Anyone ready for another?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I'm enjoying the range of opinions and ideas and how opinions and situations have changed!

    For anyone who is done, do you have this pregnancy nostaligia I can't seem to shake?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    agreed there's no guarantee on anything. I am probbaly closer to my oldest brother - the 10 year age gap. we just happen to be the most alike and he's my godfather. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    In Response to Re: Anyone ready for another?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone ready for another? : kar, this makes so much sense to me. One of the things my husband and I talk about is our own limitations -- if we split the time and patience we have over two children, will either of them get what they need? And will we be able to be there for each other as husband and wife, or will we just be running around after kids and ignoring each other? We're at the point now where our lives are manageable and fun -- do we want to go back to that first year of exhaustion and bickering and being stuck at home all the time? Then again, that first year is just a year, and once you make it through you have a lifetime to enjoy your awesome kid (well, 12 or so years anyway). So I guess the thing is to not make any final decisions when you're in the ****, but to keep careful records so you don't forget about how hard it was later. And when you're back in the ****, remember that it doesn't last forever.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, lemon - I appreciate your response to my post.  You're right - the storm is temporary and usually there's no lasting negative.  And, making decisions in the midst of the worst of storms is definitely a bad idea!

    However, and forgive me for the very unpleasant story, but my mind keeps going back to my BFF from HS who had an honest to goodness nervous breakdown.  She taught me that overloading really can break even the strongest among us.  Long story short, I miss who she was.

    So, how does one know if the additional exhaustion, financial strain, difficulty staying connected with DH, etc., is something a mom of a second baby will just muscle through for that relatively short time or if it will prove to be her emotional undoing?
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from PugsandKisses. Show PugsandKisses's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    [QUOTE]For anyone who is done, do you have this pregnancy nostaligia I can't seem to shake?
    Posted by ml2620-2[/QUOTE]

    No.  Not even a little bit!  :)

    I had a very healthy, easy pregnancy, and I'm grateful for that and for my DD, but I hated being pregnant.  I couldn't wait to just have DD and get it overwith.  I even told DH that even if we hadn't already decided that we didn't want more kids, I would have made that decision for us because I wouldn't have wanted to be pregnant again!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    ML--I loved being pregnant and had an idyllic image of how I wanted my pregnancy to be.  Once I found out I was having twins, much of that ideal had to be ditched immediately (standard of care for twins is different than singletons and I wasn't able to find any midwives who attend the birth of multiples--only OBs do that around here), and throughout the pregnancy various other parts went down the drain, too.  In the end, my ideal, minimal intervention pregnancy, unmedicated vaginal birth was the opposite of what happened.  In spite of it all, I loved being pregnant, but in some ways, I mourn that I'll never have a "normal" pregnancy and the birth story I dreamed of.  That being said, now that I have two awesome, amazing, wonderful one-week-short-of-two-year-olds, I often joke that I would love to get pregnant again, but I don't want another kid.  (I even had passing thoughts about surrogacy but knew I wouldn't be able to give up a baby after carrying it for 9 months.)  I can tell you that those feelings have faded over time, and when I think about the amount of energy it takes to tend to the needs of two two-year olds while still maintaining my sanity, that completely quashes any lingering desires to get pregnant again.  I can't imagine trying to do everything I do now AND do it with even more sleep deprivation AND provide for the needs of an infant as well. 

    I think Kar evaluated the situation best, and I think it probably makes sense to give things more time before pressing forward with a second child. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from MM379. Show MM379's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    ml, I definitely had pregnancy nostalgia before I was ready for a second.  Then, I had infant nostalgia.  Then, we were ready for a second.  DS is 26 mos older than DD, who is 10 weeks old.  Anything under 24 mos would have been even more difficult - the terrible twos started around 18mos for us.  The spacing for us was impacted a bit by age (DH is four years older than me and we wanted to be done before he hit 40), stage (doing diapers and sleepless nights at once), and wanting them a bit close in age since both of us are 6yrs apart from our siblings.  With that said, my brother and I are VERY close, so age doesn't fully matter there. If DH and I were a bit younger, I probably would have tried to space them out about 4 years.... the diapers and sleepless nights are rough with 2 and I'm sure having a newborn is delaying my potty training of DS.  This pregnancy was rough and exhausting, especially chasing after a toddler... so while I was nostalgic after DS to be pregnant again, I do remember thinking this time that I really couldn't handle another pregnancy like this, especially if I had 2 LOs to run after while pregnant. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I'm with you Daisy - I do mourn the fact that I'll never have a "normal" pregnancy.  I also sometimes mourn the fact that I had a different bonding experience with two than people have with a singleton.  We seemed to be in survival mode at the beginning.  No idyllic "mother and baby" rocking to sleep when you've got another one in a bouncy at your feet.
    But now I have two wonderful 22 month old balls of fire - who bring me such joy I can't imagine my life without them. :)
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    Absolutely no pregnancy nostalgia here and actually I would say I have 1 month infant PTSD - but fading.  Now, she is just so fun and lovely so those memories are becoming more distant.  However, we definitely want her to have a sibling and I am now 39.  So, will probably go pick up a frozen sibling sometime soon.  I am very worried about twins since we already have one so may just have one embryo put back. 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I do miss being pregnant but that was because I had great pregnancies and I felt like I was superwoman while pregnant since I kept running throughout the entire thing.  I ran a 5k at 37 weeks and had my natural unmedicated birth and therefore totally felt empowered by the whole thing.  However, that being said, I'm happy to have those things as nice memories since somehow I figure that if I did/do ever have #3, I'm sure I would end up with hyperemesis, on bed rest and pregnant with quads or something equally doomsday-ish.  (Not to berate anyone with quads!) 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from June08bride. Show June08bride's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I have 2 babies, 13 months apart.  Its has its perks and it had its lows.  I didnt plan on #2 to happen so quickly, but oops.  Now my girls are 17 months and 4 months and we are past the hardest part and I love every single second of them.  I had two very easy babies who started sleeping thru the night at 5 weeks (DD#2) and 7 weeks (DD#1).  I have sleep, but finanically Im strained.  I dont work because the cost of daycare made no sense because I wouldnt have brought home a paycheck.  I have 2 in diapers, 1 on formula and my oldest has an allergy which means her food costs a lot more. 
    I read these posts daily and dont comment much, but I happen to agree with Kar. You need to know your own limits for the time being and not stretch yourself too thin.  Its hard to juggle a job, husband and baby.  Your own mental health is so important to not only yourself, but your family.  A happy mother equals a happy family because lets face it, we women run the show!!!  Give yourself a few more months before you jump the gun on anything and see where you are.
    I knew 2 was my magic number, didnt matter if it were 2 boys or girls or one of each...now that I have my 2, I dont miss being pregnant, I dont miss the hardship on my body or my emotions, I have the feeling of all done.  Im only 31 and I know I wont regret my decision for more nor will my husband who is jumping at the oppurtunity to get fixed! 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from canukgrl. Show canukgrl's posts

    Re: Anyone ready for another?

    I definitely had pregnancy nostalga after #1, but #2 was so hard between the heat last summer and the high fluid levels, I was basically at full term for the whole 3rd trimester (somewhat like carrying twins, I imagine)  PLUS DD was 2.5 so there wasn't much rest!  I was also fairly certain 2 was it, so I think that also comes into play.

    I don't think there is any way to truly know if you, your relationship etc can handle the second one or not.  I can tell you that there were plenty of days I felt like I had the world by the tail as a mother, worker and wife when I only had one and those days are few and far between now!  However, DS is only 9mo and he has been sick a LOT this winter, so I ty to focus on the fact that things can only get better!  It was hard in the begining with DD too, I don't remember when it got better, but I know it did.  I also try to keep in mind that a lot of these feelings are normal... surf the web, there are whole companies dedicated to counselling families with young children about stress, so it can't be just us!
     

Share