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SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

    The first reason we decided that I would stay home once our twins were born was that I WANTED TO. I was over 40 when we finally conceived, I'd wanted to be a mother all my life and didn't want to miss one minute.  I'm never going to have any more kids so this is my only chance.
    Again - I'm older so I have a decent retirement under my belt already. But switching to one income is a challenge. I didn't have any guilt like Kar about spending money - it's all "ours" in my book - including the huge chunk that used to be "my" investment account and the big down payment that I put down on the house.
    Now that my twins are toddlers I can all out say that being at home is an "up at dawn, pride swallowing seige" (kidding a bit). All the child care falls on me 7 days a week from 6:30am to 8:00pm. That's a long day. Hopefully there is a decent (1 1/2 to 2 hour) nap in there. But I usually end up folding the laundry or getting dinner prepped. I fall into bed at 9:00 and it's lights out at 10pm or I'm a wreck the next day.

    Do I miss my job? Heck no. Do I miss my work friends? Not really.
    And I do make time to see my girlfriends once in a while.
    I guess with twins it's a little harder to hang out at storytime or gymboree. But we did just finish our first semester at Music Together and we really enjoyed it.
    Keep in mind that nothing is permanent. I have friends who went back to work and quit because they decided they really wanted to be at home. I have friends who thought they'd be at home and decided to find a job after a few years. Some went back part time. One friend just went back to work after being at home for ten years! It's not like you have to stay at home forever if you decide to stay at home now.

    As others have pointed out - the daycare expenses are for 5 years.
     For us it was going to be a huge chunk all at once. In my town the going rate for twins was between $38k-$43k annually.
    Anyway - I love my life. It's really hard, but so worth it to me.  It is the right decision for our family and DH agrees. Especially since my children have a hearing problem. I know they are getting lots of one on one attention from me to help them develop their speech and language.
    My parents come at least once a week to help out. So sometimes we all stay home together and I get things done around the house while they watch the children. I can get lots of laundry done or Spring clean the closets etc. Sometimes I go out. Shopping is so much easier without the kids! Or I get my haircut - just a little me time is great.
    Good luck with whatever you decide.  Having children is a wonderful thing whether you are with them all day or part time.
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

    Misslilly, THANK YOU so much for your post. I loved how you made it very clear that you WANTED to stay home. I appreciate everything you said.
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

    Misslily, I hadn't contributed anything to the household financially, ever.  I left my career a month before the wedding.  You had helped big time before you stopped contributing financially - maybe that helped keep you from having the guilt I felt?
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

    I'm sure it did Kar. I think it's hard for everyone to switch from "mine" to "ours". I have a friend who felt bad about going to the ATM once she stopped working...and she had contributed a lot (like me) before she had her son.
    It's not like in my mother's era. All of her friends got married right out of college and never worked. They were expecting to go from their parents house to their married life without ever working themselves.
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

    I had a friend that visited us before we got married (I didn't live here, but was here every weekend), and she said, "You're stepping into paradise."  I agreed and thought it would be all wonderful, but I didn't realize that meant it would be so hard to deal with once I actually got here and it did go from his to ours, like you said.  

    You're right - in a time when women got married out of school and never worked, it had to be easier.  I earned a relatively large salary for years before I met DH and then suddenly didn't earn a penny the month before we got married and I moved into our home that he built while he was a bachelor.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from culhasa. Show culhasa's posts

    Re: SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

    There are a ton of great posts with great experience....I will add my two sense although you may not need it with all the great advice! 

    I have always worked...and I contribute more to our finances than my DH.  I have 2 boys ages 4 and 2.  When the first one was born....I was totally overwhelmed and quite frankly couldn't wait to get back to work.  (I know that probably sounds terrible...but true!)  When my second was born - I loved it.  I wanted to stay home but financially it would be a stretch.  I changed jobs along the way and ended up in a job that I hated.  So I quit and decided to stay home (this was earlier this year - the boys were 4 and 2).  And I was not cut out to be a SAHM.  I hated it.  (Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed parts of it and love my boys....but I was lonely and not happy.)  I went back to work in 8 weeks.  Now I work 4 days a week and love it.

    It is a very personal decision and changes along the way....babies grow and become toddlers who are demanding and challenging...then preschoolers who are independent and too smart for their own good! 

    Good luck in your decision.
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from hughkona. Show hughkona's posts

    Re: SAHM. Likes and Dislikes

    I think I have the best of both worlds. I am an RN and I work 12 hour shifts.  I'm home 4-5 days per week, and work 2-3 days (so 30-36 hours, considered fulltime for benefits status).  I get to hang out with SAHM's and have a community mom feel.  I love my mom's groups- they have been priceless as far as finding friends for me and outings for me and the kiddo.  Its wonderful and important to connect with other women raising children your kid's age.  We give each other advice and support, and its also very fun to watch your child interacting with others.  It gave me a sense of what my first born child was like- noticing that she was potty trained ahead of the curve, but much more shy and quiet than most, etc.

    I also get to work and have an identity that traces back to BEFORE kids.  Where I am making a difference in other people's lives because of me (well, thats nursing for you too!)  But its also fun to be part of a "second life" at work, where I am treated like an adult.  My schedule is pretty flexible, so my work does not tend to get in the way- for example when my 3yo just started preschool I took off every Tues and Thurs and worked other days of the week so I could give her more structure with pickup/dropoff at first.

    Now that #2 will be here soon, I'm planning to cut my hours to 24hrs/week, which is just 2 (12 hr) shifts per week.  I'm looking forward to that.  We'll still need daycare, but not as much.