When should we try for another baby?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from wiccakat. Show wiccakat's posts

    When should we try for another baby?

    Hello everyone,
    I am going to be 30 in a few weeks and I just had my first child 3 months ago. We want to have more kids or at least one more and I would love for them to be close in age. My question is when is a good time to start trying? What is a good age gap between kids? There are so many different answers I am wondering what you think. I get nervous because it took 2 years to get pregnant with Nicholas and I am afraid that may happen again. Please any advise is welcome!!
    Thanks,
    wiccakat

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    I can't say that I have any really helpful info on this from a parenting perspective, but I can tell you about myself and my siblings.  I am 5 1/2 years older than my sister and 8 years older than my brother.  When we were kids, they were definitely much closer and played together, had common friends, etc.  They are still close and still have common friends and when they were living closer to one another, they would hang out together frequently.  Once I was in my early teens, I would babysit them while my parents went out, and when I could drive, I would pick them up from school, drop them at various lessons, etc., and they were constantly doing everything they possibly could to irritate me.  We didn't become "friends" until they were in their late teens and I was in my mid-twenties.  Now the 3 of us are very close and really do enjoy each other's company.  They still gang up on me from time to time ;) but I would say we're close and have good relationships.

    So...based on my experience, if you want them to be close as children, 2 - 3 years is probably the limit for spacing.  And certainly by the time you get to 5 years, that's just too far apart b/c they won't have anything in common developmentally/educationally/socially and the older child will likely start to become a minor authority figure once he/she gets to the teen years.


     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    I would say to start trying when your son is 1.5 so that you can hopefully have an age difference of 2-3 years.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    It took one of my friends 2 years to get pregnant with her daughter, so she figured it would take awhile for the second, wrong!  She got pregnant again when her daughter was like 9 months old.  They're really excited, but so surprised it happened so quickly.  I think 2-3 years between kids is good.  My sister is 3 years younger than me and we have a great relationship. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    [QUOTE]Hello everyone, I am going to be 30 in a few weeks and I just had my first child 3 months ago. We want to have more kids or at least one more and I would love for them to be close in age. My question is when is a good time to start trying? What is a good age gap between kids? There are so many different answers I am wondering what you think. I get nervous because it took 2 years to get pregnant with Nicholas and I am afraid that may happen again. Please any advise is welcome!! Thanks, wiccakat
    Posted by wiccakat[/QUOTE]

    Well, my sister and I are 22 months apart (she was born in October before I turned 2 yrs old in December) and we fight like cats and dogs! We are completely different people, like oil and water, and even as adults we have to work to be civil to each other.  (sad but true).  So how close in age you are is not necessarily an indicator of being close. 

    So the answer, I think, is: when you feel ready to be the parents of 2 children, then you have another.  In my experience as a center director, I'd say most parents have a child in the toddler room, around 18-24 months, when they get pregnant so the kids are about 2 yrs apart when the 2nd is born.  But some do it closer, others wait longer.  Sometimes it's about your life: is your career settled, is his? Do you feel you have the financial resources to have a 2nd? (not that anyone has the $ for anything nowadays!) Are you going to be finishing grad school and moving out of state in the next 15 months and do you want the complications of a 2nd child during that time or do you want to wait until you're settled to have another?  Do you want the kids to be really close in age, or do you want to spend time with your first for a few years before having a second?  Is your child a difficult child and you can't fathom having a 2nd right now?  Conversely, those with really easy babies and toddlers probably have their 2nd sooner because their first is fairly easy.  But some people with children with ADD, Sensory Integration Disorder, oppositional issues, or who are just plain hard to raise sometimes wait a while because they can't imagine having the emotional reserves to parent two.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from merilisa. Show merilisa's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    I can't find the reference, but I read an article about a year ago that said that in order for the mother to replenish her body between pregnancies, the minimum optimum time between pregnancies is 18 months.  The reason cited was to grow her body's nutritional stores.

    I am so sorry I can't provide my source!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    My older sisters and I are all odd years (ex 81,83 and 85 years changed to protect the innocent!) and then my youngest sister was born later 90.  I never got along well with any of my sisters we didn't really fight much I just never really hung with them they didn't like the same stuff that I did.  The 83 sister and I (the 85 sister) got along the worst and I would say now as adults we have the best relationship.  I still to this day tease the 90 sister just as much as I did when we were kids.  I would say as adults we are all pretty close despite being spread across the Eastern sea board and have twice a month conference calls with the four of us.

    So really you cannot predict how well the siblings will get along no matter how you space them in age.  I say try for your next child when it is right for your family as a whole.  Good luck.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    I think you answer your own question in your OP.  If it took you 2 years to get pg the first time, that's not to say it will, again, but your fertility isn't going up over time.  If you know you want another baby, you can't go wrong trying earlier rather than later, worrying more about getting pg again rather than exactly when the next baby "should" be born.  As for when "ealier" is, I think only you and DH can answer that for your own marriage and family.

    That vague answer being said, I'd think 2 years apart would be ideal if it were me.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from niami. Show niami's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    Try before you're 35. The magic age of '35' causes the doctors to act as if the world is going to end because someone is 'over the hill' and pregnant!

    I'm 37 and the stress from the constant doctor appointments and their warnings and everything is driving me crazy. 


     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    [QUOTE]Hello everyone, I am going to be 30 in a few weeks and I just had my first child 3 months ago. We want to have more kids or at least one more and I would love for them to be close in age. My question is when is a good time to start trying? What is a good age gap between kids? There are so many different answers I am wondering what you think. I get nervous because it took 2 years to get pregnant with Nicholas and I am afraid that may happen again. Please any advise is welcome!! Thanks, wiccakat
    Posted by wiccakat[/QUOTE]

    I'm struggling with this decision too, I have a 6 month old boy and our situation (financial) has changed for the better (go figure in this economy) and we're now considering another child more seriously. But when to start...DH and his bro are 2 years apart and don't get along. My sister and I are 3 years apart and don't get along (well we do, but its not the relationship either of us wants but we get in our own way of having the relationship we want). Our nephews are 3 years apart and don't get along but they're so little its hard. We have friends with kids 15 months apart and the boys are best friends. So maybe we need to reflect on how our families have introduced and raised us kids...

    So I agree with the others comments to have kids when you feel ready to try again. I know so many stories about people who struggle to get pregnant for the first child then had surprise babies for the second round. A good friend had IVF for their first son, then found out that they're pregnant a year later on their own, and she's over 40. So I wonder if there's truth to the belief that once the body knows what to do to get pregnant and stay pregnant its easier the second time around.

    But I plan on enjoying being the mom to one son for a little while longer before we start trying again.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from TarheelChief. Show TarheelChief's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    In ancient times before WW II women were told to have children three years apart. This was to help the mother and the child. It gave the child undivided attention for three formative years,and it allowed the body to heel and recover from the trauma of childbirth.
    I don't this has anything to do with relationships between children for these develop according to many factors including the work schedule of the mother and father,the wealth of the family,and the inherent problems found in most family relatives.Not the least problem with relationships between children is the problem of the treatment of the mother and father by the other sibling.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Ashleykate. Show Ashleykate's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    I had the same issue with primary infertility- after two very long years (and when we had given up trying for a bit), my first pregnancy sort of just happened. 

    My daughter was born in September 2005 and from the get-go, there were issues.  Her technical diagnosis was failure to thrive, which makes a parent feel terrible.  She was hospitalized for 2 1/2 of her first 6 months, and saw doctors at least weekly, and never locally.  While we avoided a lot of the bad, we had to work very hard to keep her out of hospitals and operating rooms! 

    We began to question our idea of more than one child, but as her first birthday approached, we started to see some light and began to talk again.  Well, we didn't really talk.  It was one of those two second conversations at an inopportune time.  What could be the harm, really?  It's not like this would work- baby #1 took two years!

    HAHAHAHAHA

    The consequence of that two second conversation, another beautiful daughter, arrived in May 2007, 20 months after her sister.  We got lucky- she was and is perfectly healthy, and her older sister was perfectly healthy as well by the time the little one arrived.

    Right now, at 2 and 3 1/2, they're really starting to be friends. 

    We're actually discussing a 3rd, but our conversations have been lengthy and logical. 

    You will love a second (or third or 50th) child just as much, and the sibling relationship is complicated and can go many ways no matter what anecdotal advice you get from other people.  Everyone has a different situation, and well-laid plans rarely go right anyways.  There is little we do in life without some risk, and this certainly falls into that category.

    Good luck!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from blueberrymom. Show blueberrymom's posts

    Re: When should we try for another baby?

    Congrats on your first child! It's exciting to consider having a second.

    I spaced my two kids 2 years apart. It just happened that way. I can tell you that initially it was hard. A two year old can communicate - they can talk and follow instructions somewhat, but they are also at fearless stage too. Darting into a parking lot, climbing up something too high etc. So I found that stressful having in infant and a curious, very active toddler. I remember when my older child turned 2.5 thinking - ah, okay, now I get why people space their kids 2 and a half years apart, because she listened better, had a little more self-discipline.

    Keep this in mind - if your kids are more than 3 years apart, then your older one will be in preschool while your younger one is home with you. While that's convenient for many, some people feel that the 3+ year gap puts the children in different worlds, without them interacting much.

    In the beginning 2 years was a close gap. But now that they are 2 and 4, I see my kids play together well and so I am glad it worked out this way.

    Best of luck - two kids is crazy but wonderful!

     

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