Where are peoples manners?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kozynferg. Show kozynferg's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    The best way is to lead by example.

    Do you, when not pregnant, alway offer your seat to someone who looks like they could use it?

    Telling the kid in a seat next to you to give up their seat does not count.

    My lesson in "T" mannors came some 50 odd years ago. I was heading into Boston the car pulled up and stopped right in front of me. I stepped aside to let those behind on. Suddenly, I found myself propelled onto the train. I looked back to see what had hit me. There was a woman, heavy set, probably 40ish, with a heavy shpping bag in each hand, poised like a football lineman. She had thrown the block that shot me onto the train.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from JWIC. Show JWIC's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    In Response to Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]But it would be nice, if you see me standing on the T, CLEARLY pregnant, to offer up your seat.[/QUOTE]

    My policy has always been to give my seat to anyone who asks for it.  We teach children to ask politely for what they need, we should encourage adults to do the same.

    -JW
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from RandellBos. Show RandellBos's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    I'm a male in my late 50s and ride the T and bus often. My general rule of thumb is to give up my seat to anyone who needs it more than I do. That includes obviously pregnant women, the elderly or infirm, anyone with a cane or crutches, people traveling with small children or babies, and anyone - regardless of age or sex - who is heavily laden or carrying lots of bundles. And I rejoice each time that I am still physically able to do so. By the way a couple weeks ago while I was standing on the subway, I saw a young man give up his seat to an older person who got on after he did - she didn't say anything, but I caught his eye and mouthed "thank you" even though I didn't know either one of them. He nodded and smiled - like to think maybe I made his day, too.   

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from hito. Show hito's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]Once many years ago when I was about seven months pregnant a man offered me his seat on the T, and another man shoved me out of the way so he could grab it. The man who offered and I were so amazed at such rudeness that we both just stood there staring with our mouths hanging open. Where oh where are those snappy comebacks when you need them?
    Posted by Jackieam[/QUOTE]

    I had this happen to me as well - please read my post below for my snappy come back!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from hito. Show hito's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    I certainly can emphasize with you.  This reminds me of my clearly obvious pregnant days and taking the T.  Some of my stories: 

    Being pushed down the stairs on the green line while obviously pregnant by a passenger in a hurry to get off.

     One day, while being obviously pregnant and needing to take my toddler into Boston with me to work for backup child care, a man offered me his seat.  Before I could get to the seat another man jumped into it.  To top it off, it was a hot crowded T so I was a bit stressed.  The poor man that offered me his seat just looked baffled.  I loudly said I guess being pregnant and carted a toddler around does not warrant anyone to offer up a seat!  All of a sudden these men pretending not to notice while hiding behind newspapers jumped up and offered away. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from hito. Show hito's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners? : I'm only a little bit younger than you, but I'm not ready for the "kids these days" attitude. I don't think that youngins are any worse than they were when I was young. I think people are actually getting nicer, as a matter of fact. But I think that mass transit is not the place to be looking for kindness from one's fellow man or woman. It brings out the worst and stupidest in people. Except the D line.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    I'd agree - I learned a valuable lesson when I'd shockingly get young "hoodlum looking" teenagers regularly offer me their seats when I was pregnant.  I'd say the teens and woman 30 on up were the most likely to offer their seats.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from hito. Show hito's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    I did have some nice stories and learned valuable lessons at the kindness of others – I had a lady run toward me while I was walking down the platform, guide me to a seat on the platform and when the subway arrived, ran on to secure a seat for me.  I had numerous of occasions where young “hoodlum” looking teenagers would offer me their seats while well-dressed businessmen would hide behind newspapers. 

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]It's not untrue. Where I work we have an electronic bullitin board.
    Posted by amuzex[/QUOTE]

    An electronic bulletin board? Are you a time-travelling Geocities employee from 1996?
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]I always offer, but frankly 95% of the pregnant women turned me down.  I just started standing up and letting them choose for themselves; in case pride was getting in their way.
    Posted by bidemytime[/QUOTE]

    It's nice of you to offer. Don't take it personally when you get turned down. I know that I often preferred to stand because of pregnancy-related queasiness -- a rear-facing seat particularly would make me want to hurl. The important thing is that you offered.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]It's not just a Boston thing.  True in New York, London, and Singapore. If you want to sit loudly say "I'm pregnant, would someone mind giving up their seat for me." I'm pregnant with #2 and if I take public transit (I make a point not to for these very reasons...too crowded, difficult to get a seat, etc) I advocate for myself and haven't ever not gotten a seat eventually.  If you don't want to deal with the hassle of public transportation (ie, the public) then drive and pay to park. Don't post a whiny thread, be proactive for yourself.
    Posted by cnanavati[/QUOTE]

    Your alternative is neither financially viable nor environmentally responsible. Try again.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners? : Seriously, you're going to say that you never know where the other person is coming from so they shouldn't have to thank you, but you're going to ignore that argument when deciding that every man in Boston is a jerk who won't give you a seat simply because they don't feel like it? I guess you think some things ARE only good for the goose, and the gander is just a jerk who doesn't deserve a thank you because it was his civic duty anyway. Nice.
    Posted by jangles[/QUOTE]
    What I am saying is that being nice is the right thing to do, and while it's great if someone thanks you for it -- and they should -- being thanked is NOT why one acts nice. If we were only kind to those who praise us for it, nobody would be nice to babies or animals, for instance. Those ingrates. 

    Personally, I thank everyone for everything they do that's nice. Because I am a nice person.

    So calm down please.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from hito. Show hito's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    I agree with you lemon - for many driving and parking is not an option - way too pricey.  I was fortunate in that toward the end of husband drove out of us way to drive me into Boston to my office because he was so worried about public transportation.  But most people cannot do this.

    Also agree with you on the thank you - yes people should thank others when they do something thoughtful and nice.  But just as I teach my children - you do not do something nice to get something you return.  You do it because it is the right thing to do.  So you should be mean/have poor manners because not everyone else is nice or has good manners?
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]I agree with you lemon

    Posted by hito[/QUOTE]

    You seem like a very wise person.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners? : What I am saying is that being nice is the right thing to do, and while it's great if someone thanks you for it -- and they should -- being thanked is NOT why one acts nice. If we were only kind to those who praise us for it, nobody would be nice to babies or animals, for instance. Those ingrates.  Personally, I thank everyone for everything they do that's nice. Because I am a nice person. So calm down please.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    While I agree that you don't do nice things just to get praise, it still is annoying when you clearly go out of your way for someone, especially a stranger, and they don't acknowledge it in any way.  In fact, I'd venture to say the person that doesn't say thank you is worse than the person that doesn't offer a seat.  If we can assume that most people who don't offer a seat are lazy, inconsiderate jerks, I'd say the person that doesn't say thank you is self-centered and entitled.  There's more of a chance that the person who doesn't offer a seat has a valid reason for not doing so - such as a disability, illness, not paying attention, etc., than the person who is getting the offer having some unknown reason for not being able to say, "THANK YOU!" 

    My husband, who is quite the gentleman, laughs at me because I hold doors for so long for other people, many of whom don't even smile. Two times I've seen my 9 year old grab a door as it was closing and hold it open for an adult, who didn't even say anything!  Once yesterday, and then again today, I stopped short to let someone cross the street, and neither of them gave me a second glance.  

    I do nice things all the time, because I am a nice person, but it doesn't take away from the fact that many people don't care.  Often, I find the people who complain the loudest about bad service, inconsiderate behavior, etc. are the very same type of people who come across that way to everyone else, but they're so focused on themselves, they have no clue. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    FYI...I'm not saying people should not offer their seats; I know my husband and I would, and we teach our kids the same - just saying that it's not o.k. not to thank someone. I 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from hito. Show hito's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]FYI...I'm not saying people should not offer their seats; I know my husband and I would, and we teach our kids the same - just saying that it's not o.k. not to thank someone. I 
    Posted by MichelleandtheBoys[/QUOTE]

    I agree completely on how annoying it is when some one does not say thank you.

    But it will not stop me from doing the "nice or right thing" - maybe they were never taught appropriate manners.  I like to think that maybe by being nice, you may entice some one who does not normally act nice to do something nice in the future.  And I would really dislike myself for acting rudely because others may act that way. 

    It could also be that some one is really having a tough day too.  My daughter told me about a story her teacher told the class one day.  Her teacher was out shopping and a woman in front of her was being extremely rude to the clerk and to her as well.  Instead of getting angry, she said to this rude woman - I'm sorry you are having a bad day - she said it sincerely and without sarcasm.  The woman looked back at her and apoligsed and said yes I am having a tough day.

    Well I am an optismist.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    I agree.  And, like I said, I still do the proper thing, regardless. I am just saying that in 99 percent of cases, I cannot see defending someone who doesn't show appreciation with a wave, nod or verbal thanks.  
    I also agree that doing the right thing may encourage others to do the same. And conversely, because it is human nature to like to feel appreciated, some may be more likely to show random acts of kindness more often if they felt that anyone noticed.

    Like I was literally just telling my kids the other day, who are usually good about it anyway, "I should not ever have to remind you to say thank you; it shouldn't require any thought, it has to be a reflex!" 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    Of course I find it annoying when I'm not thanked for going out of my way to be nice. And if I find it extra annoying to the point where it really ticks me off, I thank myself out loud on their behalf. A lot of the time that results in the person looking surprised and ashamed and then thanking me. People are horrible but that doesn't mean we have to be horrible too.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    I haven't had time to read all the new posts but I find it fascinating that this is such a hot topic that so many people created new profiles specifically to respond to it.  "So many" or "one trying to mess with everyone".  Whichever.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    This city perplexes me. I've never seen half of the ridiculous c r a p I see here in other cities ("other cities" meaning about half of the states and four other countries). People don't seem to push pregant women down flights of stairs in other cities. During the first week I moved here, I asked a guy in a suit near the financial district for directions to the Common, and he told me to go F myself.

    People are actually nice in other places. In Spain, pregnant women, the elderly, and the obviously injured *never* stood on trains, even crowded ones. You also get like a year of maternity leave there, so they're probably more highly evolved than we are.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    I took the Amtrak to Albany once (and never again because it took 5 hours!) and they didn't add enough cars onto the train to give a seat to everyone.  I offered up my seat to an older lady and stood in the back of the train with 2 other guys for most of the train ride.  At one point (hours into it) an Amtrak employee gave us all vouchers to use in the dining cart.  That proved a couple things to me... 1) Amtrak was at least acknowledging us and thanking us and 2) there were seats in the dining car available the entire time.  

    Last summer, when I was 7 months pregnant I was up at my SIL's sister's wedding and they had a shuttle bus out to the rehearsal dinner for everyone.  The bus was running every 15 minutes or so.  I was close to the back of the line, and every relative there had already had a few drinks, so I got on, noticed that there were no seats and loudly announced that I was pregnant (which was obvious enough) and that I needed a seat.  That worked.  

    Sometimes you need to ask for what you want.  
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    My morning commute today really took the cake.  I got on and was standing, holding an over head rail. To set the scene, the train was packed and I am wearing a sleeveless dress. A lady offered her seat to me, at which point, the man I was then sitting next to turned to me and said "yeah, I would have offered up my seat but you have bigger arm muscles than I probably have, so figured you were okay to just hold on".

    People never cease to amaze me.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    Prill - WOW.  One of those instances that could've really used a snappy comeback.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

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    In Response to Re: Where are peoples manners?:
    [QUOTE]Prill - WOW.  One of those instances that could've really used a snappy comeback.
    Posted by Trouble30[/QUOTE]



    I know, but I was too mortified to say anything. So just did an "okaaaaaay, then".
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Where are peoples manners?

    Sounds like you've got some great guns!
     
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