To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from beantownemom. Show beantownemom's posts

    To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    My 15 year old son wants to bring his girlfriend of the same age on our vacation to the beach for a week. The girlfriend would bunk with my daughter.  What would you do?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    How does your daughter feel about sharing her room w/ her brother's girlfriend?

    Here's another question: Would you let him bring a male friend on a week long vacation with you?  If not, then tell him no. 

    My personal thought on it is probably more conservative than many people on this board: I'd tell him that he can take his girlfriend on vacation when he can pay in full for himself and his girlfriend for the entire week and is old enough to drive them there.  That should bring him well into his 20s. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    When I was in HS, my boyfriend's parents invited me on their "low-cost" vacations like week at the beach or weekend at the lake, staying with extended family, so there was little added cost to bringing another person. If there was a hotel stay involved or otherwise limited quarters, they didn't.

    Looking back, they probably figured that keeping him happy meant he wouldn't go out looking for trouble or driving them crazy. A week at the beach can be extremely boring for a teenager.

    ETA: ALF's comments make a lot of sense. His family was also quick to invite same-gender friends along with him and his siblings for those trips.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from beantownemom. Show beantownemom's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    In Response to Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?:
    [QUOTE]How does your daughter feel about sharing her room w/ her brother's girlfriend? Here's another question: Would you let him bring a male friend on a week long vacation with you?  If not, then tell him no.  My personal thought on it is probably more conservative than many people on this board: I'd tell him that he can take his girlfriend on vacation when he can pay in full for himself and his girlfriend for the entire week and is old enough to drive them there.  That should bring him well into his 20s. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for your comment!

    I asked the same question about my daughter as it is not really fair to her.  Having the girlfriend there changes the dynamics of a "family vacation" for all of us.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    It seems like a big imposition on your family time. He has a lifetime ahead of girlfriends and vacations, but not many more times when you can take your family on vaca as a single nuclear unit.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from fakinbacon. Show fakinbacon's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    When I was a teen (girl) my parents let me bring my then boyfriend on vacation to the beach with us, but....their rules were that he couldn't stay for the week.  I think they gave me a 3 night limit and he slept on a cot in the living area. It kept me as a teen happy and I think when he left I was so much more pleasant to be around because they "trusted" me with that; I felt a bit empowered and thankful that my parents were so understanding.

    However, just to second Alf and RFBF, we used to bring cousins and friends on vacation with us all the time so it wasn't too out of the norm to have a guest come along.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from keane5050. Show keane5050's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    I would say no, but possibly suggest a compromise.  Could she come for just a day or two?  If it's a long drive could you arrange to meet halfway to pick up/drop off?

    I have a 16 year old daughter and I know it feels like the end of the world when she is away from her friends for a week, but I also know there is precious time left to take family vacations.  Life today is stressful and families need time to reconnect away from day to day distractions.  Vacation times together are important. 

    Bringing his girlfriend for the week will pretty much guarantee a different dynamic than just the family. 

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    Ha ha ha, I wouldn't even CONSIDER including a boyfriend or girlfriend on a family trip. I can't imagine! My father's head would have exploded if one of my siblings had even broached the subject. I would rather drag a sulky, mooning teen around Bar Harbor than risk seeing my beautiful little girl ... no, I can't even think about it. No holding hands. No kissing. Not until she's over thirty with an established career. Then she can vacation with a man or woman of her careful choosing who has been thoroughly vetted by her father and me (and background-checked by a private investigator).

    Do kids have boyfriends and girlfriends at 15 now? 16 was the age when I was a teenager. Although I am starting to think that never is a good age, and that arranged marriages are really underrated.

    A girlfriend on a family trip. Now I've heard it all.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    I have a co-worker whose son is 15 and his daughter is 13.  For the past 2 years of family vacations each child was allowed to bring a friend.  I think that it might actually be a good opportunity for you to get to know the girlfriend better especially if they're going to be dating for any significant period of time (read--more than 2 weeks.  It's High School).  I think that if she can establish some good trust with you through this week that you might feel more comfortable about what your son is doing with his girlfriend when you're not there.  

    Then again, it could just make you wish that he didn't have a girlfriend after seeing them together for a week.  

    How do her parents feel about it?
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    I could maybe see bringing a friend. But only if that friend is of a non-desirable gender. No monkey business.

    Can you tell I was raised by a Marine?
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    I don't have teenagers yet but I can't imagine I would say yes to this.  I have some families who actually let boyfriends and girlfriends stay over their house at that age.(I realize this is not what you are asking.)   It is craziness because, in fact, you want your child to be able to have fun without their boy/girlfriend.  You want them to have independence at this age.  I see relationships progress so quickly and young teenagers because so attached to their significant other (for lack of a better term) that it is unhealthy.  I also have had teenagers tell me they wish there parents had not allowed for such things.  Sometimes it is hard for these adolescents to say no to their s.o. and it helps to have the parents place those boundaries for them.

    Oh, I have so much I could say about this.  I don't think your question was unreasonable but since I work with teens everyday, I have a strong opinion.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    I think I'd say no to girlfriends/boyfriends while in high school.  Once my child reached college, and if I felt the relationship was somewhat serious, I would consider it (but no sleeping in the same room).  I agree with Lost that in that case, for me, it might be a great way to get to know the bf/gf.  But I think until college our family vacations will be just family, or at most (especially if I have only 1 child) a non-romantic friend.  But it would have to be a friend I like. :)
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    I will preface this by saying our house rules is that our children cannot date until they're 30. ;)

    At 15 you have precious few years when you all be able to take the same vacation. Soon enough he will have obligations that he will only join you for a day or two on vacation. This how life was for me when growing up, at age 16 I got busy with so many activities I never really made it to a full week of family vacations. 

    I would stress how you decision is not about trust or his girlfriend, but right now you want to have the family vacation, time is limited before he goes to college and he has his adult life.

    There has been a recent example in the news about teenage violence, and a young man taking his controling behaviors too far. It is so important to get to know the dynamics of your children's relationships, and show them they can be independent people. Giving them time to see they can be apart from each other without the world spinning off it's axis is important, as is getting to know your child's partner.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: To bring or not to bring teen son's girlfriend on vacation?

    Have you asked the girl's parents whether they'd even consider saying yes to the question?  If you suggest the possibility to your son without clearing it with them first you're setting them up to be the bad guys.
     
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