Anyone ready for another?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I understand what you are going through!  I was just back to see my OB for an annual visit yesterday and had her shaking her head at my questions about pregnancy over 35 and the odds of having spontaneous twins again.  I don't want to rule out more kids right now but also would want to wait until the youngest were 3ish

    DH and I have 2 y/o DD (she'll be 3 in July) and two 7 month olds, DS and DD.  I never thought I'd be done having children at this point in my life.  The twins are amazing but both DH and I feel like we missed out on the amazing bonding we got with our first DD. 

    Yes, I know it will never be the same since we now have some many other little ones to spend time with.  BUT... with 2 babies neither of us gets a break from babies and that is hard and takes away somewhat from the enjoyment we get out of the everyday things.  I LOVED nursing my oldest but with the twins I didn't ever get there.  I felt good about my DD only having breast milk until 6 months and feel mildly guilty about supplementing with the twins (although I acknowledge the fact that supplementing helped me stay sane during the first 3 months).

    If we are financially stable and felt ok about taking the risk of another set of twins, I would bet in 2 years we try again.  But both DH and I are on the same page about that.  As things stand now, it would be irresponsible to have more children but that doesn't stop the desire to do it again.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    Well, seeing as I am pg with #2, the die has been cast on this particular issue, but here are some thoughts in no particular order (and they are solely my experience/opinion):

    --I have found this pregnancy to be 10x tougher than my first. I had bad m/s with DS, but it was completely incapacitating with this one. (I had to take extended leave from work, etc.) I am exhausted, but I can't come home and crash like I did with #1 because I have a toddler to help take care of. I honestly am finding the whole "being pregnant" thing tiresome and annoying in ways that I didn't with #1. I am thrilled to be having a baby, but am not enjoying the pregnancy at all.

    --I worry lots about how #2 will affect DS. He's still too young (19 months) to understand that a new baby is coming into the picture. DH and I talk a lot about how things will be different for both DS and #2 when the second one comes just because of the limits of time and energy that we'll have for each one when there are two. I worry about the effects on each one.

    --I feel much older this time around. (I had DS at 37 and am currently 39.) Physically, emotionally, spiritually older...with all the stuff that comes with it (good and bad).

    Finally, I think you and DH definitely need to be on the same page on this. From what my friends have told me, having two is a very different and often challenging reality from the experience of one. I don't think there's a healthy way of dealing with that unless you are both fully committed to that change.

    I don't mean to be negative, just realistic. Like I said, I am thrilled about #2, but my cares and concerns are very different this time around. Oh, and for the record, this is DEFINITELY it for us.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    ML, is there any reason you can't wait? My husband and I have gone back and forth on whether or not to have another, but we've always known that it wouldn't be feasible to have another until our daughter is at least close to being in preschool. It will mean that I'll be a wizened old pregnant hag, but there's just no way we would have the money, time, or emotional ability to deal with a new baby before then.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I know you said to igore that one thread, but you've been posting for months about how you are totally overwhelmed, exhausted, and concerned about your emotional health.  Ignoring all that and saying "Go for it, it will be tough but it will all work out great!" is not keeping your interests at heart, imo, it's posting what you want to hear.  Furthermore, to be "supportive," we aren't supposed to say anything like, "I think going through this all again while caring for your toddler will drain you dry."

    But, the fact is, sometimes our plans and dreams have to change based on how life actually unfolded, not how we hoped or expected it would unfold.  I recommend based on ALL your posts from the last few months that you reevaluate the wisdom of following through on the dream of having more than one child. 

    Life is short and the decision to add another child to your family is forever.  Overextending yourself further won't be a problem that is soon remedied.

    ETA:  The fact that "rationally" you agree with your DH is the answer.  Letting go of a dream of how life was going to be will be tough, but...
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I agree with everyone else that you and DH absolutely have to be 100% on the same page about having another.  Also, with reading your other posts I'd recommend making sure that *you're* 100% ready and in a good mindset before starting it all over again. 

    I'm also currently pg with #2.  My DD is so good natured and so easy and I have such easy pregnancies (yes, pg #2 has also been uneventful knock-on-wood) that we were pretty much ready to do it again right away.  And we did.  I got pg again when DD was only 6 months old and it wasn't an accident.  It's super exciting (but slightly scary) and both DH and I couldn't be happier.  We are realistic that this baby might not be such an angel and it might be hard, but we also would love to have a big family and hopefully will do it again 2 more times!  That is, if this baby doesn't put us off having more - LOL.  Financially, you can make it work.  Maybe you go on less vacations or buy more second-hand goods, or move to a cheaper house with a smaller mortgage, but if you want to, you can do it.  I honestly believe that. 

    So bottom line, I think when you're ready you just know.  :)  Good luck with your decision!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I have 2 now, (DD almost 3 and DS 7 months) and I love the spacing between them.  That being said, we knew we wanted at least 2 and now that we have one of each, we're pretty sure that we're good with what we have.  Yes, having a child is overwealming in many respects and I do honestly believe that the adjustment from 0-1 was way more than 1-2, BUT, I've always been able to juggle a lot of things on my plate and I'm comfortable with that.  I can afford two daycares, I have a flexible job, my husband and I both wanted two kids (three is a remote possibility way down the line), we are all set financially, we have the room in our house, we have a great support network, DH and I get along fantastically, we share duties etc etc etc.  

    Are you sure that you want a second child or are you just romanticising  the thought of the previous pregnancy?  I had a great second pregnancy, I'm fairly young (still under 30) and we had all factors pointing to yes.  You still have time in your "window" to go and to think about everything related to a second child.  My kids are 27 months apart and it's great.  I would be hesitant to have kids any closer than 24 months apart just based on my experience with my family.  So in reality, I would say sit back and wait at least another 6-7 months to see if your financial/emotional etc. picture changes.  

    The other alternative is to go out and buy a hamster.  
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    When #2 comes our babies will be 20/21 months apart... DD is extremely mobile and this is the age of kids testing/having tantrums running away from you in busy places etc etc. For the sake of my sanity, I kind of wish I was going to have them a bit further apart (maybe closer to 2.5 years?) ... but my rationale was that I would be rewarded in the long run. I'm still planning on going for #3, but I'm definitely planning on an age difference of 3 years between #2 and #3 - and then I plan to be done. DH will be 52 around the time #3 is born - he is ok with that and I wouldn't want to push anything beyond that. If he was younger, I would have spaced them out more, but that wasn't an option.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    We're starting to talk about another now too.  DH is 38 and I'm 35, and DD is 6 months now.  Before we got married, we talked a lot about how many kids we want and were both on the same page about at least 2.  I'd really like 3 or 4, but we'll reevaluate after #2...ideally, I'd like to be done being pregnant by the time I'm 40, so we have 5 years to see what happens. 

    Since I want to try for a VBAC, I want to make sure there are at least 18 months between deliveries, so we're not planning to stop preventing until DD is 9 months, and want to actively start trying when she's a year. 

    That all sounds good in theory, but I know it is going to be tough.  I see friends with 2 about 2 years apart and it is definitely a challenge.  But for us, expanding our family is a when, not an if.  And for us, if that means we keep renting for a few more years, or don't go on vacations, or sacrifice eating out or new cars, we are willing to do it. 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    Whatever anyone else's experience has been with having a child or 2 or more, the best advice you can take is ancient wisdom.

    Know thyself.  Socrates


     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    Our DD is 2 and we're planning on trying for a 2nd in the summer.  If it all works out, she'll be 3yrs when the baby is born.  I would like to have 3 kids, at least, in the end so we figure we might as well go for it now.  It is a daunting thing to think about.  I feel like in some ways it's MORE daunting than the first time around, mostly because we have a better idea of what we're in for.  Of course, it's probably similar to the first in that we THINK we have an idea of what we're in for, but we just don't have any idea!  My SIL is having her 2nd this June and her 1st is 2.5.  I  have to say, between my SIL and my two best friends being pregnant, I kind of have babyfever.  It would take a lot to get me to shy away from it at this point. 

    All the previous posters are right.  You really need to know thyself.  ALso, while it's true that you can usually make the money work out and squeeze things here and there, you need to budget out if you can afford 2 in day care.  It really does get expensive fast with multiple kids. 
    Good luck!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from quadgirl1234. Show quadgirl1234's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    Trouble, I relate with everything you wrote, especially the second paragraph with the exception of having a 2 more kids.. That is def not going to happen for us unless we hit mega millions.

    DH and I always knew we wanted two kids.  The older DD got, the more I was worrying about having another one.  I did not want them too close, but not too far away where the baby would be holding us back from doing family things like ski trips, vacations etc.  The longer we waited to have the second the longer we would have to wait to do those activities.  We enjoy Adventurous activities and wanted our kids to be able to do them with us while we were still fairly young 31/32. 

    The only real issue DH and I had was the size of our house.  We purchased back in 2005 when we were only in our mid 20's and bought what we could afford at the time.  It is a small 2 bedroom house.  After many conversations we knew the space is only temporary for now until the market comes back and one day we will be able to upsize.   
    It took us almost a year to conceive DD so I went off the pill last October in preparation and got pregnant the first month before I even got my period.  Faster than I thought it might happen. When DS is born, they should be exactly 2 ½ years apart.  We will have 1 of each.  Even if the new baby was a girl we would have be done but it is nice to have 1 of each. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from PugsandKisses. Show PugsandKisses's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    DH and I are in the "one and done" club.  We had decided even before we got married that we both only wanted one child.  He's 11 years older than I am, and he didn't really want to be having more kids after 40 (he turned 39 a week after DD was born).  We also didn't want to spread ourselves too thin financially.  Some people do a great job balancing everything with multiple children, we just know we aren't those people.  Unfortunately DH thinks now is a great time to get another puppy, and I think he's lost his mind.  I promised him that once DD is old enough to help take care of a puppy we'll revisit the idea!  :)
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    We always planned for more than one, but didn't really decide until DD was 1.  DS is 2.5 years younger, and that is a split that seems to work - DD was out of her crib without issue starting when she turned 2, she was out of daytime diapers literally 2 weeks before DS arrived and she is old enough to understand that DS is a baby (though she doesn't always like it!)  I can also attest from my own childhood that she won't remember the days before he was with us :)

    We're done with 2 - we are both 39 for one, and I can't imagine being able to afford 2 in daycare for another!  We have a small house also (2brm) but it seems to be ok for now, and we're saving for more space, whether it's renovate or move.  In fact we met with our financial planner the other day, who has enough bedrooms for his two kids, who are boy/girl and 8 and 10 yrs old and he said they CHOSE to share a room until very recently!

    Not to scare anyone off, but I would have to say at this point, the logistics are exponentially more complex.  It is easily offset by the fact that the only person DS loves more than his mommy is his big sister!  However, if you're overwhelmed by managing life with one, two is defintely harder, at least thru the first year or so.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from paul0. Show paul0's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I would have been happy after 1.5 children.  Meaning that I was very happy to have the first one and could have gone either way on the other.  If it happened, it happened.  If it didn't, it didn't.  My wife was much more excited and emotional about the second one.  I personally find the whole "only child" stigma to be silly and consider the number of children I have (and the attendant reasons why I chose to have that many children) to be my business.  Since we have two children of the same sex, I get occasionaly asked "don't you want another to try for a <insert opposite sex here?", to which I say "no, that ship has sailed".

    Ours are three years apart.  I can't imagine having them any closer, as having to deal with an infant and two year old at the same time would have driven me nutty.

    I must also encourage you to really talk this out with your husband, as he is a very important partner in this effort, and you certainly want to make sure he's on-board with it fully.

    I will echo the sentiments of others who say it's exponentially more difficult going from one to two.  Logistics are harder, you have less money to go around, you have less time for yourself (and your spouse) and any opportunities you had to rest and recuperate when you had only one will likely be take up by the two year old who just dropped their nap.

    It's certainly not impossible to do, but don't underestimate the level of effort and other effects on your marriage, free time and stress level.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    We're done - but we got two the first time around. :)
    I just wanted to say that I have LOTS of friends who only had one child and they are all perfectly happy.  My DH is an only and so is my mom...and DH's mom too!
    Don't feel bad if you don't want to have more.  Love the one(s) you're with.
    Good luck with your decision.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    i'm struggling with this too - compounded by the looming question mark of: will i have twins again!  i did clomid the first round, entry level dosage and bam.  so i'm wondering if i should do clomid again and risk it, try acupuncture alone, or do IVF to ensure we get just one.  the last option seems a little ridiculous.  when i ask myself why i desperately want one baby this time around, the basic reason is the same as why i didn't want twins the first time around - didn't want everyone to know/question/surmise my fertility status - and now you'd think i'd realize that was a stupid thing to worry about, but it still irks me.  especially having 2 sets of twins!  and then i don't know about age separation.  on one hand, maybe you want the kids close in age so that the singleton (if i have one) doesn't feel left out of the twin pair, but on the other hand i want the twins to be a little bit self sufficient before i have another.  sigh.  oops, sorry to hijack.  :)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from quadgirl1234. Show quadgirl1234's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    One thing I just wanted to add was one reason DH and I knew we wanted more than 1 was because the thought of our daughter being alone when DH and I got older and were gone made us sad.  We wanted her to have a sibling to be able to get through the hard times with. I know that is so far away but something we always thought of.  We want her to also be able to enjoy what a sibling means to one anther when then get older, like spending time with their neices and nephews and holidays with each other.  Just something else we thought about!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    We only ever wanted two, and since we got two on the first shot (via clomid), we're done.  It's possible, but very improbable that we will change our minds sometime in the next few years.  If we did have a 3rd, it would be "accidentally on purpose" b/c I wouldn't want to risk having twins or (eek!) triplets due to fertility treatments.  Having twins is different than having 2 of different ages, but it can be really hard to meet everyone's needs and give both kids the one-on-one time they deserve.  If you're struggling with balance now, having a second is not a good idea.  I get wanting the kids to be close in age, but having a 3 or 4 year age difference isn't the worst thing in the world and that difference will be negligible in 20 years.  If paying for daycare is a challenge, try to think about paying for college.  It's a lot easier if you're only worrying about one at a time vs. two.  Granted, financial aid is probably better if you have two in school at the same time, but either way it's going to be a hardship for most families to afford it at all.

    Stefani--I think I've told this story before, but IVF is not any guarantee that you'll only have one.  There was a Today show (or maybe one of the other morning shows) a few years ago where a couple had gone through IVF and had only wanted one child and were absolutely determined not to have multiples, so they only had one embyo implanted.  Well, that embryo went ahead and split into three embryos--and they ended up with identical triplets.  So...just something to keep in mind.  There are no guarantees with any assisted reproduction--or unassisted for that matter!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    In Response to Re: Anyone ready for another?:
    [QUOTE]I know you said to igore that one thread, but you've been posting for months about how you are totally overwhelmed, exhausted, and concerned about your emotional health.  Ignoring all that and saying "Go for it, it will be tough but it will all work out great!" is not keeping your interests at heart, imo, it's posting what you want to hear.  Furthermore, to be "supportive," we aren't supposed to say anything like, "I think going through this all again while caring for your toddler will drain you dry." But, the fact is, sometimes our plans and dreams have to change based on how life actually unfolded, not how we hoped or expected it would unfold.  I recommend based on ALL your posts from the last few months that you reevaluate the wisdom of following through on the dream of having more than one child.  Life is short and the decision to add another child to your family is forever.  Overextending yourself further won't be a problem that is soon remedied. ETA:  The fact that "rationally" you agree with your DH is the answer.  Letting go of a dream of how life was going to be will be tough, but...
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    kar, this makes so much sense to me. One of the things my husband and I talk about is our own limitations -- if we split the time and patience we have over two children, will either of them get what they need? And will we be able to be there for each other as husband and wife, or will we just be running around after kids and ignoring each other? We're at the point now where our lives are manageable and fun -- do we want to go back to that first year of exhaustion and bickering and being stuck at home all the time?

    Then again, that first year is just a year, and once you make it through you have a lifetime to enjoy your awesome kid (well, 12 or so years anyway). So I guess the thing is to not make any final decisions when you're in the ****, but to keep careful records so you don't forget about how hard it was later. And when you're back in the ****, remember that it doesn't last forever.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from GC1016. Show GC1016's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I can't say if wanting to be PG again means you're ready for another, but I do occasionally miss pregnancy.  Then I have a glass of wine and get over it.  Kidding.  Mainly. 


    I can say this -- my pre-Bean plans make me giggle now.  In the days before DD arrived, DH and I had agreed that we wanted to rapid-fire, and would be -- wait for it -- gearing up to try again this summer.  I am not ready.  Not ready physically, emotionally, logistically, professionally, vaginally ... nope.  DD has dropped the overnight feeding, is super-fun, and I would not mess with this for anything. 

    We're going to try for another, but we're going to take it as it comes, and will probably start TTC in about a year.  My age is a factor, so we can't wait too long, but we'll take it as it comes. 

    I don't know that there's evern a day where you'll say, you know what?  I'm feeling way too rested and have oodles of spare time, let's get pregnant!  It's always going to be a trade-off, I think.  But I think the trade-off will be less onerous as time goes on, at least for us.  Even if I miss being pregnant, maternity clothes, and the little bitty baby that DD was a few short months ago, there are still too many days when I feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin.  I can't be a good mom to two babies right now, and I can't be a good mom to the baby I have if I'm pregnant, exhausted, and heaving at the smell of chicken.  Even if I am pushing 37 and worried about fertility and spacing and all sorts of ancillary stuff.  The bottom line is, I would be stressed, run-down and unhappy, and that doesn't work for me. 

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from LiveLoveLearnEnjoy. Show LiveLoveLearnEnjoy's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    DH and I definitely want a second and if it were up to just DH probably a 3rd or even 4th!  We both grew up with siblings and want our DS to have multiple siblings.  He has an older sister but she is 12 so their relationship will be extremely different from a sibling closer in age. 

    Because of the issues we encountered getting pg we plan to start this summer (that would make them a minimum of 20 months apart).  It took us 2 1/2 years before DS was born. I'm mixed on whether or not I want to do fertility again or not.  Part of me doesn't want to and thinks that if we aren't meant to have a second and DS is it that is okay. But then again as we jump back on the TTC bandwagon that may change!

    I like the idea of being closer in age because I was 16 months older than my brother and we had a great relationship playing and stuff as we grew up and now today. My older brother and I have a good relationship but because he was almost 4 years older we really didn't play together that much as kids and our relationship is just different.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from GC1016. Show GC1016's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I was wondering about this 18-24 month window.  I'm much older than my siblings (4, 5 and 16 years, respectively.  Multiple marriages).  We're all super-close, although I'm sure if I had a sibling closer in age I might have a different frame of reference. 

    Although the 20yo I could take or leave at the moment, but she's a different story.  I don't think it's possible to reeeeally like anyone who speaks in text and worships the Kardashians.  Hopefully she'll rally. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    DH always tells people we want Irish twins. We don't. But, if it happens it happens...(and if my sex drive is any indication, it ain't happening). 

    But we definitely want 2-3 kids, I love having my siblings, there are 10 years between me and my oldest brother and 2 between me and my youngest older brother...(i'm the youngest of 5). My relationship is different with each of them but I absolutely love having them and want the same for my kids - but on a smaller scale. I'm not doing this 5 times!

    I am a big fan of the 2 year age gap, so probably sometime next Spring we'll start trying officially. My lady parts hurt just thinking about it. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    We had always said 2, but I also said we'd see how it went with #1!  I thought there was a possibility I'd be fine with 1.  She's only 11 weeks, so clearly the jury is still out.  I can say that we've come far enough from the first couple weeks that #2 is no longer absolutely out of the question :o)
    I'd like to wait until DD is around 2 before trying for a second.  My brother is 3 years younger than I am and we're close, so that age difference sounds OK to me.  Financially, I don't know if it will turn out to be a good idea, but we'll figure that out next year.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    Just wanted to throw out there, the closeness of age doesn't necessarily guarantee close siblings.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  My mom is the middle of 5; 4 of whom are all within 2-3 years of each other.  She is closest with the "oops" sister 10 years younger than she is.  I on the other hand have a brother (he is a step-brother, but our parents got together when we were 2, so he's been my brother since I can remember) and we are 3 weeks apart.  I couldn't be more different and therefore fairly distant with him most times.

    That being said, I really want to go for #2 hopefully TTC starting Aug (so a 20-24 month age difference).  And I'm thinking sooner rather than later solely because of age.  I'm pushing 37 and DH is turning 40 this month.  I'm not petrified of fertility (it took us 6 months... so about average, and for some reason I just feel like it will work) but I'm so nervous of age related issues.  (pre-term delivery, m/c, Downs, total exhaustion, wheeling me in from the nursing home to their wedding, never being a grandmother if my kids wait as long as their parents!)

    I'm potentially switching jobs and wonder if this will delay my desire to start #2 late this summer.  DH is ready whenever.  He has already started using the plural "our kids" most times. 
     
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