Just because I am pregnant, I don't expect (nor want) people to fusss over me or pander to my every need. But it would be nice, if you see me standing on the T, CLEARLY pregnant, to offer up your seat. Not because I may have sore feet and aching back, more because if the train stops suddenly and, in all my heavy upper body glory, I fall over, then the ramifications for me might be far worse than they are for you. Oh, that, and because it is just good manners.
The worst offenders for not offering up a seat (in no particular order):
Men, any age. Especially those with Blackberries.
Young women, aged 17 - 25.
My particular favorite is the people who look at you when you get on, then pretend to nap, only "waking up" after someone else has offered their seat up/another seat has become available.
Okay, hormonal rant over.
Where are peoples manners?
-
Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 9:11 AM EDT
- Prill
- Posts: 750
- First: 6/26/2008
- Last: 8/9/2012
-
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 9:40 AM EDT
- LilSprout
- Posts: 577
- First: 7/10/2008
- Last: 7/3/2012
Prill...I hear you. I feel like 50+ women are the ones most likely to stand up for you! And then usually I feel like they need the seat more than I do so I decline.
And I agree - I'm still a gym-going preggo, so standing [for a shorter period of time] doesn't bother me, but I'm much more concerned about falling over if the train or bus stops quickly!
Although I do have to admit, one of my regular bus drivers waits until I'm seated before he starts the bus going again, which is nice :) -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 11:06 AM EDT
- kargiver
- Posts: 21717
- First: 10/17/2005
- Last: 5/24/2013
I think many younger people today just don't see the needs of others as something they should be concerned about - everyone for him or herself. A pregnant (infirmed, elderly, etc.) stranger isn't even a blip on their radar, sadly, especially if they have their noses buried in a Blackberry. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 11:18 AM EDT
- Prill
- Posts: 750
- First: 6/26/2008
- Last: 8/9/2012
Lil - I assume that people see I am in gym clothes, so they just assume that I am okay to stand for half an hour on the T. Either that, or they are just rude! And yes, it is middle aged women that always seem to be the first to offer, usually, with a "I've been there before" comment.
I did have a kindly T driver announce the other day "can someone please give up their seat to the pregnant lady in the blue shirt"!! -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 11:38 AM EDT
- Daisy75
- Posts: 919
- First: 6/4/2008
- Last: 1/22/2013
It's really obnoxious the way people act on the T. My favorite was, when I was about 6 months pregnant with twins (i.e. I looked 7 or 8 months), an old woman with a cane got on the train and NO ONE offered her a seat. When I saw that no one was going to get up, I got up and offered her mine. She refused to take it, and finally another woman--late 20s/early 30s?--got up so the old woman could have her seat. All of the college-aged and other youngish men remained happily in their seats, of course. The not offering a seat to someone who clearly needs it more than you is so obnoxious it's beyond bad manners. (I understand that a few people may have non-visible issues where they aren't able to offer their seats, but not every single person in a train car/bus, so I'm not talking about the "exceptions.") What is wrong with these people's parents that they didn't teach their kids basic manners and civility?!
On the other hand, I once got on a not-too-crowded bus (not pregnant at the time). A few people were standing, but most people had seats. I was only going a couple of stops and didn't mind standing. A young man with a thick southern accent jumped out of his seat so I could sit, and I thanked him but told him I would be getting off soon, so I was ok to stand. He would not accept my refusal of the seat and told me that if I wasn't going to take the seat that he was going to stand anyway b/c he couldn't sit while a woman was standing. At that point, I felt obligated to sit and that it would be rude if I continued to stand! Clearly, this is an extreme example, but it makes me wish that other people excercised even a teeny tiny percentage of this particular man's politeness. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 11:51 AM EDT
- kargiver
- Posts: 21717
- First: 10/17/2005
- Last: 5/24/2013
I lived in NC for awhile, and when I read this I was thinking about how if it were the South no less than 10 men would stand upon noticing that you're pregnant and they probably would anyway just because you're a woman. Courtesy is not dead in the South, and the concept of being a gentleman is commonplace and expected. Too bad it went the way of the Dodo, generally speaking, in the North. Why, I wonder... -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 1:12 PM EDT
- ml2620-2
- Posts: 753
- First: 7/21/2009
- Last: 5/16/2013
Amen, sisters. Riding the T while pregnant terrified me.
Seriously, the Globe should do a story about this one. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 1:36 PM EDT
- kargiver
- Posts: 21717
- First: 10/17/2005
- Last: 5/24/2013
I know you shouldn't have to, but if you're really concerned about falling, you can ask someone if they'd be willing to give up their seat for safety's sake. Ask loud enough so they'd be embarrassed to say no. :) -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 2:42 PM EDT
- Prill
- Posts: 750
- First: 6/26/2008
- Last: 8/9/2012
I do get a smug sense of satisfaction though when I do get offered a seat, that then puts me facing people who didn't offer... and I can give them the hairy eyeball for the rest of the ride! -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 3:15 PM EDT
- SarahInActon
- Posts: 405
- First: 10/28/2009
- Last: 1/25/2012
I was on the T last week during the Marathon/Red Sox maddness and a 10 year old lept into the seat next to me ahead of his grandmother. When the train got going and everyone had settled in, she asked him to get up and then said you can sit on my lap. He refused. Grany looked pretty tired and he was already whining about something or other and I was pretty incredulous (and super nosy) and told him, "you know, its a T rule to give those who are your elders, your seat. Move it" (in my deadly discipline a two year old toddler voice). If looks could kill! But he moved and granny got to sit. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 3:27 PM EDT
- Trouble30
- Posts: 812
- First: 7/17/2009
- Last: 5/24/2013
I take the commuter rail and always wind up getting a seat even if it's an undesirable one (like in the middle of a three seater with 2 large people on either end). But I would definitely ask someone to get up or tell the conductor if I couldn't get a seat. Once, a few months before I got pg with #1 I actually fainted while standing on the train. It was hot and I guess my blood rushed to my feet. I fell and hit my head and needed 7 stitches above my eyebrow! Since then I've been terrified to stand. If you are standing and feel like your going to faint, squeeze your thighs together and squat down or sit and put your head between your legs. So it's not being overly dramatic to ask for a seat esp. while pregnant! Us preggos can be prone to fainting. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 3:37 PM EDT
- hotcinnababy
- Posts: 240
- First: 4/4/2007
- Last: 1/25/2012
Prill - love that your driver made an announcement for you! -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 7:38 PM EDT
- misslily
- Posts: 2413
- First: 11/9/2006
- Last: 5/17/2013
I once read a letter to an advice colmunist - Carolyn Hax I think, where a young man said he didn't mind giving up his seat for someone who was injured; on crutches or something, because they couldn't help it. But he didn't see the need to get up for a pregnant woman because they had chosen to get pregnant.
I loved her concise response. "I hope no one was that rude to your mother when she was pregnant with you."
Peole on the T are vile. Thank god I always got a seat on the commuter rail. Although I had to stop taking the train after week 21 because I couldn't walk from the station to my office - I thought my twins were going to fall out! -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 4/28/2011 9:41 PM EDT
- JACON
- Posts: 100
- First: 6/3/2010
- Last: 5/23/2011
Sarah - good for you! I hope we all make a point of teaching our children better manners than these people seem to have. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 5/2/2011 10:32 AM EDT
- KMMZ1012
- Posts: 90
- First: 9/28/2010
- Last: 5/23/2013
When I was pregnant a couple years ago (like six or seven months along), a woman on the escalator at the WTC station was in such a rush she shoved me to get past me, even though I was on the so-called stationary side - the person in front of her was taking the stairs too slow. I lost my balance and had to throw my hands out to keep my bump from hitting the steps. Not one single person offered to help me up and this was morning rush hour.
I drive to work now. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 5/2/2011 11:55 AM EDT
- noitpec
- Posts: 17
- First: 7/24/2008
- Last: 1/11/2012
I'm one of the "older" women who will get up if I see a pregnant women, although I'm not that old and it's not really a hardship for me to stand. I've gotten on crowded trains and seen people taking up 2 seats - one for themselves and the empty one next to them for their bag. I always ask them to move the bag so that I can sit and often get puzzled looks from them (but they always move the bag). -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 5/6/2011 4:17 PM EDT
- Prill
- Posts: 750
- First: 6/26/2008
- Last: 8/9/2012
Noitpec - that is one of my pet peeves, people who take up a seat for their bags, I too always ask to sit there. Same when people sit on the seat on the outside, leaving the window seat empty, and when you ask to sit down, they don't shuffle over, they just make you climb across them to the window seat (fine if they are getting off at the next stop, I get not moving over, but that is rarely the case!).
Despite my previous raves, I do find that people on the Red Line are often most eager to offer up a seat (including the cleary drunk teenager yesterday who not only offered his seat, but heartily congratulated me!).... but don't get me started on people on any of the green lines!! -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 6/5/2011 8:51 AM EDT
- laryan
- Posts: 2850
- First: 1/28/2005
- Last: 1/7/2012
Those 50+ women who give up their seat for you more than likely know what its like to be pregnant, and what you are going thru...also good chance they may be grandmothers themselves...
While i am one of those 50+ women (has no kids/never been pregnant) I've had people give up their seats for me on the T...to me its an "age thing"...while I don't feel as though I am over 50, it makes me feel real old when someone does..
As for the manners thing, it seems to me alot of the "younger generation" weren't taught any... -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 6/5/2011 10:56 AM EDT
- kargiver
- Posts: 21717
- First: 10/17/2005
- Last: 5/24/2013
I'd not automatically give up my seat for a 50 year old woman unless she was infirmed or asked me to. 50s doesn't seem "old" to me in the slightest. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 6/6/2011 8:49 AM EDT
- lemonmelon
- Posts: 2236
- First: 7/31/2006
- Last: 2/22/2012
In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:Those 50+ women who give up their seat for you more than likely know what its like to be pregnant, and what you are going thru...also good chance they may be grandmothers themselves... While i am one of those 50+ women (has no kids/never been pregnant) I've had people give up their seats for me on the T...to me its an "age thing"...while I don't feel as though I am over 50, it makes me feel real old when someone does.. As for the manners thing, it seems to me alot of the "younger generation" weren't taught any...
Posted by laryan
Maybe it's a respect thing.
I don't think you can complain that younger people are offering you a seat and then complain that younger people have no manners. I think you have to pick one or the other.
I posted this before, but I love to think about it -- once I was offered a seat by a guy who was also standing, and when I pointed out that he didn't have a seat to offer, he poked the guy sitting in front of him and said, "Get the F up, a**h*le." I love that guy.
I didn't take the T often, but when I did I was almost always offered a seat. But I looked really pregnant and I rubbed my belly and smiled beatifically and stuff. If you're thinner or less bulgy, or you're wearing a big sweater, people might not want to take a chance on you just being fat and getting mad at them.
-
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 6/6/2011 10:12 AM EDT
- ambergirl
- Posts: 4240
- First: 5/27/2009
- Last: 4/28/2013
Not much has changed on the T. I carried my DD 27 years ago during the entire summer as she was born in October. I took the red line at the time and worked right up until 2 weeks before she was born. I was offered a seat twice and both times it was a woman. I always offer a pregnant or elderly woman a seat, but if a young person is sitting near me, I tell them to give that person a seat. They don't expect it, so they usually give it. But shameful it isn't automatic. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 6/6/2011 4:16 PM EDT
- paul0
- Posts: 76
- First: 12/16/2010
- Last: 9/23/2011
it's hard to tell a lot of the time if someone is pregnant. i think most people would prefer to not get punched in the face by suggesting a not-pregnant lady is with child. -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 6/6/2011 4:45 PM EDT
- lanno76
- Posts: 1
- First: 6/6/2011
- Last: 6/6/2011
I, too, am clearly pregnant (past my due date now) and find that I get offered a seat on the orange line only sometimes. I've even stood with my belly over people's kindles and iPhones and they still don't offer me a seat! -
Re: Where are peoples manners?
posted at 6/6/2011 4:54 PM EDT
- jangles
- Posts: 3
- First: 6/6/2011
- Last: 10/3/2012
In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:I do get a smug sense of satisfaction though when I do get offered a seat, that then puts me facing people who didn't offer... and I can give them the hairy eyeball for the rest of the ride!
Posted by Prill
Glad to know you can spot all disabilities on sight. I wouldn't want anybody's medical condition to interfere with your smug sense of satisfaction. -
This post has been removed.