8 month old son with a sitter while he and his wife came (they live locally). I wanted them to enjoy the wedding and just relax for the night. (Oh, I don't have kids and assume that going out for a night of dinner/dancing would be fun with out the baby, especially for this couple since the wife was pregnant with #2...) They have not whipsered a word of anger/resentment regarding our no kids rule. We held fast on the new kids rule until friends from Canada wanted to travel down with their 2 year old and 3 week old. We most certainly were not going to make a traveling couple leave an infant behind. So, the couple loaded the kids into the car and traveled the 13 hour drive the day of our wedding, with an infant and a 2 year old with an ear infection. During the ceremony I heard the 2 year old fuss, but mom quickly ushered him out of the room. The infant...I think he slept through the entire event. In my mind, an infant is a different story than a baby/toddler, to expect a mother to leave an infant with a sitter is unrealistic. If it were me, I'd stick with your first thought. Send your love and best wishes and stay home and enjoy your little miracle.
    Posted by KAM007[/QUOTE]

    And don't send a gift to the insensitive couple!
     

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