new baby not invited to wedding

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]I would not take it personally. They have a vision for their wedding. You don't know how many guests are invited that have infants. They may have to draw the line. The groom obviously still has a connection with your husband enough to ask him to be part of his wedding party. I think you should make arrangements for someone to come and stay with you for the weekend to help with the baby and have your husband go solo.
    Posted by onecoolchick[/QUOTE]


    No. The LW's husband should not attend, in protest, and let the groom know why. I hope the B&G never have children, they might teach them to be as cold as they are.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    My brother played our music at our wedding a month after their son was born.  His dear wife stayed home with the baby.  Everyone missed her and she wished she could have come, but life's timing isn't always accomodating to everything we'd like to do.  Babies do not belong at weddings or receptions unless they are invited.  Yours isn't.  If you have to miss it, it's too bad, but certainly not a faux pas on their part.  No one ever is obliged to invite a baby to a wedding.

    Congrats and look at this as one of many, many sacrifices you'll make for your baby.

    P.S.  I've been stunned to read all the anti-groom posts on this.  People spend $1000s of dollars on this event, and they are not mean or otherwise thoughtless to insist it be adult only.  I suppose I'll make myself even more unpopular to say this, but frankly, I think the only rude behavior in this whole scenario was actually asking if the baby could go.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]Why should she "excuse herself to nurse"? Isn't nursing one of the most natural things in the world? Mothers should not have to take themselves and their babies out of the room to feed the little ones. As for the main question, and some other posters - babies sleep, a lot. There is no reason they can't be at a wedding. I used to take my infant to the theatre; symphony; religious ceremonies. She slept.
    Posted by reindeergirl[/QUOTE]

    If you read the post, you'd see that the mother would have to "excuse herself to nurse" because in this particular hypothetical scenario the infant is in a room with a sitter in the same hotel in which the wedding is taking place. Nobody is saying that nursing mothers have to hide their shame. Sheesh.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]No. The LW's husband should not attend, in protest, and let the groom know why. I hope the B&G never have children, they might teach them to be as cold as they are.
    Posted by reindeergirl[/QUOTE]

    A spiteful nature, however, is a great thing to pass along to a child.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]Babies do not add a bit of cost to a wedding.
    Posted by reindeergirl[/QUOTE]

    Read my post.  I never said they did. I said that by allowing babies to come, they may be opening the door to having to allow older children to come. Those older children do come with a cost. 

    Honestly, babies do not belong everywhere.  I am one of "those people" who roll my eyes when you bring your baby to the theatre, movie theatre, symphony and fine restaurants.  I spent good money to watch a show, movie or to listen to the symphony play, or for dinner at a fine restaurant. I do not want to listen to your baby.  Yes, he/she may sleep the whole time, but if he/she does not are you going to reimburse me for the cost of my ticket or meal?

    I am not anti-kid. We had them at our wedding and they were a blast. However, had we had an evening wedding, I would have expected them to stay home.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from hot-tomato. Show hot-tomato's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Brides need to relax already! I wouldn't take it personally -- this bride and groom do not understand what it is to have a 1 month old infant -- it's not the same as bringing a toddler or even a 6 month old. Especially if you are breastfeeding but even if the baby is bottle fed. They are being inconsiderate and some day they will realize it. What I don't understand is why your husband agreed to be an usher if you're not that close to the couple and you were expecting a baby, but that's another story. I say if you think you can swing it (and you can!) then you should just stay home.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    I so agree with Boston.  I know things have changed, but newborns, toddlers or any children should not be at a wedding if the B/G do not want it.  Why in the world would you want to go? When hubby and I went out after my daughter was born, I always had a babysitter. Just loved when we went to a really nice restaurant and there was a couple with a fussy toddler sitting behind us. Never left and made us miserable.  We could have stayed home and listened to that. I also had a bride who's wedding I did not attend because I had given birth the day before her wedding. I was pregnant when I received the invite and knew we would end up not going, it was too close to her big day.  I called and told her that and she insisted I send it we were coming.  Kept telling me the baby might be late and she wanted us there if possible. Well obviously that didn't work out.  Sent her a card and wedding gift. Didn't hear from her, no thank you card, nothing.  Run into her 6 months later and she tells me she was upset we didn't go because she had to pay for our food! I told her she insisted I send back the invite we were going, but she didn't want to hear that.  I then said, well thanks for the Thank You card for the gift I sent and she told me she had a year to send that to me. I actually got it the day before her anniversary.....  and for all that do believe you have a year to send a Thank You card to guests, google miss manners, it is not acceptable and not sure how that all started.   
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pic55. Show pic55's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    [QUOTE]Congratulations on your baby to be.... Here are some things to think about from the bride's point of view, and I know you can think back to your own wedding and remember some similar issues you might have faced. If the bride and groom don't want to include children at their wedding, that is their right. They are not doing it to insult anyone, especially you and your husband, since he's close enough to the groom to actually be in the wedding party. They probably want an elegant, adult-oriented event AND/OR they don't have the space and budget to include all the children that would have to be included if they DID invite children AND/OR they are desparate to avoid inviting the in-laws' bratty brood. The problem with guest lists is that it is VERY hard to make exceptions without losing control - especially if there is push-back from one of the families. For example, no kids but breast feeding infants from out of state are okay. Well, SIL's infant is 9 months old and she kind of gives her a treat once in a while, so that's okay, right?.......It just gets to be a nightmare. Here is my advice: (1) don't take it personally - it really, truly isn't. (2) if you really want to attend, is there someone in the area you know and trust who could watch the baby in your hotel room while you attend the reception. If not, then your only choice is to bring someone with you to babysit. (3) Since it sounds like you're not too psyched about attending, then you can stay home and send your husband off to the wedding with your blessing and you can have a friend or relative stay with you for the weekend or overnight to help out. You know from the wedding boards that we all agonize over the guest listss and how to handle things. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt, they're really not trying to upset you.
    Posted by cosmogirl[/QUOTE]
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pic55. Show pic55's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    I agree 100% with cosmo girl!!! My daughter was married 2 weeks ago and absolutly no kids (except those in the wedding) actually no one under 18. It is way to costly to invite kids and they don't want to be there anyway. I am originally from New York and still have relatives there and have been traveling back and forth to weddings, christenings...etc......and either I took someone with me to watch my kids or left them behind with a family member. Kids and babies do not belong at weddings, why would you want a month old baby there anyway with all the loud music and talking. What will you do? Sit and hold the baby the whole time....why bother. Also the attention should be on the bride and groom not on a new born.
    Congratulations on your baby, but you will learn there is a time and place for kids (and babies) and a wedding isn't one of them.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowball443. Show snowball443's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Well I think it's unreasonable to expect your husband to go the entire weekend after you have a newborn. So I would just tell the couple your husband can only go up for the day of the wedding, that's it. You just had a baby and him being away for the weekend is unreasonable. They certainly have a right to not invite newborns, but you and your husband have a very valid reason for not going. If they really want him there, they should have made an exception.

    To be honest, if that was my husband I would have told him to say no to being in a wedding so close to having a new baby. He can just tell them he understands about the newborn, but as a new dad he can't stay the entire weekend now because of that but he would be happy to come for the day. He doesn't need to go to rehearsal or day after brunch or whatever. His priority is you and the baby not a wedding weekend. This couple sounds kind of obnoxious. They should really let him bow out of the wedding if they feel this strongly.

    And I do agree a newborn is different than a child/toddler. Couples have every right not to include toddlers/children, although this is more difficult if people have to travel for an overnight. But for a local event, it certainly makes sense. But for an infant under 8-12 weeks, well that's different. Plus, there is no increased cost with an infant- no extra chairs, meals etc. The wedding couple should assume the parents won't come if the baby can't come, which is their decision but they shouldn't be upset about it should people choose not to come.

    We had babies, children at our wedding the only problem was crying during the ceremony. So I would make it clear to parents with infants to please walk away if baby starts crying not just sit there! Also, you spend a lot on children with meals most vendors don't really give you much of a break with cost. They start charging you at 2 years old or so! Ridiculous.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding


    There may not be an additional cost per infant, but etiquette dictates that one may not invite some children while excluding others. So if one wants to avoid the additional cost of children, or simply doesn't want to invite children for whatever reason, one must also exclude infants. As has been noted elsewhere here, it's impossible to make a hard-and-fast rule that won't offend one's guests -- can you really tell people that only breastfeeding infants under 6 months of age with out-of-town parents are allowed to attend, but a formula-fed infant of 5 months cannot? There are simply too many variables, and attendees will not understand why their kids weren't invited and others were.

    And just for the record, the original poster was due March 9th and the wedding took place in April.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Are you sure about that Lemon?  I think etiquette dictates that you can invite whomever you want to your own wedding!  There is no rule that says if you invite your brother's children, you also have to invite your mother's co-worker's children.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kkcv. Show kkcv's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    I think back to my wedding and I had the no children "that would need a plate" rule also but by no means should that mean infants.  I think it's ridiculous that they would rather that you not come at all than to bring a tiny little baby.  Brides are not exactly at there best in pre-wedding weeks so you can chalk it up to that.  If you become closer with that couple in the upcoming years, I bet they'll see that they made a mistake and regret that decision. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from none10011. Show none10011's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    In Response to new baby not invited to wedding:
    [QUOTE]I actually found this funny. How entitled of the invitee to even consider why she can't do whatever she wants at someone else's wedding. Of course a baby is not invited to a wedding. The last thing you want when saying I do is a screaming baby. Some of our nephews didn't even come. Get a babysitter. And yes, I breastfed all my children but you can pump or feed the baby prior to the ceremony. You can also go to the wedding and come home early. It does put you out but there are so few weddings while your children will be infants. I once went to a wedding around 9:30 PM because the kids didn't go to sleep easily. No big deal. My husband was in a wedding in which they had a son before marrying, the baby pooped during the ceremony and everyone had to smell it while the vows were being said. Yikes. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    In Response to Re: new baby not invited to wedding:
    [QUOTE]Are you sure about that Lemon?  I think etiquette dictates that you can invite whomever you want to your own wedding!  There is no rule that says if you invite your brother's children, you also have to invite your mother's co-worker's children.
    Posted by framerican51008[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I am sure.

    • If you are excluding some children, the rule is that you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt - and rightly so. The only possible exception to this would be any children who are in the wedding party. However, the jury is out in this area. While some etiquette experts feel that it may be alright to make this exception, there is a stronger belief that if the reception is to be adults only, no children should be included as part of the wedding party. Otherwise, parents of children who were not allowed to attend may feel slighted that clearly some exceptions are being made to allow children, while they were instructed to leave their kids behind.




     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Because of course we must again cater to the feelings of the parents invited to the wedding. 

    Hello! Of course you can invite or not invite whomever you want.  If someone is so ill mannered as to say something to the bride or be miffed that their little darlings weren't included when someone else's were, then that's their problem.  The bride and groom are able to invite whoemver they wish to their wedding, just as they would be able to do so for any other party they might throw. There are no different rules b/c it's a wedding.  Unless you are hosting the party, you have NO say in who is invited and who is not. You get to choose whether to accept an invitation or not. You don't get to second guess the host's choice of invitees when you arrive.  The world does not revolve around you or your children. If it's inconvenient for you to attend a wedding b/c of childcare concerns, then simply decline the invitation.  But don't get on a high horse when you get there and discover that there are children there.  You don't know why they are there, nor is is your place to ask why they are there.  In most instances, it's b/c the bride and groom wanted to invite other people and only had the space and funds for so many people, thus your kids didnt' make the cut. In other instances, it's b/c your kids are ill behaved PITAs.  
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    In Response to Re: new baby not invited to wedding:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new baby not invited to wedding : Yes, I am sure. If you are excluding some children, the rule is that you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt - and rightly so.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    Lemonmelon, that is flat out ridiculous.  I have been to dozens of weddings, as guest, bm/moh, soloist.  Lots of them included some but not all children, and most people were fine with it.  The bride and groom may invite people they want to their wedding, and only children with whom they have a special relationship.  If they want to invite a godchild, or nieces and nephews, or only children with whom they have a strong connection, and not the children of work people or friends they mostly socialize with as adults, Fine.  If they want to have an evening adult behavior event and invite 15-16 year olds and up, fine.
    It is only unfair if  within a family   you invite 1 or 2 and leave a brother or sister of similar age out.  Yes, if you invite the 12 and 16 year old, the 14 year old cannot be left out.

    There is no "right" to be at a wedding.  People who get upset that only children with a close relationship or over a certain age are the only ones invited are themselves too immature and petty to consider their wishes.  The answer to their complaints is, we have a special relationship with those childen, or, they are family.
     
    If other parents  do not understand, they need to grow up.     There is a general etiquette rule, that you do not invite a whole group of people, and exclude just a few.  But in every social situation where a large number of people are involved, the hosts determine  who is and is not invited.  If 150 wedding guests have 200 children, you can invite 3 or 10 or 30 and not the rest.  Guests who squawk are unreasonable.  They can decline  the invitation if they put their ego  above the desire to share a memorable occasion with the B & G.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    We are talking about, as the poster above said, "a tiny little baby." Hey! Newborns sleep! I used to take my infant to the movies all the time, up to about age one. She slept the entire time. Husband and I timed events around her sleep schedule.

    I do not think the B/G should expect the parents of a newborn, or one of the parents, to leave the infant behind. Even on this most important of days, the B/G should take the newborn/newborn's parents into consideration.

    Infants are a far cry (no pun intended) from older children.

    I'd rather have an infant at the wedding than some drunk person (adult) getting all slobbering and maudlin.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    You can invite whomever you want to a wedding -- you can invite your sister but not her husband, you can invite only wealthy friends in the hopes of cadging better gifts, you can invite only attractive people so they'll look better in photographs -- but if you want to observe good etiquette in order to avoid hurt feelings, you need to make fair decisions about whom to invite.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    I can't believe this thread is still running. I have children and they were once infants being breastfed. Never would we have asked if we could bring our non-invited baby. If the wedding was in town, my husband would go alone, if it was for a close relative or friend.  Or we would send our regrets and a gift, if the relations were not that close. Out of town, we would bring the baby, and hubby and I would take turns watching the baby at our hotel room. IMO, you throw the party and you can decide, whom you want to invite.

    And to reindeergirl - there is quite a big difference to have a baby in a dark movie theater or in a bright with loud dance music reception venue. I have been to movies with an infant crying all the time right behind me. Not enjoyable. Good it worked for you, but quite honestly, I don't believe infants belong in a movie theater either.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    I completely agree with you Pingo.  The only kids I had at my wedding were the flower girl and ring bearer who were both 3.  Luckily we made arrangements for them to be picked up right after dinner.  It was a good thing because they were exhausted and sleeping in the chairs.  I also had my SIL bring her 3 month old infant.  He had to be removed from the church during the ceremony because he was crying.  I felt bad for him and my SIL who was in the wedding party and couldn't go to him. 

    Not a place for kids - it's probably just long, boring and no fun, lol.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Princess, you know what I think is wrong here? Many parents to be, do not realize how much a child will change their way of living. They think they will be able to keep their social life the way it has always been. It is just not so. Lots of adjustments have to be made. Some accept that, many are just not willing to do so.
    Just this May, our family went to Disney Land in CA and lots of parents were there with their infants and toddlers as well. That is fine, it they just want to walk around and enjoy the park. But parents brought their children on the rides. Infants were screaming and toddlers were crying throughout the ride. They were truly frightened. My boys told me, when one couple were denied to take their 2 year old to "Thunder Mountain" (I wouldn' t even attempt that one myself) they made such a stink, that it delayed the line for at least 20 minutes. They wanted to see a manager etc. etc. - Personally I think, even in Disney Land or World children will not enjoy anything until they are at least the age of 5. So much walking and standing in line in the hot sun. It was a true eye-opener for me, how much things have changed.
    The same goes for weddings. Young children do not enjoy these occasions.


     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from hobartt. Show hobartt's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    You were acting like a pesty brat. You were invited to a wedding. The party host dictates who they are inviting. You cannot whine and complain because you want someone to attend their party that they do not want to. 

    Babies and children do not belong in public unless they are well behaved. If your newborn slept in the movies that is great. Anyone's whose doesn't should keep their kid home until they teach them how to and how not to behave in public.

    OP Stop b%tching and stay home. The kid is not invited. Get it through your head and stop aggrivating everyone with who you want to go to someone else's party. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from WCMom. Show WCMom's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    I think the groom acted selfishly and immaturely.  You already said you'd likely skip the ceremony as to be sure to not disrupt (there was a newborn at my sister's wedding - not a peep!).  There is nothing a newborn could do to take away from a wedding reception.  If it is a lively reception with music and people enjoying themselves, (although the groom sounds like such a grump, maybe it won't be!) the baby will most likely sleep through it all!!  Most newborns harmlessly "shut down" when in a loud, busy place.  They just sleep.  I would wait until the baby is born and ask again.  If he says no, I wouldn't go, but I also would seriously reconsider what kind of friend this is.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: new baby not invited to wedding

    Yes, how is this post still going on?  This wedding happened over a year ago and this pregnancy is now a toddler.

    I am enjoying the "all newborns sleep so what's the big deal" posts and really enjoying the people who on the wedding page say the guest list is up to the bride and groom and on the parents of sleeping infants page say the groom is rude and clueless.

    And lemonmelon, you are wrong in at least one area of your etiquette guidelines.  If your sister is married, you must invite her husband.  Couples are invited to social events such as weddings together.  And your assumption that if you invite one kid you must invite all kids is notcorrect either.  Most people will say (though I have never seen this in an etiquette book) that you should invite all kids at the same level (so include all nieces and nephews or none for example).
     

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