posted at 3/18/2012 7:53 PM EDT
give out punishments. This way, your son will know what you don't like about him. (ninzy)
By punishing you let your child know what you don't like about his behavior
, not what you don't like about him as a person
. I'm sure that's what you meant...just wanted to put that out there since there's a tremendous and important difference. Children invariably need to be punished for what they've done
from time to time, but they must know every second of every day that they are unconditionally loved for who they are
by their parents.
posted at 3/19/2012 3:22 PM EDT
Thank you keane and ninzy. The difficult part of this situation is that he was with his father on vacation when he pulled this stunt, so unfortuantely there is no way to punish him immediately. But when I see him, it will be addressed for sure. He is a pretty smart boy, so I think if I word it as putting himself in my shoes and if I just hung up on him, how would he have felt or how would he have felt if one of his friends did that? He also can be very 'right and wrong', he does not like when people do the wrong thing, so that may also resonate with him about what he did. Guess we will see!!
I appreciate the comments and suggestions and support of entering the teendom :)
posted at 3/19/2012 3:45 PM EDT
Immediate punishment shows him that unacceptable behavior is not acceptable for one solitary second. HOWEVER, that lesson is NOT lost if immediate punishment isn't an option due to circumstances like the ones you just encountered. If you punish him as soon as circumstances allow you to the lesson/impact is just the same as if he'd done it in front of you and you'd taken swift, immediate action. You're teaching him that you do not allow bad behavior to go unpunished at all when circumstances allow it. It's not always going to be possible, but don't teach him that if he does it at Dad's he gets away with it simply because you can't follow the "immediate consequences" rule. Doing it asap will send the same message. And, the anticipation of being punished will probably be worse than whatever actually happens when he gets home if he learns that you'll punish him when he gets home for things like that.
posted at 3/19/2012 4:04 PM EDT
Amen kargiver. Thank you :)
posted at 3/19/2012 6:00 PM EDT
You've handled all his big developmental changes before now, and you'll handle this, too. I know you're disappointed this happened, but consider how that if he were an emotional dish rag of total "perfection" you'd be at a psychiatrist's office unearthing the root of his creepily compliant, robotic teen existence in which all he could say is, "Yes, Mother."
posted at 3/21/2012 12:55 PM EDT
Punishment will deter a behavior--but that's only half of it. You have to then teach them what to do instead.
posted at 3/21/2012 1:32 PM EDT
Absolutely, pc. Something like, "Hanging up on me is unaccpetable so xyz will happen to you as a punishment. Frustration is part of life, and you need to know how to handle it productively and constructively. This is what I expect you to do instead when you feel like hanging up..." So many parents leave off the second part and then the kid is in that situation, again, frustrated and upset and hangs up again despite the impending punishment because they don't know how to handle it in a constructive way.
posted at 3/26/2012 2:22 PM EDT
Saw this on Groupon today. Talking to your Teens
ETA: OMG, I just read some of the comments by horrified people who actually think this was real advice - um, really? Haven't they ever read the "Groupon Says" section before? It's always ludicrous. How they manage to make something 100% satirical is pure genius. Anyway, I thought it went without saying that it's tongue in cheek, but I guess it needs saying...it's a joke. Enjoy!
posted at 3/27/2012 4:23 PM EDT
posted at 3/27/2012 4:52 PM EDT
In Response to Re: Teenagers
Posted by The Original Jeeps[/QUOTE]